by M. Garzon
“I could get used to this.” I took off my helmet and caught sight of Karen’s face. “What?” I asked warily.
She sighed. “You’re going to see it sooner or later.” She handed me her phone. An image filled the screen; it was a close-up of me riding Hades, with a shock of blood bright against his white forehead. Someone had snapped it as we were coming out of the ring. Hades’ nostrils were wide as he caught his breath, and his head was dropped in relaxation, but it could also look like weariness, I realized. He was dark with the sweat that had spread the small amount of blood. The caption on the photo read “CruelTea”. Clever and cutting — to anyone who didn’t know that my name was pronounced ‘Tay-a’. I could just imagine how bad it would look on a computer, with the image ten times larger.
I lifted my eyes helplessly back to Karen. “Where did this come from?”
She shrugged. “It’s making the rounds of the forums. People are complaining that our sport’s gotten enough bad press lately, what with insurance scandals and drug scandals — you remember that show pony that died? They’re saying this makes us look bad.”
“Yes, but I would never... I mean, how could anyone think this was intentional? What possible advantage could I gain from injuring my horse’s head?” I was almost whispering, limp with shock.
She answered slowly, thinking it through. “It’s the impression it gives, that we’re willing to compete at all costs, even if it injures the horse. The animal rights groups would be all over this if they saw.”
“But... but...” It was all so surreal. I was speechless.
Over the next few days, all over the showgrounds, I’d see people look at their phones then throw me dark looks and mutter amongst themselves. The riders who knew me joked about it, knowing that I’d never hurt my horses for any reason, but there were plenty of people who didn’t know me at all. I started walking everywhere with my head down.
“This too shall pass,” Karen reminded me on Saturday. She patted my shoulder. “By the next show, everyone will have forgotten about it.”
I doubted I would, though. I was obsessed with finding out who had posted the picture and spent all my free time online on my phone, browsing through horse forum pages and Facebook links, trying to find its origin.
On Saturday I prepared Cal for his last class under turbulent skies. Tania gave me a leg-up as Alex arrived, accompanied by Brittney, of all people. He looked up at me sadly.
“Hey, Alex,” I said quietly.
“I would never have thought it of you,” he said. His voice was soft. At my puzzled look, he went on more loudly. “That picture of Hades? It looks bad for all of us.”
“What? Alex, you of all people-” I protested.
“Don’t even bother, Alex,” Brittney said, slipping her arm through his. “She’s not worth it.” She led him away, and he didn’t look back.
I blinked back tears. Tania frowned up at me in concern. “Are you okay?”
I nodded before plodding slowly down to the schooling area. Cal seemed to sense my mood, because he was skittish and distractible in his class, leaving us in fourth place. Alex won on his new roan mare, which lowered my spirits even further — if nothing else, I at least wanted to beat him.
It drizzled on Grand Prix morning but the rain stopped at midday, leaving the air as thick and warm as flannel. I thanked my lucky stars for Tania and stayed hidden away as much as possible, not wanting the hostile atmosphere to get me down before my class. Hades was apparently the only one unaffected by the mood, and we finished a respectable eighth. I stripped off my helmet and jacket and wiped sweat from my brow as soon as we’d collected our ribbon.
“It’s time to go home, big guy,” I said as I fed him a peppermint.
Monica came mincing over in her impractical shoes. “Aren’t you staying for the party?” She was all smiles.
I shook my head. “I can’t. The van’s leaving tonight, and I have to be home to unload the horses.” The van would be arriving at about two in the morning, and it wouldn’t be fair to ask anyone else to stay up waiting for it.
I said my goodbyes. In truth, I was anxious to get home. I’d had a wonderful time at the beginning of the show, but I missed Jaden, I was growing homesick, and I couldn’t wait to escape the judgmental stares that I’d been bearing for the past several days.
* * *
I woke up automatically at feeding time the next morning, even though I hadn’t set my alarm. I considered rolling over and going back to sleep, but I wanted to see everyone so I stumbled out of bed. I could always have a nap later, I consoled myself, yawning.
I found Dec in the barn. He gave me a one-armed hug while balancing three flakes of hay on the other.
“Nice to have you back, kiddo. I didn’t expect to see you up this morning.”
“You should have stayed in bed,” came a voice from inside the feedroom. I caught Dec’s smile from the corner of my eye as I broke into a run. Jaden met me in the doorway; I plowed into him and he caught me up, laughing.
“What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly. I covered his face and neck with kisses.
“I played polo yesterday, and stayed over to see you,” he murmured into the nape my neck.
We fed quickly, and the three of us returned to the house together. Jaden and I walked hand-in-hand.
In the kitchen, Dec sat down with a sigh. He rubbed his face with both hands before glancing at me. “Could you get me some coffee?”
I took one step before Jaden’s hand on my arm stopped me. He pulled me back to his side.
“Téa got home in the middle of the night, Dec. She’s tired.” He was frowning.
Dec gave him an exasperated look. “Yes, she got home from three weeks of taking care of two horses, living in motels and eating in restaurants. During which time Gran and I took care of thirty-six horses, taught lessons, fixed all the damage from the storm, and got our own meals.”
I moved again. “It’s okay-”
Jaden propelled me gently toward my chair. “I’ll get it,” he said quietly. “Can I get you anything?”
“I’d love some coffee too.” I smiled at him and turned to Dec with the expression lingering on my face. “I’m glad you got everything fixed up. I thought of you. I missed everyone.”
“Even grouchy old Dec?” Jaden asked, placing coffee mugs on the table.
“Even him.”
Dec leaned forward, smiling, and patted my hand. “We missed you too, kiddo. Gran and I watched your Grand Prix rides, you know. You made us proud,” he said. His voice turned gruff at the end. I’d talked to Gran on the phone before my classes, and knew she’d be watching, but I hadn’t known Dec would be too.
Gran bustled in and headed straight for the counter. “I made muffins, we can have them for breakfast.”
Gran must have spent considerable time here, I realized, if she’d been teaching, cooking, and helping with the cleanup. I felt a twinge of guilt and jumped up to help her. I sniffed the muffins; they were strawberry rhubarb, made with the rhubarb that proliferated behind our house. Jaden was pouring juice for everyone and I got the plates.
I closed my eyes in contentment as I took my first bite. When I opened them Gran was watching me with a pleased look from across the table. Over breakfast we caught up on news and rehashed the two rides they’d seen.
“Oh, that wall!” Gran exclaimed. “It’s dreadful how small and light they make the blocks these days. Why, in my time, that would have been considered an unfair obstacle.”
“If you’d kept him more collected going to the in-and-out in your second class, you wouldn’t have had a rail,” Dec observed. “You just don’t have the strength for him, honey.”
Ah, the joys of family. I turned my small, satisfied smile to Jaden, sitting next to me. The look he returned to me made the breath catch in my throat. I’d definitely been away too long.
I walked Jaden to his car right after breakfast. “I’d stay, but I’ve taken too much time off,” he said. He gave m
e a mock stern look and slipped his hand around the back of my neck. “I expect to see you this weekend. No excuses.” He pulled me forward and gave me a lingering kiss, a promise for the weekend.
I wandered happily into the barn. I loved Mondays, our day off. I turned Hades and Cal out in adjoining paddocks, since they had formed an unlikely friendship at the show, and went to see the foal. He was steadier on his stilt-legs, and toddled over to see me as soon as I’d stepped into the stall. When I sank onto one knee he pushed his velvety nose into my cheek. I felt sure he remembered me. Stephanie had named him Smoothie, which I thought was funny considering he’d been born on the stormiest day in years.
I had a shower and started on my massive pile of laundry, waiting impatiently for afternoon, when Teri was coming to visit. My muscles were sore, and I did some stretches before making myself a sandwich. Dec was in Toronto and Gran had gone home, so I went outside to join Alan at the picnic table for lunch. Teri’s car pulled in minutes later.
“Ter!” I dropped my half-eaten sandwich and jogged over as she got out of her car, and we traded a joyful hug. It always felt a bit odd to me to hug someone my own size — she felt so small.
She joined us at the picnic table and we chattered excitedly for a while. She looked amazing, strong and sun-kissed, and I told her so.
“I love being a jockey,” she agreed. “But enough about me, what about you? You’re a Grand Prix rider now — not too shabby.” She nudged me playfully in the ribs.
“Yup, I’m so hot that none of the other riders will even talk to me,” I said wryly. Teri knew about the debacle with the picture, of course. I’d texted her, Julia, and Seth regularly from the show.
“Yeah... about that.” She pulled her phone out of her purse and touched the screen briefly. She handed it to me silently, her face suddenly grave.
I was looking at a Facebook page with the now-familiar picture of Hades. It didn’t say ‘shared’, but that wasn’t proof of anything. When I checked the time and date my heart started pounding. It had been posted minutes after my class. I looked at Teri.
“It was posted in at least three places almost simultaneously,” she said. Her celery-green eyes were worried, but I detected steel in her voice. “I’d bet money that’s the original poster... and check out the name.”
I glanced back at the picture. The Facebook user’s name was “BritNeigh”. She had a cartoon as a profile picture and no personal details listed, but my hands shook with anger.
“Dammit,” I almost yelled. “What the hell is wrong with her?”
Teri shrugged one shoulder. “She’s an asshole. I think it’s a genetic condition.”
I gave her a reluctant grin. “It’s got to be the same Brittney, right? I mean, what are the chances?”
“One and the same. I asked around.”
“Well, that does it,” I said, jumping up, “she’s getting kicked out of here.”
I was still incensed when I told Dec about it that night, pacing back and forth beside his desk. “We’ve got to kick her out,” I finished angrily.
He closed his laptop and leaned back in his chair. “Hold up there. She’s boarding two horses and she’s Karen’s student. We’re not evicting her because you had a squabble.”
My brows knit together. “A squabble? Dec, she’s trying to ruin my career. She’s been nothing but miserable toward me since she got here.”
He spun his chair toward me suddenly, one hand braced on the desk, tense. “Your career? You’re getting too old for these childish fantasies, Téa. Yes, you’re doing well this year, but you need to start thinking of riding as an extra-curricular sport. You’re going to get a real career — one that you can still do when you’re sixty, one that pays a regular salary and that isn’t dependent on your puny physical strength.”
“Riding is a real career,” I insisted.
Dec shook his head. “How can you say you want to stay in this business when can’t even put your personal feelings aside? Do you think we can afford to turn away clients just because you don’t like them?” His arctic blue gaze was sharp and unmoving. I felt myself backing down, feeling the edge of his temper.
“But...” I trailed off.
“Are you sure your problem with Brittney isn’t jealousy?”
I gaped at him, my agitation suddenly eclipsed by a piercing pain running the length of my sternum. Even Dec thought Brittney was better than me. My own father.
“No,” I said hoarsely, “it isn’t.” I clutched my composure like a shield and left the room.
We left it at that. I taught and rode all week, and when Brittney showed up I avoided her as much as possible.
At times I wondered what kind of person Dec would be if he’d followed his own path instead of going to school as his father had dictated. Maybe he wouldn’t be angry and frustrated so much of the time; perhaps he’d even consider bending his own strict rules. Now that was a Dec I wished I could have known.
My spirits couldn’t help but rise on Saturday because I would be spending the whole day with Jaden. I’d endured a dressing-down from Dec about how I was shirking my responsibilities — weekends were our busiest time — but even that couldn’t dent my mood. I took special pains getting ready that morning, blow-drying my long-again hair and applying makeup. I slipped into a flowered blue sundress, grabbed my rarely-used ‘good’ purse and skipped out the door in my white sandals. When I got to Jaden’s I bounded up the stairs; I had barely knocked when the door flew open. I was immediately tugged into his arms.
“Look at you,” he said after a minute, holding me at arm’s length. “Your cheeks are rosy, your eyes are sparkling, and your lips...”
I never found out how my lips looked, because Jaden’s covered them at that moment. His hot hands moved down my back, from my shoulders to my bottom. He squeezed it, pressing me against his hardness. Then he pulled away, letting out a long, unsteady breath. I opened my eyes slowly.
“We have to go,” he muttered. He ran his finger slowly along my collarbone, making my skin tingle. “The next time we spend the day together, we’re not leaving the house,” he vowed.
“Remind me again who we’re seeing?” I asked as we climbed into his car.
“My buddy Colin. I went to high school with him but he’s been living in Chicago the past few years. He and his wife just had a baby.”
“He has a baby already? And he’s your age?”
Jaden gave me an odd look. “He was a year ahead of me in school, and I think his wife is a bit older than him. Late twenties is not an unreasonable age to be having children, Téa.”
I felt the prickle of sweat breaking out all over my body. “My mom always told Seth and me not to even think about children before we were thirty.”
He smiled gently at me. “Querida, your mom was not only very young but single and without a career when she had you. If she’d been surrounded by a loving family and had a good income, her outlook might have been different.”
“Maybe. But then she still wouldn’t have fulfilled her own dreams, the things she wanted to do for herself before she began living for her kids.”
Jaden glanced at me with interest. “What did she want to do?”
“Travel,” I replied promptly. “She wanted to see the world, and she wanted to be a teacher. Instead, she got pregnant at twenty, dropped out of school, and spent the rest of her life working long hours in various stores to support us.”
He reached across the gear shift and took my hand. “You rarely talk about her,” he murmured.
I shrugged and looked out my window. It had been five years since my mom died. I felt as though I should be over it, but I wasn’t. Jaden laced his long fingers through mine and squeezed gently.
I turned back to him with a wobbly smile. “Well, at least this afternoon should be interesting.” We were going to watch Teri race at Woodbine, and it would be my first time seeing her in action.
We got to the condo and took the elevator. Jaden’s friend Colin, a beefy foot
ball-player type, opened the door. After the introductions and obligatory back-pounding Colin led us into a sleek, ultra-contemporary living room. The only splash of color among the blacks and greys was one of those bouncy baby chairs, incongruous on the living room floor.
“This is Mandy.” Colin introduced me to a tired-looking woman dressed all in grey sweats, as though to accessorize the room.
“And this is Cameron,” Mandy said proudly, indicating the sleeping baby in her arms. I sat in a chair while Jaden settled on the couch next to Mandy. Colin made a brief foray into the tiny kitchen and returned brandishing glass bottles of Perrier. He handed us each a bottle before plopping onto the arm of the couch.
Colin took a swig from his bottle. “So! I can’t believe you’re at Sisto, Goldberg, and Hwin.” He punched Jaden lightly on the shoulder and looked past him to his wife. “This guy was trouble with a capital T in high school, but somehow he always managed to come up smelling like roses.” He turned his grin to Jaden. “Must be nice to have a dad with clout.”
Jaden shrugged and sipped his water before bending forward to inspect the baby. I frowned. I knew for a fact that Uncle Peter had had nothing to do with Jaden’s hiring.
Seeing Jaden’s interest, Mandy turned and held out the baby. “Here,” she murmured. To my surprise, Jaden immediately put down his bottle and took the small, white-wrapped bundle. Mandy looked across them and shared a smile with her husband.
I watched Jaden cradling the infant. He looked surprisingly comfortable. He softly brushed the downy tuft on the baby’s crown, his face wearing an expression of such sweetness that I felt my insides melting.
He looked up. “Would you like to hold him?”
I practically jumped back in panic. “No! I mean, no... thanks, anyway. I’m not much good with babies.” That wasn’t an outright lie, but in fact, I had no idea how I might be with babies, because I’d had very little exposure to them and had never held one.
Jaden gave a knowing smile and came to stand next to me. “You won’t break him,” he murmured. He transferred the baby smoothly into my arms, positioning me just right before putting a hand on my shoulder. I sat frozen, afraid to move lest I jostle the tiny, fragile thing. Colin and Mandy looked on with those sappy, doting smiles that only new parents can manage.