by M. Garzon
His belly rumbled loudly against mine. “You’re hungry,” I said. Just call me Captain Obvious. “Why don’t we eat something first.”
Jaden’s look said he knew I was stalling, but he helped me up and we straightened our clothes, and it occurred to me that maybe he was stalling, too. We pointed our horses toward home without speaking. I could feel the marks of his palms seared onto my skin, but I didn’t fool myself into thinking everything was fine because we’d made love. We’d always had a frighteningly strong physical attraction, but in real life, it turned out that wasn’t enough.
We were dismounting by the barn when Seth ambled out. “Dec wants to see you pronto,” he told me, taking hold of Winter. “Something about a post-dated check.”
I gave Jaden an apologetic shrug and trudged to the house. By the time Dec had finished lecturing me on how the post-dated check had been returned by the bank and all the problems it had caused him, Jaden still wasn’t in the house. A twinge of worry made me step out onto the porch. I spotted him right away, having an animated conversation with Seth near the barn. I was too far away to hear the words, but the way they braced themselves made me realize it was an argument.
All of a sudden Seth took a swing at Jaden, and I burst into a run, my heart lodged in my throat. Jaden blocked the blow easily, of course, but Seth didn’t stop there. His fists were flying, trying in vain to get through Jaden’s practiced defenses.
“Seth! Cut it out!” I was close enough to hear Jaden’s exclamation. And then one of Seth’s punches landed, and in the instant it hit Jaden’s face I saw his expression shift, grow feral and dangerous.
“No!” I cried, sprinting as fast as I could. I’d seen that expression before, the one time I’d seen Jaden fight. Jaden was a trained fighter, powerful and fast. He could annihilate Seth in seconds. Jaden’s arm drew back as I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms and legs around his body. The impact sent him staggering backward, but he didn’t fall and his arms seemed to close around me automatically.
“Don’t,” I sobbed, “Don’t hit Seth, please, don’t.”
His arms tightened around me, and he hid his face in my hair. He was breathing hard.
“That’s enough now, settle down,” Dec snapped behind me.
Jaden put me down and I turned to see Dec pinning Seth’s arms tightly behind him. As soon as Seth stopped struggling Dec gave him a shove in the direction of the house.
“Get inside,” Dec growled.
As Seth stumbled forward I ran and linked my arm through his.
“You too.” I heard Dec bark behind me.
“Sorry, Dec, but I don’t answer to you.”
I spun around, my heart rate shooting back up.
Dec stepped into Jaden’s space. “You really think you don’t answer to me? After you date my daughter? When you were about to take a swing at Seth? You’re like a son to me Jaden, but you’d better get your butt into that house or so help me-”
The sound of my whimper drew Jaden’s glance, and I reached out to him. He came and took my hand and we walked to the house together, my other arm still entwined with Seth’s.
We all sat stiffly at the table, Jaden next to me and Seth across from me, next to Dec.
“What the hell’s going on, Seth?” Jaden demanded. “I think of you as a brother. Why don’t you try talking to me before punching me in the head?”
Seth didn’t say anything, his expression stony. His eyes flickered to me. I gave a tiny shake of my head, my expression pleading. He turned his face away as Jaden shifted the full force of his attention to me.
“Téa?” His voice was quiet, but I could detect anger licking the edges. I didn’t look at him; instead, my gaze found Dec’s, who shook his head at me.
“I don’t know what’s going on, honey. But one way or another, I don’t want to see any more fighting.”
I nodded, studying the tabletop. When I lifted my eyes to Jaden I noticed how exhausted he looked. He’d probably come straight from the airport. “You look like you could use some sleep,” I murmured. “Can I come over to your place later?”
“Sure,” he said uncertainly. He stood to go, giving Seth one last perplexed look. Seth, for his part, was beginning to look embarrassed.
As soon as Jaden left, Dec turned on Seth. “And you! Jaden could’ve destroyed you if he’d wanted to! Stand up.”
Seth rose warily. Dec grabbed his arm and pulled him roughly away from the table. “Make a fist. Not like that,” Dec snapped, “you’ll break your thumb that way.” He rearranged Seth’s fingers so his thumb wasn’t inside. “Now take a swing at me.”
Seth shot me a panicked glance and I rose worriedly. If Dec was planning on hitting back, things were going to get ugly very fast. Was this his way of teaching Seth a lesson?
“Listen, son,” Dec said more quietly, “I don’t want you to fight. But if you’re going to do it, I want you to know the basics so that you don’t wind up badly hurt.”
Seth relaxed. The swing he launched at Dec still had a tentative quality, and Dec blocked it easily. He was positioning Seth and giving him tips when I went upstairs.
I thought about the evening ahead, my heart thumping madly against my ribs. To everything, there is a time — and mine had come.
* * *
I did my best to distract myself with work that afternoon.
“Were you trying to kill yourself this morning?” I demanded when Seth came into the barn.
He gave me a tired look. “Jaden said you looked terrible and demanded to know why I hadn’t made you take better care of yourself.”
“Oh.” Given that Seth had been through the wringer with me, I could see why he’d lost it.
In late afternoon I had a long shower to try to relax, which was wasted when I got caught in rush-hour traffic on my way into the city. I knocked on Jaden’s door instead of letting myself in with my key, wondering even as I did so why I felt so reserved. He answered the door right away. He was wearing jeans and a blue T-shirt that was soft and faded from washing. I stepped inside, hugging my arms around myself. He made no move to touch me but led the way to the tan leather couch.
I studied his face as we sat. It had always been sharply planed, but there were new hollows in his cheeks, and the smudges under his eyes were proof he hadn’t slept much. His hair was long, and he brushed it out of his face impatiently as his amber-flecked gaze fixed on me. I tensed. His eyes were hard as jewels, and they searched mine with that peculiar intensity that was so much a part of him.
“You need to tell me what’s going on.”
I turned my face away, knowing as I did so that he would see it as a sign of guilt. My breath was coming fast. The next few words could change the way he looked at me forever.
“I... we shouldn’t have done what we did today.” It wasn’t how I’d planned to start this conversation, but those were the words that emerged when I opened my mouth.
“I see.” He said it quietly, but his tone could have cut glass. “Because there’s someone else.”
I shook my head. Still without looking at him, I dug a folded paper out of my pocket and handed it to him. He unfolded it slowly, but when he looked from the black and white image back to me his expression was blank. His face was at an angle, a lock of hair falling over one eye, and my hand ached to reach out and smooth it back for him.
“It’s an ultrasound picture,” I whispered. “I... I was pregnant.”
The paper made a soft rattle as his hands began to shake. All the hardness slid away from his face, leaving it unguarded and vulnerable. His eyes went wide as he shifted to face me. His mouth was open, but he didn’t say anything for a minute.
He finally managed a single, hoarse word. “Were?”
I felt tears flood my eyes and I nodded carefully, willing them not to spill.
He swallowed hard. “So... did you...”
“I had a miscarriage just over a week ago. When I sent you that email I was still woozy from the anesthetic at the hospital.”
I pushed the explanation through my own tight throat.
“Pregnant,” he said slowly, as if testing the word on his tongue. He stared at the ground. “And at what point were you planning to tell me?”
I hesitated. “If you came back, I wanted it to be because you wanted to, Jaden, not because of some misplaced sense of obligation.”
His head snapped up then, and his eyes burned into mine. “Misplaced?”
I flinched. All of a sudden his arms were around me; he crushed me to him and murmured into my hair. “I’m sorry, querida, I’m so very, very sorry.”
My eyes overflowed. I buried my face in his soft shirt as a tentative hope flowered inside me.
“Why are you sorry?” I whispered.
“That you went through all of that on your own,” he said, as though it were obvious. His arms were still around me, one hand smoothing my hair as he spoke.
“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to. My first impulse when I found out was to call you. But I was afraid you’d drop everything and come back and marry me, and I didn’t know what I wanted. I felt trapped. Then I felt so guilty for not telling you that it got harder and harder... and I was about to do it when I had the miscarriage.” Now that I’d begun explaining it was as though a dam had burst, and the words tumbled out pell-mell.
He drew away and took my face gently with both hands. “Querida. Yes, I’d like to have a child someday. But I’d never force you into a decision like that. It’s your body; it was always your choice. You could have told me.”
I searched his eyes. They held nothing but a golden, glowing sincerity.
“I let you believe I’d cheated on you.” I was determined to get everything out into the open at once. “And when you came back, you looked so... hard. As though you’d never forgive me.”
He sighed and dropped his hands from my face. I reached for one of them and entwined our fingers in my lap.
“Téa, do you know how much I had to scramble to get here from Argentina in one day? I forfeited tens of thousands of dollars by missing the World Cup, in addition to angering several people. My uncle’s cast is off but he still needs help. That look on my face was determination — I was determined to prove to you that whoever you’d met, he couldn’t be as good a match for you as I am.”
I gazed at him in wonder. “You... you still want to be with me?”
“I was never trying to escape you. I left to protect you. I was angry all the time, I was making you miserable, and I lost my temper and hit something right in front of you. Given your history, that was inexcusable.”
I considered. “Given our history, that was almost unavoidable. Everyone has family-related baggage, my love. And since we share a family, we happen to have matching luggage. But I’m willing to work through it if you are.”
His eyes blazed. “We’re meant to be together, Téa — that’s the one thing in life I’m still utterly certain of.”
It was my turn to hold his face in my hands. I shifted onto my knees and pressed my lips against his, trying to pour all the love I felt for him into his body. He fell back against the couch, and after a minute I pulled away reluctantly.
“Do you know that old proverb?” I asked. “‘A fish may love a bird, but where will they live?’ We’re faced with the same issues we had before you left. Except for one.” I looked at him shyly. “It may not come soon, but when the time does come for us to have children, I know I can do it.”
Jaden straightened up beside me. He ran one hand slowly down my back, and his expression was softer than I’d ever seen it. “You’re not the only one whose perspective has changed. I shouldn’t have tried to talk you out of riding for a living. It was selfish. I didn’t want to be without you, didn’t want to worry for your safety, or about what would happen if you took this big career gamble and didn’t make it. I thought being older than you granted me some measure of greater wisdom, but I was wrong. Playing polo again these past few months has been a revelation. I feel like I’ve come alive again.”
I faced him, tucking one leg under me, and seized both his hands. I was grinning. “I’m so glad to hear you say that, because I have a plan.”
“Of course you do.” He grinned back.
His look of amusement turned to surprise and then, finally, to pride as I outlined my plan.
“Did you come up with all this on your way over here?” he asked. He looked slightly awed.
“I’ve been thinking about it for weeks,” I confided, “but I didn’t think you’d agree.” I picked up the ultrasound picture from where it had fallen on the floor. “And if I hadn’t had a miscarriage... well, my plans might have been different.”
He laid a hand tenderly across my abdomen. “How are you now?”
I thought about it. Physically I was fine, and that was probably what he meant. “I guess I’m grieving for them,” I finally murmured. Utter silence followed. I looked up. Jaden’s face was bloodless, and I stroked it in concern.
“Them?” His voice was a strangled whisper.
I held his hands, and his fingers clutched mine convulsively. “Yes,” I said quietly. “Them. I was pregnant with twins.”
Sixteen
I bounded down the stairs the next morning with more energy than I’d had in months.
“I take it things went well yesterday.” Dec smiled. I hadn’t seen him when I’d come in the night before.
“Yup.” I poured myself coffee and glanced over at Seth. “Do you want to go for a hack after school?” It was getting a bit cold for trail rides, but I needed to speak to my brother privately.
“Maybe,” he said, non-committal.
“Why, afraid I’ll out-ride you like always?”
He snorted.
“Yeah, that’s a convincing comeback.” I laughed at him.
Dec and Seth both stared like they’d never heard me laugh before, but then, I supposed it had been a long time. I left them sitting in surprise and zoomed off to school, where fortunately Chuck and Shannon were willing to help me catch up on the material I’d missed. After class, I went to see Julia. She was back at her mom’s, and she looked like her old self when she opened the door.
“What’s the closest thing you’ve got to a power suit?” I asked.
She grabbed my arm and tugged me toward her bedroom. “I have just the thing.”
I smiled sideways at her. “I’m glad you’re back, Jules.”
“Me too. You need me to be your fashion sense.”
“Well, if I had to have good taste in only one thing, I’m glad it was in friends.”
When I got home I went straight to the barn.
“Ready?” I asked Seth. I gave him a significant look. At his nod, I went to get Cal.
As I stepped onto the shavings he turned to me with a low nicker, his large eyes luminous with the same joy that I felt swelling within my own chest. He blew a soft breath against my cheek as I slipped on his bridle, and I kissed the edge of his satiny nostril before leading him outside. Cal was always touching me now. When we walked his nose was pressed against my arm, when we stood he leaned against me, when I turned him out he stayed at the gate watching me walk away. The contact filled us both up, and I knew down to my bones that we’d be this way from this point on. I hopped on him quickly and joined Seth outside.
We didn’t speak until we were out of sight of the barn. Seth clapped Winter on the neck before turning to me. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”
I outlined my plan. His eyebrows crept up as I spoke, and he offered a few suggestions of his own. By the time we got back from our ride he was grinning from ear to ear. “Do you think they’ll go for it?”
“Just do your part to convince Gran, and I’ll do the rest,” I promised.
The next morning I put on the plum-colored suit that Julia had lent me. The skirt was a bit long on me, so I pulled it higher on my waist.
“Big presentation at school,” I said in response to Dec’s expression when I came downstairs. It was a
flimsy excuse, since no one wore suits in a science program, but he didn’t question it.
I didn’t go to school. Instead, I headed into the city and met Jaden. I parked in a lot to save time and found him at our prearranged meeting place in front of his dad’s office building.
“Nice suit,” he said, bending to kiss me quickly.
“Same to you.” He’d always looked impressive dressed up, but I’d come to realize that I preferred seeing him in his everyday riding clothes because that was who he really was.
Uncle Peter himself greeted us in the reception area, and he led us through an open area filled with cubicles and down a hallway to his office. Jaden was a bit taller than his father, though Uncle Peter was heavier set, I noticed as he turned around. He didn’t sit down, so neither did we.
“So,” he said, spreading his hands wide. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Téa, would you like to explain your proposition?” Jaden asked. He gave me an encouraging nod.
I drew myself up to my full height, which probably wasn’t impressive but did make me feel better, and outlined my plan. Uncle Peter’s face went from incredulous to angry to suspicious, but eventually, thanks to Jaden’s persuasive talents, it settled on acceptance. He shook hands with each of us as we left, and I thought his eyes held grudging admiration as they met mine.
I spent the next few days tying up the last details. Then one night after dinner, with my heart thumping, I told Dec I needed to talk to him.
We went into the living room, and he looked mildly surprised when Jaden and Gran entered the room. They settled on the couch next to Seth, and I sat next to Dec on the loveseat. His blue eyes slid sideways to meet mine, holding what may have been a warning.
“What’s this about?” Clearly, his suspicions had been aroused.
I put my hand on his. “Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if you’d followed your heart?” I asked him softly. His brows drew together but I plowed on. “If you’d ridden horses for a living, and made Gran proud that you were following in her footsteps? If you’d met amazing riders from other countries, and traveled around the world, and maybe even gone to the Olympics?”