by Coco Miller
“Hill, why the hell are you lying around in sweats, with hair that I’m pretty sure you haven’t bothered to detangle in a few days? And have you even washed your face?” She leans in making a disgusted face. “I see eye boogies.”
I push her away and rest my head back on the couch. “I don’t care. I miss him,” I whisper. Feeling the tears gathering in my eyes. Waiting for them to fall down my cheeks.
“So why the fuck are you just sitting around?” she asks as she picks up used tissues that are scattered all over the table.
“Kelly, I don’t have the energy to try to figure out what the hell you are talking about. Get to the point.”
I’m easily irritated lately, but what do you expect when your heart is no longer whole in your chest.
“Sit the hell up.”
Even though I don’t want to, I know she will just keep annoying me until I do. Ugh, I just want to sleep my life away. It would be easier I’m sure.
“So you had your heart broken, so the guy you thought you loved walked away, so you did a really shitty thing by lying to him the whole time.”
I’m getting more pissed with every word she says. “Do you have a fucking point? Is this supposed to be a pep talk?”
She laughs, but I don’t see what’s so funny. “My point is, are you just going to sit here or are you going to fight for him?”
Now she’s peaked my attention. “Fight for him? How do you suppose I do that?”
I don’t think there is anything I can do that would fix what has happened between us. I don’t even know where to begin. I lied, and I always tell my clients the most important thing is telling the truth, yet I didn’t take my own advice.
“Hill, stop acting like a damsel in distress. You are a smart, successful woman. You finished business school summa cum laude. You charge obscene prices to match up hundreds of couples a year, yet you aren’t willing to fight for your own relationship? Go to him, tell him how you feel. Apologize for what you did and ask for his forgiveness.” She raises her thin eyebrows and grins at me.
She makes it sound so easy, but I just don’t know how to make what she’s saying work. I don’t know how to apologize, or if Asa would even care to hear what I have to say.
“I don’t know. What if he talks to me like he did last week?” The fear of that makes a tear run down my cheek. “I think he hates me.”
“Sweetie, he was angry. People say some real hurtful shit when they’re angry.”
“What if he doesn’t take me back?”
“How will you ever know if you don’t try? Wouldn’t you rather know that you did everything in your power to fight for him than to just let him walk away? Besides, even if he doesn’t take you back, you still owe him an apology.”
She’s right. The only thing I’ve done is cry about what I lost; I haven’t fought for it. He deserves an apology. Hell, he deserves more than that. He’s a good man. Maybe, just maybe, he will hear me out and we can start over. It doesn’t hurt to try. It hurts nothing to try. And besides, I have to see him again. At least for some closure.
“Maybe you’re right.”
She nudges me with her shoulder and giggles.
“Maybe? No, I am right. You deserve to be happy, Hill. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it.”
I grin for the first time in a week which in turn makes her smile grow bigger.
“Not to mention,” she continues. “Your vagina finally had some action, and she deserves to be happy too.”
I actually laugh out loud and mean it. My first laugh in seven days. She’s right. I do deserve to be happy and my happiness is wrapped up in tattoos and muscles, and it’s called Asa Grant.
Feeling empowered by this new realization, I toss off the blanket and jump up. “Let’s go.”
She stands laughing and shakes her head. “Hill, you might want to shower the stink off yourself and maybe put on some clothes that don’t look like you got from the bottom of the laundry basket.”
I look down at myself and realize how right she is. I don’t waste a minute and rush to the bathroom to get myself ready to see Asa again, while my broken heart pounds in my chest.
Chapter Fourteen
Hillary
After taking two hours to get myself ready, I emerge from my bedroom and Kelly whistles. I’m wearing a tight, mustard colored dress with thin spaghetti straps that hugs my every curve.
By the time I get to his house, my freshly washed hair will have air dried into huge ebony ringlets that will frame my face. And I finished my look with gold highlighter on my cheekbones, décolletage, and a spritz of my favorite perfume.
“Now this is a woman who looks and smells ready to fight for her man.”
I hug her tight, owing her all the thanks in the world for knocking sense into me. I am ready to fight for him.
“You call me and you tell me exactly what happens. Keep your head high and fight like the badass chick you are.” We laugh as we head out the door and I thank her again.
The closer I get to Asa’s house, the more my stomach is in knots. I’m terrified how he will react. I don’t know if he’s going to yell or just ignore me. I guess I should just hope he opens the door when I knock. That’ll be a start.
When I pull up in front of his house, I get out of the car on shaking legs. My nerves have never been this high before. My pulse is beating so fast I’m sure I could have a heart attack and my palms are sweating. I take a deep breath, wipe my hands on my jeans, and knock on the door.
I stand waiting and waiting. I knock again and still nothing. Shit, maybe he’s not home or maybe he saw it was me and isn’t answering. Walking down to the garage, I look inside and see his bike isn’t here.
“Fuck.”
I pull my phone out and dial the only person I can think of that will be able to help me find him.
“Hello?”
I close my eyes and lean against my car. “Hi, April, it’s Hillary. I was wondering if you know where Asa is?” I feel like an idiot, but I don’t know who else to call.
“Hillary, I’m so happy to hear from you. Yes, doll, he is at the bar right now. The one you met at on Valentine’s Day. Are you going to talk with him?”
I tell her that I am and she wishes me luck before we hang up. I drive to the bar and this time I’m not as nervous. I convince myself it’s a good sign he’s here where we met, and when I pull up seeing his bike I smile.
I walk into the bar and look around. I spot Asa sitting at a table with a few of his coworkers. Crap, I don’t know why I thought he’d be alone, but I won’t let anything stand in my way. Feigning a confidence I don’t feel, I make my way over to his table. When I reach it, they all look up at me and I smile.
Everyone at the table returns my smile, except Asa. If looks could kill, I’d have dropped dead.
“What are you doing, Hillary? How did you know I was here?” he asks with venom in his voice.
I clear my throat, trying to get my stomach back down. “April told me, because I need to talk to you.”
He picks up his beer and tosses it back. Slamming it to the table and not even looking at me he says, “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
Fight for him, I tell myself trying to keep from bursting into tears at his reaction to me. “Give me ten minutes. Please.”
He doesn’t want to come, he won’t even look at me, but one of his friends says, “If our boy here doesn’t give you ten minutes, I sure will. You’re a knockout.”
The men all chuckle under their breath. Then Asa slams his palm squarely on the table as a signal for his friend to shut up.
“Five minutes,” he says, standing up and hustling away from the table.
He pushes through the door, and I’m right on his heel. I won’t let him think he’s getting the best of me by lagging behind. He spins to face me and he may be acting like a nasty bastard, but I see the sadness in his eyes. I’ve hurt him. Badly. I hope I can fix this.
“Asa, I want to apo
logize. I fooled myself into believing that my white lie, my lie by omission, was not a big deal. I realize now that it was. I am truly sorry for lying to you.”
“Apology accepted,” he sees with little affect. "Now take your ass home and peel yourself out of that dress.”
“Wait, you never gave me the chance to explain what happened. Please, hear me out,” I say twisting my hands together.
“You don’t need to. April told me. It doesn’t make a difference,” he barks at me.
“Fine. You’re right, the way we met was less than perfect, but who cares? Everything that happened once I met you was real. You made me feel things I’ve never felt. I looked forward to each day waking up in your arms. You made me happy. Happier than I’d ever been in my life. You made me fall in love with you.”
Saying it out loud, admitting I loved him, made this so real. He literally holds my heart in his hands, and I’m so scared to see what he does with it.
He shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair. “I’m not some charity case who needed a matchmaker to help me find love. The way we met changes everything for me. I want to believe you, but I don’t. Our whole relationship was a lie. Every touch, every word, every moment. I can’t do it, Hillary. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
He goes to walk away, but I put my hands up resting them on his chest. He looks down at me, eyes flickering with pain at my touch.
“Please, Asa. I can’t lose you,” I whisper, choking back a sob.
He wraps his hands around mine and it sends a jolt of electricity through me. Slowly he pulls my hands off his chest and drops them.
“You already lost me.”
He brushes past me and back into the bar.
I fall to my knees and cry into my hands so hard I feel sick. I’ve lost him for good, and I have no one to blame but myself.
Chapter Fifteen
ASA
After I leave Hillary outside, I go back into the bar and straight to the bathroom. It’s been a week of hell and seeing her again is stirring all these emotions I’ve been trying to numb with alcohol and work.
I splash water on my face. My anger toward my sister is on the surface of all of rage I am feeling. I’m done with her interfering. After I tell the guys from work I’m leaving, I drive straight to her house.
She answers the door, and I look around to make sure the kids aren’t around.
“Where are the girls?”
“Swim lessons.”
“Without you?”
“They’re with their asshole father.”
“Oh. Why the fuck would you tell Hillary where I was? You need to stay out of it. You’ve done more than enough.”
She grabs onto my arm when I turn to leave and pleads with me to stay. “Asa, please. I need to talk to you.”
I want to say no; I want to walk out the door and drown my sorrows at home, but I don’t. She’s my sister, and there is something in her voice that makes me stay.
“Please, sit down.”
We walk over to the couch and I look at her, noticing the sadness on her face. “What’s wrong?” I ask. Worried that something is going on with her and I’ve been too far up my own ass to notice.
She shakes her head and wipes a tear from her eye. “Everything. That’s the problem.”
I don’t know what she means; this is not the tough April I’ve come to know since her divorce. “Just tell me. Is it that asshole, Richie? Did he say something to you when he came to pick up the girls?”
She pats my arm. “Listen, when Richie and I got together, it was amazing, magical. I couldn’t imagine being happier.”
This is not news to me. I saw how happy she was back then, even though I tried to warn her about him. He was always a player.
“The thing was, I didn’t trust him. I tried, damn did I try. I told everyone, including you he had changed, but he didn’t. I thought if I loved him enough, if I married him, if I gave him kids, he’d love me back just as much. He didn’t.”
She pauses for a minute and I wrap her in a half hug, wanting to take some of her pain away.
“I pretended for years I didn’t know about the cheating. The late nights, the last minute business trips, the text messages he’d need to take in another room. The thing is, I would have pretended forever, because even though he probably never loved me, I loved him so much. I think I loved him enough for both of us.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. It makes me want to go find that piece of shit and beat the hell out of him for destroying my sister like this.
“April, I don’t know what to say. You deserve better than that. You always have.”
She wipes her eyes and smiles. “I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to understand. I know I’m pushy and nosey and yes, even bitchy, but it’s how I’ve been trying to protect my heart.”
“I get it, you don’t need to explain anymore.” I hand her a tissue, and she wipes her eyes. “Your meddling is just you trying to protect me.”
“No, wait, I’m not done.” She laughs through her tears and I grin. “See, when you came here it was just what I needed. Someone to love me unconditionally. You uprooted yourself from your life and expected nothing in return. I saw how lonely you were, and I wanted to fix it. I went to Hillary and told her I wanted to set you up.”
Just hearing her name makes my pulse race. I bite the corner of my lip to keep from saying harsh words right now.
“She didn’t want to do it, Asa. She told me flat out that she doesn’t set up people who she doesn’t meet with and that you had to at least know that it was a matchmaker date. I knew you’d never agree to that, so it was me who pushed her to make an exception. You know, I have the tendency to be a bit pushy.”
“Yeah, you do.” I smirk at her and she laughs.
“Anyway, I continued to push her and push her. She told me she wouldn’t or couldn’t set you up with one of her clients; I can’t remember why. But I wouldn’t take no for an answer, so she said she’d do it. She would go out with you for a night of fun.
“The thing is, she didn’t need to do that, but she liked what she heard about you and she likes to make people happy. Even a pushy bitch like me. She knew I was just a sister looking out for her brother. And I didn’t pay her a thing; she wouldn’t take one dime. She told me you made her happy and, Asa, I believe her.”
Hearing it all makes me so confused. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I have been an asshole about this whole thing.
“You didn’t pay her?”
“No, Asa. I’ve been telling you that for days. I asked her for the receipt as an insurance policy. Just in case she woke up one day, realize she bumped her head by giving me a freebie, and wanted to charge me. I paid her nothing before or after you two met.”
Fuck, maybe I’ve been irrational.
“April, I don’t know what to do. I fell in love with her, hard, but I was so hurt that she lied to me I said some unforgivable things.”
She smiles and squeezes my shoulder.
“I know you love her and she loves you. I saw it in both of your eyes. I’m telling you, baby brother, that is something you don’t want to lose. I never saw Richie look at me the way you look at her and vice versa. Don’t throw it all away because I was a pushy bitch.
“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret a thing. I did what I thought would make you happy and it did. You and Hillary belong together; you need to make this right. After what I went through, I can tell you real love is worth the fight. It’s so worth it.”
We both stand up, and I pull her in for a hug. “Thank you, big sis’. I’m sorry you went through all that, but you’ll find someone who truly loves you. You deserve that and so do the kids.”
“And remember, so do you,” she says as she walks me to the door.
She’s right, I do.
I may have just pushed the woman of my dreams out of my life for good, but some kind of way I’m going to fix this clusterfuck if it’s the last thing that I do.
; Chapter Sixteen
ASA
It’s been three days since my ‘big talk’ with April and after taking a few days to reflect, today I have a big meeting. I’m nervous and excited because if this goes right, my future will be set.
I look in the mirror as I straighten my tie before deciding I need to go. I’m a little early for my appointment so I take the long way, trying to calm my nerves. I’ve never had a meeting like this, and I’m not sure what to expect.
I pull into the parking lot and make my way inside. I walk into the office and the secretary tells me to have a seat. Not two minutes later she tells me I can go in. I stand up and follow her to the door I am supposed to go in. She nods at me, and I place my hand on the knob. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening it.
“Miss West, your next client is on his way in.” I hear her secretary say through the intercom as I step into the office.
Hillary looks up at me, shock clear on her face. “Asa?”
I walk over to her desk and sit down. Damn, she’s more beautiful than I remembered.
“I would like to be set up.”
She looks at me completely dumbfounded and rests her arms on her desk. I can see the start of tears swell in her eyes.
“I don’t think I can help you,” she says in a defeated voice.
“Really? Because I was set up once and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Thing is, I was a complete asshole and let something come between us. So I figure the best way to get that feeling back was to come to the person who made the match.”
She wipes her eyes, and I reach over for her hand.
“Do you think you’d be able to find me someone as amazing as the girl I had? She is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. She is funny, smart, successful, and the best sex I’ve ever had.”
She giggles with a cute little snort, and I feel hopeful that this might just work.
“She made me happy, made me want to be a better man, and I fell in love with her so hard and fast that sometimes it was a little scary.”