by Dixon, Ruby
“Hard.” He grins at me.
Ashtar laughs. “He is a’ani, after all.”
I don’t smile at the joke. It’s hard to joke when he looks so pale under his vivid red skin. “But you don’t hurt anywhere?”
“I hurt in one particular spot if you want to rub me.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re fine.”
Veronica giggles. “He should be okay to walk back to the hut, just take it easy and slow. Do you need anything else while you’re here? We have some tea that can help him sleep deeper, if you need that.”
“We do,” I say to her.
“Bah,” says Thrand.
“You shut up,” I tell him. “I’m in charge here.” To Veronica, I nod. “Yes, we need the tea and I’ll make sure he drinks it.”
She smiles and gets to her feet. “Come with me.”
We head into the antechamber of her tent, where all the roots and plant remedies are neatly stored in baskets. Hannah’s handwriting has been scribbled in charcoal on each of the baskets to identify the contents, and I have to admit I’m impressed at how organized things are. Veronica fights back a yawn as we pick through the clutter, and she grabs one basket and touches the leaves, sniffing them and then nodding to herself. “This one. Steep it in a tea and he’ll sleep like a baby.”
“Thank you.” I take them from her and hesitate. Her words bring a new question to mind. “Speaking of babies…how long does resonance go on for?” I think of Willa and Gren and how they resonated for, like, a month straight before something finally took hold.
“Until you’re pregnant,” Veronica says, a wry smile on her face. She touches my hand and closes her eyes for a moment, and I feel a weird zing deep in my chest, like my khui is suddenly paying attention. She opens her eyes a moment later and shakes her head. “Not yet.”
“You think it’ll be a long time?” I worry that a month-long resonance might take more out of the still-healing Thrand than he can tolerate. I know my guy, and I know he’s not going to relax in bed for long. Heck, he couldn’t even wait until we got home to claim me. I squeeze my sticky thighs again, my thoughts turning dirty.
“It usually only takes a few rounds, maybe a day or two depending on his stamina and your natural fertility. If it takes longer, we can talk about it, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Vordis got Angie pregnant right away, right? And they’re clones.”
I decide not to be offended at her comment. Just because he’s a clone doesn’t mean he’s the same.
He’s unique.
21
NADINE
I help Thrand back to his hut—our hut, now, I guess—and keep an arm wrapped around his waist as we head through camp. There are a lot of eyes watching us, but they can wait until he's settled. I know we need to talk to R'jaal and Raahosh, the leaders, but Thrand is my priority. He says he's fine, but we dosed him with some cold tea before leaving Veronica's tent and he's drowsy and slow-moving. It's not like him at all, and even though I know the healer says he's fine, I won't relax until he's my restless, sly-smiling Thrand once more.
We get into the hut and the fire is cold, his furs messy. I help him into the bedding and tuck it around his chest.
"You okay?" I ask, touching his cheek.
His hand covers mine. "I am the happiest of males. I have resonated to the most beautiful of females." And he gives me a tired smile.
"I meant your head," I tease, glad he's back to his normal self a bit more. "We can tackle the resonance part later."
"The resonance part is the fun part."
And I'm laughing despite everything that's happened this day. "Yeah, it is." I fuss with the furs, and then skim my fingers over his mouth, because touching him is addictive. "I need to build up the fire."
He nods, closing his eyes again. As I turn to the firepit, his hand slides to my ankle and he holds it, as if he needs to be touching me. My cootie hums and purrs in my chest, the song urgent and needy despite the fact that we've had sex and he's made me come twice in a row. It's not going to be satisfied until I'm knocked up, but it's going to have to wait a few hours. Thrand's comfort comes first.
I talk to him a little here and there as I build the fire, telling him about the rescue, how Ashtar carried us back to the others in his claws and how Veronica was waiting in camp to heal him. The others had to travel back on foot, but Ashtar carried both me and Thrand all the way back to the village so Veronica could start the healing. By the time she was done, they were back, so I'll have to go and talk to them. "You can rest," I tell him, then get the tongs out of the fuel bucket and drop a few of the hard cakes atop the fire, blowing on it so they'll catch.
When I turn around, Thrand is resting with his eyes closed, his hand loose on my ankle. Asleep, I decide, and gently tuck his hand back on his chest and brush his hair off his forehead. The lump at his hairline does look better, but I'll be glad when it disappears entirely. I get to my feet.
Thrand immediately clasps my ankle again, his eyes opening. "Stay with me."
"I will," I tell him. "I need to get a few things from the women's cave and talk to Raahosh and R'jaal, and then I'll be back."
"For good?"
I smile. "Yes, for good. I promise."
His hand moves over my boot, as if he wants to caress me. "That's the only reason I'm letting you go."
So smug and arrogant, just like usual. I chuckle, shaking my head at him. Living with Thrand is going to be an adventure every day—and a clash of wills. But it’ll be fun.
I emerge from the hut once I'm sure Thrand is sleeping comfortably, and see a group clustered by the main fire. Raahosh is there, easy to pick out with his grayish blue coloring and scarred face. R'jaal stands next to him, arms crossed over his chest, his horns so tall they loft over even Raahosh's impressive height. Both of them look displeased, and I figure I'd better talk to them and get this over with. After all, we did nothing wrong.
The moment I arrive, R'jaal scowls at me. "What were you thinking, risking your life to go after him?"
I return his scowl with one of my own, planting my hands on my hips. "I was thinking, hey, I'm not gonna let him fucking die, that's what I was thinking."
He puts a big finger in my face. "You are a lifebearer—"
"Annnnd that's enough chauvinism for now," Liz calls out loudly as she approaches. Raahosh twitches, his hard mouth easing at the sight of his mate. She has their newest baby in her arms, and as she arrives, she immediately hands the infant to Raahosh. "Can you burp her, please?"
He takes the child and cuddles her against his neck, rubbing the small back. "I do not like that Nay-deen risked herself, but she is a hunter. She made a decision."
"N'deen is a lifebearer," R'jaal argues. His finger goes out again to point at them and Liz slaps it away.
"Don't pull that shit with us. We've got equal numbers of men and women, and if she wants to risk her stupid neck by hunting the world's biggest bird, she can." Liz flutters her lashes at me. "I will support stupidity in the name of equality, but what you did was stupid, girlfriend."
"I sent Penny to get help. I just didn't want him to be alone."
There's a low belch and Raahosh gets a proud look on his face as he gives the baby's back another firm pat. "This one is as noisy as her mother." He lifts his chin at me. "And resonance might have clouded her reason. What is done is done. Let us discuss this without anger."
"God, it is so sexy when you hold a baby and talk all rational," Liz tells him, then sighs. "Okay. Now that we've all yelled at Nadine, let's let her tell her side of the story."
R'jaal just clenches his jaw and glares in my direction. It's clear he's not happy, but I don't care. I don't regret what I did one bit. I'd do it a hundred times again if it meant that I could possibly save Thrand's life. So, hands on hips, I tell them about our hunting party, leaving the part out where Thrand threw his cloak down before riding the dvisti. I tell about how the skyclaw appeared out of nowhere and snatched him up, and how I found him
in the nest, using a broken bit of eggshell like a shield.
"It kept him alive to feed the chick," I add. "Lucky for him it liked the taste of dvisti more than a'ani."
"You saw this chick?" R'jaal asks.
I shake my head. "No, it and the dvisti were gone by the time I arrived. It was only Thrand and the second egg in the nest. As for the second egg, I think it's frozen solid. I put my ear to it but it was ice cold and silent. If it was going to hatch, I think it would have by now."
"We'll send someone out to take care of it anyhow," Liz says, glancing at her mate. He nods and adjusts tiny Ahsoka, moving her onto his other shoulder. "The question is, what do we do about the one that hatched?"
Raahosh shrugs. "Skyclaw are skyclaw. If it lives to adulthood, it will be many turns of the moon before it becomes truly dangerous."
"But this isn't a normal skyclaw," Liz protests. "It can camouflage. Can all the island ones do that?"
R'jaal rubs his chin. “I have never seen it, but usually when we saw a skyclaw, it was too late to avoid it anyhow. It would explain how we were never able to find Old Grandfather, no matter how hard we searched.”
"There is something else to think about," Raahosh says. "When J'shel said they found Old Grandfather before, he had a nest outside the fruit cave. This was nowhere close to it."
"So either he has a second nest, or he abandoned the first one," Liz says. "Goody. I guess we can send some groups out to go nest hunting, see what else the big bird has gotten squirreled away. Should we get the corpse to dress it and use the meat?"
R'jaal makes a face. "That one will be nothing but gristle. You can eat him if you like."
"Ugh. Pass." She watches her mate as he holds the baby, a thoughtful expression on her face. "I guess the fruit cave is open for business again. Maybe we'll send Hannah and J'shel to go berry picking so she'll shut the fuck up about it."
Raahosh just snorts with amusement.
"Hannah can be a bit single-minded," I say in defense of my fellow stranded human. "But she means well. She just wants to ensure that no one is missing out on their fair share or getting overlooked. That's why she's obsessed with managing the supplies. It's a control thing."
Liz pats my shoulder. "I know. Trust me, if the biggest problem we have is Hannah micromanaging our roots, we're doing good. Thanks for the update, Nadine. Check in with myself or Raahosh or R'jaal before you and Thrand go out hunting again, all right? In the meantime, we'll send some of the more experienced hunters out nest-hunting to see what we find."
I twist my hands, feeling a bit weird and awkward suddenly. "Uh, do you guys want to know about our resonance?"
There's a flash of something that goes across R'jaal's face. Not jealousy, exactly. More like…longing. Envy. "You resonated?"
"Thrand and I. In the nest." Now I really feel awkward. My cootie's purring in my chest, but quieter than before. "You can't hear it?"
"When is someone not resonating around here? I tune it out after a while," Liz says. "And I'm glad you two finally resonated so you can stop with eye-fucking each other around the fire every night."
A startled laugh escapes me. She knew we were flirting? “How did you guess?”
“Guess?” She gives me an incredulous look. “There was zero guesswork involved. You guys just weren’t very discreet. I figured it wasn’t my business.” Liz shrugs. “Are you happy? That’s all I care about.”
I nod.
“Then all’s well.”
Raahosh grimaces as the baby burps again, and he freezes, his gaze sliding to Liz. “That one was not a burp.” He swallows hard, looking green around the gills.
“Oh boy. Come on, let’s go wash both of you up.” Liz takes her mate by the elbow and leads him away, and as she does, I can see he’s got a spreading stain across one shoulder. Yuck.
“May I ask you something?” R’jaal says in a low voice. He gives me an intent stare.
I have to admit, I’m curious. “What is it?”
He rubs the scruff on his jaw, thoughtful, and then glances over at me. “Did you…do you know…did he do anything to bring resonance on? Th’rand? Did he coax it in some way? It was clear he wanted you.”
Oh. I shake my head. “I’m sorry. He didn’t. It just happened. The timing was so bad I thought we were both going to die.” I give him an awkward smile. “I don’t think he wanted it to happen at that time, but I’m glad everything turned out okay.”
“But he did nothing to entice his khui? You did not?”
“No. Sorry.”
“I see.” The look of disappointment on his face is obvious.
“I’m sorry,” I say again. It’s obvious he wants a mate. His loneliness is palpable. “Is there anyone in particular you’re thinking of?”
His smile is thin. “Does it matter?”
I suppose not.
* * *
I check in on Thrand, but he's sleeping soundly. I decide to head over to the women's cave and gather up my things. As I head in, I step over rolls of furs and other women's messy belongings. It's like a never-ending slumber party in this cave, and no matter how many women move out, it always seems to stay messy. Devi left a few days ago after resonating to N'dek, and already Sam's stuff is spread all over the place she vacated. I won't be sad to leave this particular “home.” I liked it at first because being clustered in with all the women reminded me of days when I slept with my sisters when we were little, all curled in the same bed together.
But I'm looking forward, now. I can't go back to the past, so I'm going to embrace my future—and my a'ani with it. I touch my chest, where my khui gets louder as if it knows I'm thinking of Thrand, and I smile to myself. It's chosen perfectly for me. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I did. It could have been so much worse. I think of Callie, who openly loathes M'tok and is miserable because there's no escaping resonance. I could be in that situation.
Instead, I resonated to the man I've grown to love.
"There you are," Penny says, and she catches me just as I kneel down next to my furs. "I heard you resonated? Is that true?"
I nod, my happiness making me shy in the face of my friend's wide-eyed expression. "It happened when I found him in the nest. It's like we were talking and then just…boom." I don't mention the part where he made me come as he whispered dirty things in my ear. Or the part where he fucked me hard against the cliff wall the moment we hit the ground. "I'm moving in with him tonight."
"Oh." Her smile is bittersweet. "Selfishly, I'm going to miss you, but I'm happy for you. We ARE happy, right?" She nods her head toward Callie's empty pallet.
"Happy," I tell her emphatically. "I promise."
"Whew." She gives me a relieved smile. "In that case, I'm thrilled for you. We should have a party to celebrate! A new resonance and Old Grandfather's been brought down. I think that's plenty of reason to celebrate."
I laugh, rolling up the closest fur. "I don't think it'll be hard to convince people. They love an excuse to have a party around here. Just…maybe not tonight."
"Because tonight is for…" She trails off and then makes a circle with her fingers, then pushes her ring finger of her other hand into the circle, making a lewd gesture.
I reach over and smack her hand. "Penny!"
"What? We're adults. You can totally say you're occupied tonight. Or…parts of you are occupied." She wiggles her brows.
"He's injured, thank you very much." But I'm grinning as I talk to her. Penny's lighthearted teasing makes me happy. "He's sleeping off a bad hit to the head. I'm not touching him until he feels better."
"You could kiss his booboos?" Penny says helpfully.
"You are not helping."
"Oh, was I supposed to be helping?" She feigns surprise and then grabs the nearest fur. "You should have said so." We both laugh, and then she gives a little sigh. "In all seriousness, I'm going to miss you dreadfully. I know this is just temporary." She gestures at the women's cave with the individual sleeping areas. "But…even so it was nic
e to have a close friend nearby. Made me a little less scared."
"I know," I say softly. I feel the same. Leaning on Penny as we learned to hunt has bonded us beyond friendship. She's been there for me and I've been there for her. Now I have Thrand, but it's not quite the same as having a close girlfriend, and while I don't regret the changes, it does feel like a shift. "You're welcome to come sleep in Thrand's hut at any time, you know. The floor is nice and big. Just…bring earplugs."
"Ew!" She reaches out and swats my hand. "Pass. Bad enough we can hear everyone else making out if we pass by their huts."
I laugh. Yeah, this place isn't much for privacy. You just learn to ignore things like who goes to the outhouse in the middle of the night, who farts in their sleep, whose baby wakes up before dawn, and who gets freaky every morning before breakfast. It's one of those things you turn a blind eye to and pretend not to notice…even though we all notice. "What about you?" I ask as I grab a leather tie and fasten my fur roll. "Any new developments with S'bren?"
"Nah," she says, rolling her own fur and avoiding my gaze. "He's very hot and cold. I don't know what to make of him. He was so attentive for a while and then the last few days…just…nothing. It's like he's avoiding me." She shrugs. "So fuck him. I don't need a man."
"No one needs a man." I think for a moment, and my thoughts are full of a wicked smile, dark tattoos and big, red hands that know how to touch me perfectly. "But that doesn't mean they're not nice to have around sometimes."
"Maybe I'll be the island's spinster. Oh no, wait—a bachelorette," she tells me, tossing her hair. "I'll just let all the single men chase me and force them to play games. I’ll see what they have to offer. Every once in a while, instead of offering a rose, I'll hand them a nice cup of shrimp tea and tell them that I choose them."
"They'll have no idea what's going on," I warn her.
"And that's half the fun."
I just shake my head at her. “You’ll find someone. Or someone will find you. Liz said everyone matched up eventually, thanks to their khuis. I don’t think it likes the idea of single people.”