She reached out to touch Josie’s hand, lying motionless on the white sheet, the ugly lump of the drip taped to the back. Whatever she’d done, she was still just a screwed-up little girl, as lost as her mother ever was. But what had made her so miserable that she’d taken an overdose? At least half a bottle of Valium, according to the doctor who’d pumped her stomach. Was it guilt? No, that didn’t fit the profile. Someone driven to revenge didn’t suddenly turn around and have an attack of conscience at the eleventh hour. Fear of exposure? Amy shook her head. Who would care even if they did know? Spreading rumours wasn’t exactly a capital offence, was it?
She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed that Josie had opened her eyes and was looking at her.
‘Josie! God, you startled me,’ she said, pulling her hand back as if she’d been caught doing something wrong. ‘I didn’t know you were awake.’
Josie gave a wan smile. ‘Not sure I am really,’ she croaked. ‘What did they give me?’
‘I think it’s the stuff still left in your system, though the doctor said you’d probably have slept most of it off by now.’
‘Bit of a headache,’ she said, shuffling backwards to sit up. ‘Can I have something to drink?’
Amy handed her a cup of water and Josie took it gratefully.
‘This is where you say, “You’ve got some explaining to do, young lady”,’ she said bleakly.
Amy shook her head. ‘No one’s angry at you, Josie, we’re all just glad you pulled through.’
‘Do you really mean that?’
She had a point. There were times during the past two weeks when Amy had almost wished her dead, had blamed her for everything that had gone wrong in her life, but right now, she would give anything to make sure she was all right.
She leaned over and put her arms around the girl, holding her as she sobbed, her body jerking with the effort. Finally her breathing evened out and she lay back.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said finally.
The doctor had warned Amy that she should avoid stirring up any painful memories or emotions in the first few days: ‘Just let her work it through in her own time.’
‘Forget it,’ she said quietly.
‘No, I mean it. I’m sorry. Sorry for telling him.’
Amy felt her stomach drop. ‘What do you mean, Josie?’
‘Douglas Proctor wanted to know about your personal life. So I told him. I really wanted the job full time and I thought it might get me some brownie points.’
‘What did you tell him?’
She didn’t speak for several seconds.
‘Douglas told me that there were rumours about you taking drugs. That you had a serious addiction. He wanted to know if I had ever seen any evidence of it. Whether I had seen you high, or with any drugs paraphernalia.’
‘So what did you tell him?’ Amy knew that she should just tell her to forget it, but she was desperate to know.
‘I said that you were acting strangely in Provence. I told them that I had seen syringes.’
‘I don’t take drugs, Josie. I never have.’
‘Then what were the syringes for?’
‘They’re for vitamin shots.’
Josie looked away from her.
‘Why did you take the overdose, Josie? You could have talked to me, to David.’
‘No, I couldn’t.’ Josie’s gaze was trailing out of the window. The rims of her eyes were pink, her eyeballs glistening. ‘I know about David,’ she whispered.
‘What about him?’ asked Amy, feeling her heart speed up again at the whiff of treachery.
‘He’s my dad, isn’t he?’ A tear leaked down her cheek.
Amy closed her eyes. It was all making sense. That was why she’d taken the Valium. Guilt, shame, disgust. The bra in her bed was Josie’s. She had slept with David in Provence, and when she’d found out that he was her father, she couldn’t stand what she had done.
‘No. No, he’s not. Your mum came to Oxford when I was in my final term. Something happened between her and David, but they didn’t have sex. Karen did fall pregnant that month, but David couldn’t have been the father. It was Lee. I went to Bristol yesterday. She told me so herself.’
‘You’re not lying?’
‘No.’
‘Not even to protect me?’
‘Amy, I think it’s about time we started telling each other the truth.’
Tears were spilling down the girl’s cheeks. ‘I’ve always wished I had a different dad, but now . . . now I’m glad,’ she whispered.
‘Josie, who told you?’ said Amy, trying to collect her thoughts. ‘Who told you David was your dad?’
Josie looked away again. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
It had to be Max. It was the only explanation Amy could think of. She reached forward and took the younger woman’s hand. Josie rewarded her with a weak smile.
‘You didn’t deserve any of this,’ she whispered.
Amy took a sharp breath.
‘I never slept with David,’ Josie continued. ‘Nothing happened in Provence. The bra? I have no idea how it got in your bed. Believe me.’
‘We should just forget about it.’
‘No, I need to tell you. I might not have slept with him, but I wanted to. I tried really hard to make him want me. He’s great-looking and rich and kind. It’s hard not to fall a little bit in love with him.’
Josie’s voice and gaze trailed off simultaneously.
‘I knew he liked going to exercise in the orchard. I used to go down there too, take my top off, hoping I’d see him, waiting. I told him a few times where I was going, but he never came. I’m not even sure he knew I was coming on to him.’
‘Oh Josie,’ said Amy, but the girl didn’t seem to be listening, tears rolling down her face as she continued in a hushed voice.
‘Nothing happened, but I wanted it to. So when I found out that he was my dad, I thought about all the times I’d dreamed of having him; the time I shagged the gardener but wished it was David. I thought about all those times and I felt horrible. I just kept thinking, what if he had gone for it, what if I’d actually shagged my dad?’
‘But you didn’t have sex with him and he isn’t your dad.’
‘It doesn’t even matter,’ Josie said bleakly. ‘When I thought about the fact that he’d rejected me, I realised that everyone has rejected me. My father – Lee – he didn’t know me from a hole in the road. Never held me, never came to a birthday party, barely acknowledged my existence. I couldn’t bear it any more.’
‘Who told you?’ Amy asked again.
‘Don’t be angry,’ Josie whispered.
‘I won’t,’ promised Amy.
‘It was Juliet.’
At first Amy wasn’t sure that she had heard correctly.
‘You wanted to know who told me about David. It was your friend Juliet. She said if I did everything she asked, she’d tell me the truth, tell me the secret my mum had been keeping from me all these years.’
‘And you believed her?’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’ said Josie, her cheeks pinking. ‘Juliet’s known Mum, you, David, all of you for twenty years. And she said she had seen something back in Oxford that would change everything.’
She looked down at her hand, picking at the tape holding the drip.
‘I’ve wondered, fantasised about it all my life. Imagining my dad wasn’t Lee Bishop but someone smart and rich and handsome. But when Juliet told me it was David, I felt sick to my stomach.’
‘Juliet’s lying,’ Amy assured her. ‘She didn’t see anything in Oxford.’
Josie slumped back on her pillows, the relief obvious. ‘I’ve been feeling so guilty, and so dirty. I mean, I could have slept with my dad.’
‘What else did Juliet say to you, Josie?’
‘She said
you were a lucky bitch. Said you were too grand for everyone back home, but that you never really fitted in at Oxford either. She was the one that got me the job with Douglas. Said I had to keep my eyes and ears open. When Douglas asked me if you took drugs, I told him you did. I was jealous as hell about your job, your husband, your life. If I couldn’t have any of what you had, I didn’t want you to have it either. So I told him about the syringes. I’m so sorry, Amy. I’m sorry about everything. You deserve everything good and I deserve nothing.’
Chapter 36
She sent Juliet a text.
Have you heard what’s happened? I need a drink.
She felt it struck the right note: not accusatory, or finger-pointing, but not quite an SOS, a plea for support from one friend to another.
Juliet’s reply came back immediately. Peter was out and she had the house to herself. Dinner was in the oven and if Amy could get there within the next thirty minutes, she was welcome to share it.
It only took minutes in a cab to get from the Whittington Hospital to Hampstead, to Juliet and Peter’s tall, dark-brick Georgian house a stone’s throw from the Heath. Amy had always admired Juliet’s eclectic home, a riot of souvenirs and trinkets from the couple’s travels – rugs from India, tapestries from Peru, books in a dozen languages – but found it a little spooky. Tonight, it was particularly sinister. As she approached, all the leaded windows were dark except for one square of light where she could see Juliet pouring some wine.
On any other occasion, she would have arrived with a bottle of good red herself, sometimes with David, sometimes alone. She thought about Peter and wondered where he was tonight. With his lover? Or was this one part of the puzzle where Amy had been mistaken?
When Juliet answered the door, she was holding a wine goblet and wearing jeans and a cashmere sweater rather than her usual work outfit of a severe trouser suit. Amy almost felt guilty that she wasn’t here for a social call, and wondered if Juliet had any idea of what had happened to Josie.
She followed her through into the kitchen and let Juliet pour her a glass of wine, although she had made up her mind she wasn’t going to drink it.
‘I can’t believe it,’ Juliet said, shaking her head. ‘Max called me trying to find out what I knew. Turns out he knows more than I did.’ She flashed Amy a little look. ‘At least he has the lawyers all over it. It’s obviously a transparent case of unlawful dismissal.’
‘You know it’s complete rubbish, don’t you?’
Juliet rolled her eyes. ‘I think I’d know if my best friend had a heroin addiction.’
Amy tried to collect her thoughts.
‘Is that what I am to you, Juliet? Your best friend?’
She saw a little vein start pulsing underneath the pale skin below Juliet’s eye.
‘I called you at least half a dozen times yesterday. I’d have come round but I had no idea where you were. Eventually I spoke to Claudia and she said you weren’t due back until late. David and I were both worried sick.’
‘You got Josie the job at Genesis, didn’t you, Juliet?’
Her friend looked stunned, but Amy couldn’t put up with the pretence any longer.
‘Don’t deny it,’ she said before Juliet had the chance to even open her mouth.
Juliet tossed back a slug of wine, leaving a red rim around her lips, and levelled Amy with a formidable stare.
‘Yes, I did,’ she said after a few moments. ‘Why? Because I felt bloody sorry for her.’
‘Why did you feel sorry for her?’ said Amy, unable to believe that Juliet felt so little remorse.
‘It was after Provence. Peter gave her three handkerchiefs on the flight, she was crying so much. Her eyes had disappeared into slits by the time we got to Heathrow. The least I could do was make a call to Douglas and HR to see how we could help out. I only imagined it would be some temp work, but Douglas apparently liked her.’
‘You’re my friend, Juliet. You know what Josie did to me in Provence.’
‘What did she do in Provence, Amy? Tell me. You found a bra and a receipt for a necklace – or so you say. You were stressed out, paranoid, and you took it as an excuse to crush her.’
‘She tried to seduce David. She admitted it herself.’
‘So she didn’t actually sleep with him?’ Her eyes were bright and challenging.
Amy didn’t reply.
‘Amy, I’m worried about you,’ said Juliet, her voice softer. ‘We all are. You’re behaving as if you’re having some kind of breakdown. You’re irrational, jealous, crazy. Perhaps you really do need some time in rehab.’
‘Do you know where Josie is tonight?’ said Amy after a pause.
That rattled Juliet.
‘She’s in hospital. The Whittington. She took an overdose this afternoon.’
Juliet reached out to the table to steady herself. ‘An overdose.’
‘She’s fine, but it was a close call. Karen should be arriving in London any time now.’
Juliet sat down on a chair. Amy could see that her hand was shaking.
‘Why did you tell her that David was her father?’
‘I didn’t say that outright. I told her that Karen had had intercourse with David. She must have done the maths.’
Her voice was quiet now, and Amy let her speak.
‘She deserved to know the truth, Amy. Don’t you think we all saw the way she was flaunting herself around him in Provence? It was embarrassing. And when you told me you had found the bra, I felt sick. I mean, this is beyond Daily Mail headlines territory. So I told her to stay away from him, and I told her why. It obviously hurt her. That was another reason why I helped get her the job.’
‘But David isn’t Josie’s father.’
Juliet paused, her lips pressed into a thin, frozen line.
‘How do you know?’
‘Because Karen told me. As did David.’
‘And you believe them?’
‘Actually, I do.’
Amy turned to leave. She hadn’t even taken her coat off. She paused in the doorway.
‘I thought you were my friend,’ she said.
‘I am your friend.’
‘Goodbye, Juliet.’
Juliet gave a soft, unrepentant snort. ‘I know you’re looking for someone to blame, Amy. Truth is, you’ve brought all this on yourself. You let yourself drift away from your husband, you messed up your interview for Mode, you let a complete stranger into your life without knowing who she was or what she thought of you. You flew too high and you just got burnt.’
But Amy wasn’t listening. She stepped out onto the street and slammed the front door behind her.
Chapter 37
‘Should you not be going to work?’ Amy was jamming a piece of toast in her mouth as she pulled on her hoodie.
‘Nope,’ David replied. ‘Thought I’d go in late this morning and accompany my wife and daughter to the school gate.’
‘Tilly will think it’s Christmas,’ laughed Amy, secretly thrilled. ‘Not just her mum, but her dad too doing the school run.’
‘I’ve booked dinner for us as well. Me and you, somewhere nice, and don’t even ask because it’s a surprise.’
‘Tonight? But what about a babysitter? Claudia has to leave at five thirty today to get to a physio appointment.’
David held up a reassuring hand. ‘Don’t worry. It’s covered. Mum is going to be here at six. Tilly has already planned that they’re going to watch Mulan together.’
Amy threw an admiring glance at her husband. ‘Is this a taste of things to come?’ she said, cocking her head playfully.
‘If you play your cards right,’ said her husband, and kissed her.
The day passed quickly. A walk with David in Holland Park and a Pilates class and it was almost two o’clock. Her mind occasionally drifted to the Verve office, and there were
emails from Tracey, Janine and Chrissie asking how she was. But for now she didn’t give anything away to anyone; just perfunctory replies at the recommendation of Max’s lawyers, though that seemed overly cautious to her.
Despite the nagging worry at the back of her mind, she found herself enjoying the day. Collecting Tilly from school and hearing her enthusiastically recount her day – a change from the usual ‘good’ when she asked at bedtime – was a particular treat.
When the doorbell rang at six, she welcomed Rosemary Parker with a hug.
‘What are you doing home at this time?’ smiled the older woman. Amy realised that David hadn’t told her about her suspension.
‘I’m having a few days off. How was the drive?’
‘The A3 was busy, as usual.’
‘Thank you for coming. We should have some back-up babysitters, but Claudia has always been so reliable. Until the accident anyway.’
‘I’m glad you two are having a night out,’ Rosemary said. ‘Did you clear everything up between you?’
For a moment Amy didn’t know how to respond. She had a good relationship with her mother-in-law, but the woman was as sharp as a tack and it was only to be expected that she would ask questions.
‘Work has been stressful and we took it out on each other,’ she said eventually.
‘It happens,’ said Rosemary more softly. ‘Now, why don’t you go and get ready? I want to spend some quality time with my granddaughter.’
Friend of the Family Page 29