by Nia Arthurs
She sighs.
I cry all night and Mrs. G is there with me, holding my hand and assuring me everything will be okay. I struggle to believe her.
Finally, a blazing headache forces me to sleep.
Thirty-Three
Lucas
I can’t sleep.
Haven’t since that night Ina…
A heavy sigh rattles my chest. She made her choice. There’s only so much I can do to convince someone who’s already given up.
Frank’s furious barking pierces my ears. I blink and stare in confusion at the smoke billowing in front of me.
“Bro!” Jonas bumps me aside and turns the oven off.
Something crackles angrily. I jerk my chin down. Stare at the bacon strips, now black as coal, in the pot.
He waves a hand in front of my face. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
Jonas grunts yeah right.
“I’ll make another batch.” I absently reach for the bacon pack.
He swats my hand. “Luc.”
“What?”
“This is the third time you almost burned down the house.”
“Don’t be so dramatic.” I step aside.
He moves in front of me, blocking my path.
I glare at my little brother. “You’re in my way.”
“If you’re going to be like this, why don’t you just get her back?”
I charge past him.
Jonas follows me. I can feel the concern pouring off his shoulders.
I’m the older brother.
I don’t like being on this end of the worried frown.
It’s annoying.
“Don’t you have practice?” I ask.
“Not important.”
I give him a really look.
He shrugs.
“I’m touched.”
“Coach said he’d be late.”
“Oh.”
“We’re talking about Ina.”
“No, we’re not.”
“Get her back.”
“Look,” I face him, “it’s not that simple.”
“You love her.”
“I do.”
“So tell her until she believes it.”
I shake my head. “Tried that.”
“Try again.” Jonas grabs one of the burnt bacon strips, blows on it and offers it to Frank.
The dog sniffs it and runs away.
I smile.
Jonas shakes his head at me. “That’s embarrassing.”
“He’s too spoiled.”
“He knows what’s good for him.” Jonas throws the bacon away. “Have you texted her?”
“Generally, when a woman breaks up with you, she’s asking you to leave her alone.”
“And?” He shrugs dismissively. “So what?”
I stare at him. “That’s how stalkers are made, Jo.”
“Get arrested for love then.”
I laugh.
“Should I talk to her?”
“She can’t interpret grunts.”
“I use words.”
“When?”
“When necessary.”
“I’m touched that you’d put yourself through a conversation for me.”
“I’ll tell her that you’re trying to kill me and Frank.” He nods to the burnt bacon.
“So you are trying to get me arrested.”
He smirks.
I grab my now tepid mug of coffee. “I’ll be in the shop today. Call me if something’s up.”
“Luc…”
“What?”
His golden eyes soften. “I’m here.”
“I know.” I tip my cup at him. “Thanks.”
I hurry downstairs before Jonas can encourage me to go after Ina again. If he pushes, I just might listen. And it’s taken me so damn long to convince myself to keep still.
Every day, I have to talk myself down from organizing a flash mob dance number in front of the hospital. Or buying out a florist shop. Or begging Grant Gustin from The Flash to record a message for her.
I go through a thousand reasons in my head to keep away.
Ina made herself clear.
More begging and pleading won’t change that.
After making sure Denny is okay behind the coffee bar, I plod to the counter. From this angle, I’ve got the perfect view of Ina’s favorite spot.
I can see her now—legs tucked up under her, head tilted toward the window, sunshine gleaming over her dark brown skin.
My breath gets sharper. Darker.
My chest feels empty.
She burrowed under my skin and took up too much space in my heart. Now that she’s gone, there’s an Ina-shaped hole that needs filling.
The bells over the door jangle.
I steer my gaze there and jump to my feet in surprise when Mrs. G walks in.
Ina’s mother fixes her dark brown eyes on me.
“Ma’am.” I round the counter, shocked to see her.
“Hello, Lucas.” She smiles warmly. Like we’ve been friends for years. “Is there any way we can sit and talk for a few minutes?”
“Of course.”
I lead her to a table. “How have you been?”
“Fine. I’m desperate for a break.”
“You’re working?”
“No, from my kids.”
I chuckle.
“They don’t know how to give a woman space.” She smirks in a way that says she’s enjoying all the attention.
“I’m sure they’re just worried.”
“Nothing to worry about. I’m too selfish to die young. Only the good ones go early, you know?”
I laugh. “Do you want a drink?”
“Tea would be fine.”
I get her order and settle in across from her. Sliding the mug over the table, I nod. “Here.”
“Thank you.”
She takes a sip. “Delicious.”
I lean back. Tap my fingers nervously over the table. “Is Ina…?”
“Okay?” She sets her cup down. Sighs mightily. “No. I don’t think so.”
I lean forward. “Is she still having nightmares? Or is it work? Is she not eating?” I crumple my straw in my hands. “She never slows down. Always pushes herself too hard.”
Mrs. G snorts.
I run a hand through my hair. “Sorry. A little too intense?”
“I believe that’s understandable given the circumstances.”
My hands go flat on the table. “Is she..?” I don’t even know what to ask. “How is she?”
“She’s doing about as well as you are.”
“That’s pretty bad.”
“Exactly.”
“Are you going to leave her like this?”
“I don’t know how to get through to her. I’m afraid to push so hard that I break her. I’m afraid I’ve broken her already.”
“She doesn’t damage that easy. Not anymore.”
I nod.
Mrs. G wraps her dark fingers around her cup. “Ina… has never known what it is to be in love before. No, beyond that. Before she met us, she never experienced love. Not even from her family.”
The door jangles.
I glance up, hoping that I’m not needed.
The couple head to the café section and I let out a breath.
Looking Mrs. G in the eyes, I ask, “Can you tell me more about her family? Ina never talked about them.”
“Not much to discuss. Her biological mother died in childbirth and she went to live with her father. He was married at the time. Her step-mother wasn’t very kind and that got worse when her husband left her.” Mrs. G scrunches her nose. “Ina had to fend for herself. There was no one on her side, and that monster who hurt her knew it.”
Damn.
The world is so freaking cruel.
“She’s grown a lot, but her default setting is still to tackle problems on her own. Her way of showing love is to be as small an inconvenience as possible, even if that means depriving herself from what she truly needs.
”
“I didn’t see that side of her. She was always vocal about what she wanted with me.”
“And then she fell in love,” Mrs. G shrugs. “It’s hard not to prioritize your loved one’s needs when you truly care for them. For both men and women, love changes things.”
“So what do I do now? How do I—it’s not even about getting her back. I just… I want her to stop hurting.”
“Here’s the cold, hard truth. You can’t. You can’t erase someone’s pain. But you can ease it with love. You can be there for each other. You can share the burden. That’s what life is all about.”
“You’re telling me to go after her.”
“I’m telling you,” she leans forward and whispers, “that it’s not over yet.”
I sit. Puzzle through her words.
Mrs. G drains her tea. Pulls out her purse. Drops a bill on the table.
“It’s fine—”
She holds out a hand, quieting me with a look. “I’ll see you around, Lucas.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I stand and watch her leave.
Walking slowly back to the counter, I pull out my phone and stare at Ina’s number.
An idea strikes.
I maneuver to the shop computer and open a link to the mailing list.
It’s a long shot, but I type out an email and I send it.
A few hours later, my phone chimes.
1 New Message.
I hold my breath as I open the tab.
1 New Message
From: Ina Lopez
A grin stretches my face as I read her reply.
Ina couldn’t help herself.
I type out a message about the latest Justice League issue that I’m sure will rile her up.
In ten minutes time, she answers back.
Thirty-Four
Ina
“We’re friends.” I slam the punching bag Ollie’s holding on to.
“Friends? Riiiight.” Venus rolls her eyes.
Another punch.
“You talk to Lucas all the time,” Kayla says, sitting on the padded end of a weight-lifting machine.
“We email.”
“How is that different?” Amina arches both eyebrows.
“Because it is!”
Kayla tilts her head. “What do you talk about?”
“Comics.”
“Just comics?”
I nod.
“Wow.”
“They’re nerds,” Venus says with a yawn.
“We’re friends.”
“Didn’t your relationship start by email though?” Amina asks.
No. Our relationship started when I begged him to touch me.
Which is something I whole-heartedly regret doing.
Only because it made things so complicated between us.
“It hasn’t been that long since you broke up,” Amina muses. “Are you really okay talking to him?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re cool with not seeing him in person?”
I punch the bag. “It’s better than not having anything.”
Living without Lucas, even for a few days, was like tearing my heart straight out of my chest and running it over with a truck.
When that first email popped into my inbox, I almost cried from missing him. Like an addict crawling back to her drug dealer, I wrote a reply with trembling fingers and held my breath until he answered.
That was when the first sweet hit sailed through my veins.
And I knew I wasn’t over him.
Breaking off completely hasn’t worked out for me.
But this friends thing?
I can totally do that.
“We both agree that we’re better like this.”
“Like what?” Venus snorts. “Pen pals? I know that man doesn’t want to be your pen pal, Ina.”
“He’ll find another woman eventually,” I say.
And this time when I speak those words aloud, I almost sound like I’ll be okay with it.
Progress.
“Another woman?” Kayla looks horrified.
“Yes.”
“If he wanted another woman, he would’ve cut you off a long time ago.”
“Venus!”
“What? It’s the truth.”
Ollie grunts. “Ladies, last I checked this place was a gym not a Make It Marriage office. We’re training here.”
I wipe the sweat on my forehead with the back of my hand. Thank God for Ollie. “You heard him. If you’re all here to bother me, you should go.”
“Babe, they’re trying to have a conversation.” Ollie’s wife, a tall, stunning woman with dark skin and a killer fashion sense, lounges beside Kayla. “Don’t be rude.”
Ollie glances at me. Shrugs. You’re on your own.
Well, so much for that.
I face my friends and snatch the black finger-less gloves off my hands. They come loose with a Velcro-inspired scratch. “You all realize that you’re annoying, right?”
“I’m not!” Chandra raises a hand. “I’m just here for the drama.”
I shake my head.
“So let me see if I’ve got this,” Chandra says. “You dated nine guys, but brushed them all off for this one. And a couple months later you dumped him. But now you’re talking everyday through email.”
I force a tight smile. “Venus, you were thorough with the gossip.”
“Thank you.” She tosses her weave over her shoulder.
“What do you think, Ollie?” Chandra wraps her arms around her husband’s waist. “Would you have been okay with just emailing me back when we were dating?”
“Hell no.”
Venus lifts both eyebrows see?
“But,” Ollie adds, “everyone is different.”
“I don’t think Lucas is that different,” Amina says thoughtfully.
“Then why is he going along with it?”
“Because,” Kayla shrugs, “he loves you. And he wants you to be happy. If this is all you’re willing to give him, then it’s what he’s willing to take.”
“I disagree,” I say stubbornly.
All the matchmakers share a look.
“What?” I take a swig from my water bottle.
Venus squirms. “I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this.”
“Tell me.”
“You’re doing everything you can to pretend it’s over, but it’s not. If you stopped running around acting like you’re fine all the time, you’d see that.”
“What do you expect me to do? I can’t have—“ I glance at Amina, Kayla, Chandra and Ollie, “you know. I’m not putting that on him.”
“Ollie?” Venus calls.
“Yep.” He straightens from where he’d been sneakily kissing on Chandra’s neck.
“You love your wife?”
He gazes at Chandra like she’s the only thing that matters. “With all my heart.”
“And would you do anything for her? Even if it meant putting yourself last to make her happy?”
“I would.”
Venus folds her arms over her chest. “Why?”
“Because I made a commitment to honor and cherish her in sickness and health.” Ollie takes Chandra’s hand and kisses it. “Because I can’t live without her.”
Chandra sighs happily. “I don’t know the deal with your boo.” She pulls her attention from her husband to me. “But if you really don’t want to get back with him, I wouldn’t entertain a conversation. In any form. It’s a little too soon. Either you get back together or let him go so he can get over you. It’s not fair to use him if you know he still loves you. It means you’re just stringing him along.”
“You’re wrong,” I say without thinking.
Then I wait a couple seconds.
The truth slams me in the face.
I gasp.
Wait… what if she’s right?
I stand outside the comic book shop, too afraid to go in and even more afraid that I’ll lose my nerve if I back away now.
Come on,
Ina. You can do this. Just go in. Make things clear. Leave.
I grab the door handle. Hear the bells jangle. Step inside.
My gaze goes to the counter.
Lucas isn’t there.
I shouldn’t be this relieved.
Denny sees me and greets me with a smile. “Hey, Ina. It’s been a while. I was starting to think you were dead.”
“Nope. Not dead. I’m right here.” I glance over his shoulder.
“Boss went to pick something up real quick. He’ll be back in about five minutes.”
“Thanks, Denny.”
“I’ll bring the usual.” He scampers off.
I take a seat in one of the wooden chairs. It’s not my favorite. I prefer the bench next to the window or the beanbag, but those places hold too many memories.
The table’s the safest bet.
I cross my legs. Set my purse on the ground. Pick it back up to hold it in my lap. Try not to think about my first kiss with Lucas in the stairwell.
Fail.
Just then, the door opens.
A group of chatty, college-aged girls step inside. “Is he here? Is he?”
“I don’t see him?”
“Let’s wait.”
“He’s always here around this time.”
I smile softly to myself.
They must be here to flirt with Denny. I watch the part-timer work as he zips back and forth behind the café partition. With his shaggy black hair and blue eyes, he’s a looker.
Lucas is hotter though.
I shake off the thought.
Denny returns to my table with a cup of tea.
I beckon him closer and point to the girls. “New admirers?”
Girls frequently stopped by just to flirt with him so it wouldn’t be anything new.
He grins. “They aren’t here for me.”
“What do you mean? Then who…?” My palms slap the table. “They’re flirting with Lucas?”
“Don’t worry. He’s been a good boy.”
I lean back. “Whatever. I don’t care.”
“You sure look like you do.”
My heart pounds.
Denny grins. “I’ve got to get back to it.”
“Of course.”
He walks away.
My eyes stray to the girls.
They’re all slim. Young. Blonde.
I bet they had happy childhoods.
I bet they’re great at touching and kissing and everything else that comes with the physical part of a relationship.