by J. Nichole
I placed a hand on my belly. “I’ll take a plate to go ‘cause I just finished brunch.” I looked around the kitchen for any sign of the early morning church service—a program, mama’s church hat. “Y’all didn’t make it to church today?”
“No,” Phoenix said settling into a seat at the kitchen counter. “I was too tired to get up this morning.”
Phoenix hardly hung out, she spent more time with our mama than she did with many of her friends. I would almost be glad that she was out all night, if it meant she was living her life. “Where were you?” I asked with a plantain hanging out of my mouth.
She opened her laptop and her head hung as she tapped away on the keyboard. “I had a date.” I took the nub of plantain out of my mouth and walked closer to her. She giggled and avoided eye contact with me, although I was standing in front of her.
“A date with who?” I asked. As far as I knew, Phoenix hadn’t been in a relationship in a few years, cancelling her last boyfriend when schoolwork started to get harder.
“A guy from one of my classes.” She finally looked up and I felt proud that she looked happy. “Nothing serious,” she paused, “yet.” I reached over and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “Not like we are getting married, calm down girl.” She chuckled then turned the laptop towards me. “There’s an office admin job I found that would be a good fit for Mama.”
Right, the reason I was at my mama’s house in the first place. “Okay, and what’s going on with the place she’s at now?” Phoenix rolled her eyes. “Phoenix, she needs to go back to the doctor,” I said with an exaggerated sigh. “Ms. Juanita said they planned a lunch together. Had me thinking maybe she was feeling better.”
“Yeah, she told me about that. I don’t know anymore Brooklyn.” She sat back in her chair, her shoulders sagging, and I was sad I had taken the joy she had from her date away. “Go talk to her.” She insisted, “See if she’ll listen to you.”
My head dropped to my chest and I said, “Okay.”
Mama was still sitting in front of the TV watching the news, or the news was watching her. I couldn’t tell. “Hey Mama,” I said, standing near her before I sat on the couch.
“Hey, Brook, how are you?” Her voice was a low whisper.
“I’m good Mama, but how are you?” I leaned into her so I could hear what she had to say.
Her eyes became tearful and she said, “It would have been thirty years, this year.” For every year since my daddy’s death, we had celebrated his birthday. We rarely mentioned their anniversary, but I didn’t doubt my mama silently suffered through the day each year.
I reached over and laid a hand on hers. “When’s the last time you went in to see Dr. Border?”
“It’s been a while. He tried to put me on meds and you know how I feel about that.” I nodded my head because I knew she was against any meds. Being fairly healthy before my dad died, she never had to take anything and didn’t ever want to start.
Although she was against them, the state she was in couldn’t be healthy. “I’ll try to find a new doctor, a holistic doctor.” She smiled weakly. “I’m going to go in here and update your resume. You gotta stick with the next job Mama,” I said in a motherly tone, one I heard other mothers use for their children, but hadn’t heard from my mama in years.
“I know Brook, I know,” she whispered. I stood from the couch and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her cheek before going back to the kitchen to work on her resume.
“Make me a plate to go,” I told Phoenix sitting beside me. “I’m going to find someone for Mama,” I said as I saved the resume and told Phoenix it would be ready to submit to the job. “Do you need anything?” I asked her.
She shook her head and I knew she was managing school well, but it had to be hard with the burden of Mama. “Just find someone for her to see,” she said as she handed me the plate. We hugged and I left feeling drained from the visit.
The drive home was somber until I threw on my ratchet music mix. Before I knew it, I was at the light near my apartment grinding in my seat like I was working for the cash. I laughed when I looked to my right and saw an older woman gawking at me. I waved and pulled off as soon as the light turned green.
I kept the mix playing when I walked into my place to keep my mood upbeat. The universe must have known I’d need it because I received a text from Marcus as I was giving my living room the show of its life.
Marcus: How are you?
How am I? What kind of loaded question was that? If I answered honestly he’d think I was feeling shitty only because he broke up with me. If I lie and tell him I was wonderful, he’d know I was lying. I contemplated not responding at all, but then another text came and I didn’t want him to continue.
Marcus: Busy today?
Brooklyn: Just got home, what’s up?
My phone rang and interrupted my ratchet mix. I rolled my eyes and answered, “Hey.”
“Hey, I just wanted to check on you.” I took a long breath and exhaled every bit of it on the phone so he could hear. “Brooklyn,” he started, and I held the phone tightly between my shoulder and my ear.
“Marcus, what are you doing?” I asked as he tried to make small talk.
“I just hadn’t talked to you in a while and wanted to check in on you,” he said as if I was the one who cut off communication.
“Just got back from my mom’s house.” Marcus knew my mom’s situation, though he never witnessed it himself, ‘cause hanging at my mom’s house wasn’t something he was into.
“Oh, alright.” He paused awkwardly and I almost asked if he called for a reason. “How’s she doing?”
This whole time I thought I missed him and just wanted him back, but hearing his voice was tough. I was somewhere between wanting to scream and curse him out and telling him to come over and let me back my ass up on his thang. “Not much has changed.”
“Sorry to hear that.” I asked him about his family, since it seemed the appropriate thing to do. “They’re good.” He laughed. “My brother got engaged last weekend.”
“Oh, congratulate them for me.” His brother was older than Marcus, so it was about time he settled down. “Is it the girl he started dating last year?” I asked.
“Yup.” We both shared a laugh. The side of me that wanted to curse him out disappeared and the side of me that wanted to back that thang up was living in full abundance. “I knew you’d appreciate that info,” he said confidently.
“Your brother is a whole mess. As long as he’s happy though, I can’t blame him for wanting to marry... what’s her name again?” He guessed a few names before giving up. “Thanks for checking on me,” I said when he finished.
“Yeah.” I was about to tell him goodbye when he asked, “Hey, you have plans next weekend?” I didn’t have plans, and I didn’t try to hide the fact that I didn’t. “Maybe we can hit dinner on Saturday.” I agreed and we hung up.
I sat on the couch looking at the screen of my phone with a goofy ass grin on my face staring back at me in the reflection. “Dammit, he got me,” I whispered.
Six
Josiah
No matter how busy, Brooklyn kept a seat open for me in her shop. Some days I just stopped in to listen to the women talk their shit. With my laptop in tow, I could work between laughing at the drama being discussed. That day was no different; the women were talking about the R. Kelly documentary. Like a fly on the wall, I just listened. I knew better than to add my commentary to many of the topics. Especially that one, although I agreed with all of their hot takes.
But when one of the ladies changed up the topic and asked Brooklyn about Marcus, I watched as a grin spread across her face. Her little dimples that came out when she smiled hard enough were even poking through. Brooklyn hadn’t mentioned the tidbit she gave the lady. “We are meeting up tomorrow night.” She looked at me briefly and I tried to maintain my fly on the wall status and act like she hadn’t just said she was going out with her ex. The one she’d spent days crying over.
It wasn’t until the shop was clearing out that I finally asked, “Marcus?” She nodded her head. “When did that happen?”
She swept the hair from the floor around me. “He called last weekend.” I waited for her to elaborate. When she didn’t, I asked her why she was going out with him. “Josiah,” she groaned. “I still love him.”
It wasn’t shocking that she’d still be in love with him. After years of being with him, I’m sure the love didn’t just cease to exist. “I mean, did he explain why he broke up with you in the first place?” She rolled her eyes. “For real? Just like that, he can come back with no explanation?”
I closed my laptop as she paused in the middle of the room and stared at me. “Why do you sound so bothered?” I had to check myself. Why was I so bothered? Then it dawned on me, I hated to see her cry over that lame dude. I hated how over the years she’d complain about the things he wasn’t doing. Finally, I blurted, “Because you deserve better.” She deserved someone who would be supportive of her dreams, understand she was independent, and someone who, at the very least, would visit her mama.
She smirked and, with her hand on her hip, she said, “You just never liked him.” She shook her head. “I make it my business to welcome each of your girlfriends no matter how much I personally like them.” She stepped closer to me, making sure our eyes connected. “You’ve never done that. Like ever. You don’t even try.”
I wagged my head. Maybe she was right. Maybe I did hate on the dudes she brought around, Marcus the longest lasting. “Alright, I got you. How about we make it a double date then?” I suggested before considering how that would be. The true issue wasn’t that I didn’t welcome dudes in, it was they didn’t trust me around their girl.
“But...” she said, the word dragging. “It’s not even a date. We are just meeting up.” I shrugged. “And, that would probably be extra awkward.”
“Why? ‘Cause Marcus never liked you hanging with me?” I said honestly. I put my laptop down on the chair I was sitting in and grabbed the broom from her to finish sweeping the floor. She didn’t respond. Instead, she found something else to busy herself with around the shop. When everything was back in working order, I walked with her to the side door, the one that led to her apartment.
“McPhersons,” she said as she closed the shop door behind us.
“What?” She repeated herself and told me they’d be there at seven. “McPhersons? But you don’t even like steak.” I shook my head. “His pick?” Her head sank and I said, “We’ll be there.”
That was easy for me to say, but trying to convince Alana would be a whole different situation. I gritted my teeth when I called her. “Hey babe.” I didn’t waste time in asking her, just got right to it. “Ugh, sure,” she replied. Like Brooklyn, I’m sure she wanted to tell me how awkward it’d be.
“I’ll pick you up?” I asked.
“That’s fine.” Then she asked, “What about tonight?” I had planned to sit on the couch playing games all night but I felt obligated to see her, especially since she hadn’t complained about the double date.
“You could come over, we can find a movie to watch,” I offered, hoping she wasn’t trying to be out and about. She asked if she could just spend the night and we could hang the next morning too. It was a bit much, but I said, “Sure.”
While I waited, I started playing the game, and I was into the second half of Redskins versus Cowboys when Alana showed up, a small suitcase behind her. I shook my head and laughed to myself as she rolled it into my bedroom. When she sat beside me she asked, “I thought we were watching movies?”
I turned to her and said, “Yeah, we are. I was just playing while I waited for you.” She curled her legs under her and looked a little too cozy. “Are you going to stay awake?”
“Of course I am.” She straightened her back as her eyes widened. “What are our options?”
I switched from the game to Netflix and flipped through the new releases. “I’ve heard this was good,” I said as I landed on Heat. Her lip curled up. “No?” She shook her head and I stopped on another action type movie. When she shook her head again, I handed her the remote and told her she could pick.
She clicked over to the romance category and I sighed. “This looks interesting,” she said as she picked one of the movies with an almost all-white cast.
“This?” I said staring at her. She smiled and nodded her head. I didn’t feel like going back and forth with her so I let it ride. Before the woman could hit it off with the man she met at the bar, I lost interest. I started scrolling through my phone and landed on Brooklyn’s Instagram account.
Alana leaned closer to me and said, “You aren’t even watching.” She caught me, and I wasn’t ashamed. “And you’re scrolling through your phone.”
“I have something better in mind that we could do.” I tucked my phone back into my pocket and cupped her chin, bringing her lips towards mine. She indulged me, leaning into the kiss and grabbing behind my neck to bring us closer, then she stopped abruptly.
My eyes shot open and I saw her scooting away from me, her lip pulled between her teeth. “You alright?” I asked. In the few months since we had been officially a couple, we had our fair share of fucking. Always on her terms though.
“Can’t get too worked up,” she said, adjusting herself back on the couch. I wasn’t just with her for sex, but it was a benefit of a relationship—spontaneous fucking.
I rubbed my hands across my pants and looked down to my crotch. “Why not?” I finally asked after taking a few deep breaths. Then it dawned on me, maybe she was bleeding. “Oh. Is it that time of the month?” When she shook her head my eyes squinted. “Okay.”
“Just wanted to watch the movie.” My mouth opened to respond to the nonsense, but I quickly closed it when her attention was focused back on the TV, as if this wasn’t a Netflix original that she could catch again, and again. I stood from the couch and made my way to the kitchen.
If she were holding out on the goods I’d need liquor and snacks to keep me sane through the rest of the movie. Because my mama raised me right, I poured a glass of wine for Alana too. She reached for the glass when I handed it to her but snickered at the selection of snacks I had in my arms. “Any fresh fruit in there?”
“Nope.” I laughed. “Just typical junk food.” I held up the popcorn and cookies to elaborate. “The good stuff.” I removed a cookie from the sleeve and asked, “Want one?” She shook her head. I sat my snacks on the coffee table and relaxed back on the couch.
The snacks laid out on my table reminded me of Brooklyn there the week before. Lounging on the floor, eating wings, drinking, and playing video games with me. Much more relaxed than Alana would ever be. I wondered sometimes if Brooklyn was that comfortable around Marcus.
The movie ended, and the brunette ended up with the blonde-haired, blue-eyed surfer from the bar. Alana grabbed the remote and browsed through more romance movies, and I was over the Netflix’in. “I think I’m over the movies.” Her lips formed into a pout.
“Okay,” she said before standing to stretch. “Oh, before I forget. My oil change light is on, can you help with that in the morning?” I wasn’t surprised that Alana asked. It hadn’t been the first time she needed me to help with her car. The first time she needed new tires and had no idea how to find a tire place and give them the detail they needed to order the proper tires.
“Yeah,” I said. “Should have told me earlier and I would have made an appointment.” I looked at my watch. “Now, we’ll just have to get up early.” Obviously no problem with her because she was a morning person. I, on the other hand, hated the idea of waking early any morning but especially on a Saturday. I shook it off though. “Guess I’ll hop in bed then.” I grabbed the remote from the couch and turned the TV off.
I climbed into the bed after stripping out of my clothes, and Alana disappeared into the bathroom. When she returned, her hair was pulled into a headscarf and she had a facemask on. Like a full, gree
n cream, all over her face, mask. She leaned over and said, “Goodnight,” after blowing me an air kiss. An air kiss.
It didn’t take long before I heard her snoring. I grabbed my phone and had to capture the moment because nobody would believe me otherwise. I opened the group chat to Brooklyn, Skylar, and Tony, sending them a picture of her face.
Josiah: What’d I do to deserve this?
The replies started streaming in and I could hardly contain the laughter as I read them. Skylar, the most savage of the crew, telling me I needed to rid myself of the green monster before she destroyed my dreams.
But Brooklyn, stayed cordial.
Brooklyn: Hey, a girl’s gotta keep her face straight.
But I knew she wouldn’t let that ride. And she didn’t.
Brooklyn: If you’re lucky you’ll have a one-eyed green monster to match when she’s done with you
My laugh rolled into a cough I tried to choke back and Alana rolled over and whispered, “You okay?” I mumbled I was okay and she fell right back to sleep.
Josiah: The only color my one-eyed monster is turning is blue.
The texts continued through the night, ending with Tony chiming in that he was still surprised I was hanging in there with “this one.” As much as I wanted to prove him wrong, he was right. I could have ended things with her a while ago. We just weren’t compatible.
That morning, I woke up to a fresh faced and fully dressed Alana. A cup of coffee outstretched in my direction, she reminded me, “Oil change early, right?” I groaned. “We can drop my car off then grab breakfast.” That eased the pain of waking early. I climbed out of the bed, one eye closed, and navigated to the bathroom with the steaming cup of coffee in tow.
We dropped the car off for the oil change and she jumped in my passenger seat. “Anywhere in particular?” I asked, knowing her appetite was much more restrictive than mine.
“Early Bird’s Cafe,” she said slowly. “The egg scrambles are delicious.” When she spoke she reminded me of a valley girl. She continued describing the different types of vegetables that could be added. With each vegetable she called out, I considered how I could have been spending the morning—in the bed, still cozy under the covers.