by Carian Cole
“We’re in Pennsylvania. Playing a cool little club tonight. I’ll send you some pictures.”
“I’d like that.” I save all the photos he sends me since Kenzi taught me how. I probably look at his pictures more than what would be considered normal.
“Me and the guys are getting ready to run out and grab a bite to eat. I wanted to call you first and tell you I’m thinking about you, and I miss you.”
My lips curve into a slow smile. “I miss you too.”
“I’ll call you tonight when I get back on the bus. It might be kinda late, though.”
I glance around to make sure Kenzi isn’t in earshot. “I might go to sleep early. I feel like I’m getting a cold.”
“Are you okay?” Concern threads through his voice. “There’s a bunch of cold meds in the upstairs hall closet. Storm has this killer drink he makes for colds. I’ll text you the recipe. He swears by it. We have bottles of vitamin C too. Start taking those when you get home.”
The way he cares about me warms my heart, and a tinge of guilt creeps through me.
“I will,” I assure him. “It’s just a cold. I don’t want you worrying about me or sending a doctor to the house or anything crazy like that, okay?” I’m only half-teasing, because that’s the kind of thing Asher would do.
“So I shouldn’t show up tonight with a stethoscope and a thermometer?”
I giggle. “As much as I’d love to see you, let’s not do that. I think you make a much better rock star than a doctor.”
“Damn.” A sigh whooshes in my ear. “I was lookin’ forward to examining you.”
Asher’s fun, teasing side has been making appearances during our talks and texts the past few days, and I hope it stays. His subtle flirting is endearing and sexy.
Not wanting to get lost in his voice in the middle of the store, I say, “Kenzi’s waiting for me, so I should go. Call me tonight, but don’t worry if I don’t answer. It’ll only be because I fell asleep.”
“Okay. Take care of yourself, sweetheart. Tell Kenzi I love her and not to worry about Tor. All he does is talk about her and Tia.”
“I’ll tell her. Have fun tonight.”
“Was that Dad?” Kenzi asks when I find her in the lamp section.
I nod. “He sounds happy. He said to tell you he loves you and that Tor is talking about you and the baby nonstop.”
She breaks out into a big smile and glances at the baby in her stroller, smiling up at us and waving her hands. Tia’s wearing a black T-shirt that says I’m with the band across the front in big pink letters, and she couldn’t be more adorable. “I feel silly worrying…but I miss him. We haven’t been apart since we got married.”
“I’m sure he misses you just as much.”
Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. “I know. I guess I’m just not used to this from this side. I grew up watching you and Dad on stage. I saw how the fans flirted with you both, and you always just smiled and ignored it. I’m not exactly thrilled about the idea of girls gawking at my husband, giving him lots of attention. He’s not used to it like Daddy is.”
I touch her arm. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Tor loves you. I’m sure he has zero interest in anyone else.” Not to mention Asher would kill him if he caught even the slightest hint that Tor was straying mentally or physically.
She pushes her hair behind her shoulder, and I catch a shade of apprehension in her eyes. “I know. It just makes me uncomfortable. I’m glad he went, though. He was so crazy excited. He literally practiced night and day after Dad asked him to join them. If I didn’t have the baby, I would’ve loved to have gone with them and seen him and Daddy on stage together. When they swing back home and play local, you can bet your ass I’m going to be there. You should come with me. Daddy would love it.”
Dragging my eyes from a glowing cat statue with amber gem eyes, I nod with intrigue. “I might just do that.”
Kenzi motions to the cat. “I can’t decide if that’s really cool or really gaudy.”
“I actually like it, but I think Teddy will be terrified of it and howl at it all night.”
Laughing, she throws her head back a little, and I’m struck by how naturally beautiful she is. Like Marilyn Monroe. Her nose is perfect, framed by high cheekbones. Her lips are full like Asher’s, not thin like mine.
Still clutching my cell phone, I ask her if I can take her picture.
“Sure, if you want to.” Her eyebrows scrunch together with curiosity. “Here? By the cat light?”
“Since it’s too weird to buy, at least we’ll have a picture and can laugh about it later.” Holding my phone up, I snap a few quick photos of her as she poses next to the silly lamp. “I love your face,” I say. “You’re so pretty.”
“Aw, thank you. Maybe because I have your amazing eyes and long lashes.” She bats her eyes at me playfully.
It’s still hard for me to believe that Kenzi and her little baby are my very own flesh and blood—a real part of me.
Three hours later, I’ve completed a mad shopping spree. We found the most beautiful bedroom furniture set, with a button-tufted headboard, scrolled ornate molding on all pieces, in an antique champagne finish. It screamed romance the moment I laid eyes on it. Unable to stop there, I had to complete the makeover with a pillow-top mattress, luxurious sheet sets, pillows, and fluffy comforter.
“Do you think Asher will mind?” I ask Kenzi nervously as I check out and set a delivery date. He tends to get attached to things, and I don’t want to inadvertently replace something that has sentimental value to him.
On second thought, in a way, I do.
Kenzi waves my question off with her hand. “Not at all. He doesn’t care about sheets and furniture. Trust me,” she says. “Now, if you were still in the hospital, and someone tried to come in and replace everything, he’d have turned into a rabid animal. But now that he has you, he’s not going to care about material stuff. All that stuff is old, anyway. You deserve to have new things.”
By the end of the day, I have bought a lot of new things. Throw rugs. Silverware. Dinnerware. Blankets. Dog toys. Candles. Clothes.
Who knew shopping could be so exhausting?
It is, though. By the time Kenzi drops me off back home and helps me carry all the stuff into the house, I’m envious of Tia sleeping soundly in her car seat. I could easily do the same right now.
After I say goodbye to Kenzi and take Teddy out in the backyard, I knock on Sarah’s bedroom door.
“Hi,” I say when she opens the door.
“I thought I heard you come in. How was your day?” she asks.
“It was good. I had fun with Kenzi and the baby. She didn’t cry at all. I found so many nice things. I can’t wait for Asher to see everything. I just want to wash the towels and linens and run all the new dishes through the dishwasher. How was Teddy while I was gone?”
“He’s always a good boy. He missed you, though. He stares out the window waiting for you.”
“Aw.” I reach down to pet him, where he’s settled at my feet. “I hope he’s okay for a day or two…”
“He’ll be fine. I promise I’ll take the best care of him and give him lots of love.”
“I know you will. I really appreciate all your help, Sarah. With everything.”
“Anything you need, just let me know. What time are you leaving tomorrow?”
“My friend is picking me up at seven a.m.” I glance at my watch. “I should really get to bed. I’m exhausted.”
“You definitely need your rest. I’ll make sure I’m up so I can see you off before you go. Teddy and I will be here when you get back.” She searches my eyes, concern beginning to etch across her forehead. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
I nod without hesitating. “Yes, I’m positive. I’m a little nervous, of course, but I’m sure. It feels right.”
She holds her arms out to me for a quick hug. “I understand. I know how hard this has been for you… and for Asher. You have m
y support. Always.”
I smile gratefully. “You’ve become such a good friend to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I feel the same, but I do wish you’d talk to Asher first. I don’t like keeping things from him, especially important things concerning you.”
I shake my head vehemently. “I hate it too, and I wish I could tell him, but we both know he’ll just get upset and try to talk me out of it. I need to do this for me, and I need him to accept the decisions I make for myself. It’s my life now. I’m sure he’ll be a little upset at first, but he’ll understand after we talk.”
He will. I know he will. Asher is the most caring and understanding man in the world. He wants me to be happy.
He says he loves me.
Me.
Chapter Forty-Three
Something’s wrong.
I can feel it, like little rats gnawing away on my gut and my mind.
First, an entire day went by where I didn’t hear from Ember at all. No phone call, no texts. All my texts sent to her went unread.
That first night, I sent a text to Kenzi:
Me: Have you seen or talked to Ember?
Kenzi: When?
Me: Today.
Kenzi: No. But we don’t talk every day.
Me: When’s the last time you talked to her?
Kenzi: I’m not sure, maybe two days ago? She said she had a cold when we texted. Then I walked over there with some cough drops but Sarah said she was sleeping. I gave her the stuff and came home.
Me: Have you seen her outside? Have you seen her leave the house?
Kenzi: Dad, I don’t stare out the windows and stalk her! What’s going on?
Me: She’s not answering my texts or phone calls.
Kenzi: She’s probably just resting, or painting. Sarah would let me know if something was wrong.
Me: It’s just not like her. She always answers me.
Kenzi: Did you call Sarah? She’s right in your house, ya know. :-)
Me: No. I don’t want her to think I’m some weird controlling husband.
Kenzi: Well, right now you kinda sound like one ;-)
Me: You’re right. Maybe I’m just overreacting. I miss her.
Kenzi: Do you want me to walk over there? Would that make you feel better? I can see the lights on upstairs from here. Sarah doesn’t go upstairs without Ember.
Me: No. Don’t do that. I don’t want her to think I’m checking up on her.
Kenzi: Try to chill, Dad. She was in a great mood the day we went out. She bought a literal shit ton of new stuff. She was really excited.
Me: Ok. That makes me happy. I’ll try her in the morning. I love you. Kiss Tia for me.
Kenzi: I love you too. Kiss Tor for me ;-)
Later that night, I sent Kenzi a goofy picture of me kissing Tor’s cheek, just to make her laugh. I love my daughter, and I know how much they’re missing each other. So much so that I kinda feel bad for asking Tor to join us on this tour. He’s slipped into playing with us effortlessly, as if he’s been part of the band forever. He’s comfortable on stage, having a blast with the rest of us, but once our set is done, he can’t get on his phone fast enough to talk to Kenzi.
I’m the same way.
Which is why by the third day of not hearing from Ember, I’m almost climbing the walls of the tour bus from missing her and worrying so much.
Finally, I break down and call Sarah’s cell phone.
“Asher, hello…” A hint of nervousness is evident in her voice. “How’s the tour going?”
I resist the urge to tell her I botched two lyrics last night because I’ve turned into a crazy-ass lunatic who hasn’t slept in almost seventy-two hours because my wife has suddenly gone poof.
“It’s going great,” I lie. “I’m sorry to bother ya, but I haven’t heard from Ember in a few days. I just wanted to make sure everything’s okay.”
“Oh. Um, she’s had a terrible cold and has been sleeping a lot. I brought her some soup earlier, and I’m pretty sure she mentioned her phone battery had died.”
I cup the back of my neck and squeeze my sore muscles, thinking about the phone charger right next to the bed.
“Is she alright? Has she been to the doctor?”
“Yes, she’s fine. She doesn’t have a fever.”
“Maybe she should go to the doctor, just to be sure? Should I come home?” Ember hasn’t been sick since she left the hospital. I don’t know if she’s considered high risk of any complications after what happened to her.
“No!” Sarah says loudly. “That’s not at all necessary. I’ve been checking her vitals twice a day like I always do. They’re all normal. She’s taking her meds and supplements. It’s really just a cold. Please don’t worry.”
“Easier said than done.”
“I know, and I understand it’s hard when you’re so far away. But I assure you, she’s fine. She’s just been sleeping a lot. I get the same way when I have a cold and take cold meds. It makes me feel like a zombie.”
“I’d really like to hear her voice. If there’s any way you can get her on the phone with me, even if it’s only for a minute, I’d feel a lot better.”
“I wish you’d called me sooner. I could have put your mind at ease. But I promise you, she’s in her bed sleeping soundly as we speak. I just checked on her about ten minutes ago to see if she needed anything. I don’t think I should wake her if she’s finally resting.”
I let out a sigh of frustration. I’m sure asking Sarah to run upstairs to take a picture of my wife sleeping would be super creepy, right?
Right.
“Okay,” I say. “Maybe you can check to make sure her phone is being charged? And leave her a note on the bed to please call or text me when she wakes up? I don’t care what time it is. I just need to hear from her myself. I miss her, and it’s not like her to not reply to me.”
“I understand completely. Please accept my apologies. You shouldn’t be worried when you’re working. I’ll make sure she gets in touch with you tonight.”
Talking to Sarah hasn’t put my mind at ease as much as I was hoping it would. Something still feels way off to me. When Ember came back from Maine, she seemed a little too eager for me to go off on tour soon.
Why?
My head is pummeled with racing thoughts as I lie in my bunk and stare at the charcoal-gray ceiling.
Was it really because she wanted us to have time to think?
Or did she decide she doesn’t want to be with me anymore and doesn’t know how to end it?
Could she be packing up her things and moving out right now? Maybe her shopping spree was to buy things for a new house.
And now Sarah is covering for her. Maybe Kenzi’s in on it too.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Kenzi would never lie to me.
Well, she lied about having an affair with my best friend when she was eighteen years old. But that’s an entirely different can of worms. She’d never lie to me about her mother.
I try to remember the last time I had a cold… Did I feel so shitty I slept all day and didn’t want to talk to anyone?
I have to say…yes. I did.
I’m overreacting.
My night takes a cool, sudden turn when we arrive at the club before it opens to set up, and I run into Evan Von Bleu, former lead singer of one of my favorite bands, No Tomorrow, and his wife, Piper. Evan and I used to hang out and sing together occasionally back in the day, but it’s been about five years since we’ve seen each other.
I walk over to their table in the empty bar and give them both a big hug hello. They look great—exactly as they did the last time I saw them.
“I can’t believe it,” I say. “What are you guys doing in New York?”
“We’re here for a few days visiting Reece.” He nods his chin toward the bar. “The owner’s a friend of mine. He sent me a text you’d be here tonight, so we had to stop by and say hey.”
“Is Reece here?”
Evan shakes his head. “He couldn’t make it, but he sends his love.”
“You gotta come on stage and sing with me,” I say. “It’s been a long time.”
A slow grin spreads across his face, and he glances at Piper. “You mind if I hop on stage for a few, baby?”
Her eyes light up. “Are you kidding? Getting to hear you sing with Asher Valentine again?” She smiles at us. “You better get your butt up there.”
Evan finishes off what’s left of his soda and stands. “Alrighty then. Looks like we’re taking a trip down memory lane, man.”
I clap him on the shoulder. “Awesome. It’s been too long.” I turn to Piper. “Would you mind videoing us so I can send it to Ember?”
“Of course I will. How’s she doing? We were amazed when we heard the news. We’re so happy for you both. We meant to call, but we just weren’t sure…”
Her voice trails off, and she squints with uncertainty. Nobody knows what to say to us. It’s like they’re not sure whether to congratulate us, pity us, or both.
I rescue Piper from the awkwardness because she’s a sweetheart.
“She’s doing great. She’s home. She still can’t remember anything…from before.” I look away from their sympathetic eyes for a second. “But we’re doing good. Our daughter had a baby. Can you believe I’m a grandfather?”
“Wow! Congrats!” Piper exclaims.
“Dude, my daughter better wait a while to do that to us,” Evan jokes, shaking his hair out of his face. “I ain’t ready for that.”
Laughing, I say, “I felt the same way at first. That all changed the minute the baby arrived.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and bring up a photo of Tia. “Look how cute she is.”
They smile at the photo. “She’s adorable. You’re a lucky guy, Asher,” Piper says.
I nod in agreement. “The luckiest.”
We play covers of “Touch, Peel, and Stand” by Days of the New and “Long Gone Day” by Mad Season—two songs Evan and I have sung together before. The unsuspecting crowd goes nuts when they see us together on stage. They start texting their friends, and within minutes, the club is jam-packed to the walls with a line out the door. I’m not surprised. Evan’s a legend with a tragic past. To hear him sing and play guitar is something special. He hasn’t played a live show in years and has been off the radar just as long.