by Carian Cole
I grab her wrist and pull her onto my lap, and we wrap our arms around each other tight. Tighter than the last time we held each other here, to make sure neither of us slips away. She lays her head on my shoulder, and I lean my head against hers. We cling fiercely to each other, sobbing quietly.
I don’t ever want to let go or move. I’m terrified I’ve wandered back into the past, before the accident, and if I leave, Ember’s memories will stay here. Lost forever.
“I love you,” she whispers. “I missed you. I love you so much. I love you. Please don’t let go.” She chants it over and over again, rocking against my chest. I hold her, softly kissing her forehead. I think she’s coming down from the adrenaline high of remembering everything at once. Her body and mind are slowly relaxing and coming to terms with her new reality.
“You’re okay, baby,” I soothe. “I’m here. I’ll never let you go.” Never. I’ll never let her slip from my grasp in any way again.
“Just hold me for a little while.”
I hug her tighter. “I’ll hold you forever.”
“Ash?” I can barely hear her over the sound of the waterfall. “Sing for me. Until our hearts stop pounding.”
“Okay, baby girl.”
I clear the emotion from my throat, blink back tears, and sing her favorite love songs, slowly rocking with her, until her breathing calms. She sighs and pulls my head down to hers, kissing me softly, lingering against my mouth. I run my tongue along her lips, tasting her. Remembering her. Us. She hums with pleasure and opens her mouth, deepening the kiss.
It feels like kissing her for the first time. It feels like kissing her for the millionth time.
“Em,” I whisper, touching her cheek. “Tell me what happened.”
She stares up into my eyes, and her special sparkle—the one just for me—is back. I’ve seen glimpses of it over the past year, but not like this.
The love of my life is back. All of her.
“I don’t know. Everything just…came back. Just like that. I had a dream last night, and I felt really strange this morning, and I had a bad pain in my head. I took a nap with Teddy after you left and when I woke up…it was all there. A bit jumbled, but there.” She takes a deep breath. “I just had this feeling that we had to come here. Right away. I’m not sure why.”
“Maybe because this is the last place you remember being? Or maybe because we have so many memories here?”
She looks out toward the edge of where she fell, and I want to turn her head away. Not let her remember that or even think about it. “That makes sense,” she says. “I thought I’d feel scared to be here, but I don’t. I feel peaceful.”
I touch her cheek and turn her face to mine so I can kiss her.
“My mind is blown with all this,” I say. “Do you remember when we first met? Your sister? Kenzi? Do you remember everything?” I have a million questions.
She bobs her head up and down. “Yes. I remember being a little girl. I remember getting pregnant and getting married. I remember the band and the travel. I remember Sydni being a bitch. I remember all the times we were here. I remember moving into our house. I think it’s all there. I don’t know how, but somehow it’s all back. I wasn’t sure what to do. My head was spinning. I probably should’ve called you and waited for you before jumping in the car. I really wasn’t thinking at all. I sort of felt like I was sleep walking.”
“As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters. Do you remember the past year? Do you remember painting and new Teddy? Us getting engaged again? Or is all of that gone?”
“No, I remember all that. I felt confused at first. Like someone was trying to get in my head, if that makes sense? And when I looked in the mirror, I was scared. I like my nose, though.” She smiles and sits up to look into my eyes. “It was almost like there were two of me, and then they merged together. It felt freaky, Ash. But I feel good now. Whole. Content. Just me.”
Jesus. This is crazy.
“Do you think I need to go to the doctor?” She rubs her hand across her forehead.
“I’m sure you’re fine, but we’ll call first thing in the morning. Your entire team is going to want to see you.”
She frowns. “I’m not looking forward to that.”
“I’m so fuckin’ happy right now, baby.” I grab her face in my hands and kiss her hard. “We should go home. I rode the bike up here, and it’ll be dark soon. I just want to get you home.”
“If it’s okay, I want to see Kenzi and Tor. And our grandbaby.”
I can’t even imagine how Kenzi is going to feel when she finds out Ember has her memory back. She and Tor will be ecstatic.
“Of course. They’re going to go crazy.”
She takes the key out of the box and puts it back around her neck. “Can we take the memory box? I really want all our things home with us.”
“Hell, yeah.” I smile as she puts all the items back in the box and closes it up.
Hand-in-hand, we walk back down the mountain, both of us quiet, absorbing, letting the bad memories fade. Maybe we’ll come back here again to watch the clouds and listen to the water.
We keep stealing glances at each other, smiling, squeezing our hands tighter. I want to keep kissing her and talking to her. It feels strange—even though she’s been here with me for over a year, knowing she remembers me now feels different in a way I can’t even put into words or make sense of in my head.
“Ride home with me,” I say when we reach the area where her car and my bike are parked.
“What about my car?”
“We’ll come back for it tomorrow. I don’t even care if it gets towed. All I know is, we’re going home together.”
She nods and flashes me her playful smile. “Did you get the ice cream?”
I put my arm around her waist and pull her against me, our bodies fitting perfectly together, and kiss her hungrily. “Damn right, I did, baby. Now let’s go home.”
Chapter Fifty-Eight
We have no idea exactly what happened to bring Ember’s memories back.
Was it all the prayers and wishes?
Was it the never-ending hope?
Was it a miracle?
Was it just the natural course of her brain healing?
No clue.
We’ll probably never know, but I like to think it was a combination of all those things.
Last week, Ember spent a day at the hospital getting tested and interviewed. Before we left, the staff gave her a big gift basket as a sort of congrats-for-getting-your-memory-back present.
Earlier today, we found out all her tests were normal. We celebrated over lunch with Tor and Kenzi, and now we’re celebrating alone with S’mores sundaes.
I was more relieved than I let on about the test results. I’ve been lying awake every night, watching Ember sleep, worried she’d wake up and the memories would be gone again. If that happened, I knew we’d still be okay, but there’s something extra special about us remembering all our time together. Remembering all our little inside jokes and things that happened when we were in high school. Or something as silly as eating our favorite ice cream together.
Our journey gave us a special bond, a chemistry, a feeling of comfort. As good as Ember and I were before her memories came back, I knew I’d always be missing that special connection we had. A part of my heart felt alone—missing—knowing my soulmate only remembered bits and pieces of me.
Everything we went through over the past year and a half—all the crazy struggles and ups and downs—made us stronger than ever. It wasn’t until I realized that our love wasn’t perfect, that I understood how perfect it could be.
“What are you thinking about?” she asks, sitting cross-legged on the bed, holding her favorite blue ceramic crock full of ice cream. “You’ve got that look on your face.”
“I’m thinking about how lucky we are.”
She licks her spoon, and the sight of her tongue swooping over it makes my cock stir. “I’m the lucky one,” she says. �
��I’m married to the most loving, romantic, devoted, beautiful man in the world, who waited eight years for me to wake up. Without any idea if I ever would. Then he spent another year and a half getting me to fall in love with him when I had no clue who I even was.”
I flash her a grin. The one she could never resist. “And your point?”
“I’m the luckiest woman in the damn universe. But you kinda got a raw deal, honey. It’s not fair, what you went through.” Her eyes fill with tears, and she leans over to put her dish on the nightstand. “I hate that you were alone for so long.”
“Hey.” I touch her chin and coax her to look at me. “First, I didn’t get a raw deal. I love you. I’d do anything for you. End of story. Second? I was never alone. I could feel you with me every minute. And I had our friends and family. That’s all I needed.”
A lot of her memories and feelings are still trying to find their right place. Her emotional attachments have also returned, and that’s opened up some floodgates for her that she has to work through.
That we have to work through.
It’s all good, though. I don’t mind reassuring her whenever, or however, she needs it. She does the same for me.
A soft smile plays along her lips. “I love you, Valentine,” she whispers, running her hand up my bare arm, squeezing my bicep. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“I always knew you’d look hot as hell as you got older. But damn, you look good, Ash.”
Smirking, I pull her onto my lap. “You callin’ me old?”
“Never.” She wraps her arms and legs around me and runs her hands through the back of my hair. “I just can’t stop looking at you.”
Her eyes dance on mine, all sparkly and flirty.
“I know the feeling.” Cupping her face in my hands, I kiss her long and hard, loving how she gasps for breath and digs her nails into my shoulders the deeper I kiss her.
We slowly undress each other as we kiss, and when we’re finally naked and pressed against each other, hard and soft, warm and cool, she breaks our kiss and looks into my eyes. She slides her hands from my shoulders up to caress my face. Her breath is deliciously ragged, her eyes glazed with want.
“I want you,” she breathes.
“You got me, baby.”
I let her push me down on my back, and she slithers over me, kissing here, licking there, dragging her soft hair over my skin as she makes her way down the length of my body.
I suck in a breath when she wraps her hands around my stiff cock and stares up at me with a sexy smile before lowering her head down. Warm lips encircle me, slowly engulfing my length. Air leaves my lungs. Her tongue swirls, fingers stroking perfectly. She knows exactly what I love. My head falls back against the pillow in ecstasy. I fist my hands in her hair as she sucks me deeper into the warm haven of her mouth, whispering to her how fucking amazing it feels. Waves of euphoria ripple through me, and I have to fight the urge to pull her up, get on top of her, and ravish every inch of her. I’m wild to hear her scream my name.
I force myself to wait, understanding she needs to reclaim everything she feels she missed and lost—and that includes me.
I cup her face in my palms as she makes love to my cock with her mouth and hands. Her lips pursed tightly, sliding up and down my length while she gently squeezes my throbbing balls. She hums with pleasure, the vibration of her throat almost sending me over the edge.
When I can’t take anymore, I slip my cock from the heavenly suction of her mouth and pull her up onto me. Our mouths meet, kissing wildly, as I roll her over onto her back. Moans of pleasure escape her throat when I pin her arms above her head, clasping our hands together, and slowly drive myself into her. She lifts her legs and wraps her taut thighs around my waist, locking us together.
“I missed you,” she says with half-closed eyes, her voice raspy with emotion. “I’ll never forget you or leave you again. Ever. Never. I promise.”
I press my forehead against hers, take a deep breath, swallowing her words. “I know that, baby.”
Later, when my wife is curled up in my arms in a love burrito, I feel like, at last, the ever-present weight has been lifted off my chest. I finally heard the words I’ve needed to hear to put my heart and mind to rest.
Epilogue
Five years later
“Wow, look at that view, baby,” Asher says as we gaze out over the four hundred acres of land. A small river runs through it, and the sound of the water is soothing.
I can’t wait to listen to it from our bedroom window.
“Right here,” he stomps his boot on the ground, “is where our front door is going to be. Is that wild or what?”
Excitement bubbles inside me as I take in the beautiful location surrounding us. The sunsets are going to be amazing from up here. It’s peaceful, serene, and quiet. I’m already daydreaming about how we’ll sit out in the backyard, or on our new balcony, and watch for cloud formations.
“Kenzi and Tor’s house will be right there, Storm’s house there, Talon’s house over there, Rayne’s will be there, then Lukas’s somewhere over there.” He points over to the left of where we’re standing. “Vandal’s will be way out there, Mikah’s house over there. My parents will be over there.”
The proud look on his face makes my heart burst with love for him. He’s envisioning it all right now in his head—I can see the wheels churning—but next week, it’ll start becoming a reality. The Valentine family compound. It’s been a lifelong dream of his to have his entire family living all together. His first sketch of it was in the memory box. By some miracle, his entire family is on board with it and are contributing financially. Each house will have approximately two acres of its own land. We’ll be moving here as our primary residence, as will Kenzi and Tor, most of Asher’s brothers, and their parents, while the others will be using the new houses here as alternate homes until they’re ready to move here permanently.
In addition to our private homes and yards, we’re also including central, shared features like a tennis court, a gym, a playground, a music studio, a skate park, several guest cabins, a small golf course with carts for us to zoom around to one another’s houses, a central grilling and bonfire area with tables, a pool, and a clubhouse.
Yeah, it’s a little crazy and over the top, but I think it’s going to be amazing to have everyone living so close. Our children will grow up together. There’s enough room for additional houses to be built as the kids grow up.
“Ransom, bring the puppy over here. We’re going to walk down by the river,” Asher says to our toddler, who’s meandering around with our six-month-old golden retriever puppy, picking up sticks.
Asher puts his arm around me as we wait for our son to catch up with us. Ransom is a miniature version of his father. Shaggy dark hair, big expressive eyes, impossibly long eyelashes, an adorable, crooked smile. He’s a funny, happy, caring little boy who can’t keep his hands off Asher’s guitar. I think we’ve got ourselves a future rock star.
I peek up at my husband and hug him tighter. He takes my breath away. Long hair blowing in the wind. That sexy smile. Dark, soulful eyes. Muscular, inked arms straining the fabric of his T-shirt. Those lips that kiss everything better.
He’s everything.
Sexiest man in rock.
Amazing father.
Bestest friend and brother.
Loving husband.
My world.
There’s not a man on this earth that I could’ve trusted my past, my present, and my future with more than Asher Valentine. He protected my heart, my memories, our marriage, and my life fiercely. He never gave up—even when the odds were stacked against us.
Catching me staring at him, he grins and moves his hand down past my hip to squeeze my ass affectionately.
“You fallin’ in love with me again, baby?” he teases, leaning down to press his lips against mine.
“Always,” I whisper.
“Good. I love you twice,” he murmurs
against my lips.
Now and forever.
Before You Go
Jude’s book is next! A standalone age gap romance that is not part of my current series.
Yes, Redwood is going to get a book someday. Not sure when, but you’ll be seeing him again.
Intrigued with Tor and Kenzi’s story? Get Torn on Amazon.
Want to meet Evan from No Tomorrow? Get it here on Amazon.
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Acknowledgments
I have to thank my parents, even though you will never see this. A huge part of this story is yours. I was inspired. I was heartbroken. I was awed. I never forgot. I witnessed unconditional, unwavering love during both tragedy and good times. This story is my tribute to you.
I don’t like to publish names for privacy reasons. But I hope you amazing gals who are on my team know how grateful I am to have you at my side. Thank you for being there for me and putting up with me—I know it’s not easy!
That being said, I have to say a special thank you to Pat for coming in to my life when I needed you most, in so many ways. You are a wonderful friend and I cherish you. I also want to say thank you to Korrie for being so incredibly supportive and for being such an amazing woman.
Much gratitude to photographer Jörg and models Kevin Creekman and Runa for doing this incredible photoshoot for me. You are the perfect Asher and Ember in my eyes.
Thank you to all my readers and the groupies in my Facebook groups! You gals make me smile every day and you all inspire me and push me to be a better writer. Thank you for being so incredibly patient while I wrote this book. I know it took a long time and I hope it was worth the wait.
Huge thanks to all the bloggers and bookstagrammers who read my books, leave reviews, make awesome graphics and promote me.