“I ate the fruit,” I tell him. Fashion Week is coming up. I want to eat more than anyone. I just have a lot of self-control.
He opens the fridge for the milk. “Fucking fantastic,” he says to me. “Now I’m really at ease.”
“I also tried the bacon.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Okay, I didn’t eat the bacon, but I wanted to.” I put the last plate into the dishwasher and then climb up on the counter. He makes the cereal beside me.
“You know what I fucking learned today?” he says, his features really dark. “Rose just told Connor, my brother, and me that you have irregular periods because of your weight.”
Oh God. I groan. “She did not tell you guys that.” Sometimes Rose being overly open is a bad thing. When it comes to her private life, she’s a mouse. Or at least, she used to be.
“Yeah, she fucking did.”
I didn’t want her to share that info with anyone but Lily and maybe Poppy, our oldest sis. “It’s only like that when I—”
“Starve yourself,” he deadpans. Then he shakes his head. “You can’t eat, you can’t sleep…”
I smile wide at his words because I instantly recall a quote from a movie. I can’t help it. I recite the lines, “It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.” Then I pause, waiting for his ah-ha moment. He just looks confused. “It Takes Two.” It doesn’t ring a bell for him. “A Mary Kate and Ashley movie. They were describing love.”
His eyebrows rise. “Funny. But love isn’t causing you these problems.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
He extends his arms. “I’m sorry, where are all the guys you’ve been dating while I’ve been sleeping in your fucking bed?”
“I could be in love with you.” I throw out this line, wondering if he’ll reel me in, but he just gives me a hard stare.
“Are you?” he taunts back, not stepping down from this.
He puts me on the defensive. I want to say yes. But am I in love with Ryke? How do I know? “I’m not sure.”
“Well, be damn fucking sure about this,” Ryke says, “any love that I fucking give will never hurt a woman.” He passes the bowl to me, cold in my hands. “Eat your cereal.”
Seriousness blankets the kitchen once more. “You heard my mom this morning.” She bruised my hip she pinched my skin so hard.
“Yeah.” His eyebrows rise. “Fuck your mom.”
“Hey,” I snap.
“Hey what? She’s nothing but cruel to Lily. She fights with Rose constantly. And she treats you like you’re a little fucking doll she likes to dress up and show off. It drives me fucking nuts watching you do things you hate just to please other people.”
I’m not a fan of modeling, not when I have to stand still for so long. I just get restless. So I can’t argue against his point. “It’s different when peoples’ careers are on the line. Fashion designers and agents are counting on me. If I can’t fit into the clothes, then I’m not just disappointing myself but I’m hurting them.”
I search his eyes, but all I see is that familiar stone that Lily talks about. She says his brother is ice. All sharp. But Ryke, he’s like the rocks he climbs—just hard.
“Don’t be a fucking mannequin.”
“I’m not.”
“Really? Because I see a girl who has another person’s thoughts, another person’s desires and dreams.”
“I think that’s a puppet.”
“Don’t be a fucking puppet then.”
My eyes fall to the cereal. I’ve heard him speak with this conviction before, but this time, it barrels into me like the biggest truth of all. “Maybe after Fashion Week, I’ll tell her how I feel again.” Maybe I can finally stand up to my mom. “Why are you so passionate about this anyway?” I ask, expecting him to say something like because I care about you.
Instead he says, “I’ve been there with my own mother. It’s not fucking fun.”
He hardly talks about Sara Hale, mostly because of what happened a couple years ago. Mostly because she changed all of our lives. And I’m not sure it was all for the better.
“Eat your fucking cereal,” he says roughly.
I do. Four spoonfuls later, Ryke looks pleased. I like when he’s satisfied. I like when I do right by all people, but it’s just hard when my mom stands at one end and my sisters, Ryke, Connor and Lo stand at the other.
They outnumber her, but my mom raised me. Isn’t that a trump card?
He watches me eat, making sure that I’m not fibbing. “This cereal sucks,” I tell him on the tenth bite.
“It’s healthy, but if you want chocolate, there’s ice cream in the freezer.”
I practically moan. “Don’t tempt me.”
He almost smiles. “After Fashion Week, you promise you’ll talk to her?”
I nod. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Don’t yeah me twice,” he retorts.
“Why, because it’s redundant?”
He leans close, his arms on either side of the counter, on either side of me. “Because it sounds fake, sweetheart.”
“So if I moan twice—”
He covers my mouth with his large hand, enveloping my cheeks and jaw. “Don’t go there, not tonight.”
I do ride that line a little too much. We tempt and tease each other with knowledge that nothing more can happen. It’s our dynamic.
I finish off most of the cereal, leaving the soggy clumps of granola floating in the milk. “I’m sorry about the garage. I pushed you too far.” I set down the bowl and hop off the counter. He’s right there, not moving from this spot. His hands still on the counter.
I’m closer to him than before.
“No you didn’t,” he says. “If I fucking wanted to be with you like that, I would have by now. You’ve been eighteen for six months.”
This shouldn’t hurt, but his words knot my stomach, the granola rising to my throat. I swallow it back down. I think wanting is a little different than doing. I thought he wanted to like me, but he knew he couldn’t. But that’s not right. He’s never really expressed any attraction towards me. We flirt sometimes, but he’s never gotten hard or aroused by me.
At least not that I’ve seen.
I want to test it.
I shouldn’t, but I’m curious. I don’t know how else to see if he shares the same attraction. He doesn’t show it in his eyes the way I do.
He’s close enough that all I have to do is wrap my arms around his chest for a hug. He’s my wolf, and I seriously wonder if he’ll bite me today. I don’t think twice. I hug him, and his body goes rigid. I look up, neither of us retracting.
“Daisy…”
My long legs touch his strong ones. My hip bones press into his pelvis, a little shorter than him since he’s six-three to my five-eleven. I become keenly aware of his flexed muscles and dark eyes that set on me. It’s an R-rated hug, if there can be one. And yet, he’s not hard. He’s just tense, like he’s waiting for me to draw away.
Instead of hugging me back, he sets a single hand on my head, hesitating.
I sigh. Well that test was inconclusive. “Thanks,” I say. That single word relaxes his muscles. “I’m glad we can be non-fucking friends.” It’s better than nothing.
His dark eyes dance over my features. He stays quiet for a long time, both of us unmoving from this position. It’s dangerous to be like this after the garage incident, but I think we’re equally attracted to that danger.
His thumb grazes my cheek. “You look fucking exhausted.”
“I napped.”
“You don’t fucking nap,” he says.
“I shut my eyes this afternoon. What do you call that?”
“Shutting your fucking eyes,” he deadpans.
A smile breaks through my face. I laugh, and then I lean forward and rest my cheek against his chest. I close my eyes, and his body stiffens again. He’s warm. I listen to the faint sound of his heart for a second, and I swe
ar it speeds. But maybe that’s just mean hoping that I have some sort of effect on Ryke Meadows.
“What are you doing?” he asks roughly. His hands return to my head, making me realize that I’m smaller than him. It’s hard finding guys taller than me, which is why I’ve gravitated towards models in the past.
“Sleeping,” I say with a smile.
“When did I become your fucking pillow?” he asks lightly.
“Shhh,” I whisper, “it’s safe here.”
Just when I anticipate Ryke drawing away from me, he surprises me and kisses the top of my head. But it lasts only a second before his hands fall. His brows scrunch as he glares at something over my shoulder. I turn my head and follow his gaze, spotting a Celebrity Crush magazine by the coffee pot.
“Who still buys that garbage?”
“Lily,” I say. “I think my sister’s hoping people will forget about our family.”
“She’s dreaming.” Ryke leaves my side to grab the magazine. He flips through it quickly, and I catch the main headline on the front cover before he trashes it. Photo! Lily Calloway Dating Her Fiancé and His Brother.
“What’s the photo of?” I ask curiously, rinsing the cereal bowl.
“The three of us eating lunch at Lucky’s downtown. The press can keep saying I’m banging your fucking sister, but we all know it’s a load of—”
“Shit,” I finish. “Bullshit.” I mock gasp. “Fucking bullshit.”
He stares at me with harshness that would intimidate most people. But I don’t back down. My eyes stay locked on his piercing ones, and then his lips slowly rise. “When did your mouth get so fucking dirty, Calloway?” he asks.
“The moment I became friends with you.”
“Good on me then,” he says, messing my hair with a rough hand. “I’m tailing you when we leave, by the way.”
“You’re supposed to be my pillow, not my bodyguard,” I remind him. “I already have one of those.” His name is Mikey Black. He’s in his forties and used to be a physical trainer in California. Unlike Lily’s bodyguard who’s a bit beefy and wears oversized suits, mine likes to dress in Bermuda shorts in the winter and cut-off shirts. He’s pretty cool.
“He can’t keep up with you,” Ryke says, sidling next to me. He watches as I stick the bowl into the dishwasher.
“He taught me how to surf this summer,” I refute.
“He only rides Harleys, and they can’t go as fucking fast as your sportbike. I’ve never seen him pass a paparazzi’s car when he’s with you.” That’s true. I end up being flocked by SUVs. Like tonight. I tried to outmaneuver them, but they sped up behind me, forcing me to go a little faster. And Mikey was lost somewhere with my shift from eighty miles per hour to a hundred-and-five on the interstate.
“He smells like salt water and candy,” I tell him. “Sometimes even cupcakes.”
Ryke gives me a blank stare.
“Those are selling points,” I say.
“Not for me.”
“There’s nothing better than cupcakes, except maybe chocolate cake, but that’s still in the cupcake family.”
“Sex,” he says. “Sex is better than chocolate.” He always tells me this.
“Not for me,” I use his exact words.
His eyes descend to my lips. I swear they do this time. But it happens so quickly. Maybe it was just me wanting it badly again… I don’t know why I torture myself. It’s not like we can act on anything, even if he does admit to liking me as more than just non-fucking friends.
I let the moment go. Like I always do. “What makes you think that you can keep up with me more than Mikey?” I ask.
He leans close again. “Because,” he says, “I’m the one who taught you how to ride a motorcycle.”
I smile. Yes he did.
< 8 >
RYKE MEADOWS
“Watch me,” I tell Daisy as I stand by her bedroom door. I jiggle the handle. “Locked.”
She yawns, sitting on her bed, her legs tucked to her chest. Her eyes are deceivingly at ease, but her tense shoulders say otherwise.
I do the same fucking thing every night. I head over to the window next and pull back her green curtains, attempting to lift the window. She watches my biceps contract, my muscles carving into defined lines, to ensure that I’m actually trying. “Locked,” I say.
I pass the foot of the bed and raise my eyebrows at her in jest, and I catch her small smile before I disappear into the bathroom. I check behind the shower curtain, just because I’d feel like a fucking ass if I lied to her by not doing it. And the percentage of someone breaking into her room again and hiding in the bathtub is higher than I can stomach. If I didn’t check and that happened—I’d never fucking forgive myself.
Clear.
I fill a glass with water from the tap and then return to her room. Daisy holds onto her knees so tightly that her fingertips redden. Her spine is erect as her gaze transfixes on that window.
“Dais,” I say, coming around to her side of the bed. “I just fucking checked there.” I grab her pill bottle off the nightstand. I rest a knee on the mattress so I’m near her, and I block her view of the window. “Hey.” My heart starts to hammer.
“Yeah…” She blinks a few times and then gives me the weakest fucking smile I’ve ever seen.
Aggravated, I throw the bottle at her face, and she catches it before it hits her. “Can you check again?” she asks.
“Sure.” I hand her the water, and I go back to the window. Her eyes widen and her chest rises as I show her it’s locked. The moment I try to lift the window, she flinches back in fear.
I don’t know what’s going on in her fucking head right now, but I know she has multiple reasons to be afraid. It tears my heart watching her recoil like that.
“You’re okay,” I tell her. “See, it’s fucking locked.”
She puts her hand over her mouth, and she nods, holding back tears. “Sorry. I’m jumpy when I haven’t slept in a while.”
“I know. You don’t have to fucking apologize to me.” I go back to her bathroom door and lock it from her bedroom. I installed a deadbolt on this door a week after she moved in, to give her peace of mind.
Her hands shake as she tries to uncap the pill bottle. I slide into bed next to her, wearing drawstring pants, shirtless. She’s in a pair of cotton yellow shorts and a tank top that says: Shut the Fucupcakes. I dissed her fucking love of cupcakes three days ago, and I was waiting for her to bring out that shirt. I’m not surprised she chose the last night we have together to wear it. Tomorrow afternoon, she leaves for Paris. Six days later, I’ll be gone to California.
Maybe it’s a good thing we’ll be separated. Connor and my brother think it’s fucking weird that we both haven’t dated in four months, and I guess we’ll finally have the opportunity to change that.
I steal the bottle from her hands and open it with ease. I put two in her palm.
She hesitates. “You know, I didn’t have night terrors or any other symptoms before I started taking these.”
I run my hand through my hair. “Daisy, you’ve talked to your fucking doctor about this.” For fuck’s sake, I was there when she talked to three different sleep disorder physicians about her condition. She’s taken EEGs. She’s been through multiple sleep studies. They all advise her to take the fucking pills. Because without Ambien, she won’t sleep at all. She suffers from insomnia, post-traumatic stress, and the only thing that can really help her is therapy, which she goes to routinely.
“It’s not really sleeping though, is it?” she says, eyeing the pills in her palm. “I mean, it puts me in a half-sleep.”
Parasomnia, the moments between wakefulness and sleep—yeah, I’ve learned all about it. She hasn’t had anything better than that in over six months. “It’s better than no fucking sleep.”
She nods, takes a deep breath, and throws the pills back in her mouth. She chugs half the water before setting it back on her nightstand. I watch her slip beneath the covers and set her head on
the pillow, staring straight up at the ceiling. Her eyes begin to glass.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I’m scared to sleep,” she admits in a whisper. “I don’t want to have a nightmare.” Tears slide out of the creases of her eyes, too tired to hold them back. “But I’ll be scared all night if I stay awake. It sucks.”
I wish I could take away her problems. I’m not used to being unable to fix things, and it hurts, having to watch her go through this while I pretend that my presence is a fucking solution.
I lean over her so she’s staring right at me. “Daisy,” I say her name forcefully, wiping her tears with my thumb. “No one is getting in this fucking room.” I don’t normally do this every night, but she’s worse today. I reach over to the end table near me and open the drawer. I take out a .45-caliber handgun and show her the ammunition. “Okay?”
I watch her breathe out again, and she nods.
Then I ensure the safety is on and tuck the gun beneath my pillow.
She shuts her eyes, and I near her under the covers so she feels my body heat. I’ve been doing this long enough to know what calms her down and what triggers her fear. We’re a couple inches apart, and I already see a layer of sweat building on her forehead.
“Shhh,” I whisper. “You’re safe.” I rub her arm, and she scoots closer to me. We’re no longer a fucking inch or so apart. Her legs intertwine with mine like it’s the most natural position. She turns, her back against my chest, my arm around her waist, my cock pressing on her ass, but she probably doesn’t hone in on this last fact as much as me.
Do you want to know the kind of restraint it takes to be in this fucking position with this fucking girl almost every fucking night without doing one fucking thing?
More control than I even realized I had.
* * *
I figured tonight would be a rough one, but I just didn’t expect it to bypass a nightmare and hit on another fucking issue she has. Not sleepwalking. I haven’t caught her doing that yet.
Daisy kicks me awake, which is the normal part. She squirms, her long, smooth legs moving back and forth, up and down, hitting my shins.
Hothouse Flower (Calloway Sisters) Page 6