I didn’t let go, “Oh come now, Theodore Roosevelt traveled the country encouraging people who were healthy and of good character to have big families which was called positive eugenics while Margaret Sanger and even the US Supreme Court said that people with inferior genes should not reproduce—and many states had laws to force certain people to be sterilized.”
Lamb just would not let go either, “I’m sure you are wrong there...the court would have been against such things.” Poor Lamb did not know I had studied this in detail and had even given speeches on it, “Nope, the court ruled in the Buck decision that if the state had the right to call upon someone to fight and die for their country it had the right to ask someone not to reproduce if their contribution to the gene pool would be negative.”
At that point the class was murmuring like those courtroom scenes on TV. A couple of students questioned what I was saying but one asked if a crack addict should have kids and a debate was starting. Lamb didn’t want a debate and wrestled control back of the class, and stated, “Oh well, go ahead and do your report! You know, maybe this kind of thing would be good for sports since we could set goals to get more good basketball players.” He laughed at his obviously sarcastic remark but again, I could not just stop there, “I don’t know, just because a guy is tall and can put a ball in a basket doesn’t mean he’s bright or necessarily healthy overall—so I’m not sure about that—perhaps we would be better to encourage more births from people with overall good health, who are also bright, like maybe doctors or scientists, who were also runners or swimmers in college.”
Lamb was getting noticeably agitated, with his face going red, reminding me of his composure when I questioned him in the bullying incident. The class was getting quiet though. At this point I chose to break eye contact and open my book, as I determined he was getting angry enough to ship me off to the principal—so no more verbal sparring. He waited, and then, noticeably shaken, dropped the subject and went into a typically boring lecture.
After giving everyone the reading assignment he walked over and whispered to me, “You may get away with your attitude in other classes but you’d better get it straight that I am in charge here and you’d better be respectful—or else you’ll be taking this class in the summer.” I looked at him in a submissive manner and replied ever so nicely, “I hope you didn’t take my comments in the wrong way. I totally have respect for you and enjoy your history class a lot. Sorry if I may have come across confrontational.” He nodded and went about his activities. I love acting. Not a word I said was true, but it was the right thing to say at that time. Stroke his ego a bit for now and I could play mind games with him in the future.
Later Nicole approached and asked what happened in Lamb’s class. She said she’d overheard some students talking about it. I asked what their take on it had been and she said she wasn’t sure but one had said, “It was weird that a girl would take on Lamb and make him look like an idiot in front of everyone.” At that I at least felt satisfied.
Nicole and I talked a while but then she returned to the Lamb incident, “So you are really into the idea that there are some people that should not reproduce?” I said I was and that there were idiots that should not make more idiots, and I asked her if she didn’t believe that most thinking people felt that deep down. She replied that such an opinion was totally “politically incorrect.” I asked her how she felt and she agreed and asked, “Sure drug addicts, insane people and really dumb people should not reproduce, but how would you go about doing this?” She seemed interested, not judgmental, “I’m not sure...I mean in a natural setting nature would weed out a lot of people ...and at least in a traditional—non-politically correct—culture many deviants would be weeded out.” I asked her if she thought I was deviant in some sort of way but she responded, “Hey, in today’s society we are both probably considered really different—but perhaps our difference is in more of a ‘superior’ way.” At that she smiled and said that since she never intended to have children, she should look for a way to make sure those who were unfit would not reproduce. I was going to ask why she did not want kids, but the break was over and we needed to get to our classes.
At the end of the day I went to check if Mark might have been able to get out of his meeting early, and to my surprise he was there! He seemed happy to see me and I told him about the debate in Lamb’s class. I asked what he thought and he looked away, shrugged, laughed a bit and said “officially” he could not give his opinion on Lamb but then he looked at me and congratulated me on my performance. I asked him his opinion on the eugenics ideas and then we got into a really interesting talk on evolutionary psychology and biology. Then we discussed Adler’s views on what people were psychological failures and how family seemed to influence that—despite the person’s genetic composition.
It was nice to talk with someone who thought the way I did. Aside from Nicole and Daniel I felt surrounded by people who just didn’t understand much of anything, but now I had some friends who did. I felt lucky.
What surprised us both was the janitor entering the room and our noticing that over an hour and a half had passed since we began talking. Mark commented, in a hushed voice, “Wow, I really enjoyed our time together. I wish we could continue our conversation but we will have to wait until tomorrow’s class.” He hesitated a moment and then said, as I gathered my things to leave, “Hey, if you want to discuss things feel free to get in touch on MSN.” He then ripped off a piece of paper, wrote his e-mail down, and gave it to me. A nice surprise—the day had started off in war with one teacher but now I had a teacher let me know he cared about me and how I felt.
When I left school I called Nicole. I was not in the habit of talking and driving at the same time, but I liked the feeling of being able to actually have someone to call up. I told her about my discussion with Mark and she seemed really pleased and reminded me of Friday, “You haven’t forgotten, have you? Also, Melanie, I am glad you aren’t being so formal in regards to Mark’s name—good to see you have lightened up.” I laughed and said that he was not a typical teacher but I would have to make sure to refer to him by his last name in class. Nicole laughed, “That’s how we do it...see you later Melanie. I am going to go over to Daniel’s.” I decided to get a lot of work done that evening so I could be totally free Friday.
The prospect of going to school the rest of the week was certainly more positive. The highlights were obviously Mark’s class and Miss Green’s—especially with her new assignment which allowed us to do a report on a famous criminal...and, ironically, Mr. Lamb’s. I certainly wasn’t because I liked Lamb, and I was going to lay low for a few classes in reference to controversial statements, but it was fun that I could detect the tension rise in class whenever I raised my hand to answer the most trivial question. It’s as if he, and his sports groupies, became stressed by what I might say. It felt like I was the one in charge and I liked it.
Towards the end of class on Thursday I noticed Daniel coming in and talking to Lamb—he seemed really friendly and I was a bit taken back by that. He sat down to his computer for a few minutes and then handed it over to Lamb. Lamb seemed really happy as Daniel assisted him and Daniel was acting as some sort of teacher’s pet.
When the bell rang I met Daniel in the hallway and asked, “I know you said you hate Lamb but you sure seem anxious to give him assistance!” Daniel was emotionless and in a monotone so unusual for him he said, “Oh, you never know when you’ll need a favor, or an alibi.” Okay, now that was confusing, so I asked, “What in the world are you talking about?” Daniel merely said that he’d let me in on a secret later—when I was ready.
I had talked with Mark several times that week, but on Thursday afternoon Nicole asked if I had e-mailed him. I said that felt a bit strange to which she said she did it all the time—in fact the night before, when we were chatting online, she was also talking with Mark. So when I was at home I debated on the appropriateness of a personal letter to my teacher, but overcame and sent a
little “Hi, how are you?” note. To my surprise a couple of hours later I had a reply. He commented on my insights and what we had been talking about in his classroom. At the end he wrote, “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow—in class and at our get-together.” I was elated!
The next day Nicole asked if I could give her a ride to her house so she could pick up a few things, and then we could go over to Mark’s. After Mark’s class we left together and Nicole gave me directions to her house. Upon arrival, she seemed extremely nervous and asked if I wanted to stay n the car—but I mentioned I’d never met any of her family. She reluctantly said I could come in, but she apologized in advance for anything they might say or do.
I turned the engine off, as Nicole rushed out to her house. Suddenly, I could hear loud voices screaming at each other. I could not make out all of what they were saying but I could catch a few obscenities. I decided to wait by the car. Now I could make out the words and it seemed everything was being aimed at Nicole. It was an older man and woman’s voice and it was not pleasant. When Nicole came out her mother followed her screaming while Nicole was silent and just walking deliberately to the car. When her mom saw me, she paused and then shouted something angry at Nicole for not saying she had a guest. Then she looked at me and greeted me, and said I was welcome anytime, and walked back in the house.
“Just drive, please” Nicole begged. She was not showing any emotion even though I asked her what was going on. “Don’t worry, it’s always that way. Dad is always mad because of his ailments and mom is mad just because...she is always mad.” We talked and Nicole admitted she never wanted to bring anyone over, and spent most of her time over at Daniels—and while Daniel’s family was not all that normal either, at least you did not have to walk on eggshells all the time there. Then her mood changed and said it was nice I was able to be with her.
I was getting used to Nicole’s personality shifts. Quiet one moment, full of expression the next—shifting from happy to melancholy in an instant, quiet and even secretive one moment and then expressive and open the next. However, knowing about her family situation helped to explain this existence of hers. The thing is, I could detect that she was comfortable with me and I felt glad that she could open up more and more.
At that point I asked her about Daniel’s family. She said his father had died in a routine flight exercise while serving in the Navy—leaving him and two sisters who were now in college. He had a nice mother but she had never re-married. Daniel did not have much contact with any of his family, since most were in the military and were stationed all over the world, but he did have an uncle who had one son that he had been particularly close to. Nicole seemed to idolize Daniel’s mother. It seemed to me, just in that time we were driving and picking up some things, that she wanted to be connected to his family more than her own—maybe even identifying with them on all levels and hoping to disconnect from her own parents.
We were getting close to Mark’s house when she began what seemed a rather strange twist in our conversation. She asked, “Do you believe that one can just tell what another person is like when they first meet?” I asked, “You mean like intuition?” She nodded and said, “Yeah, but deeper than that, deeper than even discernment—something like a hyper-intuition...like you know someone pretty much immediately, and know who they are before you actually learn who they are?” I said that I thought it happens to which she then looked down and then up at me for a few seconds and then said, “I think there is something about you that nobody sees—a part of that, like a shadow, is part of you but you don’t know…or maybe you do know but are unwilling to grasp it yet.”
I wondered, was this a reference to people in general or about me specifically. I asked, “Oh really? You mean like the true subconscious id of psychology?” She responded quickly, “Something like that Melanie, I think I can detect parts of who you are that could be unleashed for interesting results.” I now determined she was addressing me personally. That was a little unsettling—not the usual topic of a conversation, and maybe I was a bit freaked out at that moment. What did she see, or think she saw? Just as we were about to drove up Mark’s driveway and stopped, she grasped my hand and looked at me with that x-ray glance and said, “I hope we have fun tonight. Let’s go see if anyone is here yet. If not we can just have some fun until they get here.” I was left with the question bouncing around in my mind even more now. What was up? What did she think she saw? And why was she talking to me in such cryptic terms?
We got out and knocked on the door, but nobody answered. Nicole walked over to one of the trees and pulled out a key from under a bird feeder, “Okay, now we can go in.”
I asked if Mark just allowed her to enter his house without him being there, but Nicole just gave me one of those “Well, duh!” looks and opened the door. She explained, “Mark trusts Daniel and I, and from the way I see it you too.” That was nice to hear. “Melanie...trust is important—so is friendship—don’t you agree?” Nicole waited in anticipation of my response. I replied, “Yes, loyalty and trust is vital to any relationship.”
Nicole asked if I considered her to be a close friend to which I assured her that I did.
Why did she ask that? And why had her mannerisms become so strong and assertive at this point? She then asked how I felt about probing unconventional thoughts and actions to which I responded, “Well, isn’t that what we seem to do all the time Nicole? I think we have explored a lot of things deeper than just about anyone at our school has ever attempted to—including most of the teachers.” Nicole seemed pleased and then came closer, put one hand on my waist, and used the other to brush my hair back and said “Well, maybe not everything.”
At that point I was a little bit shocked, and anxious for the guys to come through the door. Yet another part of me was intellectually curious about what Nicole seemed to have in mind. Then again, I was afraid that I might actually know what was on her mind and that was not what I had planned for….and certainly, even if I was open to what might be developing, the last place for that would be in my teacher’s house.
Nicole then took a somewhat playful tone and said, “I think you are going to enjoy our time this evening—if you are into probing anything and everything.” Okay, I was not sure that made me feel any more comfortable.
Just in time, Mark and Daniel opened the door (which I found a relief) and greeted us. I was looking forward to another interesting evening and, in retrospect, I was not disappointed.
Chapter 9
When the guys entered the living room they seemed happy to see us. “So, let’s have something to eat and celebrate Melanie’s accomplishments this week.” Daniel loudly announced. I asked what he meant, and he answered, “Well, the first and foremost is helping to put Lamb in his place—you gave his ego a good pruning!” I was a bit unsure about things at this point…I mean Daniel helps Lamb and then attacks him? Of course, what about Mark, a fellow teacher taking pleasure in what I had done? I didn’t mind, I just wanted to get a grip on things—this was totally confusing after all.
I asked, “Uh, Mark, What’s your actual feelings regarding this Lamb business?”Mark’s usually upbeat and friendly voice changed tone a bit as he responded, “Lamb is totally symbolic of much of what is wrong with education today!” He continued elaborating on how his disliked Lamb, and a few others on the staff, and then delved into Lamb’s personal background. “Lamb seems to live for his sports and for people to pay attention to him. However, he’s unmarried, lived with his mother until she died, and, get this, actually decorates much of his house with sports memorabilia in the same way a teenager might. He’s a perfect case of arrested development, yet is granted authority to be a role model for the students in our school.” Wow, now I knew just how pathetic Lamb was. Daniel then said, “Hey Melanie, keep up the good work and maybe our friend will have a nervous breakdown, I mean that could happen if one has no life beyond a little classroom kingdom, and then you get challenged by your students everyday.”
&n
bsp; A little later, while eating, Nicole looked at me several times as if to say…well, I couldn’t tell what she was trying to say. Was she just looking at me—was she peering deep into my soul, undressing me with her eyes, or maybe both? I welcomed those moments when Mark or Daniel were talking to me and allowing me to escape, so to speak. Yet I was intrigued at the idea that perhaps Nicole was developing some obsession...yet that sounded too weird to think about at that moment.
After dinner we all sat down in the living room and Daniel asked if I had chosen a topic for Miss. Green’s class. I said I was torn between Al Capone, Gary Ridgeway, and Joseph Stalin to which Mark, with eagerness in his voice, asked why I had narrowed it to those three.
I explained that Capone was fascinating because he had developed his own mini-empire. He may have been brutal at times but no more than any government would be in order to preserve its power. I also noted that Capone might go after people in his way but they generally were not innocent themselves—they were playing outside the norm as well.”
“Interesting point…so what about Ridgeway?” Mark asked. I answered, “Ridgeway was a missionary killer—he was obsessed with killing but killing those who he considered were deserving of it—he seemed to have a quest and that makes him interesting.” I hoped they would not be freaked out by my statements. Apparently they were not as Mark then brought up several other serial killers who were similarly motivated, and never let me give my reasons I might choose Stalin.
Then Nicole asked me, “So you seem to have a bit of admiration for your choices for the paper.” To which, after scanning my audience to determine my approval rating, I answered, “Well, maybe…at least some understanding.” Then Matt jokingly asked, “So, are they role models for you?” I knew Mark’s dark sense of humor so I replied, “Well, maybe…everyone needs a goal, don’t they? And at least with Capone there’s always the chance of making some money—yet with a real serial killer there might be more adventure.” Everyone seemed to find that amusing.
Melanie's Journey Page 9