“You may be correct. All I can say is that it would take great assurance on the part of the lady to make it worth the man’s while.”
Elizabeth wondered if his statements were meant for her. She had liked him but did not desire his proposal. How could she put an end to his curiosity?
“Alas, it makes little difference to me. I am too poor to be the centre of attention for a suitor without independent means.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam did not immediately reply and looked at her with a pensive expression. Hoping to avoid further talk of his own marital prospects, she inquired after his cousin.
“You say you are at Mr. Darcy’s disposal. Was that his ambition in bringing you with him? Perhaps he should marry to have a lasting convenience. However, I hear he has a sister, and she might do at present since she is under his sole care.”
“Alas, for her sake, I share the role of guardian to Miss Darcy.”
“Indeed! What kind of guardian do you make? Does she give you much trouble?”
Colonel Fitzwilliam stopped walking and looked at Elizabeth with such an alarmed expression that she immediately reassured him. “Do not fear. I have not heard any ill behaviour on her part, and due to her status, gossip would surely abound if there was any to be had. I only know what I have heard of her from Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley. I think I have heard you mention that you know them.”
The colonel visibly relaxed. “I know their brother far better. He is excessively pleasant and a very great friend of Darcy’s.”
“I am sure some would say he takes excellent care of Mr. Bingley.” Elizabeth’s mouth twisted with bitterness.
“What a way with words you have!” Colonel Fitzwilliam chuckled. “I suppose in his own way, yes, Darcy does take care of Mr. Bingley. I believe Darcy lately saved his friend from an imprudent marriage. Although I do not know for certain that it was Bingley. I only think so because they spent the whole of the summer together.”
It was now Elizabeth’s turn to nearly miss a step. She recovered quickly and affected an impassive face. “How curious. What reasons did Mr. Darcy have for separating the two?”
“There were strong objections against the lady.”
Objections against her Jane? Impossible! Jane was the sweetest soul who ever existed.
“Perhaps I may ask Mr. Darcy what arts he used to interfere. As a lady, I have had more than one friend marry where I would not recommend.” She said it saucily but realised there was a ring of truth to it. She had attempted to change Charlotte’s mind about marrying Mr. Collins, and more than once she had pointed out a deficiency in a suitor of Jane’s.
“I confess I expected you to dislike my tale more.”
“Why is that? I do not agree that Mr. Darcy had any right to tell his friend where to marry. However, I will concede that I do not know all the particulars and must assume there was not much affection in the situation.” Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. She had effectively made the colonel believe she was completely unaffected by this news.
“Perhaps so. It does lessen my cousin’s triumph, but as the gentleman had a large fortune, I cannot conceive of another reason he would not marry where he wished.”
Elizabeth allowed the subject to drop, and they spoke of the surrounding countryside until they reached the parsonage.
After he departed, Elizabeth went straight to her room and reviewed the information she had learned. She had suspected Miss Bingley held the greater share of the blame for separating Jane from Bingley. To learn it was Mr. Darcy, who all this while in Kent acted as though he had not ruined her sister’s happiness, was a blow indeed! Colonel Fitzwilliam had spoken in jest about Darcy’s triumph, but it fit perfectly with her understanding of that man’s character. The proud man would rejoice in what he had done. She never wanted to see him again.
Tears began to flow as she realised she had been a fool to look past her first impressions of Darcy. They were always right. The Mr. Darcy she thought she was beginning to know never existed at all—he was all pride and conceit. She should have recalled Mr. Wickham’s story of misuse. He had grown up with Darcy and was abused by him. What more could Elizabeth hope for Jane? Whilst only a few hours ago she had considered it possible for Jane to learn to love another, it was no consolation upon learning that Jane was torn from Bingley by the whims of a man with intense pride.
By the time the clock struck the hour to dress for tea at Rosings, Elizabeth’s head pounded so hard she could barely form words. Charlotte could see how ill Elizabeth was and quickly excused her friend, leaving Elizabeth in miserable solitude. Why had it pained her so much to have confirmed what she had, until recently, suspected? Elizabeth did not dare to fathom an answer to the question.
Chapter Three
Listening against his door, Darcy heard the unmistakable sound of Richard’s boots as he walked down the hall. As Richard neared the door, Darcy opened it and pulled his cousin in. “Did you see Elizabeth? What did you say? What did she say?”
Richard laughed. “Eager, are we?” He settled into a chair and waited for Darcy to do the same. “Yes, I did see her. I opened by talking about the disadvantages of being a younger son, not being able to marry as I wished due to lack of fortune and connections. She took no insult and seems to understand entirely what her position is. She observed, correctly, that you prefer to have your own way much of the time and slyly suggested that you take a wife to have someone at your disposal to order around.”
Darcy frowned; this did not seem like the type of treatment Elizabeth would desire in a marriage. As it was not how he intended to behave, he sincerely hoped she did not expect him to think in such a way.
Richard continued, “She asked if Georgiana was spirited and caused us trouble. At first, I worried Wickham had told her something, but she swore she has heard no evil of Georgie. I think Miss Elizabeth wanted to know how you would handle a high-spirited woman in your life. I had hoped to mention your loyalty as a brother, but she brought up Bingley. I said you were such a great friend to him and gave a little story of how you separated him from an imprudent match. However, I was clear that I did not know names and other, just that you counselled him against it. She seemed quite agitated about the matter but, in the end, commented that there must not have been much affection on his behalf. I am sure she understands why you interfered and that only the deepest love could make a man overlook all these matters. We then talked of other things and parted quite happily. She must love you to want to know these things about you.”
Upon hearing Richard’s statement of the facts, Darcy saw that it was entirely arrogant of him to interfere with Bingley. Jane Bennet was no fortune hunter. Darcy was merely prejudiced from his experiences on the matter. Additionally, he could not complain that Miss Bennet did not display emotions openly whilst simultaneously complaining that the younger Bennet daughters and their mother showed too much. Darcy considered how it might feel to be abandoned by the one you love without any explanation.
He pondered how he would feel if someone did that to his own beloved sister. How badly had he injured Elizabeth over this? Had this caused her much pain? Had it made her cry? The image of a crying Elizabeth made him hate himself.
Richard interrupted Darcy’s dark thoughts. “Darcy, did you hear me? If you are visiting this morning, you had best get on with it!” When he caught sight of Darcy’s expression, he jumped out of his chair and exclaimed, “Good God! What is it? Are you ill? Miss Bennet is surely waiting for your addresses now; I hope you can still go!”
“No, Elizabeth is not waiting for my addresses. She has never wanted them, I am sure. I have done a grave sin in separating Bingley from her sister; it was all arrogance and conceit. I am afraid this has pained her and her family greatly, and I never truly considered that factor. She cannot love me, and I do not deserve her love. I am every part despicable. Please leave me be.”
Richard argued against leaving but, after several minutes, agreed to leave Darcy alone with his thoughts. Over the nex
t hour, Darcy’s mind began to recover from the blow to his ego and heart. It was a soul-crushing realisation that Elizabeth had not secretly been hoping for his proposal and very likely hated him. All her saucy comments about his pride had been directed to wound. That was how she saw him. He would make amends. It might not ever change her opinion of him, but Darcy knew he had to apologise to her and Bingley. Setting up his writing desk, he confessed his deceit to his friend.
The task of writing to Bingley took until teatime. By then, Darcy had a headache and felt ill. He considered staying in his room because the party from the parsonage was expected to join them. He decided against it, though; he owed Elizabeth an apology.
Mr. and Mrs. Collins arrived along with Miss Lucas, but Elizabeth had stayed behind as she had a headache. Inwardly, Darcy berated himself. Her conversation with Richard must have brought on the illness. Darcy slipped out whilst Lady Catherine held the others’ attention over some imagined superiority of hers and Cousin Anne’s. The walk to the parsonage went somewhat faster than he expected as he envisioned the upcoming conversation
Too soon, he was at the door, and the maid showed him into the small sitting room. Elizabeth had obviously been crying and had a stack of papers nearby. She looked quite agitated at Darcy’s presence. Undoubtedly, she had been rereading letters from her most beloved sister.
Sounding more self-assured than he felt, he finally started with, “Miss Elizabeth, are you well? I heard you were ill with a debilitating headache.”
Elizabeth coolly responded, “It is just a headache. I will recover.”
He immediately sensed her meaning that Jane’s heart might not heal from his actions. “I was concerned, truly concerned. My cousin explained you were well this morning. I was alarmed by what could bring on such sudden pain.”
“Yes, I was well this morning. I suppose I walked too far or had too much fresh air.”
She was obviously reaching for civility; he had never known Elizabeth to complain of overexertion or too much time outside. Determining that he should get on with his purpose as she already knew nearly everything, he took a deep breath. “I believe I owe you an apology. I can see you are upset, and I know it is at my hands. I never wanted to cause you pain. It grieves me that I have been so selfish.”
Elizabeth looked confused as she replied, “What can you mean, Mr. Darcy?”
“I was arrogant and selfish to separate Bingley from your sister. If you will, please allow me to explain my motives.”
Elizabeth made no answer, and after pausing a moment, Darcy continued speaking. “I was concerned that Bingley would attach himself to a family with no connections or fortune and that, forgive me, lacked propriety. I mistook Bingley’s affections for Miss Bennet as no more than his usual flirtations. I can now see that he was, and is, truly attached to her. Likewise, whilst trying to observe your sister for signs of affection, I believed that her heart was not easily touched. I fear now I was mistaken about her character. I have already communicated this grievous error to Bingley, and I hope he will renew his attentions to Miss Bennet. I have informed him that I know she is currently present in London—information which was concealed from him by myself and his sister.”
Darcy paced around the room. “At the time, I could not fathom a serious attachment in the place where connection and fortune were lacking. I understood affection but could not comprehend forsaking duties to follow the heart. It has been a hard lesson for me these past months. My advice was also clouded by my eager desire to quickly depart the country because of my own struggle between said affection and duty. It was conceited and arrogant of me to interfere at all, and I certainly had selfish motives as well.”
“Oh. I see.” Elizabeth paused a moment. “Did you say you recently learned affection was more important than duty?”
To reasons unclear to Darcy, Elizabeth began crying when he nodded. “Dear Elizabeth, I have only made you unhappy again. I had not thought that knowledge would make you so upset.”
“No, of course not…it makes perfect sense now. You love Jane.” She spoke as though the words caught in her throat.
“What?” Darcy asked incredulously. “No. No, darling. What would make you think that?”
“I have always known you looked at me to criticise and find fault. I did not imagine it was to compare me to Jane. It does make sense, though. At the Meryton Assembly, you said she was the only pretty girl in the room and that I was only tolerable but not tempting enough for a dance. I am a great walker, unladylike at times, and impertinent. Dear Jane is all that is beautiful and good.” She took a deep breath and added, “But surely you must know that she is in love with Mr. Bingley.”
Darcy was beyond confused as to how Elizabeth could misunderstand his words and meaning so much. He haphazardly stammered, “I…uh…yes, I do know now. I was stupid not to see it earlier, blinded by my own conceit.”
This statement served only to cause Elizabeth to forsake intermittent tears for sobs. She buried her face in her hands.
Darcy tried to comfort her with his words. “I can stand this no more. Please stop crying. I cannot bear it.”
Elizabeth’s cheeks flushed as she dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. “Yes, my mother always said men cannot abide to see a woman cry.”
Although he vowed not to express his admiration, Darcy could contain himself no longer. “It is you who I love and have loved for many months. I have attempted to subjugate my feelings to no avail.”
Elizabeth said nothing, although it was evident to Darcy that he had shocked her. Feeling emboldened, he continued to speak. “First, let me apologise for my unkind words at the Meryton Assembly. I realise now that they have pained you beyond belief. I spoke without even seeing you. I do not like dances in most settings, let alone in a room full of strangers. As you have heard tell, I do not trouble myself with making new acquaintances because I find it very difficult to do so. It has now been many months since I have considered you the handsomest woman of my acquaintance.
“However, it is not only your beauty that has captivated me. Your laughter is the most beautiful music I can hope to hear, your wit is charming, you can find humour in any situation, and you quickly come to the defence of your friends. You never cease to amaze me, and I long for your presence when you are absent. You have haunted my dreams for months now, and I hate myself for causing you such pain and tears. You have bewitched me body and soul. I know I do not deserve it, but I will spend my life making it up to you if you would do me the honour of giving me your hand in marriage.”
Elizabeth did not immediately reply. All hope was lost when she did not quickly rejoice at the end of his speech. Now, Darcy only feared why she needed to gather her thoughts before speaking. He readied himself for a lethal blow.
“It is well and good that you seek to make amends now,” she began slowly and sadly, “but I wonder at the lack of judgement in a man who made this sort of mistake at all. This is not the only affair I can think of against your character. Mr. Wickham has already explained his mistreatment at your hand. On this subject, what can you have to say?”
Although not surprised at her sentiments over the incident involving her sister, Darcy was taken aback by the accusations flung in his face by Mr. Wickham’s treachery. “Why are you so concerned about him?” Dear God, did she love Wickham?
“All who know him feel the same regarding his misfortunes. I am not alone.” “His misfortunes!” repeated Darcy.
“You have already deprived him of the best years of his life. You need not treat him with contempt and ridicule as well.”
“I need not hear anything else, madam,” Darcy said. “You have made your feelings clear. I am sorry for having taken up so much of your time.” He hurried out of the room.
While only a few paces from the parsonage, he was surprised to hear Elizabeth call after him. “Mr. Darcy! Pray, do not take such a hasty leave, sir. Perhaps we can continue our discussion inside?”
He slowly turned, barely knowing
what he felt at her unexpected words. However, he could hardly trust himself any longer this night. Shaking his head, he began, “No, I have indeed taken up too much of your time. The hour is quite late, and your friends will soon return. It would be better for it not to appear that I called on you alone.”
Elizabeth nodded in agreement. “I understand.” A gust of wind pulled at a lock of her hair, and she pulled her shawl closer around her shoulders. “I apologise for my reaction. I do not know everything that happened between you and Mr. Wickham, and I should not have brought him up.”
Encouraged by her words and reaction, Darcy sought to find another time to meet with her. “I must leave for business on Saturday. I have delayed it long enough. However, I would like to continue this discussion. May I call on you tomorrow?” He tried to hide the desperate sound of hope in his voice.
Elizabeth responded with more timidity than usual. “I should like that.” After a moment, she added with more boldness, “I fear I will very much need a walk in the morning and would find company appealing.”
Darcy gave her a full smile and strode to her side, taking her hand in his. “Until tomorrow, then,” he spoke gently as he raised her hand to his lips, his gaze never leaving her eyes.
He did not know why she had come out to speak with him, but he would not spurn another chance to see her. Indeed, by the time he reached his chamber at Rosings, he had formulated a way to court Elizabeth.
Chapter Four
At the parsonage, nervousness filled Elizabeth with her plans for the day. She was uncertain what made her change her mind about speaking with Darcy again last night. The truth was, she never expected him to realise that his actions affected others or to apologise for them. Even more amazingly, he came to the realisation on his own. His interference with Bingley was kindly meant. She also had to admit she understood how Darcy came to the conclusions that he did regarding Jane. Taking that into consideration, it was probable that Elizabeth might have misunderstood other things about the man. If she were candid with herself, hearing that he loved her and had always admired her cast everything into a new light.
Courtship at Rosings Page 2