by Seb Taylor
Liam was my best friend and I’d already been terrified about telling him I was being relocated, but now it seemed even harder to bring up. It would have hurt enough to know that I was going when we were just friends, but now there was something more it seemed even more impossible.
Suddenly I had a real reason to stay, something incredible that I’d never imagined would happen. Giving that up seemed impossible, but then I couldn’t see a way to make it work.
When I’d been offered the chance of a promotion it was like all my dreams had come true. I’d have the chance to progress my career, and I’d also have the opportunity to start a new life elsewhere, to put down roots and figure out what it was I wanted from life.
Now, nothing seemed less appealing.
I’d already been hesitant about leaving because of Liam. Our friendship meant the world to me and I couldn’t picture my life without him, but the idea of getting away from the temptation I felt around him helped to ease my mind.
I’d been so convinced that nothing could ever happen between us, that escaping seemed like the only option. A fresh start, away from the man I craved, it all made sense. After a short time away from him things would settle down and I’d move past my craving, but now I knew that had been a stupid thought.
Now that something had happened, that what I wanted was beginning to unfold, it seemed like madness to even be thinking about leaving. I wasn’t even sure if I had a choice anymore, everything was already set up.
Besides, my career was on the line. All the long hours and hard work I’d put in would finally pay off, paving the way for me to progress in my work. It was what I’d been aiming for for as long as I could remember.
Surely giving up that chance for something that might not even work out was crazy?
As good as things were right then I couldn’t help but wonder when it would all fall apart. I’d never been lucky in love and I felt as if we were on borrowed time.
Sitting back in my chair, I tired to figure things out. Everything was just so confusing right then, my mind spinning as I thought back over the past week.
Things were happening so quickly between us that I wasn’t really sure what I felt. Our friendship had always been close which meant that what we shared romantically was bound to be incredible. We were already so well established, sharing a connection that I hadn’t shared with anyone before.
It left me feeling completely lost. Whenever he wasn’t around my stomach ached, just the thought of him making me desperate to be with him again. Those feelings I’d had for him before had only intensified, and now they were growing out of control.
The last thing I’d been looking for with anyone was a relationship. The fantasy I’d had for Liam was just that, but now it was a reality, one that made me want so much more. We could be incredible together, share something amazing, but first I needed to figure out where my head was at.
Trying my best to figure things out, I thought back over the past week. Once things had calmed down with the weather our lives had returned to normal, or at least as close to normal as possible.
At first I thought that things would feel odd between us, but we’d spent every night together, exploring and growing closer. The intensity I felt whenever he was around was breath taking, and I already felt so close to him.
He fit into my life so perfectly, and somehow our relationship just worked. All of the awkwardness I’d been so afraid of never materialized, and things went from strength to strength.
We’d spent time with Gemma part way through the week, the three of us laughing and joking late into the evening, and for the first time in a long time I felt completely relaxed, like I was exactly where I was meant to be in my life.
That only made my decision even harder.
There was so much to consider and running away from my feelings no longer seemed like an option. If I hadn’t ever let him know how I was feeling then I could have just slipped away to my new life, leaving behind any chance of a romantic relationship between us, but that ship had sailed.
As I sat puzzling through my thoughts my phone buzzed.
I reached down and grabbed it, glancing at the screen where I saw a message from Liam. He’d just finished work and was heading over to mine, sending my heart racing.
I was already counting down the hours until I saw him again, but it wasn’t in anticipation of being able to hold him close. As much as the idea of feeling his body against me, of kissing his soft lips excited me, there was something more pressing I needed to talk to him about.
Above everything else I needed to tell him about my promotion. I needed to tell him that in just over a months time I’d be getting relocated down south and that I’d no longer be living nearby.
I had no idea how he was going to react, but I knew he wouldn’t be happy. Not only was I disappearing at the worst time, I’d kept this all a secret from him.
We’d shared so much, telling each other every last thing there was to tell. We’d always been so open, but I’d kept this all a secret and it was eating me up. I needed to come clean and let him know what was happening, but I knew it wasn’t going to go well.
He would be so disappointed, by what was happening, but worse, by the fact I’d kept it all from him.
It was now or never, and there was no way I could keep this from him for any longer. He needed to know, and I needed to talk to him about what happened next.
Chapter 12
Liam
When I got to Mikes something seemed off. He was distracted, his usual calm completely abandoned as he fidgeted on the couch. His eyes kept on staring off into the distance, as if he were completely lost in thought.
It was odd seeing him like that. Whenever I was around him he was always the voice of reason, the one who kept his cool no matter what. Now, something was clearly bothering him, setting him on edge from the moment I’d arrived.
At first I’d been worried it was us, that he wasn’t happy with what we were doing. Maybe he was going to call things off, but that didn’t seem likely considering how good we were together.
What we had was already amazing and I knew that I wanted to see where things led. I wanted to see what happened next between us, already planning all the different things we could do.
It was odd that I felt so close to him after such a short amount of time, but then we had known each other for ages and were incredibly close friends. That clearly helped us romantically, bridging the gap between us perfectly.
No matter how good things between us had been leading up to that moment, I knew that something was wrong.
I looked at him, my eyes scanning him as I waited for him to say something, to tell me what was bothering, but he didn’t make any move to open up. His forehead was creased with worry, his eyes darting from side to side as he tapped his thighs.
“OK, what’s up?” I asked, sighing impatiently.
His eyes met mine, his lips forming a thin line as he looked at me. I could tell that he was trying to think of the best way to tell me whatever it was that was bothering him and that only scared me more.
Suddenly the idea that this was ending was very real. Maybe we weren’t ever meant to be anymore than friends? Maybe this meant more to me than it did to him?
My chest tightened as I waited for him to speak, my mind running wild with all sorts of different scenarios. Right then I just wanted him to put me out of my misery and tell me what it was he was thinking.
“Are you breaking this off?” I asked when he didn’t say anything.
His eyes widened in surprise and his features softened, some of the concern easing from him. He smiled at me and shuffled closer, taking my hand in his as he shook his head.
“Definitely not,” he whispered.
He was so close that it took every shred of my willpower not to lean in and kiss him. More than anything, I wanted to feel his lips against mine, to have him reasure me that we were OK, that he did still want me the same way I wanted him.
“Then what
is it?” I asked.
Mike let out a long sigh, his breath tickling my face as he did.
“OK, don’t get mad,” he began. “But there’s something I haven’t told you.”
I looked at him long and hard, not saying a word as I waited for him to continue. We’d always shared everything, but clearly there was something he hadn’t been able to tell me up until then.
“So I was recently offered a promotion at work,” he explained. “But it comes with a few caveats.”
“OK?” I prompted when he fell silent.
I wasn’t sure what he was leading up to but I knew it couldn’t be good. The fact that he’d been offered a promotion was amazing, he’d worked so hard to get to that stage, but I had the feeling that it meant more than not being in the same store with me.
“It involves relocating,” he said. “In just over a month I’ll be moving down south to take up my new position and that means leaving all of this behind.”
My eyes went wide as I felt my heart sink. Suddenly everything felt like it was spinning out of control, my entire world collapsing around me.
“What? When were you going to tell me?” I asked.
“I wanted to tell you shortly after they offered me the position, but I wasn’t sure how. It was before I knew how you really felt and I was worried that I might blurt something stupid out.”
I shook my head, feeling frustrated and hurt. The fact that he’d kept something so huge from me was driving me mad.
“So you thought it was a good idea to just disappear one day?” I demanded.
“No, of course not. I was going to tell you but then this happened and I didn’t want to ruin it so early on.”
I wanted to argue, to shout, but right then I just felt defeated. Not only had he kept this from me, but he was taking away the chance of a future, this relationship that we’d just discovered.
Suddenly all of those things I wanted to do, all those things I wanted to explore with him were over. Sure, we could still see each other, but there was no way we’d be as close or be able to share as much time together.
“So what now?” I asked.
He looked at me, the guilt clear on his face. It was obvious that this was eating him up, but I couldn’t find it in myself to make it easy for him, not until I’d calmed down at least.
“What do you want to do about it?” He asked. “How are you feeling?”
I looked at him, trying to figure that out. The last thing I wanted to do was make things worse, but I was having a hard time processing it all. The best thing I could do right then was put some distance between us before I said something I would regret.
“I need some time to get my head together,” I said. “There’s a lot to think about and I can’t do that around you.”
He nodded once, a sad look in his eyes as I stood to go. Taking one last look at my lover I turned and left, determined not to let my feelings for him cloud my emotions. I needed to think, to calm down, and then we could talk.
Right then however, I couldn’t be around him.
Chapter 13
Liam
I’d gone back to my apartment after meeting with Mike, the drive doing me a world of good as I sat in the silence of my car. My thoughts were running wild, my mind playing over what he’d said.
It seemed like an overreaction to just walk away before talking it through, but then I wasn’t thinking straight. I needed to take it in, let everything really sink in before I knew what I wanted to do.
There didn’t seem to be a whole lot of options. Mike would be moving away and then we would need to figure out what came next. Would we try to have a long distance relationship? Could it work when it was all so new?
I knew that before this had started we would have still seen each other. Our friendship was strong enough to endure the distance, but I wanted so much more than what our future now held.
The last thing I wanted to do was be apart from him. What we had going was amazing and I wanted to see where things would go. Those dreams of getting even closer, maybe moving in together, they were all shattered now.
As soon as I got back to my apartment I called Gemma, saying that I needed to talk to someone. Luckily for me she was home and knocking on my door just a few minutes later.
We sat together as I explained what had happened, the words tumbling from my lips as I tried to contain my sadness. Walking her through it I realized that the thing that bothered me the most was that Mike had kept this from me.
I could understand him not telling me straight away when he’d first found out, but he should have told me before. There was no reason for him to keep the information from me, and now I knew, I felt a whole lot worse.
Would it have made anything any different if I’d known before we’d gotten together?
I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t think it would have. Despite this news I knew that I would have still wanted to be with him. There was no getting away from those feelings. They were burned into my mind, something I couldn’t escape from no matter how hard I’d tried in the past.
When I finished filling Gemma in on the situation she just sat there, nodding slowly as she considered what to say. She was normally the voice of reason, encouraging me when I should act after she’d thought about all the possibilities.
For as long as I’d remembered she had pushed for me to tell Mike how I was really feeling, and now a part of me couldn’t help but wonder if I had told him sooner would any of this be happening? Would he be leaving if this had started before?
“What are you going to do next then?” She asked.
I could see the concern in her expression, not just for me, but for Mike. The small amount of time we’d all spent together had been great and suddenly the idea that that was also coming to an end saddened me.
This short time had been amazing, the best week of my life, and now it was being ripped away.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’m just so mad that he didn’t tell me sooner.”
“Would it have made a difference?” She asked.
I thought about the question again already knowing the answer. It really would have changed nothing, but that upset me more. Why couldn’t Mike trust that it wouldn’t have ruined everything?
We’d been friends for so long, but even after all this time he still had his reservations, keeping information back from me.
“No, it wouldn’t have changed anything,” I said. “I’ve wanted to be with him for ages, we both know that. I’m just hurt that he couldn’t trust me enough to tell me.”
Gemma paused for a second before continuing, her eyes meeting mine for a long moment before she spoke.
“I don’t think it has anything to do with trust,” she said. “It’s clear how much Mike loves you, it was obvious in the small amount of time I spent with you guys. The way he looks at you makes my heart melt, and obviously he didn’t want to hurt you. Maybe he should have told you sooner, but I can understand why he didn’t.”
Letting out a long sigh, I slumped back against the couch, wishing that things could be simpler. Just a few hours ago I was excited about what came next, about getting to spend time with my best friend and lover, but now I was just confused.
If he moved away then all of this would come crumbling down.
“I guess you need to decide what you want to do about it,” Gemma said.
“What can I do?” I asked, not expecting an answer.
She shoved me playfully, letting out an impatient growl.
“Come on, this isn’t the end of the world,” she snapped. “He’s moving a few hours away, not to another planet. If you want to make this work then you can. You’re both great together, so why would you give up so easily?”
“You really think it’s that easy?” I asked, not so sure if I believed her.
She nodded and smiled.
“Of course it is. This isn’t the end of you guys, not if you can start acting like an adult and actually talk to him about it. He had his re
asons for not telling you, and I’m not taking sides, but you need to go to him and talk this through.”
Nodding slowly, I let her advice sink in. She was right, Mike did have his reasons and we needed to talk about what happened next. I knew that there was no way I wanted to walk away from what we had, but I needed to hear what he had to say.
Maybe moving away would give him a fresh start, a break from his old life, and if that’s what he wanted then that’s what would happen. If not, if he wanted what I did, then we needed to figure out how to make it work.
Chapter 14
Mike
As I sat alone in my apartment I considered what would happen next. I’d expected Liam to be upset but I hadn’t expected him to just walk away like that. Now that he was gone I was left alone with my thoughts again, wishing that he was there with me.
I wanted to talk about what we did next, but that was impossible right then. He obviously needed his space and the last thing I wanted to do was make things worse by going after him.
After a few hours I grabbed myself another drink, pacing back and forth in my apartment, resisting the urge to call him.
We still had time together to figure things out and I hoped that we could still make things work. It wasn’t really that far, and if it wasn’t for this being so new I would have suggested Liam come with me.
The idea seemed mad right then. As much as I wanted him to embark on this next stage of my life with me I knew I would sound insane for just suggesting it. There was no way he would be on board with something like that, although I wished that things could be different.
Maybe if we’d been together just a little longer we could have that sort of conversation. Maybe then we could go off together and start a new life, completely fresh and explore what we both wanted to be.