“How can I say no to you when you asked so nicely with your hand down my pants?”
“Not for long,” she replied, tugging them down at the same time she sank to her knees, her eager fingers trembling as she stroked him. She’d taken him inside her body while standing, bent over in front of him, straddling his hips, and in many other positions, but never into her mouth.
She licked her lips, then slid them over the smooth head of his erection that stood out thick and long as though reaching for her. Spurred on by his guttural grown and the fingers tightening in her hair, Adria opened and took him inside. She’d never felt so empowered as a woman, making this big, powerful man tremble from her touch.
Growing bolder, she used the breathing his kisses had taught her and took more of him, deeper. As he pulsed against her tongue, almost to her throat, her own desire threatened to boil over.
Beck suddenly pulled free.
“I just started,” she protested.
“And you’ll get to continue, but not here.”
He picked her up and carried her through the office, past his desk, and down the hall to his room. When he set her down, she swayed, a bit off balance without his support, and things didn’t improve from there. Staring, unabashedly, she had to set a hand on the footboard to steady herself when he pushed his pants down his legs and the glorious hardness, still wet and glistening from her mouth, sprang free.
“Strip off those clothes, darlin’,” he urged, as he sat on the bed and tore off his boots.
She was still fumbling with the knot in the tie of her wrap tunic when he rose in front of her. With all that skin, lightly browned despite the winter season, wondrously bare and covering bulging, flexing, dancing muscle, Adria forgot what she was supposed to be doing and reached for him again.
Beck brushed her hands aside. In a matter of seconds, her tunic was off, her skirt flying across the room, and he lifted her again.
“I love the Primarian custom of no panties,” he commented, his voice rough with passion, as he laid her on her back on the bed sideways. “It’s incredibly arousing knowing you’re bare under your clothes.” He leaned over her, his hand sliding down her body, from her chest, between her breasts, across her belly, and between her thighs. “This no barriers, easy access is a definite plus.”
Eager to continue what she started, she rolled to her side to get up on her knees, but he pushed her flat again. “Stay right there.”
“But why? I wanted to—” She gasped when he pulled her toward him.
“And you’ll get to.”
With her head angled over the edge of the bed, she realized she was in the perfect position for him to slide between her lips.
“Open,” he urged, the one huskily uttered word halfway between a groan and a growl. When she did, and he slid his length along her tongue, he stated, “While you do that, I’ll play.”
She let out a moan as his hands cupped her breasts, massaging lightly then taking each peak between his fingers and thumb, tweaking them gently at first then increasing the pressure.
“Adria?”
“Mm?” she hummed in response, about all she could manage between her mouth full of him and the slow, firm roll on her nipples.
“Suck, darlin’. This is a mutual pleasuring position.”
Her eyes opened to find him staring down at her. Though his comment was teasing, there was nothing but smoldering hot searing passion on his face. He tugged on the hard tips he held, which reminded her more than anything else of what she was supposed to be doing, what she’d set out to do—pleasure him.
She resumed sucking, licking, and swirling her tongue around him, while he returned to the light pinch and slow roll that distracted her so in the first place.
“Your hands are free. Spread your legs and put them to use.”
She stopped. Eyes wide again. Did he mean for her to—
“You’ve touched yourself before, surely.”
Embarrassment flooded her cheeks with heat. Of course, she had, and never so much since meeting him. While away for three months, she’d done it practically every day while thinking of him.
“I’ll take that blush as a yes.” He paused, eyes locked on hers before he finished in a deep, rumbling purr. “Show me how you touched yourself in your bed at night, while you’re thinking of me.”
Could she do something so private in front of him?
From her hesitation, Beck grasped her uncertainty.
“My cock is on your tongue. What could be more intimate than that?”
Of course, he was right. He’d had his tongue between her legs, often.
Tentatively, she moved her fingers to the tops of her thighs then inward.
“That’s it,” he murmured as he slowly pumped his hips. “Show me.”
Her fingertips separated her lips. Holding them apart, she dipped one inside. Though shy and reserved now, sucking him, and doing what he bade made her incredibly wet.
Beck leaned over and grasped her behind the knees, pulling them up and apart. This splayed her wide from her clit to the small hole in back. Cool air wafted over her heat, and she had to wonder how she didn’t sizzle.
“There’s the view I want; I can see all of you. You’re drenched, but I want you dripping with need. Touch your clit, Adria. Make yourself ready for me.”
The salacious words in his deep voice sent ripples of desire coursing through her. She moved restlessly, sucking him deeper, and focused on the hard nub pulsing at the front of her sex.
Circling it and rubbing over it, she stopped long enough to slide her finger lower, gathered some wetness, then returned to rub her clit harder and faster.
“I’ve traveled across the Universe, but have never seen anything more beautiful,” he avowed, while pumping his hips and sinking farther toward the back of her throat. One hand came up to support her head, fingers entwined in her hair, as he took over and guided her movements.
“Especially that mouth,” he groaned as he thrust hard, stayed deep for a three count then pulled out, allowing her air. “I’m getting close. Where do you want me, in your pussy, on your tongue, or over your breasts?”
She was unable to decide because she wanted all three. The thought of him gliding into her aching, empty center, splashing hotly across her breasts, or anointing her tongue with his essence made her legs tremble as her own climax neared.
He pulled out so she could answer. “Choose, or I will.”
“I want to taste you, Beck,” she gasped, “as you’ve done to me.”
“Roll over and get up on your knees. I don’t want to choke you.”
She scrambled to comply.
One hand curled under her jaw, and the other fisted in her hair. “Don’t stop touching yourself,” he ordered, his husky tone close to a growl. “I want you to come with me.”
His tongue dipped into her mouth at the same time her finger sank into her sheath. He thrust forward as she added a finger and pumped them deeper. Then she matched his pace as he glided more easily along her tongue now that she was right side up.
Adria sensed the tension in his body and his quickened breathing, signs he was close. Her fingers moved at a frenetic pace over her clit.
The slightly salty taste of him on her tongue coincided with the release of tension, like a taut band pulled to its limit snapping in her belly. She cried out a split second before he did, her orgasm seeming to trigger his. He sank deep once more, then let out a guttural groan of satisfaction as he came with a rush of his seed on the back of her tongue and down her throat. The tangy taste of him triggered her to swallow, and she kept doing so until the shudder claiming his body subsided.
When he pulled out, he dropped to his knees, rocking her forward into his arms while claiming her lips in a kiss. “That was fucking amazing,” he exclaimed raggedly.
Needing to be close to him, she crawled forward and slid off the bed onto his lap. With her arms around his neck and her legs circling his waist, she buried her face in his neck as she
clung to him.
“Correction. Amazing doesn’t begin to describe it,” he murmured into her hair, his breathing still a bit ragged. “I’m not sure there is a word that does.”
She smiled against his damp skin. “You enjoyed it that much?”
“You couldn’t tell? I was weak-kneed from pleasure when it ended.”
“I loved it, too, Beck, almost as much as I love you.”
When he didn’t say anything for a count of three, it was as though a hand had curled around her throat and squeezed. But she had to say something to break the brittle silence.
“That’s what I plan to tell my brother when I call him. Oh, but, not the first part. That wouldn’t do at all.” His ongoing silence was deafening. “I know you weren’t expecting that. You don’t have to say it back.”
Finally, he responded, whispering into her hair, “Darlin’ girl, this is what I was afraid of.”
The hand tightened, nearly choking her so when she spoke, her voice came out raspy and raw. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I still know you care.”
“I do, but I didn’t want you to lose your heart to me.” His voice rang with the gruffness of his regret. “I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.”
“I never thought I’d have this much. What I want and what I get in life, are very different things. It’s been like that since my mother died.”
“Adria...”
“Please don’t feel guilty about this. I don’t. And just because you know my feelings doesn’t mean things have to change. We’re still friends.”
“No matter what. I hope you will always think of me that way.”
That sounded so final.
Faex! Why had she gone and messed it all up?
She turned her head away, laying her cheek on his shoulder as she blinked back tears. She didn’t want him to feel them on his skin, or to see them in her eyes. Some women cried to manipulate a man, but she refused to. It wouldn’t make him love her, and he already felt remorseful enough.
“There’s something else you should know; I plan to request assignment here after my training is complete.”
“You mean move to Terra Nova, permanently? Adria, you don’t mean that.”
Her head fell back and, for the first time since she blurted out her feelings, she saw his face. It was dark with concern. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. I’m needed here. When we’re over”—she nearly tripped on the word—“I won’t get in your way, if that’s your concern.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw, and his brows drew downward in displeasure. “If you’re saying you wouldn’t cramp my style, that’s insulting. I’m not a player. We discussed this.”
“It wasn’t my intent to offend you, Beck. I just meant I’d try to make it not be...awkward.”
“You can’t possibly mean to leave your home, your family, your life.”
“Our females do it all the time.” It was true, but they did it for what he would never be to her—a mate.
He pulled her arms from around his neck and, lifting her, sat her on the edge of the bed. Then he came up on his knees, framing her face with his hands. “In my world, women do it, too. They move to a different block, a different city, even to the other side of the planet, but it’s the same planet, at least. I can’t let you do that without promising something in return.”
Without him saying it, she could hear what came next, that wasn’t something he was prepared to give.
She brazened through the hurt she was feeling. “Since you’re my friend, not my mate, that’s something you don’t get to decide.”
“This has been fast and passionate. Remember what I said about confusing lust with love?”
She flinched. “I may be young and naïve, and maybe I’m a fool, but I think I know my own heart, Beck.”
He sat back on his heels and cursed under his breath. “Dammit, I knew better.”
“You’re not at fault here. You did the honorable thing and warned me up front. Let’s not argue over this. I’m okay. Let’s try to forget about this and leave things as they are.”
“You’re asking the impossible.”
His words from a week ago came rushing back.
“Are you sure about this? Once we go down this road, it changes what we are, and it’s hard to go back.”
He stood and went to the window, staring in brooding silence out into the night.
“I should go home.” To cry into her pillow. She bent and retrieved her wrinkled, balled-up tunic from the floor.
Once she put on her skirt, stockings, and shoes, she glanced his way. He stood in the same position, still staring through the glass, but, at some point, had put on pants without her notice. At this time of night, he shouldn’t have been able to see much of anything, but the snow blanketed everything and brightened the world outside his window from black to gray.
“It’s still coming down,” he observed softly. “You won’t be able to go home until morning.”
“I’m sorry I made this awkward, Beck. And ruined our dinner plans at Kincaid’s.”
He looked down at her, close but not touching, both hands in his front pockets as if to ensure they wouldn’t.
“I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“Yeah, you’re losing more than a friend with benefits, you’re losing a bar buddy.”
His shoulders jerked, and his already tense body stiffened. “Don’t diminish what we have,” he said, his voice tinged with annoyance.
She laughed softly, though she didn’t find anything funny. “You don’t get to have it both ways, Beck. You can’t pull me close with one hand saying how much you want me and how much I mean to you while the other pushes me away because you won’t let yourself trust again.”
Something flickered in his eyes—pain, regret, doubt. It made this strong, confident man, who so many others looked to for leadership, seem vulnerable. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let go, but he looked away, putting distance between them without taking a step.
“You’re right. I can’t. You deserve the promise of a future, and a man who can give it to you. That isn’t me.” He added in a strained voice, “Once, it might have been, but not now, not again.”
If she had his ex-wife here, she’d snap her neck for damaging a good man, and for destroying her chance at a future with him. His image wavered through her tears.
“It sounds lonely for you.” These were his same words to her once.
He didn’t reply, except to say, “You take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch in my office and will take you home in the morning.”
When he started to move away, she grabbed his arm. “No,” she whispered, her heart aching. “I’d rather you stay here with me.”
His shoulders tensed, and she knew what he was thinking. It was a bad idea; he’d
said it before. “I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I never wanted that.”
“I know, Beck.” Her voice broke on his name. “That was the risk I took getting involved with you, but I wouldn’t trade this time for anything in the world. If a few weeks more are all I’ll get with you, don’t take them away from me.”
She waited, watching the emotions play across his face. He wanted her, and he was a fool to deny them both what they wanted. Maybe in what time they had left she could make him see she wasn’t his ex-wife and he could entrust his heart to her. If not, she’d leave with the knowledge she’d done all she could to convince him, along with a completely shattered heart.
After what seemed like an eternity of waiting with a lump in her throat so big she couldn’t swallow, he opened his arms. Even though it may have been the stupidest thing she’d ever done, she went into them eagerly, intending to savor every precious moment.
Chapter Eleven
Operating on very little sleep, Adria resorted to coffee to help get her through the hectic morning of back-to-back appointments. It required dumping in so much sugar and cream it barely contained a hint of brown
, but it was the only way she could choke the awful stuff down. In addition to the scheduled patients, the waiting room was packed with walk-ins. It had been since yesterday, when residents had finally managed to dig out from under the heavy snow that had fallen within a day and totaled close to two feet.
Was it only five days ago? It seemed like a lifetime, except when she looked at the calendar and marked off another day until she returned to Primaria to take her physics’ exam. Then, it was like the hours had raced by. Not because she wasn’t ready, she’d been preparing for years, but that day signified the end of her time with Beck.
Telling him she loved him hadn’t changed everything. She still slept in his arms every night. He still left her before dawn with the same tender kiss, and, whenever he could get away from work, they had lunch together. But they didn’t laugh and tease as much as they used to. There were more quiet moments with each of them lost in their own dismal thoughts.
Thank goodness she had her work to keep her mind occupied with other things.
Adria had just entered an exam room and greeted her next patient when she heard a
man hollering the roof down for help. She and the doctor popped out of their respective exam rooms to find him supporting his full-term wife who was in active labor.
“Sarah,” Juna called, “you’re a week early. How far apart are the contractions, John?” she calmly asked the father-to-be as a nurse came forward with a wheelchair and whisked her away. Twelve registered nurses, including two with advanced practice degrees, had arrived on the last transport, which meant they were now able to staff the clinic seven days a week.
“We left the apartment when her water broke. At that time, they were five minutes apart.” When Sarah’s moans came drifting down the hall, he looked from where he’d last seen her to Juna to his watch. “Now they’re only three.”
“Let’s get you back there, then. Your baby will be here soon.”
“Do you need me?” Adria inquired, trying to maintain a calm professional voice, but failed, her eagerness bleeding through having never seen a birth before.
Bound by Fate Page 20