She looks worn down, like she hasn’t eaten in a while or maybe that she’s stressed out. That can’t be good for her or the baby. I hate that she has been this way because of money when I have plenty.
“I can’t,” she gasps out, shaking her head. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“A hotel then. Let me pay for you to get a hotel room with food and everything. I think that would be good for you. A place to relax for a while just to take the stress off your shoulders. Let me do that for you.”
I can tell that she doesn’t want to, but at the same time we both know that she has no choice. If it was just her, she would probably select sleeping on the streets over me helping her, but she can’t let pride get in the way when she’s having a baby. She has to take my assistance for our child’s sake. Thank goodness.
She nods and I immediately set about carrying her bags for her. She doesn’t seem to have a lot, which makes me wonder just how much baby ready she is. She’s close to giving birth and I don’t see anything like a push chair or a crib around. This isn’t good, but thankfully, this is a problem I can help with. I know that I will never be able to make up for the months missed or the way I made her feel. Too much has happened for that and she may choose to never want to be with me again. But I can be there for my son and I can’t ask for more than that…
* * *
“Wow, I feel like I have come back to life now,” Natasha states as we head back into her hotel room. “That food was something else. I’m so glad I accepted dinner in the end because I’m hungrier than I thought.”
If she thought that I was going to take no for an answer when it came to eating, then she was very much mistaken. I would have done whatever it took to get some food inside her stomach today. She didn’t stand a chance.
“I’m glad you liked it. They do really good food here, I remember from when I stayed.”
“This is where you were for Kayla’s party, wasn’t it?” Natasha doesn’t meet my eyes, but I can feel the pain rolling off her when she mentions this. Perhaps selecting the same hotel wasn’t the best plan, but it’s the nicest one around and I want Natasha to have the best while she’s being looked after. Especially after she has been through such a horrible time. “Not this room, of course, but this is the hotel.”
“Mhmm, it is. Sorry about that, I wasn’t really thinking.”
“I was just thinking this is where our son was conceived, in this building. That’s weird, isn’t it?”
I get a strange bolt shooting all the way through me. I never thought of it that way but of course it is. This is the only place that we had sex, we never went back to her house, so it has to be. This hotel will always hold something very special to me and Natasha, it will always be the place where a new life began.
“That’s crazy, isn’t it?” I muse. “I never would have considered that.”
Me and Natasha share a look, and it’s the nicest one I’ve had from her in a very long time. I don’t think it’s quite love or anything like that, but it isn’t hate which is a start. Perhaps right here in this hotel room, we can also start a dialogue about how we’re going to make this work, whether we’re going to be together or not.
“Do you think…” My pulse races as I ask this. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. “Do you think that maybe we could talk? I know that you’re going through a hard time right now, but it might be a good idea…”
“No.” She shakes her head hard, making my soul sink sadly. “No, I don’t want to talk right now.”
“Oh right, I see.” I don’t know what she expects me to say to that.
But then she shocks me completely by hooking her hands around the back of my neck and dragging me to her for a kiss. As my lips collide with hers, I freeze up. We aren’t supposed to be kissing right now. This isn’t what she wants from me. She’s been pushing me away for as long as I have been back… so why has she all of sudden changed her mind? Why does she now seem to want me? Really want me? Judging by the little whimpers flying out of her lips, she’s completely on fire for me and my head is spinning. What the hell am I going to do?
“Wait, Natasha, I…” I pull back and stare at her, desperately seeking for something in her gaze, but all I get back is fire and desire. It leaves me weak at the knees, I’m crumbling, melting for her. “Are you sure?”
Instead of responding with words, she pulls me back to her and we’re kissing again. Only this time there isn’t any freezing from me. There isn’t any resistance. I’m in love with this woman, how the hell am I supposed to turn her away? This is all that I’ve wanted ever since I set foot in America, and now I have it. Just a little bit.
Her hand weaves down my body, grazing over my torso as she goes, and soon she finds herself at the waist band of my trousers. I suck a breath in trying to edge her fingers downwards to where I’m absolutely aching for her, but she doesn’t cave. I can tell by her smiling kisses that she wants all the control over me today.
“Fuck, I want you,” I growl, gripping chunks of her hair between my fingertips, while my cock stands to attention for her, aching to be touched. “I want you so bad, Natasha.”
Her fingers slip into my underwear just the tiniest bit. She’s brushing ever so delicately against my tip sending a shudder racing all the way through me. I don’t know how to control myself at all. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve been touched, forever since I’ve been with a woman that I feel this strongly about, and I’m about to lose my head. I would love nothing more than to hold back now, but with Natasha I don’t know how.
“I want you too,” she rasps quietly to me, her whispers tickling all over my throat. “So bad.”
I begin to peel her clothing off, relishing the feel of her silky skin in my hands. She doesn’t need to ask me twice! If she wants me, then that’s what I will give her. All of me.
Chapter Seventeen
Natasha
I don’t even know what I’m doing, my head is all over the place. The only thing I’m certain of is what I want right now. My hands all over his body, sliding his underwear down while he gets me naked too. His fingers brushing over me while I wrap my fingers delicately around his throbbing erection.
“Oh wow,” I murmur as my head tilts backwards in desire. “You feel so good.”
My hand naturally starts stroking up and down him causing him to grow thicker and longer. Holding him and feeling his trembles leaves me breathless. My heart races so hard and fast I can’t really hear anything aside from the thudding. Especially when my eyes fall closed and I tilt my head backwards, just enjoying the sensations.
There has been something burning brightly inside of me ever since the moment that I first discovered I was pregnant. I had no idea what it was, but now I’m certain… it’s this. I need this release, I need him.
“Oh, Tony,” I gasp as his hands circle around my waist. “This is fucking incredible.”
I lean in and grab on to his neck like an animal with my mouth and I suck for a moment, flickering my tongue over his sticky, hot skin. I move my mouth down, my body sliding with it, kissing all over the hardness of his chest. God, I forgot how sculpted he is. He’s like something from a freaking magazine or something! His body is incredible. It’s no wonder I can hardly contain myself around him. He’s an Adonis.
Was he always an Adonis? I see him that way, but that might just be the effect of puppy love.
Soon, I hit the floor with my knees, and I hear an animalistic grunt flying from Tony’s mouth. My eyes dart up and I’m pleased to see him crumbling, falling apart, trying to grab at me everywhere. It encourages me further to follow where my natural instincts are taking me and to put him in my mouth.
I always thought that this would make me nervous. The idea of oral sex scared me, but now with all of these crazy hormones tearing through me at the speed of light, I’m salivating, desperate. The closer my lips get to him, the more his sexy masculine scent fills me up, the more inflamed I become. The space between my th
ighs is soaking with need, but I don’t want to sedate that need quite yet.
I kiss him first, right on the tip, and the sweet salty taste of him sends me flying. He tastes so fucking sexy that I instantly want more. I wrap my lips around him, sliding slowly down his length, experimenting with how much of him I can take in. Each noise he makes is too much for me, it causes my throat to open wide, until I’m practically down to his base. He fills my mouth, stretching my lips, and still I’m hungry for more.
He really has turned me into an animal, one who loves the taste of his cock.
I glide my lips up and down him for a while, circling my tongue around him so I can taste every damn part of him, and each time he hits the back of my throat, he gets a little saltier. As his thighs tense up and I feel him shuddering, I know that I might be about to push him too far. Over the damn edge. I should stop right now if I want him to fuck me. Oh god, I want him to fuck me, I can nearly feel him inside me now. But I also crave the taste of his seed. I want to have him pouring down my throat. As I grab on to his butt, I realize I need it.
“No, stop,” he pants while pulling me off of him, halting me in my tracks. “I want to be in you.”
Much as I’m disappointed by him stopping me from tasting him, I do want that too. I need it. So, as he tucks his hands under my arm pits and he pulls me to my feet, I go willingly. I grab him and kiss him hard as soon as I can. I wonder if he can taste himself on my lips. If he can, I hope he likes it.
“Come with me,” I whisper while taking his hand. “Let’s get on the bed.”
There’s no way I’m going to be the most flexible now with my bump, but I can’t let that stop me. We fall onto the sheets together and tangle up in one another, kissing like there’s no tomorrow. I know I’m going to have to be the one to take control in this situation because he’s not going to know how to work my body.
“Get behind me,” I rasp. “Spoon me. Wrap yourself around me.”
Without me needing to say anything more, he does as I command, and as he rolls himself around me and buries his face into my neck, the heat of him sends lightning bolts all the way through me. I honestly didn’t know that it was possible to be this turned on, but my god I am. I’m hornier than I’ve ever been.
“Protection?” he whispers to me. “We don’t want to make the same mistake again.”
I laugh and rub his hand over my stomach. “It’s a bit late to worry about that now, don’t you think?”
“Oh, thank fuck, because I don’t have anything with me. I was about to cry.”
He hovers near my entrance for a while as his hands rub over my breasts, tugging and teasing my nipples like crazy. If he wants me to scream and beg for it then he’s getting pretty damn close. I don’t think he understands how much I need this. I keep pressing my ass harder against him, trying to slip him in but to no avail…
“Oh shit!” I scream as he suddenly thrusts in unexpectedly, absolutely filling me up. His cock grazes along my walls, causing me to see stars. Yep, this is definitely what I need right now! “Fuck, Tony.”
He slides out and slips inside once more, this new angle setting me on fire. He’s hitting new parts of me and it feels utterly phenomenal. I find myself slamming back against him to get more and more.
“Natasha,” he whispers, his words tickling my ears. “You’re so beautiful, so amazing, so…”
He says more but I don’t hear his words because his fingers have crept around to the front of me and are now brushing ever so lightly against my clit. But I don’t need more of a touch that this, it’s already too much. Every time he flickers forward, I buck, writhing desperately, almost as if I’m trying to get away from him.
“It’s too much,” I beg. “This is too much for me. I can’t hack it. You need to stop before I…”
But he doesn’t stop, and his magical fingers combined with his hard thrusts tip me over the edge hard. I fall into the blissful abyss, my head spinning hard the whole time. I can’t see, I can’t hear, I can’t think, all I can do is succumb to sensations and allow them to flow through me however hard and fast they want to. The gorgeous heat fills me up and crashes in to me. It knocks all the air from me, but I don’t care. Who needs to breathe when it feels this good not to? As I fall, disconnecting from this world completely, his fingers continuing to coax the orgasm from me, I’m surrounded by the power of my feelings for him. Feelings that I need to just accept already. I have been pushing him away through fear when all I really want to do is hold him close.
“Oh, wow, Tony… Tony…” I moan, his name feeling incredible on my lips as I experience the intensity of the orgasm. “Tony, I… I…” I want to tell him that I want him around me all the time, that I never should have let him go, and that I want him to just be with me now. And not just because he saved my life, but because he’s everything to me. The man that I have and always will love. But I can’t get it out and I’m not sure why.
I reach back and cling to him as the pleasure explodes from Tony too. The sensation of him filling me up is delightfully familiar considering it’s only happened twice before, and it was such a long time ago. But it’s me and him, the way it was always meant to be, and that makes me so damn happy. Some moments are supposed to last forever, they are so perfect that they shouldn’t ever have to come to an end, and this is one of them…
As we lie in one another’s arms panting breathlessly and gathering ourselves back up again from that wonderful moment, the heady lustful feeling melts away. It dissipates more and more with every second, which takes the blissful ignorance with it. What I’m left with is the stark realization that I have made a mistake.
I should not have had sex with Tony when I haven’t even talked to him about our child, never mind us. I shouldn’t be lying in a hotel bed with him, I should be figuring out what I’m going to do next with my life. It’s all well and good romanticizing things and imagining a happy ever after, but I have more important things to worry about than my love life. The heat that I was experiencing fully only moments before transforms in to the icy cold realization that I have just made things a million times more awkward.
“I, er…” I grab the bed sheets and wrap them around myself. I need to cover up my naked flesh before this becomes even more humiliating. “I don’t know if that was a good idea. I think you were right. We should have talked first.” I try to let out a laugh, but the sound is much too strangled to work. “Sorry, I…”
“Do you want me to go?” Tony leaps up from the bed, showing me far too much of him. I have to look away because seeing him makes me very uncomfortable. “I don’t want to make you feel weird.”
The fact that he’s being all understanding and not kicking off somehow makes it a million times worse. I definitely can’t look at him without falling apart now. I just haven’t ever been smart when it comes to Tony and it seems like I’m not going to be. That’ll be a real issue when we need to parent together.
“Sorry, I think that might be for the best. Do you mind?” Hate circles through me. But it’s a hate for myself. I feel like an utterly dreadful person because of this. “I don’t want to be horrible, I just…”
“No, no, you’re right.” I can hear him dragging his clothes back on. “We should have talked first, and I still think that maybe we should, but this isn’t the time or place. You stay here in this hotel for as long as you like, and we’ll talk whenever you’re ready. But no pressure or anything. I don’t want you to worry about a thing.”
If only I didn’t have anything to worry about! As it turns out, I have everything to worry about. Constantly. All the damn time. And since most of my issues are self-inflicted, I don’t have anyone to blame but me.
“Right, thank you.” I draw my knees up to my chest. “I appreciate it, Tony.”
I don’t think he wants to leave, and deep down I’m not so keen on it either, but as he closes the door behind him, I know that it’s the best way. For both of us.
Chapter Eighteen
Tony
Anxiety zig zags through me as I stand outside of Natasha’s hotel room, wondering what I’m going to face today. She has been up and down with me ever since I first brought her here last week, like she doesn’t know how she really feels about me from one moment to the next… but that doesn’t stop me from coming.
Her hormones, plus our messed up history, isn’t going to stop me from proving that I will be around as much as I can be. I need to show her that I can be trusted. I want her to know that I mean what I say. So, in between properly sorting out everything I need for the start up of my own business – which is a much slower process because I’m looking after Natasha as well – I’m here, doing what my mother advised. Just being emotionally available. It’s working well. I think she might be thawing just a little towards me.
My shaky fist rises, and I knock on the door, my heart almost stopping as I wait. I can always immediately tell from her expression whether I’m going to be kicked out after two minutes or if we will chat. I really hope that it’s the latter today because I have something that I really need to show her.
“Hi.” Her face is soft, her expression much more relaxed than I have seen in a while. “Come in.”
I breathe in a sigh of relief and follow her in to the room. Once I am inside, I decide to get my words out there right away before her mood changes. “Natasha, do you think you might be able to come with me for a moment?”
“What?” She folds her arms protectively across her chest. “Go where?”
I almost laugh because her face speaks volumes and it seems that the prospect of being with me isn’t the best one… but the laughter falls away before it comes out when I realize just how sad that is. We used to be so close, we shared everything, in high school we were everything to one another.
Lucky in Love Page 10