I make a fist. He shakes his head immediately. “No, Lily, like this… you have to tuck your thumb in.”
“I do?”
“Yes. You’ll break it otherwise. Like this…” He reaches out and shows me how to place my thumb and to clench tight, but not so tightly that my little finger folds inwards. “See?”
“Ah. That feels better.”
“And when you aim, aim here,” he says, tapping against his cheekbone. “If you aim for the nose, you might break it. That’s good but it will hurt your hand more.”
“You know a lot about this.”
He smiles again, crookedly. “I had a life before Paradise, Lils.”
I shake my head at him, smiling too. It seems impossible that he did. My life feels like it started the day he arrived. He never talks about his former life, either—and when he does, it’s only like this, with little hints and comments.
“Thanks,” I tell him. “I’ll remember this the next time I have to punch someone.”
“I doubt you’ll have to,” he says, slowly releasing my hand. “You have a lot of people who would protect you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, rolling my eyes. The overprotectiveness had been with me my entire life. “The brother blockade.”
Hayden looks down, grabbing the bucket. “Exactly,” he says.
I sneak glances at him while we pick mussels. Marissa Briggs had told me in school the other day that she thought he was cute. In that foreign kind of way, she’d said. I had no idea what she meant by that. Hayden is as American as they come.
But he does have really beautiful hair. I’d always thought so. Cute?
Hayden is so much more than cute. Plus, he’s my friend.
One of my best friends, even, if you don’t count Jamie.
But… maybe he’s a little cute.
Friends can be cute, right?
6
Lily
The present
I pause on Parker’s doorstep.
Hayden’s inside.
Am I crazy, coming here to see him again? Knowing he’s inside?
My first response was a complete no. Who was he to show up in Paradise Shores? To tell Parker and not me? After ten long years?
After what he did, leaving without so much as a note, I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t see him. No, nope, finito. Conversation over.
Except, of course it wasn’t. Every cell in my body reacted to the possibility of seeing him again. I need it, to see what he looks like now, what changes the years have wrought.
Parker had texted me the plans. They were going to dinner on Friday night, but before that they were sharing a few beers at his.
Do you want to join?
A simple question, but without a simple answer.
In the end, I’d found myself driving over to my brother’s in a daze. Curiosity killed the cat, they said, and I was about to be one dead feline.
I knock.
Parker shoots me a grin when he opens the door. “Lils, you made it. Did you park on the driveway?”
“Yes, like always.”
“Good. The street parking here is awful.”
“I know,” I say distantly, walking into his house. “I’ve been here many times before.” Hayden isn’t in the living room. Maybe he hasn’t arrived yet?
Parker grins at me. “Still, one day you might forget… And you’d blame me for the ticket.”
“Sure.” I follow him into the kitchen. And there, leaning against the counter, is Hayden.
My mind goes momentarily blank.
He's filled out. That’s my first thought. In my mind, he’d still been the same young man I remembered, but coming face to face with Hayden now, I realize that he was a boy before.
He's a man now.
His button-down stretches over broad shoulders and the cut of his trousers reveals strong thighs. There's a faint shadow of stubble across his cheeks and jaw. He never had that before.
The way he holds himself makes me think of the young man in the photograph. The military has changed him, from the shorter cut of his hair to the thick, corded muscles hiding beneath his clothes.
But his eyes are familiar, staring straight at me. They’re the same dark amber I remember from my childhood, the eyes that once held so much feeling. There's no expression on his face now, and for the first time, I don't have the faintest clue how to read him.
What is he thinking?
“Hi, Lily,” he says. His voice has deepened, too. It sends shivers through me. For years, I’d begged and begged for that voice to be on the other side of the phone. I’d answered every single out-of-state and hidden number that called me, just in case. It had nearly always been phone salesmen.
I put my bag down on the hall table. “Hello.”
"Here you go." Parker slaps Hayden on the back and offers him a beer. "It's good to have you back, man."
"Thanks. It feels good to be back, too."
"It's been a while," I say, and I wonder if he's the only one who hears the acid behind my quiet voice. If I ever thought I was over the anger of him leaving, I’m now proven completely wrong.
His gaze on mine is steady, and I’m not sure if I’m imagining it or if there’s a faint trace of embarrassment in his eyes. “Too long.”
“Where have you been?”
“Many places. Wisconsin, first. Then a base down in Utah before I joined the Navy. I spent five years patrolling the Bering Straits. Then I returned to military school, before becoming a commander.”
Parker shoots me a massive grin. “He’s a lieutenant now.”
“Oh,” I say. My voice sounds hollow. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
The man in front of me looks like a more mature version of my Hayden, and he talks like him, but the words are entirely unfamiliar to me. Since when was he interested in the military?
“Are you here on leave?”
“Yes.”
“Where are you staying, man?” Parker takes a seat on the edge of the couch. “You know you can have one of the guest rooms over at the house. I’m sure Mom would love to see you.”
Hayden’s expression is carefully schooled. “Thanks, but I’m staying in a house over on Elm Street.”
“Nice. Renting?”
“Mhm.”
I frown. “Have you seen Gary yet?”
“Yes.”
Okay, then. The silence between the three of us isn’t comfortable, and I wonder if Parker is noticing. He takes a sip of his beer and shoots me his trademark grin. Nope, it sure doesn’t seem that way.
Hayden glances away from me toward my purse. It isn’t until he glances at my leg that I realize he’s looking for a cane. My anger flares up again, familiar and acrid. Of course he’s wondering. He left before I was fully healed from the accident.
“Just a faint limp,” I say. “It’s minor.”
He gives a sharp nod but doesn’t say anything. The Hayden I remembered was silent when he was uncomfortable or overwhelmed by emotion, but I have no idea what it means for the new military Hayden, who disappeared for a decade without so much as a goodbye.
Parker smiles at me. “You’re joining us for dinner tonight, right, Lils? I’m taking Hayden out to the Yacht Club tonight to celebrate his return.” He slaps Hayden on the shoulder again. “The prodigal son has returned!”
It takes me forever to gather my thoughts, but when I do, they're laser sharp. Dinner with my brothers—with Hayden just across the table—is more than I can bear. I can't feign civility for that long, not around the people who know me best. Not when the only thing I want to do is ask Hayden why.
Why did he break my heart? Why didn’t he call?
And why on earth has he suddenly come back?
"No," I say, grabbing my bag. "I actually have something planned, and just came by to say hi. Enjoy your dinner.”
And then I flee, running from the troubled, amber eyes that I’ve never been able to forget.
* * *
I wake up late the next
morning, the sun streaming in through my curtains. It’s a beautiful spring day in Paradise Shores, it’s a Saturday, and I have a sort-of kind-of date with Turner.
The Maze Party.
Hayden.
Ugh.
I put the pillow over my face and take ten deep calming breaths. Some of the anxiety goes away, but not fully.
I swing my legs over the side of my bed and open the curtains. Seeing the ocean in the morning is my favorite thing in the world, watching as the soft rippling waves kiss the horizon. Some days I take a walk in the morning before work, nearly making it all the way up to the family house before looping back.
But today my view is marred. Standing beside my gate is a tall man with a head of shockingly black hair. He’s dressed in casual clothing, a hammer in his hand. He turns, lining up a nail carefully on the gate in my fence.
Oh no, he doesn’t.
I pull my silk robe on and tie it, hiding my pajama shorts and top, and stick my feet into the first pair of shoes in the hallway. I fly out the door and down the steps.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Hayden doesn’t even blink. “Your gate is broken. I’m fixing it.”
“I know it’s broken,” I fret. “But why are you here fixing it?”
“Because broken things should be mended, Lily,” he says slowly, like he’s talking to a toddler. The spark in his eyes makes it clear he knows it’ll drive me mad.
“Argh!”
A smile breaks across his features. “Deep breaths.”
“Stop being so damn infuriating.”
“It’s a beautiful day,” he says. “The sun is shining. The sea is calm. It’s a Saturday, and there’s free labor on your doorstep. What’s not to like?”
“How did you know where I live?”
“Your brother.”
“I’ll kill him.”
“Fratricide is still illegal in the state of Maine, the last time I checked.”
“Stop arguing with me. Why are you here, Hayden?”
He bends to pick up another nail, looking for all the world like the definition of calm. “I heard you had a problem to solve, so I’m solving it.”
“But I didn’t ask you to. And by standing on this side of the fence, you’re technically trespassing, you know.”
He steps through the gate and continues his work from the sidewalk. “I’m on neutral ground now.”
“You can’t do this. You can’t be gone for a decade and then just show up to fix things!”
“I’ll be done soon,” he says calmly. “So, you work in project development now?”
I pull my robe tighter around me, caught off guard by his question. “Yeah. But that doesn’t—”
“Tell me about it.”
“It’s not… I help with some of the projects. Managing contractors, overseeing sketches. I handle nearly all of the styling and decor choices before they go on the market.” I swallow, uncomfortable with his earnest gaze. He’s looking at me like we’re still friends, like we still have that childhood connection.
“Sounds challenging.”
“Not very. I mean, sometimes it really is, when we have deadlines…” I shake my head. “We are not having this conversation. Not until you tell me where you’ve been.”
“I told you yesterday.”
“Yeah, ‘the military.’ It’s too short of an answer.”
He looks away from me, calmly picking up another nail. He’s wearing a gray T-shirt and for a moment I’m distracted by his arm when he swings the hammer. Hayden had always been bulky, somehow; well-built. But now his muscles are the strong, well-defined ones of a man who uses his body regularly.
He feels like a stranger.
“Like I said yesterday, I was at a training base in Utah for a while. Then I served in the Bering Straits for five years in the Navy. I helped train new recruits for a few years after that. Now I’m here.”
“I never knew you had an interest in the military,” I say. “You never told me.”
He pauses in his movements, a hand hovering just above one of the broken hinges. He’s not looking at me, eyes focused on his work. “Well,” he finally says, bending down to take a closer look. “It was a good option for me. I had been thinking about it for a while.”
“Sure you had.”
He looks up at me, eyes turning playful again as he looks me over, taking in my pajamas and my bathrobe. “Were you in bed, Lily? At ten o’clock?”
“It’s a Saturday!”
Hayden’s gaze snags at my feet, and then he bursts out laughing. I haven’t heard that laugh in ten years, and even back then, it was a rare thing. Goose bumps race along my arms.
“No way,” he says.
I glance down. My feet are stuck in the stupid bunny slippers I had as a teenager. They’re ratty and ugly and must have fallen out of the back of my shoe rack somehow.
“You still have those?”
I wrap my robe tighter around myself and ignore the blush that heats my cheeks. “Shut up, Hay. How long will you be?”
“About an hour,” he says, eyes still sparkling with laughter. “Going to invite me in for tea?”
“Absolutely not. I have to get ready.”
“Maze Party?”
“Yeah,” I say, heading toward my front door. This absurd situation needs to end, and I need to get out of these terrible slippers.
He’s a soldier, he’s travelled the world, and he’s returned to Paradise Shores as a man. A man with muscles and a deep voice and amazing hair. And I’m not exactly making a good impression.
Look at your childhood crush! She’s a mess!
“I’ll see you there!” Hayden calls behind me.
I slam the front door shut and slowly sink to the ground.
What have I gotten myself into?
7
Hayden
Hayden, 17
I loosen the tie of my uniform and nod at Turner. “Hand me a smoke.”
He passes it to me with a nod to Parker. “Are you sure Hayden can handle it?”
“Fuck off, Turner.”
He grins at me. “That’s the spirit.”
Parker hands me the lighter. “Of course he can handle it. Hell, Cole is my cover-up.”
I nod. “And what an honor that is.”
“Your cover-up?”
Parker leans back on the bleachers. “Mom would kill me if she knew I smoked. So I tell her my clothes only smell because of Hayden. Problem solved.”
I take another drag and look out across the football field. The junior girls have lacrosse practice, chasing one another across the field with high ponytails and short skirts. It only takes me a few seconds before my eyes find the girl I’m looking for.
Her auburn hair is longer, and she put in some highlights over break, but it doesn’t change a thing. I could pick her out from a crowd blindfolded.
She’s hanging back, playing it safe as part of the defense. I know it’s not a strategic decision. She’d rather not play at all.
“Hayden, are you even listening, man?”
I slide my gaze back to Turner. “Yeah. You’re hoping to score with Clarice Winthrop at homecoming. News flash—you won’t.”
Parker guffaws and punches Turner in the shoulder. “That’s what I’ve been telling you for ages. Give it up.”
I take another drag. “She’s dating someone from Rexfield.”
“A university guy?” Turner scowls. “How the fuck do you know?”
“I hear things.”
“What is he, a psychic?”
I snort and look back out over the field. No, but I have a rather good connection with Rhys Marchand, who dumped her before he left for college a few months back. I knew for a fact she was using this guy in the hopes that it would get back to him. I also knew Rhys didn’t care in the slightest.
Parker takes another long drag of his cigarette. The one flaw in his long, decorated career as a high school athlete. “I’m going to ask Tilly Davis.”
&n
bsp; “Of course you are.” Turner says. “You Marchands, you’re not giving the rest of us a fair shot.”
“Not about to start now, either.”
I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, but I ignore it. My dad had been trying to get in contact for weeks now. This time around I’m not going to tell Gary about it. There’s no point anymore.
“That’s it,” Turner says. “If I can’t beat you, I’ll just have to join you.”
Parker frowns. “What exactly do you mean by that?”
“I could ask your little sister, right? Lily?”
Oh, fuck no.
The response wells up inside me immediately, but before I can express myself, Parker shakes his head. “You do that, and I’ll beat you up myself.”
With my help.
“You’re not good enough for her,” I say and tip my head back, letting out a plume of smoke. Turner is a player and a cheat. Damn good at poker, though, and he has a hell of a right hook. But that doesn’t mean he’s good enough for Lily Marchand.
I know that firsthand.
Turner grins at us. “You’re like fucking gatekeepers, you boys. Don’t worry. I know the rules. I bet little Adam Bateman is about to find that out, too.”
“What?”
He grins at me. “What, something I know that you don't? This rarely happens, Cole.”
“What about Adam?”
“Nah, I think I'll gloat for a little while longer. I might—”
Parker leans forward. “Stop shitting around.”
Thank God he is here, too. I can’t act more protective of Lily than her own brothers, or it would be suspicious. I couldn’t risk her family finding out about my impossible feelings. It would be even worse than Lily finding out about them herself.
I'd be out on my ass by daybreak.
“Yeah, Bateman asked her out earlier this week,” Turner says, his face smug.
She hadn’t told me that.
Unease and nerves roll around in my stomach. Since Henry and Rhys left Paradise Shores, Lily and I had grown even closer. Parker was often away at practice or gone for a tournament, and there would be no one but me and Lily. Her feet on the wooden staircase leading up to the beach house had become my favorite sound.
Rogue: A Paradise Shores Novel Page 3