He stares into my eyes intensely and I felt like he was swimming in my thoughts, already figuring out what little old me’ wanted. I didn’t let him make my body falter with his low-let gaze. Instead, I played with a piece of my blonde hair and twirled it between my fingers. The man took it as an expression that I was playing with him and slowly, he leans back into his seat.
“Fine. You’ve got a deal, babe”
Another wave of voices washed over the two of us and we sat in our place, rinsed in the dim light. Zane finally stopped shuffling his cards and started dealing them to the two of us. While I folded up my card slightly, I could see the smile of a man underneath its eyelet. I return my hand back to my side in time for me to catch Blackjack talking to Boog’ beside him. The two men chuckle to one another at something until Blackjack catches my stare and sits back up.
“Whenever you’re ready, Ash,” he asserts with the same confident smile.
I return that smile by the tenfold and look up to Zane beside us.
“Hit me.”
Zane put the card down flat––Ace of Spades.
Zane looks in my direction and I automatically swing my hand down to the cards, palm flat on the table.
“Hold.”
The men scoff to themselves, but Blackjack didn’t look convinced.
“Since when do you play it safe?” He asks, cocking a brow.
I gave him a coy little wink and he left it at that.
“Hit me.” He tells Zane.
Zane puts down a five of hearts. The brothers stay silent.
Blackjack wasn’t satisfied. “Hit me again.”
Down comes the King of Hearts looking up at us with his brilliant red. Zane waits for Blackjack’s cue but the man shakes his head.
“Hold.”
Everyone was on the edge of their seats, watching the game unfold. Kade was holding his hands together, staring intensely at the cards between us. Zane, on the other hand, was wiping his brow from the humidity in the room. Not even the AC could simmer us all down.
I cross my legs together, left over right, and begin drumming my fingers down on the table. Blackjack automatically notices, and he takes a jab at me.
“Impatient already, Monroe?”
My baby blue eyes look up to him in that moment.
“On the contrary, I’m willing to let you go first.”
He gave an empty shrug as the boys encourage him. The width of his hand swept over his cards and he flipped his game up to face the ceiling. In his draws, there was the King of Hearts, the five of hearts, and last but not least––the five of clubs. He had a solid twenty with three cards combined; it was an unlikely trio.
“Ashley’s in for it!” Kade sniggers to them all.
Zane could only shake his head, “Got anything good, Ash?”
“Not much, really.” I admit, sprawling the cards in front of me.
The ace was just above my hand before my fingers glided up to the parred unknown card. One flip was all it took for the men fill the club with their dubious gasps.
The Jack of Spades himself was grinning up at them all.
Blackjack couldn’t believe it himself.
With a teasing smile digging into my lips, I slide the cards in his direction. “All I’ve got is Blackjack in the palm of my hands.”
Chapter 6
Ashley
“Does this make my––”
“Ashley, I swear to God.”
“––butt look big?”
Blackjack had thought that taking me into Billings for a shopping spree was payback for my glorious win, only it wasn’t. It was a friend, asking another friend to take her into town, and well, Poor Blackjack.
I turned my back from the pedestal mirror to face Blackjack who just so happened to be idly sitting beside my collection of shoe choices. We had only stepped into Billings twenty minutes ago and he’s already sporting on that “get it over with” façade. His arms crossed over his chest, a slack look of interest amongst the mall-goers, and of course – picking the designated shoe spot where he could sit down while I browse like a kid in a candy shop.
I had picked a load of items to try on and surprisingly, there were moments where I caught his eyes flaring up like a lit candle when I tried on something just right. Within that assortment was a pair of Levi shorts, a lace cami that hugged my chest perfectly, and a little crop top hoodie that showed my midsection. As soon as he caught me wearing that, I couldn’t get his eyes off me until I swapped into a white tank with a pair of high waisted shorts.
“I’m only asking, jeez.” I roll my eyes at him while smoothing down the shorts.
“Honestly,” He shrugs his shoulders back, “You’ve gotten tinier since I last saw you. Your––butt? It looks just fine.”
With a little smile, I give him a look before turning myself back around to give the mirror another look.
“I’m not that tiny.” I say aloud, running my eyes up and down my figure.
Blackjack shook his head in my reflection, “Harry’s been starving you for too long, Ash.”
“High and dry.” I muse without a second thought.
“Hm?”
When I realized what I just said, I turned my attention back to him and smiled.
“Don’t worry about it.”
He didn’t ask but I could tell by his expression that he was growing skeptical. No one needed to know that Harry and I only had sex once in a blue moon. For the couple of weeks that I was pregnant, he didn’t touch me. And any time before that, it was just me in that house until he disturbed the night in a drunken slur. He’d beat me, apologize, and then convince me we were going to be okay just so he could slip into bed with me. All those times I believed in him made me lose faith in myself. The insecurity that was piling up like dirty laundry just made me feel more insecure about myself.
I always asked myself if he was interested in my body at all or he was just looking for something prettier every time he drove back from the bar. As I started back to the changing room with the reflection of me waiting there, I realized that it didn’t matter. He could’ve been slamming into some whore and I didn’t care. It was all a lie.
“Those shorts really suit your legs.” Blackjack’s voiced outside.
I blinked in the mirror, startled that he caught me in my thoughts.
“You think so?”
The man coughed briefly before answering, “Sure. What are you hiding those legs for anyway?”
“From dirtbags that abuse their wives.” I replied with a scoff before shuffling out of the shorts.
Without a second thought, I dispensed them into the “Blackjack” pile.
“Shouldn’t stop a woman from wearing what she wants.” Blackjack chuckled.
I shook my head, “No, it shouldn’t. I’ll get them if you think they suit me so much.”
“Atta’girl.”
A couple of minutes passed between us while I folded the unwanted clothes into a neat pile by the chair. As for the remaining clothes, I draped them over my arm with their hangers attached. As I stepped out of the dressing room, Blackjack’s eyes removed themselves from his phone to find me.
“All done?” He asks.
“Hmm.” I gave it a thought before a wicked smile crosses my expression, “Maybe.”
His brow cocks as he stands up from his seat, collecting the three boxes of shoes I tried on before. The two of us walked ourselves up to the register where a young girl had been waiting for us. I settle all the goods on the top of the counter where she starts picking them off one by one with her scanner.
“Did anyone help you today with these purchases?” She asks.
I look up to her, discretely reading her name tag.
“It just so happens that this guy has been helping me all day, Jenny.” I give Blackjack a little nudge. He returns it with a brief eye roll.
“Lucky you!” She throws a little laugh before noticing Blackjack beside me.
Oh, there we go. I can see that little twinkle in
her eye. It happens to every girl that gets an eyeful of him. Rob has always had that charm about him. Whether it was his height or just his presence, no girl could resist that rough look.
Jenny dropped her eyes when Blackjack let his gaze wander across the rest of Billings. As she resumed packing my things in a paper bag, I let my own eyes take a brief glance up at him while he was distracted.
Before I knew it, I was on a trip down memory lane. Why didn’t I just take a shot with him when I was younger. A real shot. Sure, there was that big, nasty age difference between us but dammit. We could’ve been something real. There was a time when we almost crossed that line, then he left without so much as a goodbye. I waited for him to come back, he was supposed to come back home, and then he didn’t, so I left. I left the club, my family, my home.
I wonder if it would have been different if he stayed. If I wouldn’t have married Harry and moved away. I wonder if I would’ve been happy with Rob.
“And here you are.” Jen slides the bag across the counter to me. “That’ll be one hundred and eighty-four dollars and seventy-six cents.”
Ouch.
As I look down to grab my wallet, Blackjack put his hand on my wrist and shakes his head. I turn my attention back to him, but it was too late. He had his wallet out and already fishing through for his credit card. Wait..what?
Consider it a late birthday gift,” he assured me.
“Robert, put your wallet away,” I hissed at him.
“Not a chance.”
As I was frantically searching through my bag for signs of my wallet, Jen had already slid his card’s chip in the register and let it process. When I finally had my little navy wallet in my grasp, Blackjack had already slipped his card back into his wallet pocket.
“What was that about not being able to keep up, Monroe?” He teases with a little smirk.
“Unbelievable.” I shake my head before taking the bag in my arm. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Rob.”
“So, I’ve been told,” he says with a glide of his fingers through his hair.
I let out a snort as the two of us start walking out of Billings and into the mall plaza. When it had become clear that the bag wouldn’t come over my arm as easily as I thought, Blackjack nudged my side.
“Give it here,” he insists.
“No way.” I pull the bag closer to me with a shake of my head, “I can take care of it.”
“I’m sure you can, but,” he idly discontinued his words before I could realize his arm slipped under my elbow to steal the bag.
“Hey!”
Blackjack waves his hand off with disregard.
“I’d rather you not struggle, Ash.”
“Tsk!”
I keep walking alongside him as we pass the bystanders of shoppers. I tried to ignore how small he made me feel in comparison to his large stature. He had that effect on me physically as well as emotionally. That confidence was something I never had––but that playful misdemeanor was something I couldn’t let him get away with.
“You’re fooling yourself if you think I’ll let you sweep me off my feet, darling,” I chide with a little smile.
Blackjack looks down at in bemusement.
“A woman like you doesn’t need anyone to help her off her own.”
“Some people wouldn’t agree,” I say, my smile faltering.
He shrugs the weight of his shoulders.
“Fuck what they say. You do you, as usual.”
“And what do you say?”
“To what?” He asks.
I look up at him, “To my marriage.”
At this point, I didn’t care what anyone thought but that changed when Blackjack’s point of view came to mind. He was a sincere guy with a well-defined constitution for ethics. As for what he thought of me, that also made me wonder.
“Your marriage is your business, Ash,” he says simply. “It makes little to no difference what I say on the matter.”
“I want to know either way.”
“Sure, you do. But does that change the way you think?”
That part stung. I didn’t want anyone to think I was anywhere in love with Harry since I introduced him to the club. They probably thought I was proud for leaving them behind for a stranger they barely even knew. On top of that, he was now affiliated with the Bears – our sworn enemies.
“It might,” I say softly.
Blackjack could only shake his head.
“I could say that you deserved better but you were too high strung on love to care.”
Little does he know that Harry wasn’t the one I was high strung on love with. Now, looking back, I can see that I was using Harry to cover up the love I had for the man right in front of me. I’d never confess that to Rob, though.
My eyes make their way down to the floor as we slowed our walk.
“Go on.”
He breathes.
“I don’t know what made you fall in love with the asshole, but then again I don’t know what made me fall in love with my own wife––and don’t get me wrong. I loved my wife. Loved her beautiful soul even with all the shit she did to me and Dex.” Blackjack married his ex when I was in my early teenage years, he’d married her out of obligation because she was pregnant with his son. Turns out that she wasn’t the best mom, or wife for that matter.
The man dug his hands in his pockets, thinking to himself before he starts speaking aloud once more.
“When you can’t think of why you love someone so genuinely, that’s proof enough that it was real. Even if your relationship with the asshole was one sided, there’s no mistaking the fact that you were innocent in all of this.”
“So, I didn’t have it coming?”
Blackjack scoffs with disgust.
“Any person that says you deserved it will be seeing the end of your father’s boot at his chin. On top of your brothers’ and myself personally,” he says lowly, the expression on his face growing stern.
Just hearing that made me release my bottom lip from the clutch of my teeth.
“Thank you,” I whisper softly.
“Don’t mention it.”
I let out a slow exhale as we returned to our usual walking pace. With my hands wringing behind me, I didn’t know what else to say to that. The two of us ended up in an unbreakable silence. Maybe it was worth the moment to think it over. As I look around us, I notice the frequent stares we got from some of the mall goers.
It was usually other women who were taking their sweet time watching Blackjack glide across the mall. Whenever they caught me looking at their stare, their expressions changed into something sober. If it wasn’t sober, it was jealously?
Did they honestly think we were dating?
Just what was it about our body language that would even give off that impression? The two of us weren’t even holding hands! I mean, sure, we were relatively close but that’s how friendly walks and conversations went. If anything, I didn’t even look like the type of woman he’d be seen with. Maybe someone taller with an athletic build in comparison to someone “tiny” like me.
As I was stuck thinking on it, I realized that he did have a way with looking at me differently. When I was trying on clothes, it became apparent that he was interested in something about me. Was it a slim waist? Or perhaps I did have a better butt than I let on. Or maybe it was my chest. Maybe, just maybe this was the past.
Maybe he missed me too, hell, maybe he had his own regrets. I didn’t know but something in my gut was digging to find out.
Just as we were passing a local Starbucks, I noticed the black and pink lace frontier of Cleopatra, the mall’s only acclaimed lingerie store. Just at the entrance, there were mannequins of provocative mesh bras accompanying a flimsy G-string on plastic thighs. It sparked so much controversial curiosity in the back of my head that I felt my heart race.
“Hey, Rob?”
“Yeah?”
I stopped in my steps for a moment, letting my eyes linger away from the store before confronting his
confused expression.
“Do you think we have time for at least one more stare––stop! I mean, one more stop?”
“The mall closes in twenty minutes, Monroe.” He growled out, irritated and tired from the past few hours I’ve lugged him around with me.
“I know, but I’ll be quick!” I insist.
Hell, I was already taking a huge risk. I didn’t want to chicken out of this gamble.
“Okay, where we going? Bath and Body Works? Homegoods?” He’d list our options.
I shake my head.
“There.” With my finger pointing in the direction of the seductive noir shop, Blackjack followed its direction until his eyes stopped dead on where we were going.
“Oh, jeez,” he muttered to himself before scratching the back of his head, a smile forming on his lips. “You are dead set on torturing me, aren’t you?”
Yep!
“I’m not a guy, for crying out loud,” I tell him, crossing my arms, “I can’t just wear the same boxers for four years straight.”
That’s what the laundry machine is for, Ash.”
I open my mouth, unsure of what to say. With a little huff, I’d turn my attention back to the store and continue to justify.
“Yeah well––I want assortment.”
“Assortment,” He clarifies with slack.
“You heard me. A woman likes to spoil herself.”
He sighs with a laugh, “Oh jeez, fine.”
I turn my eyes back to him, surprised. “Really?”
“Sure.” He starts walking up to the entrance, bag and all. “If I don’t comply, I’m breaking our deal, aren’t I?”
“You’d be correct, but this isn’t even our deal,” I tell him, giving him a wink.
“Well then. Let’s get this over with, shall we?” He gives me a coy smirk.
With that look on his face, I couldn’t help but smile back at him. He was being so nonchalant about this and it made me both nervous and excited at the same time. Was he doing this on purpose to get a reaction out of me?
Who knew. I kept on wondering up until I stepped into the shadows of the store and instantly regretted pushing him so far.
Havoc- Reapers MC Boxset Page 19