He wins this time, paying for a few pairs of pants and shirts. It will be the last time I let him do it, I’m not a charity case, after all.
I change in the dressing room into a new pair of dark blue denim skinny jeans and a black tank top. I feel nervous, having so much of myself exposed. As I stand in the dressing room, staring myself down in the mirror in front of me, it feels like everyone will be able to see me. Scars and all. That makes me nervous, even as I look over my skin, trying to see if anyone will be able to tell, I know they won’t. I made it my job to keep them hidden, away from peering eyes.
There were a few that someone could notice, but I could do a good job and make sure that I was covered up.
For a moment, I wondered if it wasn’t the scars on my body, but the scars burned into my soul that bothered me so much.
“Kat?” I jump, hearing Trig tap on the dressing room door, calling me a name I hadn’t heard in ages. The last time I remember being called Kat was that day…when Ashley and I went to the movies.
I button the front of my jeans and grab the old clothes in my hands before I open the door and face him. When I do, he tries to hide his smile and fails miserably.
“You look good.” With that, I’m the one failing to hide my own smile.
We take our time making it back to the SUV when thoughts come into my mind, things that maybe I should have thought about before we got to this point. Yeah, everything is good and dandy now…but what if I’m left alone with them? I didn’t think about…
“What’s going to happen after today?” I nervously blurt out my question, terrified for the answer that I may get. Last night was great, it was amazing even, but that doesn’t mean that he’s going to stay. No matter how much I want him to, that doesn’t mean he will.
He turns to me at my question, not answering but taking the bags from my hands and setting them in the back seat of the SUV. He shuts the door, my nerves slowly killing me as I wait for him.
“I don’t know. What I do know is that isn’t the answer you’re looking for. Kat, I don’t know what’s going to happen after today. Hell, I didn’t think I’d ever be here with you, like this. We can never predict the future, so what are you really asking me?”
He cuts through my bullshit. It’s funny how he knows that within my question lies another question, only one that I don’t want to ask because I am petrified if he answers in the way I don’t want him to.
“Are you going to leave?” I gather all of my courage and ask him. I need to know what’s going to happen, or as much that I can know at this given moment. There has been so much that has happened over the last few days, none of which that I had any preparation for, and if something is going to change again I want to know. I need to be able to have that time to process it, since I haven’t had it for anything else.
He laughs, and I mean, he laughs.
After a couple of minutes, he composes himself, takes a step towards me, and places his hands on both sides of my cheeks. “You silly, stupid, little girl. Someone would have to kill me to get me out of your life. Do you understand that?”
Trig presses a kiss to my forehead, to my nose, and then lastly, to my lips. “C’mon, sweetheart, let me take you back home.”
Chapter 9
I don’t know exactly what’s next but I’m stepping forward with grit anchored in grace. -Julie Graham
Kat
In life, there are terrifying moments that constantly surround us. Right now, I am reminded of this as my heart pounds faster than it ever has before. With each mile marker we pass we get closer to Billings, which means that we’re closer to one place, home.
As we drive down the old roads, I can feel my memories being jogged, that pond to the right is where my Dads taught me how to fish for the first time. Then, I remember them, taking me up to the cabin in Whitefish for long weekends of white river rafting, fishing, canoeing and swimming. Heck, I can remember the one time a load of us went up and spent Christmas there. It was my fondest childhood memory.
Five more minutes, and we’re almost there. I can feel it, somehow, deep within my bones, I know I am so close, and there it is, the rock with the Reapers MC emblem, right off the road like I remember.
“Take a left,” I tell Trig, who turns the blinker on and takes us down the road.
He drives slowly, and I peel my eyes for anything. I vaguely remember gates before, I don’t know why my Uncle Fist had them back then, but now I understand more than ever. When I was a child I thought it was to keep us cooped up, locked there in some way. Today, I know it’s to keep others out. He was only trying to keep us safe.
“Here we are,” Trig says, nodding up ahead to where gates suddenly start to appear, instantly I notice the barbed wire at the top, not remembering it being there from when I was younger.
“Should be.” The rock is my indication that it probably is, but never would I be sure until we were both on the other side of it.
He drives up the road until we come into the entryway and pulls up against the small building at the entrance. There is no getting through these things without being passed through. Now was the part that I didn’t think about. How would I tell someone who I was?
Trig rolls down the window as a man approaches the SUV. He is tall, tattoos cover most of him, and he has eyes that could melt any woman right in her seat. “Sup. Who are you two and what’re you doing here?”
“I’m Trig, and this is Kathryn. Who’re you?”
“Boog. Now answer my damn question before I put a bullet through both of your skulls. I’m feelin’ a little trigger happy at the moment.” Boog chews on a piece of gum, staring mainly at me. He’s doing it on purpose, I can see that. He’s the kind of man that begs for trouble, that lives and breeds off of it.
I see Trig’s hand move from the corner of my eye, he has a gun sitting right and pretty next to him. There’s a reason he’s called Trig, short for Trigger, and not the kind of man you threaten to shoot. “I’m from the Demons of Hell, and I brought something back that’s been missing for quite a fucking while, you’d better scurry off and find your Prez.”
“Don’t move,” Boog says, walking into the little building next to us. I glance over to Trig and he looks so serious right now.
“I almost shot him.”
“I know,” I laugh
“You’re laughing that I almost shot someone before we even got you back in the gates?”
“Mhm,” I confess, tears spilling from the corners of my eyes.
“He threatened you. I won’t stand for that, Kitten.” I hear the seriousness in his voice, and it makes me a little scared for Boog. Something tells me that this is far from over.
The gates ahead of us open, and out comes Boog. “Drive up to the club. Kade will meet you there.”
Trig follows Boog’s instruction, driving us straight until we both can spot the clubhouse. The second he puts the car in park, there is a group of men surrounding the SUV. There is one older man, his beard comes down to his chest, and he wears rings on all of his fingers. Another has jet black hair, he’s seriously handsome…one of those bad boys that all the girls go after. Next to him is another, who looks quite similar. They might even be brothers, and lastly, there is a man who might be in his thirties. He has dark hair, salt and peppery in certain areas.
Trig takes my hand and opens his door, exiting first, and then I follow, sticking close to him. I know that none of these people will hurt me, some of them might even be my family, but I haven’t seen them in ages, and the only person I trust right now is Trig.
I take in my surroundings, watching everyone as much as I can. All of their eyes are on me, and then Trig. I can’t imagine what it’s like for them, never mind me, but what they’re thinking right now… I should have thought more about this, what I’d say, what I’d do…I didn’t think about all of the variables before we came here today.
“Kit-Kat?” My eyes widen at the sound of my old nickname, my cousins Zane and Kade came up with it, never
failing to use it whenever we were together. Somehow, for some reason, my eyes water hearing it. I knew today would be emotional, but never did I think that I’d be this emotional, so quick. “I didn’t think we’d ever see you again. God, I’m so fucking glad you’re home,” he comments, and I’m pretty sure it’s Kade. His hair is darker than I remember, and goodness has he gotten tall…
“We didn’t know you were coming. Did you not think to call us?” The irate voice comes from the man with the beard, he’s furious, and it’s not difficult to tell that he is. “What the hell were you thinking, Damon?”
“That I was bringing her back alive and well. Did you want me to bring her back to you in a fucking body bag?” I listen closely, curious as to the quarrel between these two. How did they know each other, and why is this man calling Trig, Damon?
“What is going on…,” I mumble, looking to the group of them.
Trig puts his arm around my waist, pulling me against him and looks right into my eyes. “I know your cousin Ashley. I wasn’t with the Demons for my own reason, Kitten. It’s a really long fucking story, but I’ll make it short for you. The Demons of Hell ruined everything for my family. Rage was the monster behind that, so I went back to take back what belongs to me. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, which is how I know your cousin, uncle, and the Reapers.”
“What on earth…”
“It’s politics, kid. Nothing you gotta worry about.”
“Don’t you fucking dismiss her like that. Have some damned respect. She deserves to know it all, every damn thing. Do you understand me?” Trig snaps it out at the older man.
Everyone falls silent, and Kade takes a couple steps towards me and wraps me in a hug, forcing Trig out of the way. “I’ve really fucking missed you, Kit-Kat. I’ll be around, and we’ll catch up later, okay? Something tells me Dad is gonna be arguing with your man for a while now.”
“Zane?” I ask as Kade leaves and the lookalike comes walking towards me. He nods, with a small smile.
“Kade is right, you know. Dad is about to blow his gasket, and I’m gonna leave before there’s a big problem. Breakfast tomorrow?” I nod agreeing and watch as he meets up with Kade and disappears.
I watch as the men around us dwindle until it’s me, Trig, and who I now know is my uncle. It’s funny, you think I’d remember him, but he’s changed quite a bit over the years.
“She tried to kill herself. I really didn’t have an option except to get her to the hospital and leave before Rage knew what was going on. You wanted her home, and I took the only opportunity I had.”
“I’m confused!” I yell it out, looking between my uncle and Trig. How did any of this happen? “I want answers.”
Trig sighs, taking a deep breath he starts to speak. “My name is Damon Raines, my father is Roman Raines, the Prez of the Brotherhood MC. My father knows your parents, they were in the Demons together before shit went down and blood was shed. It’s what forced my family away and into hiding. I assumed a new identity and made sure I was accepted as a prospect for the Demons. My father wanted retribution, and I did too. Only, I’d been there for years. Slowly I’d been taking away whatever I could from Rage, weakening him at any given opportunity. Then I find out about you, I didn’t have all of the information, but I had some. I had to keep you safe, I have to. My family and yours are tied, Ashley knows my brothers and sisters. My sister got word to me that you were there and I’ve been watching you for a while. I made a promise, Kat. I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you, and I won’t ever, for as long as I live.”
Chapter 10
I want to be with you. It’s as simple, and as complicated as that.
-HPLYRIKZ.COM
Damon
“You lied to me.” We’re standing here, in this fucking parking lot with Fist staring me down like I’m the devil himself for bringing his niece back home, which is what I was supposed to do.
“Yes,” I admit, because I can’t argue with her. I lied, and I lied well. There were plenty of times that I could have told her who I was, or who I knew, or even what I was doing there. I wasn’t solely in the Demons for my father. Being there for her meant that I was doing something good and fuck me for wanting to do something that wasn’t for me, or for my family.
“I had given up…everything, and you…you were there the entire time, and you didn’t say anything to me? I…tried to fucking kill myself. I wanted to die because my family had abandoned me, when they didn’t even do that. You were…if you had just said something to me then I wouldn’t have…Oh my god…”
“Kat…” When I say her name, she looks at me with such hatred laced in those eyes.
Our situation is complicated now, and I know that. Of course, there was nothing simplistic about us anyway.
“I couldn’t tell you.”
“We wouldn’t let him,” Fist pipes up, approaching us. “He was to do one thing for us, make sure you stayed alive. If he had told you what he was doing, you may have started acting differently and Rage would have picked up on that. We couldn’t risk it. We just couldn’t risk actually losing you when you were so close to coming back home to us. Don’t be angry at him, kiddo. Be pissed at me. Damon was watching over you, he was always watching over you.”
“I thought you all had given up on me, I believed that you did…and now I’m finding out that you never did, and instead had a trojan horse in the fucking club who was watching me slowly spiral down into my path of self-destruction. So, excuse me, I have the fucking right to be angry right now.”
“Look at me,” I tell her, eyes flashing back in my direction. I take her face in my hands. “I am sorry. If I had thought for a split second that telling you would have changed things, I would have. How would I know that you wouldn’t laugh in my face and tell Rage? I didn’t. You might have. He had you on so much shit babe, I don’t even know if you knew what you were doing half the time. If I told you, it would have risked both of our lives, and while I don’t care much about my own, I do give quite a few fucks about yours.”
“I don’t even know you,” she spits out.
“Well, that makes two of us, then. I don’t really fucking know you either, but guess what, baby, now’s the chance where we start.”
“Fuck you.” She flinches right after she says it, almost expecting that I’m like Rage and will beat her into a bloody pulp for talking back to me. I love her spit fire spirit, if it was my choice it would have started to come out of her a lot sooner.
“I’ll leave you two to have your lovers’ quarrel in private. The clubhouse is packed, and there aren’t any open beds, I just had renovations done to the basement in the house. You two pick a couple rooms and meet us for breakfast in the morning. I think we have quite a bit to discuss.”
I look over and see Fist’s house, it’s a little hike to get to but it won’t kill us.
“Wait. Where are my parents?” Kat asks her uncle.
“Tex and Bolt and your Mom are in Canada at the moment and will be back tomorrow night. Dracus is here somewhere. I’ll go grab him, but we’re gonna have to wait for your Mom and Dads to get back. Until then, rest up, and I’ll see you in the morning.” Fist walks away and heads in the clubhouse behind him.
“I will never hit you,” I tell her firmly. “Never will I lay a hand on you for saying what you feel. Do you understand that?”
“I don’t know anything about you. How can I trust anything you say? You lied to me, even when you didn’t have to anymore. You could have told me everything in the motel last night, and you didn’t! You didn’t tell me a god damned thing. Instead you brought me here and let me be blindsided in front of everyone. Do you know how that makes me feel? Or do you even care?”
“Yeah, right. I don’t fucking care,” I snap out at her, right now I don’t give a shit. I risked so much for her and she’s too blind to see it. “All I have fucking done is cared about you. Don’t get shit twisted. I cared when I shouldn’t have. I cared when I wasn’t fucking supposed to. I h
ave cared about you since before I even knew who you were. If I didn’t give a shit about you I would have dropped you off at the door and fucking left. Did I do that? No. You want to know what I want, Kat? I want you. It is that simple. I fucking want you. I have wanted you for a long ass time, and by the looks of it, you fucking want me to.” I growl it out, grabbing her quickly and slam my lips down onto her with such force that I could’ve broken teeth. She has me furious, angered more than I’ve been in years.
If I don’t walk away now, I will scar her for the rest of her fucking life. She has no idea what I’m capable of right now. All I want to do is throw her up against the side of that clubhouse and hate fuck her like she’s never been fucked before.
So, I do the only thing I can.
I walk the fuck away.
***
Kat
He cursed at me, professed all of his deepest, darkest attractions and then left me standing in the middle of a god damned parking lot. Alone. Granted, he knew I was safe at this point, but what a damn dick move.
I’m pissed, and I have every fucking right to be!
I thought he was bringing me home for me, when in reality he was doing it because he had to. Because my family wanted me back. I’m glad to be back. I am so glad to be out of Rage’s awful, sinister hands, but I thought there was more there. I thought that I was more than just a fucking job, but from the looks of it, that’s all I ever was.
I was a job.
A job he got attached to.
I made my way to my uncle’s house, walking through the front door that still creaks the same way it did when I was a kid running in and out of his house. By memory I knew exactly where to go, behind the kitchen and down the steps that lead to the basement. But I couldn’t even make it there…my Daddy was standing there in the kitchen with my Uncle Fist and Cracker.
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