by J.J. Bonds
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The jarring ring of the phone disturbs my sleep. I want nothing more at this moment than to be left alone. I’m wallowing. It’s not an indulgence I often allow myself. Self-pity is a waste of time, but at the moment I don’t care. I have an abundance of time, might as well waste a little. The phone rings again, demanding my attention. I briefly contemplate burrowing deeper into the covers, when I realize there aren’t many people who have my number. It must be Aldo. Who else would be calling me?
I roll over and grab the phone, answering in one swift motion. “Aldo?”
“Katia! How we miss you at the manor!” he bellows. “How are you enjoying Crossroads?”
“It’s... school,” I reply. I can’t lie to Aldo. He knows me too well. Why bother trying?
“Oh, dear child. What is wrong?” It’s not a question. Not really. It’s a command. Typical Aldo. He’ll want to make it right; to protect me. But I am no innocent lamb. I’m every bit the wolf, and we both know it.
“I have everything a girl could possibly want, but not the one thing that I need.”
“We talked about this, Katia,” Aldo reminds me gently. He never loses faith in me. It’s the thing I love most about him.
“I know. I’m trying. I really am.” I don’t know if that’s true or not. If I’m honest with myself I can’t be sure I’m giving it my best effort. I’m reminded of my last real conversation with Aldo before I left Romania. I quickly replay the conversation in my head looking for reassurance.
“The past does not give us definition, My Dear, only character. It is your future, and what you do in the days to come will define your existence.”
I stare at him incredulously. “Surely you can’t be serious? After all that I’ve done? My past-”
“Is like smoke.” He cuts me off and pauses for emphasis. I can tell he wants to make sure he’s got my undivided attention. “Grey, elusive-”
“Suffocating?” I offer, refusing to be silenced so easily by his obtuse metaphors and old world manner of speaking.
“I’m quite serious, you know,” he replies reproachfully, his gaze softening even as the words pass his lips.
I feel a slight twinge of guilt at my insolence, and, as I meet his eyes, I can see them pleading with me for understanding. I owe him so much, and yet I can’t bring myself to terms with this latest request. He’s never asked much of me and has given far more than I could ever hope to repay, even if I lived five lifetimes. Unsure of what to say next, I sit quietly waiting for him to continue.
“You must let go of the past now. It is your future—who you are today, tomorrow, and the choices that you make going forward— that will define you.”
“If only it were that simple,” I trail off wistfully, my mind wandering to other times, other places I dare not think of often. Deep down I know that I will obey his wishes out of respect, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it or that my heart will be in it.
“Enough of this!” Aldo admonishes, bringing me back to the present. “You made a promise to me. You will honor your word.”
Again, not a question, but an order. And why shouldn’t Aldo determine my fate? If not for his grace, I wouldn’t exist. His harsh words are the kick in the butt I need. I’ve lost my focus. I have to push aside the distractions and be strong. If not for myself, for Aldo. For the others.
“I never said this would be easy,” he reminds me quietly. “Crossroads will make you stronger. In time you will begin to see yourself as I do. You are a survivor Katia. You will go on to do great things. I know this.”
“If you believe, then it must be so,” I return smiling. He knows I don’t believe it, but why not humor him? My next words are far more solemn. “I will buckle down. I know what I need to do.”
“Good. Now tell me about your classes.”