by Max Hudson
I crawled back onto the bed and pulled him into my arms, pressing his head against my chest. We stretched out across the bed our legs entwined. Despite the fact that we were both naked, sex was the farthest thing from my mind at that moment.
“How about now? You tell me what you want and what you need, what you like and what you don’t like, and I’ll do the same. No pressure,” I said.
Doug wrapped his arms around my body and hugged me tightly. A moment later I felt the hot salty tears begin to pool on my chest.
“Don’t start getting all emotional on me now. I’m already putty in your hands.” I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead, letting him gather himself without interrupting. In my mind, the desire to run away warred with the very real possibility that this might be a first for me too. This was the first time I actually cared enough about anybody to wait. It was the first time that I felt like what happened between us was more than two humans keeping each other warm. Work was work, and play was play, but this was something different altogether. With Doug, this was something more.
Love?
Chapter Six
I watched Doug make his way down the aisle, smiling gently at all the passengers and chatting softly with other flight staff. I didn’t mean to watch him, but whenever he came into view, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I was heading back out west, and I’d managed to snag a seat on his flight. It had been nearly a week since we’d been able to have any time together. I was getting used to the goodnight messages and the morning chats, but I was looking forward to spending some one on one time with him once the plane landed.
Our eyes met for a brief moment as he passed by and he blushed slightly before moving on. I pulled out a sleeping mask and slipped it over my eyes. The last thing I wanted was to be a distraction for Doug while he worked. Since I couldn’t make myself scarce, I could at least put myself out of commission for a while. When I woke up, we were well into the flight, and most of the other passengers were dozing in the darkened cabin.
“Warm, moist towel?” The air host who approached was a new face. I hadn’t seen him before falling asleep and couldn’t recall his face from any of my previous flights.
“Thank you,” I said, smiling up at him. I scanned his chest for the requisite tag. “Skyler.”
“Yes, sir,” he said with a nod of his head.
“Are you going to be working this run from now on?”
“I just switched with the regular host for today,” he said gently, passing a towel to the woman behind me. “Why?”
“I make it my business to know the crew that works on my flights. I fly so often, it helps to be kind to the crew,” I said, trying not to sound like a stalker.
Skyler gave me a knowing smile and leaned in closer before speaking.
“Well, I certainly know who you are Mr. Lover. And let me say, I’m a HUGE fan,” he whispered.
“Thanks.” I was used to this by now. There was always something a little awkward about having a stranger tell you that they love watching you while they masturbate. Flattering, but awkward.
“And may I say, you’re just as good looking in person. I’ve seen a whole lot of actors and actresses, and sometimes they are unrecognizable. You realize how much of that stuff is just movie magic, but you are the real deal.”
“I guess so.” I’d heard that before.
The look in Skyler’s eye was familiar. And, in case I wasn’t sure what he meant, he placed one hand on my knee and squeezed gently. I took a second look at this guy. He was attractive in the same wholesome, clean-shaven way that all airline employees tend to be. But, there was something in his eyes. Something darker that told me that his genteel manners and soft-spoken mannerisms were all a front, and he was dying for a chance to show me who he really was. In different circumstances, I would probably have taken him up on his offer. But, things were different, and I wasn’t really sure how to diffuse this situation without potentially losing a fan. In this business, the fantasy is everything. One disgruntled fan can ruin that fantasy for hundreds of people, and once the fantasy ends, they move on to newer, fresher faces.
I was about to attempt a charm offensive when I saw Doug’s face step out from the shadows. He was smiling, but there was no warmth in his eyes.
“Skyler, I see you’ve met my boyfriend,” he said. Despite the fact that we’d talked about everything else under the sun, we’d never put a label on our relationship. This was the first time he’d declared me his boyfriend, and although it was unexpected, it felt right.
“Boyfriend?” Skyler looked shocked but recovered quickly. “I didn’t know you were dating.”
Skyler turned and looked at me for confirmation and it was my turn to take a stand. Was I his boyfriend? Was this more than just an extended crush?
“I hope you’ll respect our privacy. I would hate for Doug’s work to suffer because of his private life.”
“Oh, of course not,” Skyler said, standing upright. His eyes flashed with malice, but again, he buried it quickly under his manicured facade and offered us both a smile. “I bet you two have quite a story to tell. Anyway, would you like anything else, sir.”
“No, thank you,” I said.
Skyler slipped by Doug and disappeared behind the curtain at the end of the aisle. Doug smoothed his vest and turned to leave, but I caught his wrist and stopped him.
“Are you okay?”
“Of course.” He looked down at me with slight annoyance and then pulled away. I sat back in my seat and watched him walk away. I wasn’t sure if I should be worried or not. Had he misinterpreted my courtesy as flirting? The way Doug swooped in out of nowhere implied that this wasn’t the first time he’d seen Skyler hitting on passengers. It was a jealous boyfriend kind of thing to do, but it also made me feel pretty good.
The rest of the flight continued without any incident. If you hadn’t caught a front row seat to the exchanges between Skyler, Doug and me, you would never have known that there was any connection between the three of us. Neither of their faces showed any signs of change as they bid me farewell while disembarking. It was frightening. I felt like I just stumbled into a bear trap, and I was just waiting for the sickening snap of those metal jaws around my leg.
I felt a stone in my gut as I waited for Doug to meet me by the exit with his standard issue luggage in tow. When I saw him turn the corner, my heart dropped. He looked dashing and rumpled in a way that made it clear that whatever he had been doing had been both athletic and aggressive. His tie was gone, the top two buttons open casually. He’d rolled his shirtsleeves up haphazardly and his jacket was slung over his bag.
“Are you okay?” I asked tentatively.
He looked at me with a strange determination in his eyes. It wasn’t until he was an arm’s length away that I noticed the redness on his neck and chin.
“What happen—”
He walked up to me and kissed me hard, careless of who might be watching or what the consequences would be. I thought about rejecting him, but it was clear that he was trying to make a statement with that kiss. I let it go on for as long as he needed it to, and decided that silence was the best way to handle this. I didn’t want to be the couple fighting as they leave the airport.
Doug grabbed my hand and smiled up at me.
“You deserved that,” he said, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet.
“I did?”
“Yes. Any BOYFRIEND of mine deserves at least one humiliating Public Display of Affection whenever we fly together,” he said with a silly grin.
“You’re not mad?”
“Why would I be?”
“I thought maybe you had the wrong idea about Skyler and-”
He cut me off and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
“Okay, so I just outed myself at work in front of the biggest gossip in the company. By the time we are wheels up in a few days, every pilot, flight crew member and ticketing agent from here to Tuscaloosa will know that I am dating a gay porn star, And, you k
now what? I don’t fucking care!”
“Tuscaloosa is a real place?”
He nodded happily. “It has its own airport and everything.”
“So, what happened to your neck?”
He rubbed his neck and shook his head.
“Nothing much. I just had to let Skyler know that I didn’t appreciate his smart mouth. We disagreed on what the definition of professional courtesy was, and had to have a private conversation,” he said as he hailed a taxi.
“Maybe it's better that you are staying with me this time.”
“I stay with you every time we’re on the same coast.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know if my reputation can handle rumors that my boyfriend was mixing it up with a coworker in the hotel,” I teased.
“Don’t get confused. I’m tougher than I look,” he said with a wink.
“I bet.”
“Don’t believe me?”
The gruff cab driver who had been watching us through the rearview mirror decided to chime in at that moment.
“I believe you. Even if he doesn’t wait until you’re out of the car before you show him,” he said loudly.
“Oh, I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t attack him,” Doug wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his head on my shoulder.
“Don’t try to act cute now,” I said under my breath.
“Who, me? What act? I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about?”
His face was so sweet I felt like I was on the cover of Sweet Valley High, and he was one of those cherub-like boys plucked from obscurity to delight pre-pubescent girls, because they were completely non-threatening. Something deep and primal in my core roared as we wound our way through the city and to the resident hotel. I wanted to strip him naked and put that sweet, soy-boy demeanor to the test, and yet something in me also wanted him to be like this forever.
Chapter Seven
The feeling of Doug’s soft hair under my chin woke me up. Somehow, his hair always smelled like dark spices. I did a quick mental check. I was where I was supposed to be, with the person I was supposed to be with. I didn’t have anything scheduled for the day, so I could spend the morning in bed if I wanted. Still, something seemed off. Something that I had forgotten, or maybe shouldn’t have forgotten. I laid there in my state of unease, until Doug shifted, pressing his back against my chest and bringing the length of his warm, naked body up hard against mine.
Naked.
Very, very naked.
I searched my memories of the night before for the source of this turn of events. For some reason, the details were a lot more difficult to recall than they should’ve been. An icy fear wound its way around my heart. My struggle with alcohol was part of my past, but it was the part that I feared the most.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Surprisingly good, no headache, no desire to dig a hole and die in it.” I hugged him to me and once again the feeling of his naked skin against mine brought me up short.
“Where are your clothes?”
“I didn’t need them,” he said, sounding smug.
“So, you just brought all this ass into bed and didn’t expect me to get any ideas,” I said, gripping the round chunks of flesh that he’d foolishly smooshed against my thighs.
“You were too drunk to get any ideas,” he chuckled.
“I’m not drunk now.”
“Yeah, but you still have whiskey dick,” he said, shifting his weight so that he slid deeper into my arms.
“I wouldn’t bet on that,” I said, pressing my stiffening cock against his body.
He turned in my arms and faced me.
“Are you sure you feel okay?” His eyes were full of concern, which made my fuzzy memory all the more alarming.
“Yeah, why? Did I do something last night?”
“I don’t know. I think you weren’t yourself. I mean, you don’t usually drink, but I didn’t think you were a total lightweight.”
“Did I throw up all over you or something. I honestly don’t remember.”
He shook his head, but he didn’t look any less haunted.
“How much do you remember about last night?”
“We went out, I met up with some friends and we went back to his house. I remember the pool and the hot tub. I remember drinking some fruity shit that had the alcohol content of baby piss. And then, I mildly remember getting into a cab at some point.”
“You had more than one drink, I think and then just zoned out. I mean, you were like catatonic. That guy, Neusam or Newman, or something; he offered us a ride, but I already had a cab waiting outside. You passed out in the car on the way here. I thought I was going to have to get your stomach pumped.”
“What the hell?” I sat up in bed and ran my hands through my hair. I checked my pulse and began to take stock of my physical being.
“My thoughts exactly. You can’t be out in public like that,” he said.
“Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe my ears. I knew he was a little naive, but this level of naivete was dangerous. I grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes.
“The guy who offered to take me home, what did he look like?”
“I don’t know. He had a weird 90’s boy band look. I mean, his tips were frosted,” Doug said with a chuckle.
“Shit,” I struggled to untangle myself and get out of bed.
“What’s wrong?”
“I wasn’t drunk. I was drugged. What did you give me last night?”
“Nothing, I just tried to get you to drink a lot of water. You were really compliant at first, so I just kept giving you water,” Doug started to look panicked. “What’s wrong? Are you sick? Did I do something wrong?”
I shook my head. I needed to think critically. Perhaps I’d dodged a bullet by having Doug with me.
“That guy was probably a gate crasher. There are a lot of crazy people in the world, and my job description attracts a lot of unsavory characters.”
“You think he drugged you?” Finally, the lights went on in his head.
“Possibly. Probably some fucked up ketamine or bullshit GHB. He could’ve killed me. Lucky for me you never let me wander off by myself. But if you hadn’t been there, it could have turned into a different situation,” I said, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him closer to my body. “You need to learn to be more vigilant about your life too.”
“Me?”
I nodded.
“Crazy people don’t discriminate. And if you’re going to go around claiming me as your boyfriend, you should be ready for the backlash, because even if people don’t immediately recognize who I am, the fact that I’m an adult entertainer will eventually come up. Sometimes people are very closed-minded. And sometimes they are cruel. And sometimes, they are crazy. You need to be careful,” I said, pulling him into a hug.
He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me back. I stood there, wishing that I could protect him from the darker side of my life. But, if I wanted him to be a part of my life, I couldn’t afford to act like an overprotective parent. This was an all or nothing situation. And I desperately wanted him to be a part of my life. For the first time I didn’t want to hide any part of my life away from the person I was seeing. I wanted him to see it all and to know exactly what it cost me.
“I’ll be careful,” he said against my chest. The feeling of his breath against my skin reminded me once again that we were naked. Very naked.
“Be sure you do that.” I bit his ear and he jumped in my arms but didn’t try to pull away. “You’re just going to stand here and let me eat you up?”
“Is there any point in fighting you about something I might enjoy?”
I let my hands drift down his spine and gripped his firm ass.
“I guess not,” I agreed.
I caught his earlobe between my teeth and took my time torturing the succulent bit of flesh. He jumped and shivered in my arms, tempting me to seek out other sensitive spots on his body.
“You
’re playing with fire,” I growled. “Only one of us knows our limits, and that's a bad position to be in.”
“I trust you,” he said. The words floored me. I stepped back, looked him in the eyes and took a deep breath.
“Say it again?”
“What? I trust you. You won’t push me too far,” he said, again the naivete in his eyes and voice made me want to throttle him and kiss him senseless at the same damn time.
“You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t trust anybody, especially with something as precious as your body. Especially not somebody like-”
“What? Like you,” he said with a smirk. “What’s wrong with you.”
“Nothing, but I’m not a boy scout either. And I have ulterior motives, remember. I desperately want to fuck you.”
“Okay, and I want that to happen too. And I’m not making any promises, but it will happen when the time is right. I trust you to wait until then, just like you trust me to tell you when the time is right.”
I felt my chest get tight and I kissed him hard to avoid any more words that might turn me into a blubbering sack of shit. The feeling of his skin against mine was heaven. I found myself trying to check my strength to avoid bruising him. His sighed into my mouth and leaned into the kiss, letting himself be touched without any inhibitions.
Although our lips were silent, my mind was racing. I was in love. No doubt. And love could be a liability. I wondered if this wasn’t the beginning of the end for me. Maybe I was getting to the point when every performer has to decide whether or not to take a bow and exit stage right. At some point, I knew, I’d have to make a decision between a healthy career and a healthy relationship. I’d seen it too many times. Even when two adult entertainers fell in love there was always a moment when one or both of them had to leave the industry if they wanted to stay together. So far, I’d avoided the temptation to build a “real” life and relationship with anybody, but every day he was making me reconsider that decision.