by Max Hudson
“I don’t want to play around with my private life. Do you realize this is the first time that I can say that I actually have a private life?”
“You’re fucking this up, man,” he said, lighting a cigarette. I knew he was anxious about the direction our conversations had been going lately. Honestly, we made a lot of money together. Neither one of us was ready to walk away from that. But, every performer knew that their career had a short shelf life. I had been lucky enough to have more than a few years of solid work.
“I just want to explore other options. Maybe we could switch it up and start live streaming or restructure my website so that we can do some private content.”
He nodded, the cigarette dangling absentmindedly from his fingertips.
“We could definitely do that. You have a solid fan base and they’d pay good money to see you one on one. I got a buddy who is making a killing doing private requests.”
He sounded optimistic and that was a good sign. Sean could be a little bit of an asshole. He was the kind of guy who fell into this life. He wasn’t good looking or bold enough to be a performer himself, but he knew how to make moves and operate in diverse circles. He loved the party and considered the negative aspects as the price of admission. As long as we could find ways to keep the party going and the money flowing, ultimately, he would be down for whatever I wanted to do with my life.
“Let me talk to the tech guy and look into some of these streaming sites. If we can cut a decent deal you can finally pick a coast and spend more time baking cookies or whatever it is that you settled people do.”
He waved me away with a flash of his fingers and then picked up his glass. So far, he’d been true to his word, rebuilding my website so that my fans could access me more directly, and promoting my social media accounts. This was all build-up to the switch that would hopefully let me keep my career and my lover.
“Long time no see,” a familiar voice said over my shoulder. I turned to see who it was and found myself face to face with Ronan. The guy had the same slimy Miami look about him. His scorched skin and cold, fathomless eyes made my skin crawl.
“Hey,” I said, trying to keep the smile from my face from slipping. We were in public and I didn’t want to end up on TMZ.
“I heard you weren’t getting as much work lately as you used to. Is there any way I can help? I’m thinking of setting up a scene for later, something for a private collection. Standard rates apply.”
I shook my head and turned to walk away, but he caught me by the arm.
“Get your hands off of me,” I growled.
“Easy, buddy. I'm just trying to offer you some work. I would love to work with you again,” he said, his leering smile making its way across his face like an oil slick. I shook my arm free and took a deep breath.
“No thanks, I’m pretty well set up,” I said, turning to walk away for the second time. This time I was halted by another familiar voice.
“Hey stranger! Nice to see that your boyfriend still lets you get out and have some fun,” Skyler said, sliding up under Ronan’s arm.
“This isn’t fun. Its business,” I said, not really sure why I was wasting time responding to him.
“Well, we’re all in the business of fun, aren’t we?” Ronan grasped Skyler’s ass and he jumped and leaned into the oily man, casting a seductive look over his shoulder. It was obvious that Skyler was going to be starring in Ronan’s impromptu film. It was less obvious whether he knew that fact or not. Skyler was clearly hoping I would join them, and though the invitation was subtle, I had no intention of acknowledging it.
“Leave him alone. He has a boyfriend.”
“So, do you,” Ronan shot back.
“But, I know his boyfriend. He isn’t the type that’s willing to share, even if it’s just a professional courtesy,” he said, pouting.
The words set off alarms in my head and I couldn’t hide the smile.
“He’s right. Doug is a little picky about certain things. And Skyler would know first-hand how unreasonable he can be about sharing,” I said with a chuckle; I turned to Skyler and made eye contact. “Just a word to the wise. If you don’t want your bare ass all over the internet, be careful with this guy. He’s got all kinds of tricks up his sleeve.”
Ronan gave me a dirty look over Skyler’s shoulder. I almost felt bad for the guy, he had no idea what he was walking into. Then again, I’d given him a sound warning, whether he took it or not was up to him. There were a lot of guys out there who never got that much before they found themselves sucked into a world they’d only ever heard about.
I hung around until closing and then left for home. Because I was a regular, and my manager was a great businessman, I didn’t need to cash out at the end of the night. Everything was handled electronically. I developed a serious issue with handling large amounts of cash early on in my career. I made the mistake of asking the internet how much fecal matter was on a dollar bill, and I’ve been hesitant about tips ever since.
I made my way back to my place and took a long, hot shower. My body was exhausted, but I couldn’t let myself go to sleep until I’d fulfilled one last obligation. I lay in bed, phone in hand, waiting for it to ring. I calculated the time in my head, counting the time zones and the length of time spent in the air. I did some tricky math trying to estimate how long it would take for Doug to get out of the airport and into the hotel. The minutes ticked away, and I felt more and more like a lovesick teenager waiting for the phone to ring.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to sleep; I couldn’t. I’d somehow slipped into the habit of letting his voice be the last thing I heard before I closed my eyes at night, and it was fucking impossible to get any rest unless he said goodnight.
After an hour of waiting, I finally sat up and checked the airline website to be sure his flight was on time.
Delayed.
Shit.
I turned on the television and flipped to one of the twenty-four-hour news networks. The sight of a plane engulfed in flames made my heart stutter. I knew that airline and that airport like the back of my hand. I turned the volume up and scrambled to the television, watching the footage of the burning plane carefully for any clue about which flight it was. It seemed like there were only two images of the plane that they were willing to show, one taken by somebody in the airport as the plane was ablaze, and the other was of a smoldering plane, the flames extinguished, and the back end blackened with smoke.
“Officials are saying that they suspect it was an electrical fire, but have not ruled out other possibilities. Some of the witnesses say it looked as if the back end of the plane was struck by lightning. Luckily the plane was already on the ground by the time the flames got out of control and all of the passengers were able to get out safely. We are told that only two members of the crew were injured, they are both being treated at the local hospital. We will update you on their condition as information becomes available…”
Terror crept into my bones. It was the first time I think I ever considered the idea that there might not be a tomorrow. Not for me and not for Doug. It was the first time I thought that something outside of our control could ever possibly separate us. The logical part of my brain kept telling me that there were no casualties. Even if he was one of the two injured parties, they weren’t dead. But my heart wouldn’t hear it. My heart kept telling me that I’d lost something special, and the war between the two was excruciating.
I dialed Doug’s number and it went straight to voicemail.
Of course.
I dialed it a dozen more times, knowing that I wouldn't get an answer. Still, I had to do something. Watching the news was making me crazy. I tried dialing the airline and couldn’t get through. I contemplated buying a ticket out west but that didn’t seem like the most expedient way of getting what I wanted so desperately; to hear him say my name and tell me he was okay.
By the time my phone rang the sun was up and I’d burned through any shreds of sanity that I had left.
/> “Hey, Max?” He sounded weary but alive.
“ARE YOU OKAY!?!?” I was yelling like a lunatic.
“You wouldn’t believe what happened. I’m sorry I couldn’t call,” he began.
“I’ve been watching it all night. All fucking night. Are you okay?”
“They showed it on the news? Shit!”
“Don’t they have televisions there?”
“I just got off the plane. We circled the airport forever before we were rerouted, and then we sat on the tarmac for another hour. I haven’t even left the airport yet.”
“So, it wasn’t your flight?”
“No, I’m fine. Exhausted, but fine.”
“I’m glad.”
“You were really worried about me?” he sounded surprised.
“Of course. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”
“Flying is safer than driving, you know.”
“Maybe for people who only fly every once in a while, but you are in the air every day. Anything could happen to you. And then what do I do? I’ll just be some washed up old porn star with nobody to love.”
His breath caught in his chest and there was silence on the line.
“You love me?”
“Yeah,” I ran a hand through my hair, “I guess I do. Is that okay?”
“I love you too.” The words shot out of his mouth like projectiles.
“Oh.”
Another stretch of silence passed between us.
“I think maybe you should meet my mom,” he said.
“Okay,” because I wasn’t really sure what else to say. I mean, how could I refuse to meet his mom? Then again, what does one say to the pot-smoking hippie mother of your wholesome, midwestern, baby-faced, flight attendant boyfriend? Hello Mrs. James, your son has a sweet ass!
“Max?”
“Yeah!”
“Are you okay with that?”
“Um sure, but… why?”
“Because I promised her that if I ever fell in love and I was, like sure, you know. If I was serious, I promised her that I would bring him home instead of keeping it a secret.” He sounded embarrassed by the admission.
“That’s kinda sweet. You set it up and I’ll be there.”
“Okay. I’m going to sleep now. I’ll see you tonight,” he said.
I nodded and hung up. Meet the mother? That was new. I guessed there would be a first time for everything. I was certainly fielding a lot of firsts with him.
Chapter Ten
I reviewed the website. There was a member’s only library of some of my most popular clips and previously unreleased footage. There was also an announcement board to let fans know when I would be live streaming and how to access it. As always, I had links for a variety of merchandise and added to the site was a place for my fans and I to interact. I could post polls, promote my live appearances, and take requests. I was impressed.
“The important thing here is that you already have a pretty impressive email list. If you can convert even 30% of those into members, then you are laughing all the way to the bank,” Sean said.
“Looks good,” I said, checking my watch.
“I have a few fish on the line for the live streaming deals. Give me a few days to work on it and I’ll come back to you with some numbers,” he said.
“Awesome!” I stood up, clapping my hands together.
“Got a hot date with the new boyfriend?”
I shook my head.
“His mother, actually. I’m headed to Utah,” I said, scooping up my bag from the floor and throwing it over my shoulder.
“Since when are bears into cougars?” He chuckled at his own lame joke.
“I’m not a bear. I’m a jock, or a wolf at least.” I lifted my shirt to expose my abs as proof.
“I don’t care what you are honey, I never mix business with pleasure, but if you ever want to retire you are welcome to come and warm my bench.” Sean smacked my ass and winked.
He was usually a professional. We both were. Despite the nature of the work we did together, we were clear about our roles and where the line between fantasy and reality was drawn. Years of working together had made these occasional breaches of protocol insignificant to us both. We both had a laugh at the thought of either one of us succumbing to temptation.
“Look, for what it’s worth I have to admit that I am not a big fan of relationships. Romantic entanglements tend to fuck up my bottom line,” he said reluctantly. “But, you seem happier. You’re working smarter now, not harder, and I can respect that. And even though I think it’s a big fucking mistake, I really do hope that it all works out.”
“Thanks, man,” I said before walking out of his office. I went straight to the airport and caught my flight. I felt like I spent half of my life in the air, and never once felt any trepidation. Now, I was nervous. It felt like every mile that we passed brought me closer and closer to disaster. We’d agreed not to mention my profession to Doug’s parents. I wanted them to get to know me as a person without the baggage of knowing how I made my money. I wanted them to like me, Maxwell Glover, not Max Lover.
When I landed, Doug was waiting for me as soon as I came through the gates. His suitcase and uniform seemed especially shiny, as if he’d had the privilege of full concierge service mid-flight. I, by contrast, seemed like a bum. My distressed denim and relaxed fit t-shirt were comfortable to wear, but coupled with my hellish five o’clock shadow and slightly unkempt hair, it wasn’t the kind of first impression I was hoping to give.
“I should’ve gone to the barber shop,” I groaned.
“You look great,” Doug said, beaming up at me.
“I look like an out of work actor,” I said.
“The boots are a nice touch,” he tapped my worked-leather, cowboy boots with the tips of his shiny shoes.
“I don’t know why I wore these,” I let all my distress seep into my voice.
“She is going to love you!”
“What about your dad?”
“He is going to hate you no matter what you do. Give up on him.”
“Why?” I was genuinely aghast.
“Because you are trying to butt fuck his little boy,” Doug said with a smile. “Surprise! Fathers hate it when you’re the guy boinking their daughters, but they are really touchy when you are the guy trying to shag their sons. Welcome to Utah.”
He handed me two gift bags.
“What’s this?”
“Gifts for my mother,” he said with a smile.
“Oh shit! I was supposed to bring a gift? Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve bought her something.”
He laced his fingers in mine and escorted me through the airport.
“I knew you wouldn’t think to do it yourself, and you have no idea what my mom likes so I did some shopping.”
“Thanks,” I felt foolish. I’d had exactly one relationship that was even worth mentioning and it had been a clandestine affair that left me emotionally shattered. I’d never had anybody who wanted to bring me home to meet the parents. I wasn’t prepared, and it had nothing to do with forgetting to bring a gift for your boyfriend’s mother. I was in over my head, and longing for a drink.
“Don’t worry about it,” Doug seemed to be smiling, even though I couldn’t see his face. He seemed happy. I caught two or three older people looking at us marching through the airport and tisking softly. Somehow their disapproval was comforting to me. Doug may think I’m wonderful, and we might even be able to convince his mom that I’m a good guy, but they knew the truth. Doug was too good for me, too good for most people, and yet he had chosen me.
That had to count for something, right?
We caught an airline shuttle out to the suburbs. It turned out Doug grew up in the kind of place that you’d expect a guy like Doug to matriculate from. The neat, manicured lawns all lined up perfectly down the street of similarly constructed and painted houses. Kids rode their bikes on the sidewalks. The schools and the shops we passed were a litt
le slice of Americana. It was both wholesome and creepy. You could only imagine the kind of insanity all the starched chinos and new siding must be hiding.
We pulled into the driveway and slid out of the van. A woman clad in a paisley kaftan came charging out the front door, her hands in the air, hooting her welcome.
“You made it safe and sound!” She caught Doug up in a tight hug, closing her eyes and holding him to her as if he’d been lost for months and finally returned home.
“Oh, Ma,” Doug groaned.
I stood there watching the scene with a dumb smile on my face like a fool.
“And this must be the boyfriend,” she said, turning her gaze to me.
“This is Max,” Doug pulled away from her embrace and slipped his arm around my waist.
“Nice to meet you Mrs. James,” I said, extending a hand.
She slapped it away and pulled me into a less abrasive, but no less embarrassing hug.
“Mrs. James is my mother-in-law, you can call me Janine,” she said.
“Oh, okay.”
“Come on in, Floyd is in the back charring some poor animal’s flesh on the new grill,” she said.
“Dad is a wannabe grill master. No matter the weather, he gets out there every chance he gets,” Doug said to me quietly.
“Unfortunately, he’s a horrible cook,” Janine added with a smile. I found myself bedazzled by her perfectly aligned teeth and disarming smile.
“Uh, these are for you!” I shoved the gift bags into her hands as I passed.
“Oh, how thoughtful,” she said without opening them.
“It’s nothing.”
I followed Doug into the house and upstairs. His mother followed us up the stairs silently.
“I wasn’t sure what we should do about the sleeping arrangements.”
“I can sleep anywhere,” I said.
“Well, we just switched the beds around, so the queen-size bed is in your room and we put the single bed in the guest room,” she said, looking back and forth between Doug and me. It felt like some kind of test, and I was clueless of what the right answer was.