The Morals of a Murderer

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The Morals of a Murderer Page 21

by Roger Silverwood


  Press statement released Prime Minister’s Office,

  10 Downing Street, London SW1.

  0946 hrs 9 May 2005.

  Distribution all news agencies.

  Security category: U (unrestricted)

  Commander awarded OBE

  Downing Street has just announced the award of an OBE to Commander Peregrine Boodle (56) of Sheridan Walk, Chelsea, London for unstinting diplomatic work in securing peace in the Middle East.

  End of press release.

  Angel smiled, shook his head and rubbed his chin.

  ‘Thank you, lad. Now there’s a thing.’

  Ahmed beamed.

  ‘Has the super seen this?’

  ‘No sir.’

  There was a knock at the door.

  Angel frowned. ‘See who that is, lad.’

  Ahmed opened the door.

  The plumber in the blue overalls was standing there with the unlit cigarette-end in the corner of his mouth. He was holding a yellow plastic bucket. He looked across at Angel. ‘Here. Can I have a word with you?’ he said.

  Angel screwed up his eyes.

  ‘Me?’ he queried. ‘Ay. What is it?’ He stood up.

  The plumber shuffled into the room. Angel turned to Ahmed.

  ‘Take that press release down to the super’s office, lad,’ he said. ‘Tell him I sent you. You never know. It’ll soon be Christmas, he might smile.’

  Ahmed went out grinning, and closed the door.

  Angel wrinkled his nose and peered at the man with the bucket.

  ‘Now then, what can I do for you?’ he said.

  The plumber placed the bucket on Angel’s desk.

  ‘I think it’s more like what I can do for you,’ he replied.

  ‘Oh,’ Angel said, glaring at the location of the bucket and considering what he might do about it.

  ‘Yes. I’ve been four weeks trying to unblock yon gents’ lavatory, without disturbing the granite wall at the front of this station your chief constable is so proud of. And I’ve just this very minute managed it. I got this out, what’s been causing the blockage. And by the look of it, it belongs to you.’ He tipped the bucket slightly towards him. Angel peered into it and saw an open leather wallet, with his badge and his warrant card, showing a photograph of him, floating in an inch of clear water at the bottom.

  His jaw dropped. ‘Oh.’ He couldn’t think of anything to say. ‘Oh.’

  ‘I’ve rinsed them, the best I could. Where do you want them?’

  Angel looked vaguely round the office.

  ‘Well, just put the bucket down there,’ he said pointing to the floor by the door.

  ‘No. Can’t leave it. I want the bucket back.’

  Angel was about to speak, when there was a knock on the door.

  ‘Come in,’ he called. It was Ahmed.

  ‘Ah,’ Angel said, smiling. ‘You weren’t long.’

  ‘He wasn’t in, sir.’

  ‘Well, take this bucket off this chap, go down to the boiler room, put the contents out to dry.’

  ‘If I don’t get the bucket back, I shall stick it on the bill,’ the plumber said challengingly.

  ‘And make sure you give him his bucket back soon as you can,’ Angel said irritably ‘Right sir.’

  The plumber handed the bucket to Ahmed and sniffed loudly.

  ‘I’ll be working in the gents’ lav,’ he said and wandered out of the room.

  Ahmed peered into the bucket.

  ‘Oooo look, sir. It’s your ID stuff, your warrant card, your badge — ’

  ‘I know. I know,’ snapped Angel.

  ‘Ah? Does the super know about this?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Shall I tell him, sir?’

  ‘No,’ Angel growled.

  Ahmed’s eyebrows shot up.

  ‘Right sir.’ He turned to go. ‘Does the chief constable know, sir?’

  ‘No!’ snapped Angel more loudly.

  ‘I thought — ’

  ‘Never mind what you thought.’ Angel waved his hand angrily. ‘Just do what I tell you.’

  Ahmed looked surprised. ‘All right, sir.’ He turned back. ‘You’ve got a visitor. In reception.’

  ‘Oh? Who?’

  ‘Mrs Buller-Price.’

  Angel groaned. ‘Ooooh. Mrs Buller-Price? This is very unorthodox. It’s the court case tomorrow. She really shouldn’t be speaking to me.’

  ‘Shall I say you’re not in?’

  ‘No, no. I’d better see her. She’ll naturally be worried. On her own. You’d better show her in here.’

  ‘Right, sir.’

  Ahmed took the bucket and closed the door.

  Angel wondered what she could possibly want so near the trial. She would naturally be apprehensive; he would do what he could to alleviate any nervousness. He gathered together the papers he had been working on, squared them off and put them neatly on the corner of the desk; he straightened his tie and buttoned his coat. He was ready to see her.

  There was a knock at the door.

  ‘Come in!’

  Ahmed opened the door. ‘Mrs Buller-Price.’

  Angel stood up and smiled.

  ‘Come in. Come in.’

  The old lady sailed in wearing a big smile, a weatherproof coat and hat and carrying a big leather shopping-bag.

  ‘Ah, there you are Inspector,’ she said, loudly. ‘How nice to see you again.’

  Ahmed went out and closed the door.

  She looked round the room. ‘Is this the torture chamber, where you get all your confessions?’ she said with a girlish giggle.

  He smiled and pointed to the chair.

  ‘Please sit down. Now what brings you here?’

  She dropped the leather bag by her feet and slowly lowered herself into the chair, carefully placing her stick on the floor beside her. Then, in a confidential tone, she said: ‘I’ll tell you. It’s my day in court tomorrow, isn’t it.’ She shook her chins. ‘You said that the fine was likely to be substantial.’

  Angel nodded. ‘I am afraid so.’

  ‘Well look here, Inspector, to save all that trouble and time-consuming business of me appearing there, perhaps I could plead “Guilty”. Hmm?’

  She dived into the big leather bag, and swiftly pulled out something heavy wrapped in a spotlessly clean yellow duster.

  She placed it on the desk in front of him. ‘And do you think you could ask the judge to take the fine out of that?’

  Angel turned back the corner of the duster to reveal a bar of gold.

  THE END

  OTHER BOOKS BY ROGER SILVERWOOD

  YORKSHIRE MURDER MYSTERIES

  Book 1: THE MISSING NURSE

  Book 2: THE MISSING WIFE

  Book 3: THE MAN IN THE PINK SUIT

  Book 4: THE MORALS OF A MURDERER

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  Glossary of English Slang for US readers

  A & E: Accident and emergency department in a hospital

  Aggro: Violent behaviour, aggression

  Air raid: an attack in which bombs are dropped from aircraft on ground targets

  Allotment: a plot of land rented by an individual for growing fruit, vegetable or flowers

  Anorak: nerd (it also means a waterproof jacket)

  Artex: textured plaster finish for walls and ceilings

  A Level: exams taken between 16 and 18

  Auld Reekie: Edinburgh

  Au pair: live-in childcare helper. Often a young woman.

  Bar: as in The Bar, the profession of barrister.

  Barm: bread roll

  Barney: argument

  Barrister: lawyer who argues in court

  Beaker: glass or cup for holding liquids

  Beemer: BMW car or motorcycle

  Benefits: social security

  Bent: corrupt

  Bin: wastebasket (noun), or throw in rubbish (verb)

  Biscuit: cookie

  Blackpool Lights: gaudy illuminations in seaside town

  Bloke: guy

  Blow: cocaine

  Blower: telephone

  Blues and twos: emergency vehicles

  Bob: money

  Bobby: policeman

  Broadsheet: quality newspaper (New York Times would be a US example)

  Brown bread: rhyming slang for dead

  Bun: small cake

  Bunk: do a bunk means escape

  Burger bar: hamburger fast-food restaurant

  Buy-to-let: Buying a house/apartment to rent it out for profit

  Caravan: Mobile home

  Carrier bag: plastic bag from supermarket

  Care Home: an institution where old people are cared for

  Car park: parking lot

  CBeebies: kids TV

  Charity Shop: thrift store

  Chat-up: flirt, trying to pick up someone with witty banter or compliments

  Chemist: pharmacy

  Chinwag: conversation

  Chippie: fast-food place selling chips and other fried food

  Chips: French fries but thicker

  CID: Criminal Investigation Department

  Civvy Street: civilian life (as opposed to army)

  Clock: punch

  Cock-up: mess up, make a mistake

  Cockney: a native of East London

  Common: an area of park land/ or lower class

  Comprehensive School (Comp.): High school

  Cop hold of: grab

  Copper: police officer

  Coverall: coveralls, or boiler suit

  CPS: Crown Prosecution Service, decide whether police cases go forward

  Childminder: someone who looks after children for money

  Council: local government

  Dan Dare: hero from Eagle comic

  DC: detective constable

  Deck: one of the landings on a floor of a tower block

  Deck: hit (verb)

  Desperate Dan: very strong comic book character

  DI: detective inspector

  Digestive biscuit: plain cookie

  Do a runner: disappear

  Do one: go away

  Doc Martens: Heavy boots with an air-cushioned sole

  Donkey’s years: long time

  Drum: house

  DS: detective sergeant

  ED: accident and emergency department of hospital

  Eagle: boys’ comic

  Early dart: to leave work early

  Eggy soldiers: strips of toast with a boiled egg

  Enforcer: police battering ram

  Estate: public/social housing estate (similar to housing projects)

  Estate agent: realtor (US)

  Falklands War: war between Britain and Argentina in 1982

  Fag: cigarette

  Father Christmas: Santa Claus

  Fi
lth: police (insulting)

  Forces: army, navy, and air force

  FMO: force medical officer

  Fried slice: fried bread

  Fuzz: police

  Garda: Irish police

  Gendarmerie: French national police force

  Geordie: from Newcastle

  Garden Centre: a business where plants and gardening equipment are sold

  Gob: mouth/ can also mean phlegm or spit

  GP: general practitioner, a doctor based in the community

  Graft: hard work

  Gran: grandmother

  Hancock: Tony Hancock, English comedian popular in 1950s

  Hard nut: tough person

  HGV: heavy goods vehicle, truck

  HMI: Her Majesty’s Inspector. Government-appointed inspector of educational establishments who reports on standards.

  HOLMES: UK police computer system used during investigation of major incidents

  Home: care home for elderly or sick people

  Hoover: vacuum cleaner

  I’ll be blowed: expression of surprise

  Inne: isn’t he

  Interpol: international police organisation

  Into care: a child taken away from their family by the social services

  Iron Lady: Margaret Thatcher, applied to any strong woman

  ITU: intensive therapy unit in hospital

  Jane Doe: a person whose identity is unknown/anonymous

  JCB: a mechanical excavator

  Jerry-built: badly made

  Jungle: nickname given to migrant camp near Calais

  Lad: young man

  Lass: young woman

  Lift: elevator

  Lord Lucan: famous aristocrat who allegedly killed his children’s nanny and disappeared in 1974. Has never been found.

  Lorry: a truck

  Lovely jubbly: said when someone is pleased

  Luftwaffe: German air force

  M&S: Marks and Spencer, a food and clothes shop

  Miss Marple: detective in a series of books by Agatha Christie

  MOD: ministry of defence

  Mobile phone: cell phone

  MP: Member of Parliament, politician representing an area

  MRSA: A strain of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

  Myra Hindley: famous British serial killer

  Naff: lame, not good

 

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