Press statement released Prime Minister’s Office,
10 Downing Street, London SW1.
0946 hrs 9 May 2005.
Distribution all news agencies.
Security category: U (unrestricted)
Commander awarded OBE
Downing Street has just announced the award of an OBE to Commander Peregrine Boodle (56) of Sheridan Walk, Chelsea, London for unstinting diplomatic work in securing peace in the Middle East.
End of press release.
Angel smiled, shook his head and rubbed his chin.
‘Thank you, lad. Now there’s a thing.’
Ahmed beamed.
‘Has the super seen this?’
‘No sir.’
There was a knock at the door.
Angel frowned. ‘See who that is, lad.’
Ahmed opened the door.
The plumber in the blue overalls was standing there with the unlit cigarette-end in the corner of his mouth. He was holding a yellow plastic bucket. He looked across at Angel. ‘Here. Can I have a word with you?’ he said.
Angel screwed up his eyes.
‘Me?’ he queried. ‘Ay. What is it?’ He stood up.
The plumber shuffled into the room. Angel turned to Ahmed.
‘Take that press release down to the super’s office, lad,’ he said. ‘Tell him I sent you. You never know. It’ll soon be Christmas, he might smile.’
Ahmed went out grinning, and closed the door.
Angel wrinkled his nose and peered at the man with the bucket.
‘Now then, what can I do for you?’ he said.
The plumber placed the bucket on Angel’s desk.
‘I think it’s more like what I can do for you,’ he replied.
‘Oh,’ Angel said, glaring at the location of the bucket and considering what he might do about it.
‘Yes. I’ve been four weeks trying to unblock yon gents’ lavatory, without disturbing the granite wall at the front of this station your chief constable is so proud of. And I’ve just this very minute managed it. I got this out, what’s been causing the blockage. And by the look of it, it belongs to you.’ He tipped the bucket slightly towards him. Angel peered into it and saw an open leather wallet, with his badge and his warrant card, showing a photograph of him, floating in an inch of clear water at the bottom.
His jaw dropped. ‘Oh.’ He couldn’t think of anything to say. ‘Oh.’
‘I’ve rinsed them, the best I could. Where do you want them?’
Angel looked vaguely round the office.
‘Well, just put the bucket down there,’ he said pointing to the floor by the door.
‘No. Can’t leave it. I want the bucket back.’
Angel was about to speak, when there was a knock on the door.
‘Come in,’ he called. It was Ahmed.
‘Ah,’ Angel said, smiling. ‘You weren’t long.’
‘He wasn’t in, sir.’
‘Well, take this bucket off this chap, go down to the boiler room, put the contents out to dry.’
‘If I don’t get the bucket back, I shall stick it on the bill,’ the plumber said challengingly.
‘And make sure you give him his bucket back soon as you can,’ Angel said irritably ‘Right sir.’
The plumber handed the bucket to Ahmed and sniffed loudly.
‘I’ll be working in the gents’ lav,’ he said and wandered out of the room.
Ahmed peered into the bucket.
‘Oooo look, sir. It’s your ID stuff, your warrant card, your badge — ’
‘I know. I know,’ snapped Angel.
‘Ah? Does the super know about this?’
‘No.’
‘Shall I tell him, sir?’
‘No,’ Angel growled.
Ahmed’s eyebrows shot up.
‘Right sir.’ He turned to go. ‘Does the chief constable know, sir?’
‘No!’ snapped Angel more loudly.
‘I thought — ’
‘Never mind what you thought.’ Angel waved his hand angrily. ‘Just do what I tell you.’
Ahmed looked surprised. ‘All right, sir.’ He turned back. ‘You’ve got a visitor. In reception.’
‘Oh? Who?’
‘Mrs Buller-Price.’
Angel groaned. ‘Ooooh. Mrs Buller-Price? This is very unorthodox. It’s the court case tomorrow. She really shouldn’t be speaking to me.’
‘Shall I say you’re not in?’
‘No, no. I’d better see her. She’ll naturally be worried. On her own. You’d better show her in here.’
‘Right, sir.’
Ahmed took the bucket and closed the door.
Angel wondered what she could possibly want so near the trial. She would naturally be apprehensive; he would do what he could to alleviate any nervousness. He gathered together the papers he had been working on, squared them off and put them neatly on the corner of the desk; he straightened his tie and buttoned his coat. He was ready to see her.
There was a knock at the door.
‘Come in!’
Ahmed opened the door. ‘Mrs Buller-Price.’
Angel stood up and smiled.
‘Come in. Come in.’
The old lady sailed in wearing a big smile, a weatherproof coat and hat and carrying a big leather shopping-bag.
‘Ah, there you are Inspector,’ she said, loudly. ‘How nice to see you again.’
Ahmed went out and closed the door.
She looked round the room. ‘Is this the torture chamber, where you get all your confessions?’ she said with a girlish giggle.
He smiled and pointed to the chair.
‘Please sit down. Now what brings you here?’
She dropped the leather bag by her feet and slowly lowered herself into the chair, carefully placing her stick on the floor beside her. Then, in a confidential tone, she said: ‘I’ll tell you. It’s my day in court tomorrow, isn’t it.’ She shook her chins. ‘You said that the fine was likely to be substantial.’
Angel nodded. ‘I am afraid so.’
‘Well look here, Inspector, to save all that trouble and time-consuming business of me appearing there, perhaps I could plead “Guilty”. Hmm?’
She dived into the big leather bag, and swiftly pulled out something heavy wrapped in a spotlessly clean yellow duster.
She placed it on the desk in front of him. ‘And do you think you could ask the judge to take the fine out of that?’
Angel turned back the corner of the duster to reveal a bar of gold.
THE END
OTHER BOOKS BY ROGER SILVERWOOD
YORKSHIRE MURDER MYSTERIES
Book 1: THE MISSING NURSE
Book 2: THE MISSING WIFE
Book 3: THE MAN IN THE PINK SUIT
Book 4: THE MORALS OF A MURDERER
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Glossary of English Slang for US readers
A & E: Accident and emergency department in a hospital
Aggro: Violent behaviour, aggression
Air raid: an attack in which bombs are dropped from aircraft on ground targets
Allotment: a plot of land rented by an individual for growing fruit, vegetable or flowers
Anorak: nerd (it also means a waterproof jacket)
Artex: textured plaster finish for walls and ceilings
A Level: exams taken between 16 and 18
Auld Reekie: Edinburgh
Au pair: live-in childcare helper. Often a young woman.
Bar: as in The Bar, the profession of barrister.
Barm: bread roll
Barney: argument
Barrister: lawyer who argues in court
Beaker: glass or cup for holding liquids
Beemer: BMW car or motorcycle
Benefits: social security
Bent: corrupt
Bin: wastebasket (noun), or throw in rubbish (verb)
Biscuit: cookie
Blackpool Lights: gaudy illuminations in seaside town
Bloke: guy
Blow: cocaine
Blower: telephone
Blues and twos: emergency vehicles
Bob: money
Bobby: policeman
Broadsheet: quality newspaper (New York Times would be a US example)
Brown bread: rhyming slang for dead
Bun: small cake
Bunk: do a bunk means escape
Burger bar: hamburger fast-food restaurant
Buy-to-let: Buying a house/apartment to rent it out for profit
Caravan: Mobile home
Carrier bag: plastic bag from supermarket
Care Home: an institution where old people are cared for
Car park: parking lot
CBeebies: kids TV
Charity Shop: thrift store
Chat-up: flirt, trying to pick up someone with witty banter or compliments
Chemist: pharmacy
Chinwag: conversation
Chippie: fast-food place selling chips and other fried food
Chips: French fries but thicker
CID: Criminal Investigation Department
Civvy Street: civilian life (as opposed to army)
Clock: punch
Cock-up: mess up, make a mistake
Cockney: a native of East London
Common: an area of park land/ or lower class
Comprehensive School (Comp.): High school
Cop hold of: grab
Copper: police officer
Coverall: coveralls, or boiler suit
CPS: Crown Prosecution Service, decide whether police cases go forward
Childminder: someone who looks after children for money
Council: local government
Dan Dare: hero from Eagle comic
DC: detective constable
Deck: one of the landings on a floor of a tower block
Deck: hit (verb)
Desperate Dan: very strong comic book character
DI: detective inspector
Digestive biscuit: plain cookie
Do a runner: disappear
Do one: go away
Doc Martens: Heavy boots with an air-cushioned sole
Donkey’s years: long time
Drum: house
DS: detective sergeant
ED: accident and emergency department of hospital
Eagle: boys’ comic
Early dart: to leave work early
Eggy soldiers: strips of toast with a boiled egg
Enforcer: police battering ram
Estate: public/social housing estate (similar to housing projects)
Estate agent: realtor (US)
Falklands War: war between Britain and Argentina in 1982
Fag: cigarette
Father Christmas: Santa Claus
Fi
lth: police (insulting)
Forces: army, navy, and air force
FMO: force medical officer
Fried slice: fried bread
Fuzz: police
Garda: Irish police
Gendarmerie: French national police force
Geordie: from Newcastle
Garden Centre: a business where plants and gardening equipment are sold
Gob: mouth/ can also mean phlegm or spit
GP: general practitioner, a doctor based in the community
Graft: hard work
Gran: grandmother
Hancock: Tony Hancock, English comedian popular in 1950s
Hard nut: tough person
HGV: heavy goods vehicle, truck
HMI: Her Majesty’s Inspector. Government-appointed inspector of educational establishments who reports on standards.
HOLMES: UK police computer system used during investigation of major incidents
Home: care home for elderly or sick people
Hoover: vacuum cleaner
I’ll be blowed: expression of surprise
Inne: isn’t he
Interpol: international police organisation
Into care: a child taken away from their family by the social services
Iron Lady: Margaret Thatcher, applied to any strong woman
ITU: intensive therapy unit in hospital
Jane Doe: a person whose identity is unknown/anonymous
JCB: a mechanical excavator
Jerry-built: badly made
Jungle: nickname given to migrant camp near Calais
Lad: young man
Lass: young woman
Lift: elevator
Lord Lucan: famous aristocrat who allegedly killed his children’s nanny and disappeared in 1974. Has never been found.
Lorry: a truck
Lovely jubbly: said when someone is pleased
Luftwaffe: German air force
M&S: Marks and Spencer, a food and clothes shop
Miss Marple: detective in a series of books by Agatha Christie
MOD: ministry of defence
Mobile phone: cell phone
MP: Member of Parliament, politician representing an area
MRSA: A strain of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.
Myra Hindley: famous British serial killer
Naff: lame, not good
The Morals of a Murderer Page 21