Just breathe, Laurie. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. In and out. Just breathe.
I repeated the mantra over and over again. Tears blurred my vision, and I hid my face when they started falling just as I sat down on one of the benches outside the rink. Covering my face with my hands, I let my head hang forward to use my shoulders as a shield from behind.
I wasn’t sure if Katie would be able to see me here if she happened to glance out the window, but if she did, I really didn’t want her to see me crying. The noise of a throat clearing a few feet away made me freeze before I spread my fingers just a little to peek out between them.
Jacob stood in front of me with a concerned expression on his face and worry burning in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
I gave my head a quick shake before closing my fingers again. “I just need a minute.”
“Did I do something wrong or hurt your feelings? I was only joking when I said you sucked.”
A surprised chuckle came out of me that quickly turned into a sob I tried to hold back. “It’s not that. You’re not the reason I went running the other way this time.”
“This time, huh?” he asked quietly, his voice strangely hoarse. “We’ll talk about the other times in a little bit. If it wasn’t me, do you want to tell me why you just about ran out of there like your ass was on fire to come cry in the parking lot?”
“I just miss my sister,” I admitted.
There was no reason to hide what had made me break down from him. I wasn’t afraid of looking weak. I, for one, was a huge believer that talking and crying it out made people strong instead of weak.
It still didn’t mean I wanted to share my thoughts and problems with everyone I met, but Jacob was hardly just some random stranger anymore. He knew about Katherine now, and maybe talking to him about her would help me get control of myself faster.
“Sometimes, the grief just creeps up on me,” I said when I heard clothing rustle and then felt him sitting down. He wasn’t so close that we were touching, but I could still feel him there beside me. “I’ve never really allowed myself to break down after she died. I have these bouts of being very emotional, but I’m forever fighting them back. I have to stay strong for Katie, and crying in front of her has never seemed fair.”
I didn’t lift my face out of my hands, but I knew he was listening, even if he didn’t interrupt. It was almost like a sixth sense. Sight, smell, taste, sound, touch, and Jacob.
Or maybe it wasn’t a sense. Maybe it was just that I knew him well enough by now to know he wouldn’t just have walked away after I started opening up.
“Every now and then, all those emotions just overwhelm me and catch me off guard. It’s been happening more often recently. Almost like everything is coming to a head. Can you see the girls? We can’t just sit out here and leave them alone.”
“I can see them.” His tone was soothing, and so was his hand when he rested it between my shoulder blades and started rubbing gently. “I can’t imagine how hard it would be to lose someone that close to you that you grew up with. I wish there was something I could do to help.”
“You’re helping now,” I said honestly. “Thanks for following me out. I’m sorry for ruining the afternoon. I’ll be back inside in a minute.”
“I can leave you in peace for that minute if you want, but you haven’t ruined the afternoon at all. The girls are still having a ball. If you want, I can stay out here with you and you can let it out. I won’t tell a soul.”
His earnest offer surprised me, but not as much as the relief that rolled through me when I answered. “That would be good. If you don’t mind.”
The tears started coming harder and faster. Jacob didn’t reply in words. Instead, he wound his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his side, shielding me from prying eyes while at the same time offering me the kind of comfort I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Chapter 22
Jacob
It was dark outside when we finished up at the rink. Laurie’s eyes were pink and puffy from crying, but the girls didn’t notice.
They were too high on the exhilaration of the day, giggling and talking about how soon they wanted to come back. We returned our skates before heading out, the girls had their arms still linked while Laurie and I walked out behind them.
“I guess we should be heading home,” I suggested. Laurie would probably appreciate some peace and quiet and some time to gather her thoughts.
She looked up at me, pursing her lips and moving them from side to side. “How about we go out for a bite to eat instead? I don’t know about you, but I really don’t feel like making dinner, and those pizza slices weren’t very filling.”
“You’re telling me. I’ve been starving half the afternoon.”
She was on the same side of me as she had been earlier, and my arm itched to wind its way around her again. To press her back into that hollow she’d warmed that had gotten cold again once I’d let go of her.
It’d felt shockingly good to have her that close to me, fitted to my side like we were two pieces of a puzzle that had finally been connected.
I kept my hands to myself and my arms by my side but not because I wanted to. She’d been in a vulnerable state when we talked, and while I didn’t think she’d necessarily push me away if I put my arm around her, I didn’t want to take advantage of the emotional tenderness she had to be feeling.
When she smiled though, I seriously reconsidered my position about the whole thing. Her eyes were still open and unguarded, and her smile was warm and genuine.
“There’s a place nearby that Katie and I love. We used to go there all the time before we moved before school started.”
I agreed happily. “Sounds good. Just point me in the right direction.”
Allie couldn’t stop grinning all the way to a charming little restaurant that was off the beaten path, telling me all about how much fun skating had been as if I hadn’t been there at all. I didn’t mind it, though. I loved seeing her this filled with pure, absolute joy.
We found parking down the street and walked to the restaurant together. I wasn’t even bothered by the fact that anyone passing by would probably assume we were a family going out for something to eat together.
In fact, I liked it a lot more than I wanted to admit.
The restaurant served good old-fashioned homestyle food, and it smelled so good that my mouth watered from the second we walked in. The small round tables were covered in differently patterned tablecloths, with candles and condiments in the center.
Katie immediately launched into an explanation to Allie about her favorite things on the menu while Laurie sipped on a glass of red wine. She looked more relaxed than I’d ever seen her, smiling as she greeted the waitress like an old friend and ordered some appetizers for us to share.
“I’m sorry,” she said out of nowhere once the waitress was gone.
I frowned. “What for? I’m okay with you ordering food for me. You’ve been here before. If you think those appetizers are good, I trust you.”
“That’s not what I was apologizing for.” She smiled, the tops of her cheeks flushing pink. “But it’s good to know that you trust me.”
“With ordering appetizers.” I wagged my eyebrows to let her know I was teasing, then locked my eyes with hers. “What were you saying sorry about then?”
“For misjudging you.” She pressed her hand to her forehead and gave her head a slight shake. “I’m starting to realize that you may not be the self-involved ass I thought you were, even if you are a danger to society behind the wheel.”
“We were late that morning,” I said. “But thank you. In that case, I should probably apologize as well. I called you ‘the angry lady’ in my head, and I know now that you aren’t that.”
“I was.” She shrugged. “You weren’t wrong exactly. I’m not always angry. I think I just jumped to the conclusion that you just didn’t care about anyone else’s safety, and it kind of snowballed from there
.”
“I shouldn’t have cut you off. I guess I deserved your anger.” I held up my hand. “Peace?”
“Peace.” She grinned and took another tiny sip of her wine. “I should’ve taken you up on your offer to be friends that day, too.”
“It’s not too late for that.” I didn’t really want to be her friend, but a friend was better than nothing, and I definitely didn’t want to be nothing. “We could start over?”
“Or we could just agree to be friends from now on.” She cocked her head, her gaze snagging on mine when she brought it back from looking at the kids. “I wouldn’t want to start over. We met the way we met. It’s all part of our story.”
“Our story, huh?” I arched an eyebrow.
She flushed again but rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“Does this mean we can actually talk and get to know each other better now?” I asked.
She lowered her chin, peering at me through those long lashes. “I’m pretty sure you know more about me by now than most other people I know. I wouldn’t mind getting to know you better, though.”
I spread my arms open and pointed my thumbs at my chest. “Me? There’s not much to know. I’m a single father, a lawyer, and I’m pretty boring otherwise, but go ahead. Ask me anything you want.”
“You’re awfully friendly with your ex,” she said cautiously. “Why did you two split up if you’re still that close?”
“We’re not close.” I sighed, wishing she’d started with just about any other topic but also knowing that I had to let her in if I wanted her to keep doing the same. “For a long time, I never wanted to see her or speak to her again. God knows I wasn’t exactly kind to her when she made contact for the first time after running out on us.”
She made a sympathetic sound, lowering her eyes before bringing them back to mine. “I don’t think anyone can blame you for that. How old was Allie when she left?”
“Two. Just before her third birthday actually.” I told her all about Shannon and how she’d left us only to surface again more than a year later. “When she eventually called, my head nearly exploded. It was only afterward that I realized she was still Allie’s mother.”
“It can’t have been easy letting her in again.”
I shook my head. “I never gave her a hard time about it because I’d never be that parent who makes it impossible for the other to have a relationship with their own kid, but I was very careful about it. I still am.”
“That’s really admirable.” Her expression was soft and understanding. “I’m not sure I’d have been able to not give someone a hard time after something like that.”
“I think by that time I’d realized why she did it. I will never understand how she left Allie behind, but marriage and kids were my dream. Never hers. We hadn’t been happy for a long time, and that’s if we were ever really happy. Sometimes, I don’t think we were.”
“It takes a big person to admit something like that. It seems like it would’ve been way easier to just pin the blame on her.”
“I’ve never been one for easy,” I said. “What’s easy doesn’t stay easy if it’s not right anyway.”
Laurie blinked hard and fast. Multiple times in a row. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she spoke again. “You sounded so much like Katherine there.”
My brows rose in surprise. “Really?”
“Yeah.” She smiled softly. “She also had a gift for knowing what was right and doing it. That’s why I’m raising Katie and not her father. He’s never been interested, and Kat never tried to force him to be.”
I glanced over at the girls but saw quickly why she’d felt safe enough to say it, even though they were at the same table. They were so engrossed in their conversation that I doubted they even realized we were still here.
“I’d like to hear more about her sometime,” I said. “Your sister. She must’ve been quite something to leave such a deep imprint on you.”
“She was. I’d like to hear more about you first, though. I thought we were getting to know each other, but somehow, you know all my biggest, most meaningful stuff, and I don’t even know your favorite color.”
“I don’t know your favorite color either, but mine’s green.”
“Purple,” she said. “Your mother seemed quite adamant at Thanksgiving that Shannon shouldn’t have gotten a hotel. They were so nice to her. Did you get your forgiving tendencies from them?”
“From favorite color to forgiving the ex in one sentence. You’re good, Laurie.” I chuckled.
Talking about Shannon usually annoyed me, especially when I was asked questions about her by women.
It wasn’t the same way with Laurie. I liked that she wanted to know and that she was willing to ask so candidly. It meant our relationship was progressing, and she was getting comfortable with me.
“My parents are all about old-school hospitality. I think my mother would have camped outside my door if she found out Shannon was under my roof again, but they’ll always offer for her to stay at their place or at mine. They just don’t think friends or family should ever get a hotel if we’ve got space for them.”
“Good point,” she said. “Now that you mention it, I’m pretty sure my parents would be the same. Even if it was an ex.”
Something turned to stone in my stomach, and it wasn’t the Caprese salad I was munching on. “You have many exes needing a place to stay when they’re in town?”
Her eyes widened as she shook her head. “Nope. I used to date casually, but there’s always been something else that I’ve found more interesting or prioritized above dating. I haven’t even thought about it since Katie moved in with me.”
“Would you like to get married and have more kids someday?” I asked, though I had no idea why. The question just popped out.
Laurie’s features turned thoughtful. “I used to want all that eventually. I think I still might. If the right person came along, I definitely wouldn’t say no. You?”
“Same. In the aftermath of everything with Shannon, I realized that she was never the right person. I just wanted it so badly at the time that I made it happen. If I ever stand at the end of the aisle again, I’d have to be sure I wasn’t making the same mistake.”
“You made it happen, huh?” She grinned. “Do you always get everything you want, or only on days that end with a Y?”
I smirked. “If I know what I want, I go after it. Life’s too short to go about things any other way.”
“That’s true.” She bit into a mozzarella ball and made a sound I’d definitely be thinking about again later. When I was very alone and not sitting in a crowded restaurant. “Does being sure mean you’d want to date someone for years to make sure they were the right one before you get married again?”
“Nah. If you know, you know. I knew Shannon wasn’t it for me. I just didn’t listen to my heart at the time. We’d been dating an acceptable amount of time. I wanted to settle down, so I asked and she said yes.”
“Do you know why she said yes?”
A dry laugh escaped from my chest. “She’s always liked being the center of attention. Loves the spotlight.” I sighed, shaking my head at myself. “I asked her to marry me onstage at a concert being put on by her favorite band. I only found out later that she agreed because she didn’t want to disappoint the audience.”
“That must have been a pretty big blow to hear.” She rolled her lips into her mouth to wet them. “I’m sorry I asked. I shouldn’t have.”
“It was a blow until she also told me that she never felt she deserved someone like me, and that while she’d thought at the time that she loved me too, she eventually realized that it wasn’t me she loved. It was the thought of being married to, and I quote, a pretty good-looking, pretty successful lawyer who was good in bed that she liked.”
“You added that last bit yourself, didn’t you?”
I shrugged and tried to hide the grin begging to break free. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Laurie and I didn’t stop talking for the rest of the night. I’d thought her case would come up earlier, but it didn’t.
It was only once we were outside and about to say goodnight that it was mentioned, and I was the one to do it. “By the way, my paralegal and I have already gotten started on your suit. Eric handed over the file when he realized he was fucked. Our first court date shouldn’t be too far off. If you want, you’re welcome to stop by the office tomorrow morning and we’ll discuss it?”
“I didn’t want to ask because of what Eric said, but wow.” She looked like she might be convincing herself not to do something, but the next minute, she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. “Thank you so much.”
Our hug might’ve dragged on a little longer than necessary. Our goodbye was also a lingering one. Once Allie and I were in the car, my little girl was sleepy but happy.
She’d have to wake up early to do her homework, but going to bed definitely wouldn’t be a problem. “I like Laurie. Katie and I had so much fun today.”
I couldn’t deny that I’d had a great time, too. A better time than I’d had in a long, long while. “Me too, honey. We’ll do it again soon.”
I only hoped I wasn’t lying, but it sure as hell didn’t feel like I was.
Chapter 23
Laurie
After dropping Katie off at school the next morning, I headed to Jacob’s office. Although he had invited me to pop in to discuss the case, I still felt nervous about it. The last thing I wanted was to be the overbearing client Eric had accused me of being.
In an attempt to make up for bothering him at work, I grabbed us coffees on the way. I remembered his order from the last time we’d had coffee together, and I hoped that would at least make him not regret telling me to come see him.
The truth was, I was really looking forward to seeing him. Like really, really looking forward to it.
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