by B. B. Hamel
“True, but nobody wants to see the world pass them by.”
I nod and snuggle tighter against him. I wish I could flip off that judgmental old woman, but I’m not convinced she’s staring for that reason.
I’d rather imagine the best in people until they prove me wrong.
We watch the rest of the performance together in silence. It’s really good, and by the end I think I can almost say that I like jazz.
Almost. Not quite.
We get up and start walking. He holds my hand, apparently not self-conscious.
“Dinner?” he asks me.
“I could do that.” We approach the end of the park together. I stop and kiss him again. He smiles at me. “Thanks,” I say.
“For what?”
“This. It’s nice.”
“Good. I thought you’d like it.” He turns, but something starts beeping and he stops in his tracks. “Shit.”
“What’s that?”
“Hospital,” he says, pulling a little beeper from his belt. “Shit. I have to go.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Let me drop you at home.”
“No, it’s okay. I can get a cab.”
He frowns, walks to the street, and flags one down. Like freaking magic.
He holds the door open for me. “I’ll see you later. Sorry about this.”
“It’s okay. It’s who you are.”
He frowns slightly and nods. I kiss him one more time and get into the cab.
“Bye,” he says, slips some money to the driver, and walks quickly away.
I sigh as the cab pulls into traffic. I’m going to have to get used to him disappearing on me like that if I’m going to want to be with a doctor.
10
Aiden
“You’re going to be fine.”
Karen looks up at me, still slightly drugged from surgery. She’s a fifty-year-old mother of three, works part-time at a law firm, and enjoys long walks on the beach.
Or something like that. Frankly, I don’t know her very well, and I don’t want to. Her personal life doesn’t really matter all that much when it comes to her medical situation.
I’ve been treating Karen on and off for the past year. She’s been a particularly difficult case. At first, we thought it was cancer, but when we ruled out any tumors, it has to be something viral.
Three hospitalizations later, I’m pretty sure it’s autoimmune, but I don’t know which disease exactly yet. She apparently was found collapsed on the floor of her home by her husband, and they brought her straight here.
She’s awake now and mostly with it. Vitals show she’s stable but how long that’ll last, nobody knows.
It’s definitely a puzzle. This new symptom isn’t consistent with her last bout of symptoms, which only complicates things ever further.
Not that I’m complaining. I like complicated.
“I feel okay, Doctor,” she says, smiling at me.
“What were you doing when it happened?” I ask her.
“Vacuuming,” she says. “Just cleaning up the kitchen. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
I frown a little. “Were you using any cleaning agents?”
She hesitates. “Yes, just the usual kitchen cleaner.”
“Do you know what kind?”
“Not… off the top of my head.” She frowns. “I should though, shouldn’t I?”
“It’s okay. You might have some memory issues for a little bit. Tell your husband to check it and let me know what kind it is.”
“Okay, I will.”
I nod and put her chart away. Paged back in for this, ruined a date with Ruby…
Well, it’s not so bad. Karen’s a nice woman. I want to see her better. And I want to solve her fucking puzzle.
Still, I’d rather be with Ruby. It was such a good night and I was feeling so close to her, so tempted by her. I thought I might bring her back to my apartment and show her what the next level would feel like.
But that didn’t happen. That’s the fucking curse of being a doctor. You get called in for any sort of shit at a moment’s notice. You can’t help it, not when you’re on call, and it seems like I’m always on call.
I leave Karen’s room and wander back out into the hall. I glance over at the nurse’s station and nod at Jackie. Seems she’s always working too.
She comes over to me with a little smile. “How’s it going?” she asks.
“Fine,” I grunt. “Busy.”
“Karen’s back,” she points out.
“I noticed.”
“Shame. I thought you figured it out last time.”
I glare at her. “I thought I did, too.”
“You’ll get it this time.”
“I know.”
She walks with me as I head to the elevator. I figure since I’m here, I’ll check on all my patients.
“How are things with the girl?”
I hesitate. “Girl?”
“The old woman’s daughter. I think her name’s Ruby, right?”
I give her a look. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do.” She gives me a grin. “The whole hospital’s talking about it.”
I stop walking and face her. “Tell me what they’re saying.”
She shrugs. “Just that you’ve been spending a lot of time with a patient’s family member. It’s not exactly against the rules, you know.”
“I know,” I grumble at her. “But I don’t want my business all over the hospital.”
“Can’t really help that, you know.”
I sigh. She’s right. This place is a cesspool for gossip. Any little thing gets sucked up and drowned in mud. I think it’s a product of working in a high-stress environment.
Everyone grabs onto the thing that’ll distract them the most.
I don’t want distraction, though. I’ve always avoided politics and games. I do my job and I do it very well, and that’s why I’ve been allowed to do what I please.
Other doctors call me in for consults on tough cases all the time. I’m the person they turn to when they can’t figure it out.
Everyone knows that, and I think it’s what’s been keeping me safe. Now though, who knows what’ll happen.
I’m officially in the gossip world, and not just because I’m an asshole.
“It’s not something you need to worry about,” I say to her.
She cocks her head. “Why would I worry? You’re allowed to have a relationship.”
I hesitate. “I figured you were going to admonish me.”
“Not at all. I mean, she is half your age, literally half your age, but still. I’m just happy to see you having a life outside of this place.”
I grunt a little and look away. “Fine, well, try and keep the gossips from talking about it, okay?”
“No promises there.” She gives me a wicked grin. “I’m one of those gossips.”
I sigh and wave. “Got work to do.”
“Oh, by the way, Liza was looking for you.”
I hesitate. “What did she want?”
Jackie shrugs. “She didn’t say, but she didn’t look happy.”
“Think it’s about…?”
She shrugs again, but looks worried. “You should probably go find out.”
I sigh and nod. There go my rounds, at least for now. Looks like a later night than usual.
Liza’s office is on the first floor tucked in a back corner. There are plenty of signs showing people the way, but I think she chose this spot just to be a little hidden.
Not that I can blame her. The director of medicine has all the responsibilities of running a hospital along with all the liabilities. She’s the first line of defense and the final decider in all things hospital policy.
She’s hardly a doctor anymore. She spends all her time in this office dealing with all the bureaucratic bullshit none of us want to deal with.
Billing, lawsuits, the fucking government. She spends her days working through it all. Everyone knows the healthca
re system in America is broken, and it’s Liza’s job to deal with that broken system.
I hate anything involving the insurance companies or even the hospital board. They slow things down, worry about money, and ultimate they cost people their lives. We’d be a lot better off if insurance companies and big pharma companies were less fucking greedy, and we switched to something like single payer…
But whatever. I’m not political. I just save lives. That’s my ultimate goal, and it should be the goal of any healthcare system.
Money shouldn’t be involved.
I knock on Liza’s door, and unfortunately, she answers. Working late, like always.
I push it open and step inside. She looks up with a frown.
“You were looking for me,” I say.
“Hi, Aiden. Take a seat.”
I shut the door behind me, but linger there, not sitting. “What’s this about? I want to make rounds.”
“I know, it’ll just be a second.” She glances down at a paper in front of her and signs it. “Please, sit.”
I sigh and sit.
Liza looks at me and absently twirls her pen. It’s what she does when she’s nervous.
“I cut you a lot of slack, Aiden,” she says.
“I’ve heard this speech before.”
“And yet I keep needing to make it.”
“I’m not sure you do.”
She shakes her head. “Listen to me, Aiden. You need to start playing by the rules, at least a little bit.”
“I play by the rules plenty and you know it.”
She sighs. “What’s this I hear about a relationship with a patient?”
I wince. I knew it was going to be about this. “She’s not a patient.”
“What is she then?”
I hesitate. “Granddaughter of a patient.”
She groans. “Not much better and you know it.”
“There’s a distinction.”
“Legally, maybe. Ethically?”
“Nothing ethically wrong with it.”
“Come on, Aiden. Even you know why we have these rules.”
I look away. I know she’s right, but I also know it isn’t an issue.
“When it comes to a lawsuit,” she says softly, “it’ll look bad.”
“When was the last time I was sued?”
“You don’t get sued often,” she allows. “But it does happen.”
“Twice in my career,” I say. “For someone practicing as long as I have, that’s a damn miracle.”
“Considering the way you act around your patients, you’re right, it is.”
“Look, it’s not a problem. Her grandmother will be fine soon. The conflict will resolve itself.”
“I hope so,” she says. “I’m tired of letting you cut corners.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Really now?”
“Really,” she says.
“Strange, you’ve never mentioned this before.”
“I’ve never needed to.”
I crossed my arms. “I have one relationship that you don’t approve of—”
“An unethical one—”
“That doesn’t break any rules,” I say clearly, “and suddenly you have an issue with letting me save lives the way I want to save them?”
She groans, clicking her pen now. “It always comes back to that.”
“Of course it does. That’s what we do. We’re doctors. Or maybe you forgot.”
She glares at me. “I know what you think of what I do, but it’s important. You want this hospital to exist for these people? Someone has to do what I do.”
I shrug. “Fine. Don’t let it affect me.” I stand to go.
“Stop seeing her,” Liza says quietly.
I turn back. “Excuse me?”
“Stop seeing her, Aiden. I’m serious this time.”
“Or what? You’ll discipline me?”
“This isn’t a joke. The board’s been looking for a reason to get rid of you for a long time, and this might be it. Don’t be stupid.”
I glare at her, bristling with anger. What the hell does she know about being stupid?
Those idiot board members don’t know a thing about me. All they hear are the complaints, but they don’t see all the lives I save. They don’t see all the people I bring to this hospital purely on my reputation.
They sit in their board room, divorced from the reality of running this place, and make their stupid decisions.
I despise the board. And I won’t be cowed by them.
“Good luck,” I say, and leave her office.
I feel fucking dirty as I head back upstairs to do my rounds. I hate being subjected to that bullshit. Frankly, I hate that anyone has to be subjected to it.
When I’m finished with my patients, I head into my office. It’s late, but I call Ruby anyway.
I’m angry, and I can’t help myself.
Fuck Liza. Fuck the board.
I want what I want, and I deserve to have it.
Ruby picks up. “Aiden?”
“Come see me,” I say softly.
She hesitates only a moment. “Where are you?”
“My office.”
“Right now?”
“Right now.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
We hang up the phone and I sit back to wait, a smile on my lips.
11
Ruby
It feels strange to head into the hospital without going to see my grandmother.
It’s late though, after eleven at night, and I know she won’t be awake. Or at least, she shouldn’t be.
I’m not here for her. Tonight, I’m here for me.
I feel like everyone’s looking at me as I walk across the lobby. I’m wearing a pair of jeans and a light flannel shirt, nothing special, but I feel like I stand out for some reason.
Probably because I know what I’m here to do.
It’s hard not to imagine they don’t know exactly why I’m walking into the elevator so late at night, but of course they don’t.
And even if they did, so what? I’m not doing anything wrong. Neither is Aiden.
Excitement courses through me as I ride the elevator to the top floor. Of course, even if I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, there’s still that layer hanging over everything…
And it’s exciting. We shouldn’t be doing what we’re doing, especially not in the hospital. We should wait until my grandmother is better before getting this close.
But it’s too late. And now I’m addicted.
I walk down the familiar hall toward his office. His door’s shut and my heart’s beating so fast. I stop outside of it, hesitating just a second.
I don’t know why I’m hesitating. We had a date tonight, a real date. I was ready to go back to his place with him if he asked me.
I was ready to do whatever he wanted. I’d call him Daddy a thousand times if that’s what he wanted.
If I’m honest with myself, I want to say the words as much as he wants to hear them.
I knock once. “Come in,” he says.
I open the door and step inside. Aiden is sitting behind his desk with a book in his hands. He watches me as I shut the door and turn to him.
The chairs that are usually in the central space are pushed off to the side. In their place is a bare rug with a single, long stethoscope, that thing doctors use to listen to a patient’s heart, right in the middle.
I bite my lip and look at the ‘scope, then back up at Aiden.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, putting down the book.
“What’s that?” I ask.
He smiles. “Even when I’m working, I can’t seem to stop thinking about you.” He comes around the desk, body beautiful in his tight dress shirt unbuttoned down two buttons, showing off his muscular chest ever so slightly. I start breathing faster as he gets closer to me.
“I’ve never been the kind of man that gets distracted,” he says softly. “And yet here I am, distracted as hell.” He stops next to t
he pile of rope and cocks his head. “Why is that?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“I think you do.”
“I don’t.”
“You do something to me.” He looks confused for a moment before shaking his head. “Something I think I like.”
I bite my lip. “What’s that for?” I ask, looking at the stethoscope again.
This time, he doesn’t dodge my question. “I want to make you feel something you’ve never felt before,” he says. “Do you want that?”
“Yes,” I say softly, surprising myself.
I never knew I was adventurous. I always thought I was pretty boring, actually. I like to draw, so I work doing illustrations. That’s about the only interesting thing about me. Otherwise, I always thought I was kind of normal.
This though, this is totally not what I ever imagined. I never pictured I’d be involved with a gorgeous, muscular, intense doctor. I never thought I’d call him Daddy.
I never thought I’d let him use me up.
Simple. Normal. Boring.
I’ve always been safe.
Now though, I don’t want to be safe anymore. Not with my Daddy looking at me like that.
“Come here,” he says.
I walk over toward him. I stop inches away and he tips my chin up toward his, kissing me softly on the lips.
He pulls away before I can get more. “Take off your clothes.”
I hesitate, but I do as he asks. I unbutton my shirt and drop it on the floor, followed by my jeans, my bra, and my panties. I’m completely naked in front of him, feeling so exposed and so excited.
He kicks my clothes aside. “Get down on your knees,” he says.
I slowly get to my knees. The carpet is surprisingly soft.
He walks to my left and picks up the stethoscope.
“Soft rubber,” he says softly as he walks around me in a short circle, pulling gently on the scope’s length. “Soft enough that it won’t leave marks, but strong enough that you won’t be able to get away.”
“Must be expensive,” I joke.
He smiles a little. “Not too bad, don’t worry.”
He kneels down behind me. I feel a chill as he runs his fingers down my shoulders, my neck, my back. I feel him grasp my wrists and bring them behind my body.