by B. B. Hamel
“Dumped him real bad. I’m surprised you’re still working here.”
I smile a little bit as I start to tape the ice pack against his bruised leg. “He’s a good guy, actually.”
“He seems weird, but I don’t give a shit. He could drown puppies for all I care, so long as the checks keep coming.”
“That’s a pretty dark outlook.”
“I got, what, seven years left in me?”
“Less, if you don’t let this heal up.” I give him a look.
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. I got limited time to make this money in this game, right? After this, who knows what’ll happen to me. I gotta look out for myself.”
“I can understand that.”
“I worked damn hard to get here. Damn hard. Got out of that shit neighborhood. Now I’m here, I’m getting my money.”
I finish taping him up. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that. What happened between me and Atlas won’t affect your paycheck.”
“Damn right,” he says, nodding. “You’re one badass evil girl, you know that?”
I sigh. “Thanks, I guess. And just to be clear, I didn’t dump him.”
“Whatever.”
“I told him I’m not into him. We were never dating.”
“Right. Cool.” He hops off the bench. “I totally believe you.”
“Seriously. What are the guys saying about it?”
“Just that you’re a heartbreaker.”
“Assholes,” I grumble, leaning against the table. “You know, for a bunch of big, strong dudes, you all talk like a bunch of schoolgirls.”
He grins. “What else is there to do?”
“I don’t know, play football?”
“Nah, we do that enough.”
“You just talk shit about the training staff?”
“Basically. We talk about your love life and how that girl Tessa’s got a nice, big ass.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Okay, yeah, that one’s true. She really does have a huge butt.”
“Right? I want a piece of that ass but she’s been playing coy.” He looks across the crowded training room. “Yo, Tessa! When you gonna give it up?”
She looks up from where she’s taping a lineman’s ankle. “Never, asshole.”
The whole room laughs and Felix just grins. He’s a nice guy, underneath all that bravado and bullshit.
The training room is packed right now. It always is this early in the morning. Right before practice, the players come limping in with their minor, nagging injuries and their complaints. We spend the morning taping, talking, and stretching the best we can until we send them out onto the field.
Some guys, we hold back. We do have some leeway when it comes to holding them back for medical reasons. But mostly, if they’re healthy and not in too much pain, they’re out on that field.
“I’m not sure that’s gonna work,” I say to him.
“It’ll work, sooner or later. She won’t be able to resist. I’ll get that booty.”
“Good luck, I guess.” I grin at Tessa and she just shakes her head. I’m betting she’s heard all this before.
As Felix starts to head off, the door opens up. Everyone looks over as Cole steps into the room.
The chatter doesn’t stop, but it dies down. He looks around at everyone slowly, not saying a word, a frown on his face.
My heart leaps into my chest, beating fast. He never comes in here, at least not when I’m here. He never wants to get anywhere near me these days, it seems like.
“Everyone, out.”
The chatter stops completely. I stare at Cole. His eyes slowly rest on me.
“Everyone, get out. Except for you, Leah.”
Slowly, people start to get up. One of the trainers complains, but Cole just glares at her.
Felix throws me a look. “You in trouble?” he asks softly.
“I hope not,” I answer.
He smiles. “Good luck, badass.” He walks off, leaving the room.
After a minute, we’re alone.
I bite my lip, staring at him. He slowly walks toward me. I can’t help but notice that he’s limping now. Not badly, but enough for me to notice.
“I haven’t been fair to you,” he says softly.
I blink. “What?”
“I haven’t been fair,” he says again. “I’ve been blaming you. I’ve been afraid for you. And I took it out on you.” He stops in front of me, eyes sad and staring into mine. “For that, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I say weakly.
“No, it isn’t. When I decided not to talk to you, it… it was harder than I thought. A lot harder. I’ve been even more distracted, and it’s been showing.”
I take a breath. “You think that’s why you’ve been losing?”
“Part of it,” he admits. “I’ve been too busy wondering what you’re doing these last two weeks, and I let myself slip.”
“You don’t have to wonder. I’m just working.”
“I know.” He takes a breath and lets it out. “I wanted to protect you, do you get that?”
“Protect me from what?”
“From Atlas. From losing your job.” He steps even closer, deep into my personal space. “Do you know what it would mean if we were caught together?”
“No,” I answer honestly. “I don’t.”
“You’d be ridiculed. I’d be fired. We’d lose everything together, and I can’t risk that for you. Or at least I thought I couldn’t.”
My heart leaps into my throat. I think I understand what he’s saying, but…
I can’t get my hopes up.
I’ve come to grips with losing him. Not entirely, but enough to function at least. He’s still a hole in my heart, there every day, a strange yearning I can’t totally define.
Now he’s back, and he’s saying…
“I wanted to protect you, but I was being stupid,” he says. “I spoke with Atlas.”
“You did?” I blink. I feel like this is all coming at me so fast.
“I did,” he says. “I’m sorry, but I did. I told him that I’ve been with you, that we’ve been seeing each other.”
“Was he upset?”
“No,” he says. “Not at all. In fact, he told me to keep seeing you. He said he was fine with it.”
“He’s fine with it,” I repeat softly.
“I know, I was surprised too.” He stares at me, and I can tell he wants to reach out. His hand hovers for a second, but he drops it. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you.”
I turn away from him. It feels like ripping open a wound, but I have to do it. I can’t look at him for what I’m about to say.
“You hurt me,” I say, staring at the floor. “You hurt me and treated me like… like I mean nothing.”
“I was trying to push you away.” I can hear the pain in his voice.
It helps.
“I don’t need protecting. You want to be my Daddy? Fine, I want that too. But you can’t choose what’s right for me without speaking to me first.”
“I won’t. That was a mistake.” I feel his hand on my shoulder.
I turn back to him. I look up into his beautiful eyes. Deep, gorgeous pools of emotion lay beneath them. “Do you really want this?”
“I do,” he says. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Leah. I don’t want to walk away.”
“Then don’t.”
He kisses me then. I can feel the desire running down my spine, desire mixed with pure joy.
This is what I’ve been wanting, what I’ve been thinking about this whole time. I want him so badly it almost hurts.
But I’m afraid.
He could run away again. He could change his mind.
I opened myself to him, gave myself to him. I was ready to go further than I’ve ever gone before.
But he pushed me away, all because he was afraid.
I can’t let that happen again. If I’m going to do this, I need to know that he’s going to do it, too.
&n
bsp; I break off the kiss, look into his eyes.
“No more games,” I say.
“No more,” he agrees. “We can’t go public, but we don’t have to sneak around either.”
I bite my lip. “That’ll have to be good enough, I guess.”
“Good.” He kisses me again, holds me tight. “I won’t push you away anymore. I promise.”
“Good.”
I can feel his heart beating, fast enough to match mine. I can feel the warmth coming off his body in waves. I hold him tight and don’t want to let go.
But eventually we have to. We have jobs to do.
“I’ll see you after practice,” he says, nearly a whisper. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
He turns to go.
“Oh, and Cole.”
He turns back, eyebrow raised.
“Don’t let Felix practice today. He needs a day off.”
He nods. “Okay. I won’t.”
I grin at him. “Thanks, Daddy.”
He grins back, nods, and leaves the room.
I stand there alone as everyone else slowly filters back inside. I watch them pass, like a stone in a river.
All I can think about is Cole.
My whole body’s trembling. I know people are wondering what that was all about. I bet they’re already talking.
Let them fucking talk.
I don’t care anymore.
No more games. No more bullcrap.
It’s me and Cole now.
“Is everything okay?” Tessa stops next to me, looking concerned.
“Everything’s great,” I say.
“Are you sure? Everyone’s talking.”
“I know. It’s fine, though. He wanted to talk about… injury updates.”
She snorts. “So he kicks everyone out?”
“What can I say? He’s a weird guy.”
She gives me a look, shakes her head, and walks past.
I feel bad lying to Tessa. Well, a partial lie.
But that doesn’t matter.
I can still feel his kiss, lingering on my lips.
That’s what matters. His kiss, his touch.
His taste on my tongue.
I breathe a sigh and get back to work, a smile permanently on my face.
20
Cole
I can feel the wind whipping my hair as my team takes the field.
I stand on the sideline, bracing myself. It’s been a long Sunday, brutal and painful. Both defenses have played fantastic, forcing fumbles, snagging passes. The score is tied at seven, and we have the ball in the red zone with only thirty seconds on the clock.
I take a breath and look up at the clear blue sky. It’s slightly balmy out, just a bit of wind. We’re playing the Texans, one of the better teams this year. They’re currently undefeated, and everyone said they’d trounce us.
I don’t think I’ve prepared so hard for a game in my life. For the first time I feel like things are finally starting to come together.
It’s all clicking. It’s all flowing.
During the day, I work. I pour myself into the game, watch tape, make strategies, prep the guys. I do everything humanly possible to prepare.
During the evening, I throw myself into Leah.
Every night since that kiss, she’s been coming to my apartment after work. We spend all night together, fucking, talking, laughing, eating, drinking.
I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the kind of bliss I feel when we’re together.
It’s hard to explain.
At first, it was a physical attraction. But that quickly turned into something more.
And now, it’s deepening. It’s becoming a part of myself, a part of my life. She feels comfortable, like a part of my body.
Every second we spend together is incredible.
We don’t keep our distance at work, not exactly. We still talk, flirt a little, but we don’t kiss, we don’t hold hands. I don’t go out of my way to see her.
But we still run into each other. We smile, say hello. All of the unspoken desires pass between us.
Then we move on. We go do our jobs.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this focused.
I was so worried about being distracted that I was getting distracted. I realize that it wasn’t Leah keeping my mind off the game, but my own stupid self. Now that I’ve embraced what we have, given myself over to it…
I feel complete.
I can concentrate again.
Things just make sense.
I take a deep breath. I look back at the field. Sean hands the ball off to Patrice and the big man barrels forward. He’s the kind of runner that likes to slam into bodies, preferring to go right up the gut.
He smashes into their line. The defense struggles, but they’re tied, and Patrice never gets tired.
He shoves, sidesteps, twists. He spins past the front line and stumbles forward six yards before a linebacker takes him to the ground.
I wave my hands. They hurry to the line. The clock’s still running and there are another four yards to go.
Sean snaps it, spikes it. The clock stops. Ten seconds left.
I take a breath, body buzzing. We could run it again, kill more time, and go for a field goal.
Or we could do something daring.
I glance over at Robby. He grins at me.
“Now or never,” he says.
I nod. I raise my play sheet. “Sean, Liberty Left. Got it?”
I can see him watching me from the field. He nods, eyes serious. For a second, it’s just the two of us in this world.
He knows what he needs to do.
They line up. The defense is snorting, pawing at the ground like animals. The crowd is screaming, losing its mind. I’ve never heard a stadium get this loud before.
It all sounds like falling rain to me. Nothing else in the world matters.
I glance over at Leah. She’s watching with stress on her face, hands clasped in front of her.
I grin, turn back to the field.
Sean snaps the ball. Patrice barrels forward. Sean shoves the ball into Patrice’s gut.
I can see the defenders. I can see their eyes lock on Patrice. Run, they’re thinking. Run the ball.
Sean holds the ball against Patrice’s gut. One second, two seconds. It stretches into eternity.
He pulls the ball back out just as Patrice hits the defenders.
He turns and drops back, twisting to the right, rolling out.
My breath catches in my throat.
Felix turns, running. Sean throws hard.
The defender on Felix dives, his hands outstretched.
Felix bodies him away and grabs the ball in the back of the end zone.
Touchdown. The crowd screams in rapture. The clock says three seconds are left.
I grin as my sideline goes nuts. I love seeing them celebrate. I drink it all in, let them congratulate me, let them celebrate. We kick the extra point, kick it off, and end the game after a few dicey seconds during the return.
I’m laughing as I jog out onto the field. That feels like the easiest win of my career, and it was against one of the toughest opponents we’ll face.
I shake hands with the opposing team’s coach. I answer media questions.
My eyes roam the crowd until I spot her, standing off to the side.
I ditch the media. They want to talk to Felix anyway.
She looks up as I approach. She smiles.
It lights up my whole world.
“You won,” she says as I stop close to her.
“I know,” I answer.
“Congratulations. You did great.”
I stare at her. I don’t move for a second.
And suddenly, it hits me. With total and absolute certainty, it hits me.
I step closer to her. She blinks, surprised. I kiss her.
She kisses me back, in the middle of a crowd, in the middle of screaming and cheering fans. People are watching. The media is watching.
&nbs
p; I don’t care. Let them see.
I pull back. She stares, mouth open. “What… why?”
“This isn’t something we should have to hide,” I say softly. “I love you, Leah.”
“I love you too.” She blinks, and I think she might be crying.
Hands grab me. It’s Felix, Sean, Patrice. They laugh and cheer and I grin at them. Leah laughs.
“I knew it!” Sean yells. “I knew the whole time!” He’s grinning, giddy with finally revealing the secret.
“Coach and Leah sitting in a tree,” Patrice chants. “F-U-C-”
“Okay, okay, enough,” I say, laughing as Patrice finishes spelling his word. “I’m still your coach, damn it.”
The guys laugh and wander off. Media hovers nearby, probably trying to decide if they should interview me about kissing the random young member of my training staff or not.
I don’t care. Let them linger.
I kiss her again. I feel like my whole world lights up.
“Are you sure about this?” she asks me as I pull away.
“I’ve never been so sure.”
“We could get in trouble.”
“Good. Let’s get in a lot of trouble together.”
She laughs and I hug her close. I squeeze her hand and turn away.
“I’d better talk to those vultures before they lose it,” I say.
“Good luck.”
I grin at her. “See you later?”
“Always.”
I walk away, over toward the media.
It doesn’t matter to me what they’re going to say. It just doesn’t matter. The only things that are important to me are Leah and winning football games. So long as I keep winning and being with her, I can be happy.
That’s my whole world. It used to be a small world, but Leah just made it a whole lot bigger.
I have to thank her for that. I’m not alone anymore.
I’m in love instead.
21
Leah
One Year Later
I’m bundled up against the chill as I step into the stadium.
It’s early. Like, crack of dawn, no sun, freezing cold, dead tired, freaking early. I stumble forward, shivering the whole time.
I hate getting out of bed when there’s no sun yet. It’s like the hardest thing in the world. Once the sun’s up, it’s still hard, of course, but a lot easier. Your brain starts making all those nice wake-up chemicals and stuff, but when it’s dark, it’s just miserable.