Zoe died laughing when I told her about Tatiana’s latest stunt, but not so much about Diamond. “Brandon, that woman is trouble for you and you know it. You should tell Claire that you understand how she feels and change your behavior. Obviously, Diamond is not going to refuse to bring Ruby over, even if you cool your friendship with her. Clearly she is desperate for a babysitter since she left her daughter alone with a stranger, who basically called her a whore in rich old lady innuendo, right?”
“That about sums it up. Hey, you have a way with words. Would you like to finish my manuscript?”
“Are you really that far behind?” She puts her bottle on the bar and leans in a tad closer. “If you need me to help with Aidan, just let me know. Claire likes me and I work a lot of evenings and weekends, so I have some time during the day and I love the little guy.”
“Thanks, you’re a good friend.”
“I’ll come over tomorrow afternoon before my shift. And once Claire gets home, you’ll put your heads together and figure out your child care problem.”
I signal the bartender for one more, then change my mind. If I go home smelling like beer, Grandma Claire is going to take Aidan with her to make Grandpa John’s dinner.
I turn to Zoe while I fish some cash out of my wallet for the drinks. “Either that or we’ll knock each other out cold.”
Justin
“I miss my babies. All of them.”
Claire’s mood has shifted. We are at dinner, our last night together in Key West, and I just asked her why she seemed down. She looked into her conch chowder (which is delicious) and told me how much she misses Aidan, Brandon and the dogs.
Like an idiot, I thought for a split second that she was sad that the trip was almost over. But then I remembered that I have no one at home who misses me or who I long to see. That is a sobering and shitty thought. Of course she misses her family. She has a real life.
“I’m sorry, Claire. Of course you miss them. Did you get to talk to Brandon tonight?”
“Yeah, I talked to him as my mother was leaving. She came to visit and help out today. He said he was getting ready for the band to come over and sounded rushed, as always. But I know he has a lot going on. I heard the doorbell ring shortly after my mom left, and I’m sure it was the guys and Zoe.”
“Is Zoe the one you don’t like?” It’s hard to keep track of all the women in Brandon’s life.
“No, she’s nice. I don’t have any problem with her. She’s the new singer, remember?”
I still can’t believe he didn’t realize his wife can sing, but I haven’t heard Zoe. She may be fantastic, and I don’t want to make Claire feel worse by reminding her of her husband’s shortcomings. But he does seem to have his fair share.
I play with my vegetables and butter another piece of bread. I really need to hit the gym when we get home. I haven’t even been running. Now I sound like a woman, worrying about my waistline. No wonder I’m going home alone.
“So, you still haven’t talked to Aidan? I know you said you guys decided it would confuse him and make him sadder, but don’t you think he might like to hear your voice?” Now she looks teary-eyed and I backpedal. “Never mind, I don’t know anything.”
“No, you’re right. Brandon said he keeps asking for me, but he’s been distracted with play dates and other visitors.”
“Hey, I know what we should do for fun?”
She brightens slightly, but then narrows her eyes. “Wait a minute. I don’t want to get too excited. Lots of your ideas put me in perilous and humiliating situations.”
“Hey, look at all the things you can cross off your bucket list from this trip.”
“I didn’t have one, but you’re right. You have helped me face some fears.” She pushes her silky blond hair back from her face and says, “So whatcha got?”
“Let’s go to that rooftop bar those crazies told us about.”
“I don’t know.” She shifts in her seat and puts her napkin on the table. “Do we really want to run the risk of seeing those whack-jobs again?”
“Who knows, they may have left town today. We didn’t see them this morning at the inn, right? And it’s a public place, so who cares? It might be cool. At the very least, you have to be curious.”
She caves when I flash her my most sincere smile.
“Oh my God, okay. I suppose it could be interesting. And you’re right, if it sucks or it’s full of weirdos, we’ll just leave.”
“Exactly. We could do something less weird, like go see a drag queen show or maybe they have some sunset skydiving…”
She rolls her eyes and I can see I have brought fun Claire back from the brink. But as I signal for the check, I know I’m just fooling myself into thinking time with me means anything to her. Pretty soon she will go back to her happy home and loving husband. All couples have problems and I need to snap out of this fantasy I’ve built—where I’m the better guy for Claire.
Brandon
“Diamond, what are you doing here?” Once again I am freezing my nuts off on the front porch while Diamond tries to worm her way into the house.
“My ex picked up Ruby for the night and I thought it would be okay if I came over, now that the band is here.”
She gestures to all of the cars and motorcycles in the cul-de-sac, which signifies Chain is hard at practice.
I run my fingers through my hair. “Why don’t you come over later, after they go? We can talk then.”
She smiles and I am momentarily relieved to get her off my back. I promise to text her when we’re done. I know that’s probably not the best message to send to her, but I’m busy with…
“Hey, Brandon, your kid almost poked his eye out with Max’s drumstick.” Rob, of all people, is holding Aidan in the most awkward way.
“Put him down. Where’s Zoe?”
She appears and zeros in on Diamond. More imaginary claws and hissing. The tension in the room makes it feel like a cat fight could break out any time.
“I can’t warm up my voice and watch the little guy at the same time. Maybe this was a bad idea, trying to rehearse without a babysitter.”
“Yeah, with the sudden ejection of the stripping nanny—”
“Shut up, Rob!” I interrupt that asshole as he does his Tatiana impersonation, puffing out his chest and taking off his shirt.
I look between my exasperated band members, my sweet little son and Diamond, and I know I have only one choice. I intend to practice the new songs tonight.
I lower my head and say, “Diamond?”
She smiles a sweet, but self-satisfied smirk. “Yes, Brandon?”
Zoe looks like she is going to gag from Diamond’s full pout routine.
“Can you please stay and watch Aidan while we practice?” I turn so no one else can see my face and plead with my eyes, silently moving my lips in a promise to talk later.
She flicks her pale hair behind her petite shoulders and replies, “Of course I will. Come here, Aidan. Ruby had to go see her Daddy, but we can have fun. Let’s go get the doggies. Are they out back?”
I nod and they saunter off, with Diamond looking back at me with a huge seductive…
“What is your problem now?” I glare at Zoe, who is boring holes through me.
She shakes her head. “Nothing.” She gets closer while Rob escapes the drama and heads back down to the basement. “You obviously didn’t give much thought to our little talk today.”
She turns away in mild disgust, and as I begin to formulate a defense, I realize I don’t have any.
At least I can get my frustration out with my music. We need to warm up with some heavier stuff before we get to Zoe’s new songs.
For the first time all week, I really miss Claire. I mean, really miss her. Diamond is going to be set straight later, and Zoe needs to can the judgmental act. She has no idea what Claire and I are juggling.
Claire
“Are you sure this is the place?” We are standing in front of a very non-descript looking restau
rant/bar. “I was thinking this place was going to be all fun and glitz. But we are several blocks from the main drag. Maybe this is more of a local hangout.”
“It’s definitely the address. I shoved the paper Henry gave me in my wallet along with my dinner receipt that night.” He takes it out of his pocket again to study it.
“Alright, well I’m cold. Let’s go inside.” It’s a little chillier than usual tonight. “Are you coming?”
Justin is peering up at the top of the building, presumably looking for the roof. “Don’t you think it’s weird—?”
“That there are no tables up there or people? Or even a balcony? Uh huh…”
He looks up a moment longer and then walks towards the door, “After you.”
We walk inside and can see that it does at least look like a normal restaurant. Or a bar. People are sitting at tables, there’s conversation, music playing. All pretty standard, and not the least bit exciting. Maybe they have some really great food or drink specials. Sometimes the places the locals frequent are better than the tourist traps.
Justin approaches the hostess and says, “Hello, we’re looking for the rooftop bar.”
The hostess is about my age, a little plump and round faced, but not a big woman. She’s not wearing much makeup and isn’t looking very ‘nightlife glamorous’ in stretchy pants and a chenille sweater. She is, however, looking us up and down. I am getting ready for her to refuse us entry in some bizarre, backwards judgment of our worthiness to enter. Maybe we look too nice?
“You two been here before?” She looks between us with skepticism.
“Um, no. Is that a problem?” Justin is looking more and more bewildered and like he’s second guessing his decision to listen to the whack-jobs.
“No, but we don’t do a lot of advertising, if you get my meaning.”
Now she’s winking. I touch Justin’s arm and get ready to tell him we should go when he says, “A couple staying at our inn recommended it. Henry and Fran.” He glances at me for confirmation and I nod, acquiescing to the original plan.
“Okay, you know the rules then. Have a nice night.” She smiles and points towards the stairs.
“What the hell is she talking about?” I practically bump into Justin as he hesitates at the bottom of the stairs, which is around the corner from the hostess stand.
“I don’t know. Maybe they play some kind of game up here, like it’s a pool league or something. Or that stupid corn hole. More like a private club. But Henry and Fran don’t live here.” He shakes his blond head and his green eyes twinkle mischievously. “I don’t know, but my curiosity is killing me. You ready?”
I nod and follow close behind him, as we climb the stairs. It could be a gay bar, but they are everywhere, and it didn’t look like it from the patrons downstairs, and Henry and Fran are an opposite sex couple. And if it was a drag queen show or some kind of adult entertainment, they wouldn’t be hiding it on the backstreets. All of that stuff is way out in the open in this town.
As we make it to the top of stairs, Justin abruptly stops and stammers. “Oh shit…Claire, you’re not gonna…”
I peek out from behind him just in time to get a full view of a big fat guy’s ass. And next to him a woman with boobs she could use as weapons to put someone’s eyes out. I scan the room and almost everyone here is completely nude!
I pull on his arm, but of course I can’t expect a man to react to nudity the way I would, although I haven’t seen any attractive nudity. Oh yeah, there’s a few women over there who have either been under the knife, or the forces of gravity haven’t gotten to them yet.
“Claire, I’m sorry.” He turns back to face me. “You know I had no idea.”
“I know. We should have known those two nuts were up to something.”
Now that we are standing here fully clothed, many eyes begin to drift towards us. It seems rude and silly to just turn and run down the stairs, but we both seem to be stuck in our shock and bewilderment.
Justin points to the wall. “Here’s the rules.”
Now we read the rules, even though we are breaking the biggest one by staying clothed.
“Oh my God, this isn’t just a nudist colony type place. This is a—”
“Swingers club!” I finish his sentence. “Why would they think we would like this? What was Henry saying about seeing us in the hot tub? Were you nude in the hot tub with a woman while I was sleeping? I mean, I don’t care, but that would explain—”
“No, Claire. They’re just crazy. Let’s get out of here.”
I poke him in the chest playfully. “Now, obviously I don’t intend to participate in any of the activities here, including disrobing, but did you want to stay awhile? I could wait downstairs. A couple of the women near the back look like they might have piqued your interest.”
He sighs and says, “No, really Claire, I saw way better nudity the other…anyway, we would be breaking the rules. I can’t have any fun with them unless I have someone to swap.” He smiles at me and shrugs in mock disappointment.
“What nudity did you see? Do you mean when you were out alone the other night?”
“Yeah. No, I mean the lesbians. They were back last night. You didn’t see them. Anyway, I think we’ve seen enough here. Let’s go!”
“Claire and Justin. I am so glad you guys made it. Look, Fran!”
This is a moment where we could just run, if our brains were synchronized. If Brandon was here, we would instinctually know what the other…
Henry is shaking Justin’s hand, who looks like he wants to throw up. It’s not every day you get to see a handsome, young co-worker shake hands with a naked, middle-aged fat guy with a small penis and saggy balls. So this is what they mean by ‘old junk.’ I stifle a gag and a giggle at the same time.
Justin grabs his hand back, looking for someplace to wipe it, but finally dangling it by his side. “Hey, um…I think you got the wrong idea about Claire and me. We’re not even married. Or together.”
Fran slides up beside me and I flinch. “Oh, that’s okay. You’re a pair, and obviously you must have something going on, and you are so free with your—”
“What the hell are you doing?” I turn to Justin, who I believe has just purposely knocked a platter of drinks out of the hands of the half-naked waiter.
The waiter surveys his mess, and Justin grabs my hand, heading towards the stairs.
“Hey, where are you two going? I know, you like to take it off in private and come out ready to go.” Fran is turning to Henry, explaining to him our supposed style of stripping and swinging, as we run down the stairs and out the front door.
On the sidewalk, Justin leans forward to catch his breath, and I burst into a fit of hysteria.
“Oh my God. Am I this out of shape or did the sight of Henry’s balls knock the wind out of me?” He stays doubled over in laughter and I join him, holding my back and crying.
We finally stand up and I say, “I couldn’t even look at her. I mean, I know they’re older people and we shouldn’t make fun of their bodies, but how could they possibly think we would be into that? Even if we were swingers? We would want to swing with our own kind.”
Justin wipes his eyes and straightens his back. “Our own kind, huh?”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Brandon
“What the fuck are you two doing up here?”
“Hey, sorry man. Oh, is this your bedroom?” Jon, my bass player, surveys the room he’s been having sex in and sighs. “Cassie, I told you this must be their room. She couldn’t wait.”
Cassie rolls over and I get a full glimpse of her naked, pregnant belly. “Sorry, Brandon. It’s these pregnancy hormones.”
“I thought you two quit having sex at parties and in random places.”
“Nah, we still like to mix it up. Life can get really boring when you’re married with a kid.”
“Yeah, really? I wouldn’t know.” I shake my head. “Not cool, man. Now I’ll have to change the sheets and—”
Cassie sits up, but has the decency to cover her engorged baby feeders with my blanket. “I’ll do it, Brandon. Don’t worry. We’re sorry. It was just a rare night with a babysitter and we didn’t want to waste it.”
I don’t even know how to respond, and again I am silently thankful that Claire is not here. She caught them the first time she came to my house for my birthday party a few years ago, but I pretended I had no idea what was going on. I could tell she was a bit too straight for this sort of thing, even then.
“Get dressed, will ya? I’d like to start band practice some time this evening.”
I walk out of the room and almost run into Diamond, who is holding Aidan on her hip.
“What’s going on in there?” She raises her eyebrow.
“Nothing. What are you doing upstairs?”
“Changing your son’s diaper. Would you rather I saved it for you?”
I pat Aidan’s head and he smiles. “Dadadadadada….” I hope things settle down around here before he learns some new words.
“No, I mean, thanks. I need to get downstairs.”
“So it sure sounded like something was going on in there.”
I sigh and relent. If Jon and Cassie think it’s okay to have sex in their friends’ bedrooms, why should I keep it a secret? I explain what happened and the couple’s history.
“Wow, that’s pretty hot. My ex was too boring for that sort of thing.” She studies my face and continues. “I would bet Claire is, for sure.”
“Off to practice, Diamond. We’ll talk later.”
I quickly descend the stairs, stop in the kitchen for a beer and head down to the basement.
I hear the familiar guitar riff of a song I penned earlier in the week, and Zoe’s piercing vocals. We haven’t decided yet which one of us should sing it, but she sounds great.
People say it’s okay that I’m not sure
That life’s all about getting around the detour
Oh thank God, the sky is turning grey.
The Juggling Act Page 16