by Kitt Rose
I shook my head, I couldn't explain how good it had felt to have someone who put me first. Who had always kept their promises and made me their world. Daniel had been one in a million. The very best kind of person, full of altruistic, unassuming kindness. The world truly was a darker place without him in it.
“Justice went off to school. It wasn't terribly far, but we had never before been apart. I hated it. Truly hated being so far away from him. And while he was away, he met someone and fell in love.”
A tear leaked from the corner of my eye and I scrubbed it away with the back of my hand. “I know it was stupid, but I was jealous and angry. I mean, I got married so he wouldn't feel guilty about leaving me. I'd given up on my dreams so that he could chase after his and he goes and gets into a relationship. It was so stupid, and I was being a bitch, but I held a grudge.
“I stopped answering his calls, ignored his emails, but he kept after me. Maybe he felt guilty, or maybe he was just stubborn, but he wore me down. Still, it was a couple years before we were back to normal. By then, he was almost done with school. Daniel was doing his rotations and working constantly so I would go and spend weekends with Justice at school. I met his girlfriend—Yvonne—and things were pretty good for a while. Justice and Yvonne got engaged, and he asked me to be his Best Wo-Man—his words, not mine.” I laughed at the memory, but my smile died abruptly. “And then Daniel died.”
Ash turned me on the bed, his thumbs moving over my cheeks to wipe away the tears that were flowing freely now. My gaze went to my hands as I knotted my fingers together.
“Everything just fell apart. I fell apart.
“Things were… Bad. I was in the hospital for days. I had broken my arm, my leg, and…” I shook my head again, forcing myself out of the memory of that sterile hospital room, and the agony I'd been in. “Daniel and I had bought a house not two months prior, and I couldn't even stand to go back to pack. Justice had to do it for me. He was my rock. He left his entire life to come home and take care of me. Lost Yvonne over it too, which obviously made me feel even shittier. But Just said that he didn't want to marry a woman who wouldn't support his family.
“He got us an apartment, got a job, and moved me in. For months I was in rehab, and when I finally got the green light to go back to work, I realized I couldn't. I couldn't work where I met Daniel, so I quit. All the people I'd known through work and Daniel sort of drifted away. I had no friends, no job, no husband. My whole world had been destroyed. I couldn't leave the house for months without having a panic attack. I was on a bunch of different prescriptions so that I could function. I had to take pills to sleep because I had such horrible nightmares and the thought of dreaming was enough to send me into a panic.”
Ash grabbed my hands, separating them from where I had been wringing them together. He held them, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles.
I took a shuddering breath. “Slowly, I healed. I found a new job, it sucked, but it got me out of the house. I bounced between jobs I hated. Found one that stuck and saved money. I decided it was time for me to try and stand on my own two feet again so I started apartment hunting. Then someone stole my debit card. They cleared out my bank account and I had trouble proving I hadn't made the charges. So I stayed.”
My voice grew strained as I sped up my narrative. I needed to get it out. Get it done. “My best friend, Morrie, suddenly… Well, she broke up with me, I guess. She told me we'd grown apart and she wished me well, but so long. She'd been my best friend for seven years, had dated Justice once, but when he died shortly after, she didn't even send a card.
“When I called work to tell them my brother had died and I needed time off, my boss told me not to bother coming back. Oh, and the bills. There were so many, and Justice's insurance hardly touched them. Not to mention the cost of his funeral. I needed a job, but interview after interview just didn't seem to click. The guy I'd been dating slept with my other best friend. I drove to his house, which was a problem for me. I walked or rode my bike everywhere, took a bus when I couldn't do either, because being in a car sent me into a panic. So I got behind the wheel of Justice's car, sobbing, to tell him about my latest failed interview and found them in bed. When I slammed the door behind me, to get their attention, he looked up and just sort of smiled. Said he thought we should see other people.”
I laughed. It had sucked, but now it was so epically bad that it was funny. “Then my apartment was robbed. I'd been at an interview for a kiosk at the mall, a fucking kiosk that sold lava lamps and inflatable furniture to tweens, and I didn't get the job. Which was fine, because I didn't really want it. But it hurt because it was just one more rejection. I get home after sitting next to the smelly guy on the bus, and my front door was hanging open, everything inside just…”
I pulled my hands from Ash's and shoved them through my hair. “It was so much crap I felt like maybe I would never have a happy ending. So, I decided to come back. I think I might have left hand imprints on the steering wheel for the first six hours of the drive, but it seems to have cured me of my aversion to cars at least.”
Ash's eyes were soft, his voice gentle, “And you had no idea that we hadn't abandoned you. No idea that we'd all looked for you. I'm sorry, Lib. I am going to make sure you never have another—”
I covered his mouth with my hand, shaking my head. “Whatever you were going to promise. Stop. You can't keep the world from me, and I wouldn't want you to try. Just love me. Support me. Be there for me.”
He gathered my hand in his, kissing the back of it. “That, I can do.” He smiled at me. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for listening. It felt… well not nice, but therapeutic, I guess, to talk about it.”
“Any time you need to, I'm here for you. Now, I'm going to go grab a shower, then we can hit the store, or eat nothing but rice today and go to the hot springs instead.”
“Hot springs and rice,” I said instantly.
I think I surprised him, because he grinned. “Sounds great. Let me grab that shower.”
He rose from the bed and planted a firm, slow kiss on my mouth before ambling to the bathroom.
It took me ten minutes to realize the shower was his way of giving me time to gather my thoughts, and to reign in my emotion. A smile rose at his thoughtfulness. Asher Stefan was pretty amazing. And I suddenly really wanted to see him. Wet and soapy in the shower.
My smile turned to a grin and I crept into the bathroom and opened the shower curtain.
He looked at me expectantly. “Need something?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.
I ran my eyes up and down his body and bit my lip. Shook my head. “Nope. Just looking.”
With a laugh, Ash reached out and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me into the shower with him.
I shrieked at the cool water, then he was kissing me and I didn't mind quite so much. I even got my chance to touch and taste all of those spots I hadn't gotten to last night.
It was thirty minutes later when, in fresh clothes and wet hair, we set out to the hot springs. It was a far walk, and we did it hand in hand. Something inside me had settled down. Something I hadn't even realized was restless. I also felt energized.
Stronger, faster, I wasn't winded, and I was keeping up with Ash easily. I didn't think we were going slower than before. I wondered if this was a side effect of the mating. Was I borrowing a little of his strength?
It made me wonder about other things, and I tried to quiet my mind, listening for anything different or unusual. But I couldn't hear anything. Ash wasn't in my mind.
I had mixed feelings about that. It sounded kind of cool to be able to sense each other, then again, we'd only been mated for ten hours or so. I really was expecting too much.
When we reached the hot springs, Ash immediately started peeling off clothing. It was early enough, and shady enough, that the temperature was not quite seventy. I hurried to strip, throwing my clothing against a tree before dashing for the hot springs. Ash got there first,
and climbed in, offering his hand to help me in. I took it and dropped into the hot water, sighing in pleasure.
If we only had the day before we had to leave, I was going to enjoy it while I could. Because the thought of tomorrow, and what it might bring, frightened me.
16
Ash
The time at the cabin went far too quickly for my taste. I had never felt so content. Being with Libby, the way I'd always imagined, was beyond my wildest dreams. Our time alone, away from the rest of the world, should have lasted longer. But fate had other plans, bringing her back into my life while an unknown threat hung over her.
With great hesitance, I packed us up and drove to Grand Forks. And as the distance from that magical place where we had mated grew farther and farther, and Grand Forks drew closer and closer, Libby grew more and more quiet and withdrawn.
After noon, we stopped at a truck stop to eat. It had been more than an hour since Libby had said a word.
“What's wrong, Lib?” I asked when we sat down in a green vinyl booth under glaring fluorescent lights.
Libby looked up from the menu, her skin a little green under the lights. She turned from me to focus out the window. “I… I don't regret what happened, but… I mean, what happens now?”
I blew out a breath. Her question wasn't a complete surprise. We hadn't discussed what would happen after we mated. “Well, I'm thinking Elliot needs to find himself someplace else to live. We will have to give him some time, but he's not really home all that often so it shouldn't be a problem. We can move you in when we get back to town. You can do whatever you want with the place, I…”
I trailed off. Libby wasn't smiling. She looked at me, eyes wide with panic.
“I can't live with you. It's too soon.”
“Too soon?” I was taken aback by her immediate refusal. “We're mated. It's as good as—no, it's better than married.”
She started to breathe heavy, her shoulders heaving. “No. We can't… I need more time. You told me I had time.”
I let out a frustrated growl. “So you are okay with mating with me, with fucking me, but not with living with me?”
Her brows furrowed, eyes narrowing. With jerky motions, she picked up her menu again, opening it with a sharp snap, and pointedly ignored me.
The moment I'd said it, I'd knew I shouldn't have. I sighed. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It was out of line.”
She made a hmph noise and turned the page in her menu with a little too much force.
“You can have time, but I'd prefer you in my home. Under my roof. I can protect you better that way.” When she was still silent, I added, a little desperately, “Look, you can have my room and I'll take the couch.”
Libby slapped the menu down onto the table. “Is that really why you want me in your house? Because you can protect me better?”
I scratched my forehead, confused. She's mad I want to protect her? “In part,” I said. “But mostly, it's because you are my mate. I don't understand how you can't know how I feel about you.”
“Maybe because you seem like you're just saying what you think I want to hear,” she said.
The venom in her voice made me recoil.
She threw her hands up. “Come on, you have to see it. You're too good to be true, Ash.”
“Wait, you're mad at me because I'm—”
“Perfect,” she said, cutting me off. “You try so hard to be perfect. You always did, but it's worse now. It's like you're trying to measure up to an unrealistic ruler.”
I shook my head. “You don't get it. Since my first shift, I've had to be perfect. That's what everyone expects of me. But just because I'm trying to be the best Alpha I can be, doesn't mean I'm not telling you the truth.”
“Yes, it does. There's no such thing as perfect. It's a lie. And if you say what you think people want to hear, that's lying.”
Anger hardened my jaw. “I have not lied to you.”
“Recently,” she whispered, her voice dark and raw. “You haven't lied to me recently.”
Hurt shown in her eyes. That pain lanced through me. I couldn't refute that. I had lied to her. Hadn't been my choice, but obviously the damage had been done.
“I never wanted to. I should have done so many things differently, but please know, every time I had to keep something from you, it killed me a little. I promise you, no more secrets. No more lies. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. Starting with this…
“I get that you're uncomfortable moving in with me so soon, but I want you close. Libby, I told you, I love you. I spent too much time without you. I don't want to do it anymore.”
She softened. I watched it happen. Watched those hard brown eyes melt, and the white lines of anger around her nose and mouth disappear. “I don't want to be far from you either, but I'm not ready to live with you.”
Frustrated, I huffed out a breath. It made no sense. She was ready to spend her life mated to me but not ready to live together? Maybe Libby's problem was the size of the commitment. “How about we take it a week at a time? You pack some clothing and come stay with me. After a week, we will see how you feel. How does that sound?”
She nodded after only a moment. “Okay. A week at a time. That sounds... Okay.”
I smiled a little, exhaling deeply. “Good. Now that we've got that settled, let's eat.”
The rest of lunch was pleasant and filled with conversation. We had years of catching up to do, and I wanted to hear it all. When we'd finished eating, Libby asked me about becoming Alpha of the Pack. I told her everything. She deserved to know.
“I need to take control of the Pack. I couldn't because I wasn't mated, but now—well, now that's not an issue. Joshua isn't a bad Alpha, but he's been…” I swiped the condensation from my glass until I found the right word. “Distracted, I guess. I only saw the Joshua that I looked up to and respected the first five years or so I trained with him. Then something changed, and I don't know what. I might spend more time with him than anyone else in my life, but that doesn't mean we're friends. Doesn't mean he ever confided in me. And then after you, what he and my father did… That fucked up our relationship.”
“Why didn't your father want me to be your mate?” Libby asked, her hesitancy and hurt clear in the question.
“It's because you're not a Protean. He didn't believe that you were my mate because it's never happened before. I am pretty sure he believes now. At the very least, he's realized it's not his decision and that I don't take kindly to interference. Joshua might run the Pack under an 'obey and don't question' rule, but that's not how I operate. In my opinion, thinking that way never works. I mean, we've had some problems in the Pack for a while now, but it has to end. With this possible Protean witch, I have to take control and flush out those responsible.”
“What do you mean there have been problems for a while? What sort of problems?”
I tilted my head, debating how detailed I should be. Not very, I decided. “Animal carcasses.”
“What?” she asked, refilling her coffee from the carafe on the table and dumping an excessive amount of sugar in it.
I shook my head at her as she stirred her cup of coffee-flavored sugar. “Dead cattle, deer, rabbits, you name it. But they're left out, the meat untouched and rotting by the time the remains are found. Areas on and around the Clayton cattle farm have been hit most often. But there's no pattern. No time frame. And no one has seen who or what is doing it.
“I've told Joshua multiple times that we need to search within the Pack. The way these animals were killed leaves little room for error. It's a wolf, a Protean by the size of the bite marks. But the meat being left to rot means that we have an unstable wolf in the Pack.
“Then about four months ago, a local woman, human, went missing. She was walking home from work and just vanished. Someone saw a wolf, but they were human and couldn't identify them by sight or smell.”
“And what did Joshua say then?”
“He brushed it off.” I gripped the edge of
the table hard and the wood groaned softly under the pressure.
“How could he do that?” Libby asked, eyes wide and incredulous.
I hesitated, then replied, “I suspect he knows who is responsible and that he is protecting them.”
Libby set her cup down and leaned forward. I couldn't help a glance down her shirt at her spectacular cleavage. I smirked when she tugged up the neckline, crossing her arms over her chest as if I hadn't already seen, touched and tasted them.
With a frown, Libby asked, “Why do you think that?”
“He's acting so weird. Has been since the killing started. And he absolutely refuses to talk about it. I have to assume that it’s because it is someone he cares about in the Pack. With most of the kills being on Clayton property, and his own cattle at that, I imagine it is someone in his family. Or maybe it's him.”
“Greg.”
I startled, leaning forward. “What?”
“I met Greg the night I got into town, and something about him made me uneasy. He's his son, right?”
I shifted in my seat. “Yes, but I doubt it would be him.”
“Why?” Libby leaned her elbows on the table.
“Well, for one, he was meant to be Alpha before me.”
“What?”
“Yeah,” I said, reaching across the table and enfolding her hand in mine. I ran a thumb over her knuckles while I talked. “Joshua named him successor and had started training him before I shifted for the first time. After it was known that I was Marked, Joshua had to stop training Greg.
“Greg was the first to welcome me. He's much older than I am, so I didn't really know him, but he assisted in my lessons. Let me vent when his father was being… Joshua. Not once have I had the impression that he was jealous, or angry, or unstable. I would think, that if he were the sick Protean, that would have caused him to act out, to attack me.”
“Hmm. Yeah, you'd think. But on the other hand, if the hex bag had anything to do with you, then wouldn't he have the most to gain from making sure you never mated?”