by Kitt Rose
The hospital sheet was rough in my shaking hands. I fisted it to steady my trembling, watching the color bleed away from my fingers as I tightened my grip. “I was dreaming. About the night that Daniel died.”
“The car accident?”
Wordlessly, I nodded, and he pulled me into his lap.
I closed my eyes and burrowed into him, needing him. I wasn't ready to tell him about Sarah. How could I tell him that I would never do it again? I couldn't go through that again, losing a baby.
I'd had to deliver her. Knowing she was dead.
Stillborn. As if the term made it any better. I'd had to push. The nurses had screamed, begged, and pleaded with me, but I had been beyond words. Some drunk driver, some inconsiderate asshole, had gotten behind the wheel of his car. Committed a double murder, then died of his own injuries.
And I'd been alone. For over six hours of labor, two of them trapped in the wreckage with my dead husband. In pain. In agony—both physical and mental. My leg had a compound fracture, broken in three separate places. Two cracked ribs. A busted cheekbone.
Somehow, I'd made it through. And Justice had picked up the pieces of me, trying to reassemble someone fractured beyond repair.
I would have died without him.
Hopelessness swamped me, sinking through my skin to settle heavy in my bones, weighing me down. I put a hand to my heart, where the tattooed image of a male robin and a bright blue egg was inked on my skin. For Daniel and Sarah. My husband and lost child.
I would never allow myself to get pregnant again. Never have children. For my own peace of mind, for my sanity, I couldn't.
“Hey, Lib, you with me?” Ash's voice once again called me back.
He was smiling at me. It was so soft, gentle. My insides ached from the tenderness in that smile. When he touched me, reaching up to caress my cheek, the pain bled outward, up to the surface, and I sniffed back tears.
“I watched him die,” I whispered, unable to deny everything. “I lost my entire world that day. And I almost lost my dad today.”
“But you didn't. And you won't,” he said with utter conviction. “I won't let it happen. I promise you, Lib.”
I slapped a hand over his mouth, none too gently.
I felt like my soul was receding. Whatever it was that made me, me, the part that Ash said he loved, that piece of me was shrinking. Into a dark hole, with the bottom sinking, the sides threatening to cave in.
“Don't make promises you can't keep. And you can't keep that one. No matter how much you mean it. No matter how much you want it to be true. No one on this earth can make that promise. Because, believe me, I know. People died. People who shouldn't. Who you don't want to. Who you can't stand to lose.
“One moment, one bad decision or random twist of fate, and they're just… gone.”
25
Libby
There was no way in hell that I was going to be able to fall back to sleep. Not after that horrible nightmare. After I'd calmed down enough that my heart wasn't racing, and I didn't feel like I was going to throw up or breakdown at any moment, I insisted on getting up.
Ash was not pleased.
“Sweetheart, you barely slept,” he said.
I put on my stubborn face, the one I'd seen so often in my brother. Chin jutting out, jaw locked and tendons standing at the surface. Then, to really hammer home my displeasure, I sucked air through my teeth loudly.
Ash sighed, the sound so soft I almost missed it. “You are so stubborn.” And then his expression shifted. There was a flash of something, maybe satisfaction, before he smoothed it away.
I braced for what was to come. Because I knew that shift, that look—the glint in his eyes. Ash had an ace he intended to play.
“I was thinking that once your dad's awake, he should come and stay with us. It'll be easy to keep everyone safe if you are in the same place. And that way you'll be able to help your dad too.”
I melted a little. That was so incredibly sweet. “Ash, that's…”
He grinned. “I'm glad.”
With a lock of my hair between his fingers, he twisted it gently, focused on where his hand smoothed over the strands. In an off-hand way, he said, “You'll need your strength to take care of your dad, you know.”
Oh, he was good! I snorted, shaking a finger at him. “You—you're good. Better than you used to be. Alright, I promise once we're out of this place, I'll rest. I just hate hospitals.” I added the last at a whisper.
Ash tilted his head, watching me, then nodded. “Okay, let's go home,” he said.
“Uh, no. Not until Dad's in the clear.”
And then, like fate was listening to me, or maybe it was a Titan god, a knock sounded on the closed door.
Ash sprang out of bed, rushing barefoot to open it. I blinked furiously at the brightness of the hallway beyond, eyes watering. Through blurry vision, I saw a young nurse. She looked familiar somehow.
“You wanted me to notify you if he woke,” she said.
I bolted upright, ripping back the blanket and swinging my legs over the bed. My knee, the one with seven new stitches in it, screamed. I was going to have another scar to add to my collection, and on my undamaged leg too. The other one, my right one, had pins inside, and a deep scar where the bone had broken through.
Nope. I wouldn't think about that. The dream had been damaging enough.
I looked for my shoes, then remembered they had been covered in blood—mine and Dad's. I'd thrown them away. Slipper socks it was.
I felt the cold linoleum through the thin puke-brown socks. The chill ran up my legs, zipped along my spine, and forced a shudder from me. Everything ached with the movement and I groaned.
Ash spun on me. “Damn it.”
And then he was there, his arm slipping around my waist. He helped me limp to the door where the nurse lingered.
“Dad's awake?” I asked.
The woman smiled at me, and then that smile warmed suddenly. “Liberty Dahl, holy shit. Oh, duh. Aaron's your dad. Makes sense. Sorry, blonde moment. Yes, he just woke. If we hurry, you should be able to see him.”
My sleep deprived and traumatized brain took a moment to process the babble. I focused on the nurse and realized I did know her.
“Krissy Ambrose. Sorry, it's been a long time and I'm not at my best.”
Her expression softened, and Ash's arm tightened. “That's okay.”
“Libby's my mate,” Ash said, watching the nurse nod.
“Makes sense. You two were like paper and glue.”
“Paper and glue?” I asked, incredulous.
“Peas and carrots. Ice cream and hot fudge. Marshmallows and chocolate. Pumpkin and spice. You know, you guys go together. Izzy thought you both were just in denial or something,” she rambled, leading us slowly down the too bright hallway.
The hospital was more alive at this hour of the day, nurses and doctors, carts and visitors, rushed passed us in the hallway. Everyone nodded to Ash, maybe offered a quiet hello.
A few stared at me in his embrace with wide eyes. That's when I remembered that I had announced I was Ash's mate last night. In this town, this place where nothing much happened, that gossip would spread like wildfire. Especially being that Ash was who he was—their future leader.
Something ugly and grey filled my belly. The sick feeling made me very aware of my flat abdomen, and the babies that would never again fill it. I knew how much Ash wanted children. We'd had that conversation when we were young.
And I would never be able to give him that. I couldn't.
No, I needed to be honest here. I wouldn't.
I swallowed, leaning into his side a little heavier.
“You sore?” he asked, too quietly for anyone else to hear.
I shook my head, wrapping one arm around his waist to help. He was so warm and hard under my touch. I'd loved touching him, being with him. But if I couldn't give him what he wanted… And his declaration of being my mate had put this crazy-ass Protean and his or her witch m
ate on the warpath after me… Had nearly gotten my dad killed…
Well, wouldn't it be better for me, for my dad, and probably even for Ash, if I stopped trying to fool myself into thinking we would ever work? It wasn't even that we were from different worlds socially, we literally were from different worlds. He wasn't human. And I was. He was beautiful, strong, and fit. And I wasn't. Not any of them.
I wasn't beautiful. I wasn't fit. And I sure as hell wasn't strong. I was a mess. Certifiably, incurably messy.
And Ash strove for perfection. He'd said it was expected of him. But I would never be perfect. Which made me wonder…
How could I ever be enough?
Krissy stopped at a door, this one with a large window. I looked past her. My dad lay on the bed inside. Nothing else mattered.
I waited for her to move out of the doorway, and then I dragged Ash inside, straight over to the bed. I hovered next to his prone form, staring down at him.
His left eye was swathed in bandages, the gauze wrapping covering half of his face and all of one ear. The other eye was closed, dark bruises underlining the hollow underneath. His skin looked like wet paper, fragile and weak—a hair's breadth away from tearing.
A tear dripped down my chin to land on the sheet stretched over him. I reached out, skimming my fingers over his.
Dad's eye flew open. Panic and pain etched onto his face.
I grabbed his hand, squeezing. “Shh, Dad. It's okay. You're safe. I'm safe. It's over.”
I wasn't sure if he heard me as his gaze whipped around the room, that one eye-rolling in panic. Ash stepped up, moving into Dad's line of sight. He laid a heavy hand on my father's knee.
“Aaron, relax,” he said, his voice an order not to be denied.
That Alpha aura was back. Power and command emanated from his body and voice. Instantly, Dad obeyed, his eye fluttered closed. He sucked in a breath, then exhaled. His face contorted with pain.
“Ow,” he whispered in a voice that was foreign in its weakness. His eye opened again, and he brought a shaking hand up to touch the bandage blocking half of his vision. “What—what happened?”
“You don't remember?” I asked, glancing at Ash in alarm.
He wet his cracked and pale lips. “No.”
“We went for a walk, a Protean wolf attacked us. To give me time to get away, you changed and told me to run.” I tried to keep emotion out of it. I didn't want to upset him. “I ran. Joshua found me.”
“Joshua?” he asked, a frown pulling at his mouth. “There was something…”
He trailed off, staring at nothing as his mind worked. I watched him wordlessly.
Then Ash grabbed my hand, squeezing. He leaned close and whispered in my ear, “Was he awake when you found him? When Joshua found him?”
I shook my head, one tight movement.
Ash's expression darkened. “What do you remember about Joshua, Aaron?”
My dad tilted his head, the motion more animal than man. “I smelled… Someone.”
“Joshua?” Ash pressed.
Shock rocketed through me. Did Ash think that Joshua had been in two places at once? That Joshua had been the one to attack me?
It wasn't possible. Was it?
Dad's frown deepened. “I don't… I don't remember. I don't think so.”
“Fuck,” Ash said on an exhale. “I was so hoping you would know who did this to you. So I could put an end to this whole damn thing. But that's okay, we're closing in now. Only a matter of time before this asshole gets his.”
Ash wasn't really talking to me or Dad. His words sounding like a promise to himself.
My dad pointed at me. “You're not hurt?”
“Um, just a few stitches in my knee. I'm okay. Can I get you some water?”
His dry voice made my throat ache.
“Yeah,” he croaked.
After he'd sipped some water, his eyelid drooped, his shoulders sagging back into the pillow. I leaned over and kissed his forehead gently.
“We should let you rest. As soon as they'll let you go, we're taking you home with us. I improved upon Mom's chicken and dumpling soup, so you get better and I'll make you a huge pot.”
Dad smiled tiredly, but no less genuine. “That sounds great, honey.”
A knock on the door behind us preceded an older man in a white coat, with a stethoscope thrown around his neck. He grinned at my father. “Good to see you awake, Dahl.”
“Shit, Pokey, you're my doctor? I'm doomed,” my dad joked tiredly.
“Pokey?” I asked.
The man in question looked at me, his smile growing. “Holy hell, little Liberty?”
“She ain't little anymore,” my dad said. “All grown up. Ash's mate and everything.”
“No shit,” the doctor named after the puppy in a children's book said. “Bet you don't remember me.”
I didn't. Not at all.
“Larry Ford. I used to have an obstetrics practice here in town. Specialized in mixed-species babies.”
My mouth dropped open. “Does that mean…?”
“That I delivered you and your twin brother? Yeah. How the hell is he? He here too?”
My face closed off, my heart dropping into my stomach.
“Justice passed away a few months ago,” Ash said quietly.
The doctor's smile fell. “I'm so sorry. I didn't know.”
Awkward silence filled the room until eventually the doctor gave up trying to bridge it, and he moved on to checking on my dad. I forced myself to pay attention, mentally holding myself together with a shoestring and chewing gum. Even my spine felt brittle enough to snap if I moved wrong.
When the doctor told my dad that he should be able to go home in two or three days and that he'd passed the danger point, I let my mind retreat inside itself.
Loss colored my every thought. Defeat was pushing me, taking over my decisions. Telling me that I needed to run. That staying here, with Ash, would only wound me more. Because as life had taught me, often and harshly, he too would be taken from me. And even if he wasn't, when he learned there would be no children in our future, he'd be gone. And I didn't know if I could survive it.
26
Ash
Libby was too quiet on the drive home. There was a weight to the silence, ominous and brooding. The nightmare Libby had must have really affected her.
Reluctant to speak, I sighed. But once we got home, Elliot would likely give Libby the third degree. And then Izzy was bound to show up. Probably my dad too. That's just the way life worked when everyone lived within walking distance. Not that I was complaining. I loved my family, even my father. Still, it was time to dig into why Libby was so quiet, why she smelled like fear.
I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, reaching with the other hand to take Libby's from where it rested on her knee. Bringing her hand to my mouth, I kissed her knuckles.
“Talk to me, sweetheart,” I said, rubbing her fingertips over my stubble—which might as well be considered a beard at this point. My last shave was two days ago and my damned face itched.
From the corner of my eye, I watched Libby, letting her hand go to turn onto my road. Fifteen minutes left in the drive if I kept just south of the speed limit.
“What's wrong?” I asked.
Libby shrugged. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
She jumped in her seat.
“Don't tell me it's nothing. It's damn well something. You nearly lost your dad. You had a hell of a nightmare. And then you clammed up. You've been bouncing between moods so fast since then I'm not sure if you want me to fuck you or fight you.”
She winced and I almost regretted the crass statement. But it got a reaction, and I needed that with her shut down like this.
“Just tell me what you need from me, Lib, and I'll do it. Anything. Just name it,” I promised.
Libby grabbed a lock of her hair and tugged it hard, grimacing. “Uh. Well, I feel bad saying it, but I think this was a mistake.”
D
ark dread filled my abdomen. “What was?”
I was pretty sure I knew what her response would be, but I sure as hell hoped I was wrong.
A fingernail went to work, picking at an invisible something on her borrowed scrub pants. “I can't do this.”
“This?” I prompted, losing patience.
“This,” she cried, her head jerking up. She gestured frantically, her pale hand fluttering like a moth between them. “This was a mistake. You need someone else, someone who can give you what you need.”
“What I need?” I repeated incredulously.
She must have missed the anger edging my words and nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. You need someone like you. You want perfect. Someone who's beautiful and strong and… And can give you kids.”
I took a deep breath and spoke slowly. “You are beautiful. You are strong. You were made for me, and I you. We are soul mates. You can't get more perfectly matched. And our children will be perfect. They may be human, or Protean, but I don't really care.”
She shook her head hard. “No.”
“By Oceanus's grace, yes. Libby, you mistake my intentions if you think that I'm letting you go. Even if I didn't want you, which I sure as hell do, you are my one true mate. I can't have anyone but you. If you are trying to punish me for everyth—”
“Punish you?” she interrupted. “Punish you for what? For my dad. No, that's not your fault, Ash. None of this is.”
Damnit. She was trying to break up with me, but even in the midst of that, she was defending me. Determination steeled my words. “You love me. You're in love with me. You loved me when you were sixteen, and you love me now. And you are my mate. I’m not letting you go.”
I pulled into the driveway and grabbed her, unbuckling her belt in the same swift movement. I hauled her up into my arms, jumped out of the truck, and stalked inside the house. When Elliot called out a hello from the kitchen, I ignored him. I didn't stop when Libby asked me to put her down either. Not when I hit the stairs. Not until I reached my room.
I slammed inside, letting the door hit the wall and rebound closed behind us. Conscious of her injuries, and my much greater strength, I set her on the bed and stuck a finger in her face. “Stay.”