“You okay?”
“Just thinking. Why? What’s up?”
“I’ve got the current income and expense report pulled up, if you want to look at it.”
“Gimme a sec and I’ll be right there.”
Simone gave me another strange look but she let me be.
I closed my eyes, wanting to get back to the memory. I couldn’t recall a single thing about the ghost tour, but that first kiss still haunted me.
I wondered if Lucy ever thought of it and if she could keep it in that original context or if our past and my actions had distorted everything that had been good between us at one time. I’d ask her when we had our talk, even if the truth—her truth—might be hard for me to hear.
Brooding about what I couldn’t change . . . pointless as usual. I shook off my melancholy and got to work.
Five
LUCY
I hadn’t seen Jax at Lund Industries all week.
On Wednesday afternoon, he texted me after he picked Mimi up from school. Then I had a brief conversation with our daughter a few hours later, right before her usual bedtime.
And I could admit that it had been easier that Mimi was with Jax when I kicked off my heels at ten thirty P.M. I fixed myself a gin and tonic, filled the tub, dropped in a bath bomb and fully relaxed before sliding into bed an hour later.
I felt only marginally guilty for waking up refreshed.
I wondered how Jax was faring this morning with the demon.
So when he strolled into the PR department half an hour after the first school bell rang, his square jaw tight, his hair sticking up all over and his tie askew, I knew it’d been a morning from hell for him, like it usually was for me.
Jax slapped his hands down on my desk. “We need to talk.”
“I can take a coffee break in a couple of hours—”
“We need to talk now while the horror is still fresh in my mind.”
I glanced around the office. No one paid attention to us, even when there was extra interest when one of the Lund bosses showed up. I grabbed my coffee mug and stood. “Fine. Lead the way.”
I’d expected Jax to take us to the employee break room on the fourth floor. Instead, once we were in the elevator, he poked the up button. “Wait. Where are we going?”
“To my office.”
I felt his gaze burning into me and I bit the inside of my cheek.
“For Christ’s sake, Luce, just say it.”
“You have an office?” rushed out in the shocked tone he’d expected.
“Yes, I have an office. Where’d you think I spent my time?”
“No clue.”
Jax muttered something and I opted not to ask him to repeat it.
On the twenty-seventh floor, we turned right instead of left. Left led to the board of directors’ conference room and the on-site shredding room. Halfway down the hallway he stopped and pushed open a door. “After you.”
“I didn’t know there were offices on this floor.”
“There aren’t . . . except for mine.”
I tried not to be shocked by such a nondescript space for the man rumored to be the next CEO. The room had one small window, one small desk, one visitor’s chair, one filing cabinet. I managed to say, “The built-in bookcase is nice.”
He snorted. “It’s ironic that this room reflects my position in the company.”
A Keurig coffeemaker sat on the edge of the bookcase, and he hit the power button. Apparently he needed a moment to gather his thoughts as he brewed the coffee. And maybe it did give me a warmish feeling that he fixed my cup exactly as I liked it: two sugars and one creamer.
What other things does he remember about what you like? Does he remember how much you loved it when he came up behind you and used his teeth on the nape of your neck whenever you cooked dinner? Or the panting sounds you made when he—
“You deserve a fucking medal, Lucy.”
I wrapped my hands around my mug of coffee and refocused. “Mimi wasn’t on her best behavior because she was with Daddy?”
“No. I even warned her that she’d have to be up fifteen minutes earlier than normal since I live farther away from the school. She was all smiles, talking about what kind of cereal she planned to have. Then this morning I awakened the beast. I had to literally drag her out of bed. She locked herself in the bathroom, which I hadn’t prepared for, and that was a wasted twenty minutes.”
“Did she emerge on her own? Or did you have to pick the lock?”
Jax’s cheeks turned crimson. “I had to resort to pretending that Calder had come to the door.”
I laughed. “Ooh. High five for that trickery, Daddy-o.”
“She glared at me as I made her get dressed in her room with the door open. She hid behind her cereal box during breakfast. And she was really pissed when I . . .” He paused.
“What? Come on, don’t be dramatic.”
A sheepish look crossed his face. “Don’t get pissy with me, but I was so goddamned mad at the sheer amount of both of our time that she wasted by being a brat, that I refused to comb her hair.”
I choked on my sip of coffee.
“I told her we were out of time and had to leave.”
Mimi always thrashed in her sleep, turning her hair into a snarly mess in the morning. At age eight she hadn’t taken any interest in styling her own hair, and honestly it was just easier and faster for me to do it for her. But to say, “To hell with it, I’m not putting up with your attitude,” and making her go to school with bedhead? I grinned and lifted my mug to him. “Brilliant, Jax. Seriously. I’m a little jealous of your hard-ass parenting stance with her.”
He raked his hand over his scalp. “Don’t be too hasty in your praise. She refused to give me a kiss good-bye or to even say good-bye when I dropped her off.”
“And the next time you see her, she’ll be just fine,” I assured him.
“I figured you oughta know what went down so you’re not shocked by her appearance when you pick her up today.”
I shrugged. “Maybe you should pick her up and see how her day went.”
Jax narrowed his eyes at me. “Why the sudden change?”
“Hey, you pick her up sometimes. It’d stave off the blame game, Mimi complaining to me that you didn’t do her hair this morning. In the past I would’ve gotten pissy on her behalf.” I looked him dead in the eye. “She’s smart enough to play us against each other, and I’ve been bitter enough to let her do it. No more. We are partners in raising her. Even if we disagree behind closed doors we have to provide a united front or she will run roughshod over both of us.”
“Agreed.” Then he offered me that smile, the one I’d always considered mine; softer, smirkier, more secretive than his usual wide grin. “Can I say that I’m glad we’re able to talk about things like this now?”
“Me too.”
“Want me to keep her overnight tonight? See if a back-to-back dose of discipline dad can tame the morning beast?”
Automatically I started to say no. But I was working on a major project right now, and extra hours in the office tonight with no interruptions would get me caught up. “You’re sure it won’t interfere with your . . . ?”
Jax leaned forward. “With my what, Luce? My big, exciting life?” He laughed harshly. “I live by myself in a rental apartment. I’m not dating anyone”—his eyes turned hard—“and I’m not fucking anyone either. The only other thing I do at night besides sleep is work out if the insomnia is too bad.”
I reached for his hand. “You’re still dealing with that?”
“Yeah, well, it’s worse now. Before I’d just drink until I passed out so I could sleep. That’s no longer an option. Now I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, reliving all the shitty things I did during my drinking years and feeling guilty about all the times I blacked out and don’t remember
the shitty things I did.” He exhaled. “Maybe it sounds stupid, but I sleep better when Mimi is there. I don’t feel so . . . isolated.”
It squeezed my heart that he’d substituted the word isolated for lonely.
My pride snarked back, Don’t feel sorry for the cheater; he’s always had women lined up around the block and the rink to ensure he was never alone.
For once I ignored my pride. “I used to clean the apartment when I couldn’t sleep and you were out of town.” Wait. Why had I admitted that?
“I’ve never forgotten that I always slept better next to you,” he murmured.
I couldn’t come up with any kind of response to that.
Jax seemed to catch himself. He slipped his hand free and leaned back in his chair. “I’ll pick Mimi up from school tomorrow too, but I’ll drop her here first so she can go home with you and get whatever she needs for the weekend.”
Would I ever get used to Jax taking Mimi on the weekend? Now that he was aware of morning devil child, maybe he could have her during the week sometimes and I could have a full weekend with her. Something to bring up at a later date. “Sounds good.” I stood. “I’d better get back to work.”
He got up and walked me to the door, which was ridiculous given the size of the room.
“Oh, there is one other thing.”
I paused in the hallway. “What?”
“Sunday. Vikings home game and we’re having a Lund family thing in the skybox.”
“Mimi will love that.”
“I want you to come.” He inhaled a deep breath. “Actually I need you to come, Luce. Please.”
Now I was alarmed. “What’s going on?”
“Just say you’ll be there.”
I’d never been to a football game in the new U.S. Bank Stadium, say nothing of getting to sit in a luxury skybox. It’d be a new experience for me, if nothing else. “Okay.” I smirked. “I’d request that your admin send me the details, but since you don’t have an admin . . . ?”
“Ha ha. Rub it in. I’ll give you the ticket and all the passes tomorrow when I bring Mimi by.”
“Cool. And have her call me tonight before she goes to bed.”
“Will do.”
* * *
• • •
I’d spent the weekend doing the autumn purge; swapping out my summer wardrobe for my winter wardrobe. Living in an apartment meant limited storage, but thankfully this apartment building had decent-sized storage lockers in the basement, where I could keep out-of-season clothes and seasonal decorations. Since Mimi grew so fast, I took the clothes she’d outgrown to a secondhand clothing store for kids for credit.
Damon had called and asked me on another date. I liked him, but I didn’t feel like dressing up, so I promised I’d let him take me out the following weekend.
Early Sunday afternoon I suited up in the Vikings jersey that had accompanied the packet with my ticket to the game and passes for parking and the skybox. I felt ridiculous wearing a jersey; I’d worn Jaxson’s Blackhawks jersey only a couple of times. I’d never been a sports girl. Even being involved with a professional hockey player hadn’t changed that about me.
I finally made it to the Lund skybox and found myself in a sea of purple jerseys with #88 and the name LUND emblazoned across the backs.
Mimi noticed me first. “Mommy!”
I scooped her up, hating that she was getting too big to comfortably lodge on my hip. “Hey, sweet girl. What’s up?”
“Me and Daddy were the first ones here so we got to go down onto the field and say hi to Jensen! He was in his uniform and everything!”
“That’s pretty exciting.”
“Uh-huh. And then Rowan came over and hugged me and I got to hold her pom-poms! They’re so shiny! Daddy took me to the gift shop and bought me my very own pom-poms, ’cause I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be a Vikings cheerleader now, like Rowan.”
Of course she was. “That would be pretty awesome.”
“Oh, and I saw Calder.” Mimi noticed me looking around, and she placed her hands on my face, forcing my attention back to her. “He’s not up here. He’s in the stands with his grandpa and grandma and Uncle Martin. So I’m the only kid here . . . except for Runner and Trinity’s baby.”
Jax appeared behind Mimi. “It’s funny that she still calls Walker ‘Runner.’”
“Why’s that funny?” Mimi demanded of him.
“Because it’d be like me calling you . . . Youyou instead of Mimi.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Huh?”
“Never mind. Go finish your lunch.”
“Okay.”
She slid down my body and scampered off, leaving me face-to-face with Jax.
Again.
“I’m so happy you’re here.”
I looked away and let my gaze zoom across the others in the skybox. It was all Lund family members. And me. Even when I knew all of them, and they were related to my daughter, it made me super self-conscious that I wasn’t one of them.
Jax took my elbow and led me to the refreshment table. Before I said anything, he said, “Don’t freak out about this.”
“Why shouldn’t I? I don’t belong here.”
“Yes, you do. Now, what are you hungry for? There’s a full menu as well as a small buffet.”
“The buffet is fine.”
It didn’t escape anyone’s notice that Jax showed me around and damn near doted on me, like I was his girlfriend or something.
Annika was the last Lund to arrive with her hot, Swedish, hockey-playing husband. She immediately went over to her sister-in-law Lennox and put her hands on Lennox’s rounded belly. Working with both of them, I knew they maintained a more formal relationship at the office, so seeing Annika, aka the Iron Princess, being so touchy-feely with Lennox, and baby-talking to her nephew Liam, gave me a deeper sense of being out of place.
“I barely remember when Mimi was that little,” Jax said beside me, his gaze on Walker holding Liam.
“Me either.”
“But not for the same reasons I don’t,” he said softly.
“We can’t change it, Jax, so it serves no purpose to dwell on it.”
He stepped in front of me. “Why are you cutting me slack now, Lucy Q?”
“I’m not. But I’m tired of being angry and hurt about it. I’m tired of my guilt. It’s taxing.”
“Can you stick around after the game so we can talk?”
I shook my head. “Lindsey is coming over for dinner tonight. I haven’t seen her in a month.”
“Ah. Okay. I’ll touch base with you this week and see if we can’t set something up.”
“Jax. What is going on?”
His dad called him away and I didn’t get an answer. I was alone maybe four seconds before Nolan sidled up. “Lucy.”
“Nolan.”
“Mimi seems happy to be here.”
“She’s in heaven. She’ll eat twice her weight in chicken strips and French fries.”
“I’m happy she’s here.” A beat passed. “I’m happy you’re here too.”
I tilted my head to look at Jax’s younger brother. Although he wore the same Lund jersey we all did, it looked better on him. Classier for sure. He’d added a long-sleeved, high-necked white silk undershirt that muted the vivid purple. He’d tucked the bottom of the jersey into his jeans, creating a tighter, leaner look. “Why?”
“Because it makes Jax happy.”
“I feel weird. Selka keeps looking over here like I’m trespassing.”
“Ignore Aunt Selka. She always gets weird when her son Jens plays.”
“And where’s your flavor of the week?”
“I’m done with that.”
I laughed.
“I’m serious. I’ve been so busy, if I have time for a little down-and-dirty action, my partner has to be h
appy being my flavor of the day.”
“Well, you learned that from the best.”
“Jax? Man. He is not like that anymore.”
Hard not to shrug.
Mimi bounded over.
Then Jax moved to the center of the space and called for everyone’s attention. “Before the game gets started, I have an announcement. After some soul-searching and a lot of sleepless nights, I’ve decided that I’m not a good fit for an executive’s position at Lund Industries, so I’m resigning from the company effective immediately.”
Shocked silence distorted the air.
“I’ve been grateful for these past months, getting to see how this amazing company that you all built works. It’s mind boggling and daunting for a guy like me, who’s spent most of his life on the ice, making decisions on the fly. While I appreciate the tradition and the chance to prove myself, what it’s proven is that I’m underqualified to transition into a leadership position.”
Stunned, I stared at him in silence, as did all the rest of his family members.
“I’ll stay on the board of directors and fulfill my volunteer duties for Lund Cares Community Outreach.”
“What else will you do, son?” his father asked.
“That is a damn good question, Dad. We’re making changes with the bar business I co-own with Simone, so that will take a good chunk of my time. I’m fully invested in raising my daughter, so I don’t know that there will be much time left after that.”
It seemed everyone started talking at once. Mimi leaned back against me and watched with wide eyes.
Not everyone was tossing questions at him. Nolan stayed mum.
“You knew this was coming, didn’t you?” I said to him.
“Yes. And I know he’ll be happier in the long run.”
“Working in a bar?” I said sharply. “Really, Nolan?”
Nolan set his hand on Mimi’s shoulder. “Hey, girlie, I think your daddy could use a hug, so why don’t you scoot over there and offer him one, okay?”
Mimi skipped off without question.
“That was my first thought too, Lucy, believe me. But Ash and I never did squat with the place when Jax entrusted it to us. Last week Jax pointed out it was a hobby for us—which is entirely true. I think his decision to leave LI boils down to his need to restructure every aspect of his life—personally and professionally. Up until now both of those aspects of his life were dictated by the hockey season. One of the first things he said was after the initial renovation is done, he intends to have minimal interaction as an owner. He also reminded us that he hadn’t moved back to the Cities so he could spend his nights in a bar, ignoring his kid.”
I Want You Back Page 8