Looking into the mirror, she sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Thinking back to the words she just told her daughter, she knew they were true. She still had a life to live.
18
Lydia’s eyes were dancing with delight as she walked into Harry’s in the old, downtown Wareham building. “I can’t believe you got reservations here. How did you know this was the nicest place in Manhattan to eat?”
“I asked the receptionist at the hotel where I’m staying. I told her I was escorting a beautiful woman to dinner, and I wanted to take her to the nicest place in town. She said, no doubt, it would be Harry’s.”
She looked around, the interior familiar although she had only eaten here a few times. “I brought Caroline here a few months ago, just before she left for college. I always thought it was one of the prettiest restaurants I’ve ever seen.”
The bar was behind a partial wall of dark, warm wood topped with elegant glass panels, each with an etched W in the middle. The highly polished wood and dim lighting cast a warm glow over the inviting interior. The tile floor, cream with black squares in the middle of each tile, paired beautifully with the buttery cream wood wainscoting and dark wallpaper. Each table was covered with a cream cloth and surrounded by comfortable, padded chairs.
With his hand resting on her lower back, she felt the tingles from Eric’s fingertips straight through her whole body. Twisting her head around, she met his eyes and smiled before moving to follow the hostess to their table. Delighted to see that they had a private corner table, she settled into her seat, pleased that he sat next to her and not across. It made for more intimate seating but also allowed him to have a nice view of the beautiful surroundings.
After listening to the wine choices, they both selected and began to look over the menu. “Harry’s is famous for their steaks.”
He chuckled. “In the middle of Kansas, I would expect no less.”
“Well, lots of places claim to have local beef, but whatever Harry’s does to theirs, its magic in your mouth.”
That comment sent his heated gaze toward her and a blush rising over her cheeks. “Oh, stop it,” she chided, unable to hide her grin. “You know what I mean.”
“I do know what you mean, but I also know what I’d like to do with the magic in your mouth as well.”
Determined to move the conversation off of something that made her want to grab his hand and run out of the restaurant before they had eaten, she said, “Harry’s is named for Harry Wareham, an integral member of Manhattan’s history. In the early 1900s, he wanted to provide conveniences to the citizens here. He established a sewer system, a telephone system, and even brought the theater to town, providing the Wareham Theater. He also established an ice company and a lovely hotel, located above the restaurant. It’s been turned into apartments, though.”
Eyebrows raised, he said, “He sounds like a very industrious man.”
“Kansas State University was founded in 1863, and as an original agriculture college, it was of course built in the middle of an agricultural area, which was not very populated. Kansas had only been admitted to the United States in 1861, so it was very new. I think by the time Harry came along in the late 1800s, early 1900s, he recognized that Manhattan was going to continue to be a thriving city. He was smart enough to recognize what businesses would need to be established to make a difference here in the quality of life and would make others want to come here as well.”
“Are you a history buff?” he asked, smiling.
Shaking her head, she said, “I’ve lived in several places, and for some reason I’ve always desired to know the history of where I was living. Somehow it made it seem more real…more like home.”
The server came by, and they ordered their dinner, then looked at each other over the candlelight. Her smile was sincere when she said, “Thank you for bringing me here tonight.”
He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. “I should be the one thanking you for the honor of your presence.”
Blushing again, this time for an entirely different reason, she looked down at her wine glass before taking a sip. They sat quietly for a moment, and she took another sip of wine. Gaining her courage, she lifted her gaze back to his, and said, “Eric, I know what this is. And I don’t want you to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable saying, and I certainly don’t want you to make something up. But I feel like you know so much about me and, yet, there’s so little I know about you.”
Her words hung between them, and she wondered if he was going to give her an answer. Just when she wished their dinner would be served so that she could lose herself in the food, he spoke.
“I was once married.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Eric wished that he could pull them back in. The wide-eyed expression on Lydia’s face gave him pause.
She must have realized that he was now uncertain, because she said, “Please, continue. I hope you feel free to tell me anything.”
Breathing easier, he nodded. “I’m afraid my story isn’t like yours and Tim’s. I got married after college, but it didn’t last very long. She was unhappy with my job, the amount of travel I had to do, and it wasn’t nearly as exciting as she thought it was going to be.”
Her brow furrowed, and she tilted her head slightly in question. “What did she think a journalist would be doing?”
Pondering his answer carefully, he said, “I wasn’t a journalist then. I actually was in the military. She thought being married to someone in the service was going to be exciting. I have no idea where she got that idea, but staying home when I was deployed was not what she wanted it to be.” Shrugging, he said, “In hindsight, I should’ve realized she was never cut out for that life. It’s embarrassing to say that we met at a bar near a Navy base, where unfortunately many women troll to either bag someone for the night, or they’re husband hunting, desperate to get out of whatever little town the base may be in. Looking back, I think she did love me, but not enough to accept me for who I was. When I would come home from being deployed, she was angry, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that marrying her was a mistake. Quite frankly, she realized it first. We had only been married for a little over two years when she asked for a divorce.”
She reached over and placed her hand on his, giving a little squeeze. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Did you ever remarry…or think of remarrying?”
Shaking his head, he replied, “No. I’ve dated but never for very long. I think I was a little relationship shy and, while I was in the military, it just did not seem like there was any point to trying again. I mean, I’m not opposed to marrying again, but it would need to be with someone really special, not just because I didn’t want to be alone.”
“And children?”
Shaking his head, a sigh left his lips. “We never had any, and I’m glad. It would have been hard, both with all my deployments and the divorce.” Lifting his shoulders in a slight shrug, he added, “I do sometimes think about what I missed out on, and that includes children and grandchildren.”
She reached across and held his hand tightly, her face etched in sadness. “I know it was a long time ago, actually for both of us, but I am sorry that your marriage was not a good one. I grieved and, in some ways, still grieve the loss of Tim, but it’s with the knowledge that I had found a good man and we were happy.”
“What about you?” he asked, linking his fingers with hers. “Did you never consider marrying again?”
Her lips curved slightly, as she said, “It’s not that I was against having another relationship or marrying, but my first priority was always to Caroline. She was so young when he died, that between working, going to school, and taking care of her, there was no room for anything else. And regardless of how many people get married right away and have blended families, I was always so cautious. I didn’t want to bring someone into Caroline’s life who would come and go. I didn’t want to bring someone into her life who wanted me, but just sort
of accepted the fact that I had a child. Could I have found someone who would’ve loved us both? Who would’ve wanted to have raised her and loved her as their own?” Nodding, she answered her own questions when she said, “Yes. I’m sure there was someone out there, but I just never looked hard enough. We were happy together, and I knew that one day, when she was an adult, then something might happen for me.”
He gave her hand a squeeze, and they sat quietly for another moment, sipping their wine. She looked over at him, and said, “Leaving the topic of our past relationships behind, I’m curious. How did you go from being in the military to becoming a journalist?”
He tensed slightly, deciding how honest to be. Maintaining a cover on a mission had never been a problem for him. He knew what he needed to say and how he needed to say it to convince a listener that he was exactly who he said he was. But now, sitting in the elegant restaurant with Lydia staring so intently at him, he swallowed deeply. Having no choice, he plunged ahead, but determined to give her as few lies as possible.
“I was in the service for twenty-five years and had to retire due to an injury. Too many jumps, and the knee just isn’t the same as it was when I was a younger man.” Chuckling ruefully, he added, “Probably that’s true for the rest of me, as well.”
A giggle snort erupted, and she said, “I’ve got no complaints with the rest of your body.”
Laughing, he squeezed her hand, her words a balm to him. “At that time, I was just looking for a job. Being a journalist is the one that happened to land in my lap. I had a security clearance, so I was given this assignment.”
She smiled and nodded, and he let out his held breath slowly.
“I understand that. As I told you, I went through several jobs and levels of schooling to get to where I am now. I sometimes look at the young people in college now and wonder if they have any idea how many times their lives and careers will change as they get older.”
He chuckled, both in relief of her acceptance of his explanation and in understanding of her statement. “You’re so right. I’ve worked with some younger people whose enthusiasm is so intent on the job at hand, which is good and, yet, I wonder how long it will last.”
“I always wanted Caroline to follow her dreams, but she watched me struggle through the years. As her mom, I tried to shield her from some of the harshness, but as a fellow woman, I wanted her to know that it’s okay for us to not have all the answers all the time.”
Just then, the server brought their steaks, and they turned their attention to the meal. He cut a bite of his filet mignon and groaned in ecstasy. Chewing the delectable morsel before swallowing, he looked over and saw her grinning widely at him. Not used to blushing, he could feel the heat on his face and laughed. “I can’t help it. That was the most orgasmic bite of food I’ve ever had.”
She snorted in laughter, then covered her face and blushed just as deeply as he was. “I swear, that sounds like something I would say.” She took a bite of her own and closed her eyes as she enjoyed the flavors of the perfectly seasoned and cooked beef. After swallowing, she took a sip of wine, and then dared to look at him again. “Yes,” she declared. “Definitely orgasmic.”
They shared a laugh, and then went back to enjoying the rest of their meal. Deciding to forgo dessert, she asked, “How would you like to walk around the campus some? It’s really beautiful, and I feel like I need to walk off some of my dinner.”
Lifting her hand, he placed a kiss on her fingers, and replied, “That sounds perfect.”
19
A few minutes later, Eric parked where Lydia directed, and they climbed from his vehicle. They walked along the sidewalks, the evening sun setting behind the buildings, painting the sky in royal colors. They watched the street lamps flicker on, illuminating their path.
As they walked along, she continued pointing out various sites. “When I first moved out here, I was amazed at the beauty of the Kansas prairies. It’s nothing like where I was raised.”
“Where was that?”
“I was raised in Pennsylvania. That was actually the Vet Med school that I went to, at the University of Pennsylvania. My parents still live in the eastern part of Pennsylvania, near Philadelphia. I didn’t move here until I decided to do the internship. By then, Caroline was in high school and did not want to move again. So, I took the NBAF job so that she could graduate with her friends here.”
“And Caroline now?”
Smiling widely, she answered, “She thought about going to Kansas State since she went to high school here, and I’m working here. But she really wanted to go back East, and since my parents are not too far away, I thought it was a good decision. She’s also at the University of Pennsylvania.”
They continued walking, their hands linked, and the thought crossed her mind that they looked like a real couple. It felt like being part of a real couple.
Before she had time to let her mind wander too far down that path, he asked, “Do you see yourself staying here? In Kansas?”
They stopped at a bench underneath tall trees with several streetlights around. Sitting down, she snuggled into his side as he wrapped his arm around her. “I’ve given that a lot of thought lately with Caroline gone. The NBAF has been good for me and good to me. The money has allowed me to pay off my student loans, the health insurance is excellent, and it’s a secure job.”
He looked down and pulled her closer, staring into her eyes. “I feel a but coming at the end of your statement.”
She chuckled, and said, “You’d be right. It’s not that I feel like I have to be where Caroline is. For all I know, she could move anywhere in the world when she graduates from college. Kansas is beautiful, and I’ve loved it here, but I don’t feel like this is my forever place. I know my parents will be getting older, and I’d like to enjoy being around them more. Or, at least not halfway across the country from them.”
“So, you think you might want to move back East sometime?”
“I think so. I haven’t made any definite plans, but I’m certain it’s where I’ll end up.”
“And pigs?”
Bursting out in laughter, she said through her giggles, “I don’t feel like pigs are the only animals that I can take care of. I can certainly be a large animal vet, but I was also trained in small animals, so I could work almost anywhere.” Grinning slyly, she added, “But, I might have to get a pig for a pet.”
This time he chuckled, joining her laughter.
“How do you do that?” she asked, twisting her body to stare up at him.
His brow scrunched down, and he asked, “Do what?”
“Always find things out about me. Somehow it seems as though I end up blabbing all kinds of things about me. So, what about you? Where are you from?”
“Born and raised in North Carolina. I’m an only child. My parents were older when they had me. I never heard them discuss it, but I got the feeling that they had trouble getting pregnant and when I came along, I think they were rather surprised. Happy, but surprised.”
“Are they still living?”
Shaking his head, he said, “No, my dad passed about ten years ago and my mom almost five years ago.”
Taking both of his hands in her own, she held them tightly. “Oh, Eric, I’m so sorry. Here I’ve been talking about my family, not even thinking that you might have lost yours.”
“Don’t take that on, babe. I’m fine, really. I had a wonderful childhood and my parents were very proud of me being in the military. Both of them passed away rather quickly, without a long, drawn-out illness. It’s not like I don’t have anyone in my life. Believe me, when you’re in the military, your team is truly your band of brothers.”
“I’m glad for you, that you have that.” She twisted back around and settled into the crook of his shoulder, reveling in the feel of his arms around her. They sat for several minutes in silence, watching students rushing along the sidewalks as the young often do, always in a hurry.
Her voice slightly wistful, she said,
“I know I’m not old, not in years. But sometimes I feel very old in experience. I look at these young people, whose lives lay out before them, and would not wish to be back where they are for anything. Everything I’ve gone through in my life, the good and the bad, the joy and the grief, has led me to where I am right now.”
Eric stood and, with his hand in hers, gently pulled so that their bodies were aligned, face to face. Holding her gaze, he asked, “And are you happy with where you are right now?”
Her chest felt heavy, as though a weight were pressing her down, and she said, “Yes. I know you’re leaving. I’ve known since the beginning that this was only temporary. And right now, my heart hurts knowing that our time together is almost over.” She felt his arms band tighter around her and she continued, “But I wouldn’t change one moment. Meeting you, spending time with you, has made me happier than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe, if nothing more, you’ve shown me that there’s more out there for me. I’m not done with living.”
He swooped down, claiming her lips in a kiss that stole her breath. His hands slid up to cup her jaw, holding her in place as he delved inside her warm mouth, stealing her essence. She gave as good as she accepted, wanting to press every second into her memory like a flower between the pages of a book. Knowing that, when he left, she could pull her memories out and feel just like she was feeling at this moment.
Finally, he leaned back, sucking in a ragged breath. She was panting as though at the end of a race, staring up at his face. He seemed to be battling with something, so she remained quiet, giving him the space he needed.
He dropped his chin and offered her a small smile. “I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye tomorrow,” he admitted. “But I want to take you home right now so that I can have this one last night.”
Arriving back at her house, they had barely made it through the door before he kicked it shut and whirled around, backing her against the wall. Hot and wild, they tore at their clothes, both desperate for skin to skin contact. Their noses bumped as their heads moved back and forth, a tangle of lips and tongues with kisses that branded.
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