What you wrote is more than I thought I would ever get from you. I thank you so much for being willing to share this much of yourself with me. I want to share this much of myself with you, but I’m not ready yet.
Just a little more time, Tuck, I promise. While there are things you haven’t told me, there are things I haven’t told you. If we go into this, this time, it needs to be with all our secrets laid bare. You laid them down for me, and I need to lay them down for you.
I won’t keep you waiting the way I’ve kept you waiting for the past year. I promise.
I hope to see you in a few weeks.
I love you too, more than I’ve ever loved anyone.
P.S. – I never lock it because I’m in a hurry not to be out in the open. I’m always focused on getting wherever it is I need to be and shutting myself away. Maybe you could help me with feeling safer?
Love,
Karsyn
Immediately I start my car, putting it in drive to go the couple of miles across town. His house looks just like I remember it. Manly and well-maintained. He has room for a family, unlike my apartment. Major always hated being in my apartment, because there was nowhere for him to run.
Before I lose my nerve, I quickly get out, running to the front door. I put the envelope with my letter in the mail slot. I always made fun of him for having a mail slot, but it was a piece of nostalgia he never wanted to get rid of.
Going back to my car, I leave before he can open the door and stop me. If he stops me this time, I won’t be able to leave, and chances are we’ll end up back in the exact same spot we’re in now.
Tucker
I watch her. Through my Ring doorbell, but I don’t stop her as she runs away. There are too many things up in the air for me to stop her. I made the first move by writing her a letter, now it’s fair that I give her a chance to make the next move with a letter. I need to read the letter she put through my mail slot. Maybe I need to manage my expectations. What if she refuses to give me another chance? What if it’s a flat-out no? Major barks as he hears her car leave, almost as if he’s the one saying don’t go.
Fuck, I rub my sternum with the heel of my hand. There’s an actual pain there, one I’m not used to. Maybe it’s heart burn and not the feeling of losing everything important to me. That’s gonna hurt, but it’s kinda what I deserve. Major is down on all fours, sniffing the envelope, nosing it toward me. I think he wants to me to open it as badly as I want to.
“Okay, okay. You’re a demanding little shit sometimes.”
My throat goes to my stomach as I start reading it, sure as hell she’s going to tell me to fuck off. But I read her words slowly, let them sink in, digest them with the maturity I’ve gained over the past year.
I do something the old Tucker wouldn’t have been comfortable with. I put the envelope on the table next to my bed, where I can see it every day, and I vow to wait. However long it takes, I’ll wait for her to come to me. I won’t pressure, I won’t beg for an answer. I’ll be the supportive man I should’ve been in the beginning. I’ll show her the person I can be, and I promise to prove to her I’m worth the wait.
Major gets up on the bed, looking at me. It’s like he’s asking me where Karsyn is, almost like he expected her to be here since she was out on the porch. I run my hand over his head, giving him a scratch. The movement calms him and me at the same time.
“She’s not ready yet, bud. And that’s okay. We’ll be right here when she is.”
He barks in what appears to be agreement.
Tonight when I go to sleep, it’s with a smile on my face and a lightness in my heart. Things aren’t perfect, but they’re on the road to being what I want them to be. For the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to what the future brings.
Chapter Seven
Tucker
Friday night in Laurel Springs can sometimes get a little crazy, but nothing can remove the smile from my face. I looked at the letter from Karsyn before I left the house, and it’s put a spring in my step.
“Tucker, come in.”
The blaring sound of the radio indicates dispatch wants to speak to me. Hitting the button on my shoulder, I speak quietly, hoping she can take context clues. Sabrina is new, just hired in the last few months, but damn someone needs to give her a heads up she doesn’t have to scream every time she talks to us.
“10-4, what do you need?”
It screeches again as she all but screams over the line.
“Cruise is requesting a dog to sniff his traffic stop. Can you respond? Ransom and Rambo are on lunch.”
She still hasn’t learned the ten codes either, but we needed help and she was an applicant, so we’ll take what we can get at this point.
“Show me as responding. I’ll be there ASAP once you send the address over.”
“Sorry.” This time her voice is a little quieter. “I forgot that part.”
“No biggie.”
When I get the address, I turn my lights on, making Major bark in the back. He knows when lights flash and he can hear the sirens he’s about to go do work. “You ready?” I look at him in the rearview.
If he could answer, I know he’d say yes. I've never had an animal be as in tune with my feelings as he is. Sometimes it's slightly disconcerting, but I know he'll have my back in any situation.
Once we get there, I groan inwardly. A car we've sniffed more than once is there. Not only that, but the guy sitting out next to it has run as well.
"What's going on?" I ask Cruise as I get Major out of the back.
The guy to the side yells. "This is profiling!"
Cruise ignores him. "There's an odor, and he refuses to admit to anything. She was driving, he was in the passenger seat."
"He's liable to run." I shake my head.
"Which is exactly why he's sitting next to that fence with handcuffs on," he says loud enough for the guy to hear.
"What, do you not want to run today, Officers?" he taunts.
I turn to him. "Major could catch you, no issue. Do you want to get bit by a dog today? Because you take off, he won’t let you go. He’ll catch you. I know that without a doubt because I trained him."
"Is that a threat?"
Ignoring him, I pick up Major's leash, clicking my tongue at him. The tension is thick, and I want him to be able to do his job. "Let's do work. Find dope," I tell him. I lead him around the car and he does exactly what he's trained to do. He makes an indication, so I open the car door for him, allowing him to get in and search around. He makes another indication.
"Looks like there's something in there," I tell Cruise. "Feel free to look around."
"Good boy," I praise Major, giving him head rubs and putting him back in his spot.
When I make sure he's got water, and he's good, I walk over to where the guy and girl are handcuffed against the fence.
"You guys are always picking on me," he complains.
"You've run from me, dude," I laugh. "I've stopped you at least five times. All for reasons easily explained. You're a persistent offender."
"Only because you're constantly stopping me. Laurel Springs has a problem with me." He makes a noise in his throat.
"Laurel Springs wants you off their streets," I argue. "You're putting this shit out into the community. If you don’t watch it, you’ll be past rehabilitation, and then what the fuck are you going to do? Die in a drug house? That’s where you’re headed."
He grumbles again, Cruise calls me over. "Found heroin under her seat and crack in the passenger door."
Walking back over, I give the news to the two of them.
"Fuck that," the guy says. "It's all mine." He rolls his eyes.
"You're gonna take the fall for all of it?" I ask. "I mean that's the manly thing to do, but then she's not gonna learn a lesson. The two of you are a huge problem for this area, and you both need help."
"Fuck it." He shifts on the ground. "I'll take it all. Come bail me out?" He looks at the girl beside him.
"You know I don't have any money," she whispers.
This is an argument the two of them will have to figure out. I'll never understand how these relationships make it work when there are drugs involved.
"You got this?" I question Caleb.
"Yup, thanks for your help."
I give him a wave before I get into my SUV and start making my rounds again.
Karsyn
"Mom, are you home?" I knock on the door, before pushing it in.
It's a bad habit she has, being at home with the door unlocked. I do the same with my car, but I never leave the door to my home unlocked. Too many things can happen if someone can get into your home.
"Hey, I'm out back," she yells.
Carefully I walk through the living room, not wanting to wake my dad up. He could sleep through an apocalypse, but I hate to ruin his slumber. He's a lineman for the local electric company, and I heard he was called out last night. If anyone deserves a little extra shuteye it's him.
When I get to the porch, I'm greeted by my mom's cat, who rubs against my legs. "Hey, Shadow." I bend down to give him a scratch on the head.
"What do I owe the pleasure?" she asks as she has a seat.
By the looks of things she's been planting flowers, which is her favorite thing to do. She weeds, replants, and comes up with new arrangements every freaking year. I think it's where I get my planner creativity from.
"Can't I just come visit you?" I have a seat next to her.
"You can, but that's not your normal way of doing things," she calls me on my shit.
I sigh, wondering how to start this, how in the world I can get through what I have to talk to her about.
"I met this guy," I start, running my fingers through my hair.
"This is good news, right?" She interrupts me.
"It is, but it's complicated."
"It always is, Karsyn. Spit it out."
The thing about my mom is she’s never let me feel sorry for myself, even when it might be easier. Sometimes I love that about her, other times it gets on my damn nerves. Today, I’m not sure which.
“It’s the same guy from before. The one who broke my heart. I know I told you I’d had my heart broken, but I didn’t tell you about it. I wasn’t ready. You and Dad were amazing back then, supporting me without even knowing what was going on. But Tucker was special. We spent months together, mostly just hanging out with one another. I fell in love.” I shrug, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I told him, he left.”
“Oh Kar.” She reaches out, grabbing hold of my hand.
“I went into it with my eyes wide open, he told me what he wanted, and I just…” I’m at a loss for words.
“We can’t help how we feel, Kar, sometimes things happen beyond our control.”
A sigh works its way out of my throat. “So he’s asked for another shot, and he’s promised to be honest with me. The thing is, I need to be honest with him too.” I look her deep in the eyes.
“Oh shit, you didn’t tell him? You know you have to be honest with the people in your life.”
“It’s not just him.” I reach out, taking a drink of her iced tea. “I haven’t told anybody.”
She gives me a disapproving stare. “Karsyn, you can’t run from your past. It’s made you who you are. How did you think you were going to explain it?”
“My past isn’t easy to deal with,” I protest. When people find out, they start looking at me differently, and that’s when all my relationships go south, including friendships. They start treating me like I’m damaged goods, and I can’t take it. It’s why we moved here. For a new start, all the way around.
“For you.” Her voice gentles. “It’s not easy to deal with for you. You’re not ever going to be the girl who had a normal childhood, as much as we tried to make it normal for you after it happened. It’s just not in the cards for you. You’ve grown into an amazing woman. That’s all a part of who you are.”
“Mom, for once I don’t want to be known as the little girl who was the focus of a manhunt across the state of Tennessee. He’s a cop,” I choke the words out.
She sighs. “You weren’t the focus of the manhunt. The man who took you was. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and I’m sure as a man of the law, he knows that. If anyone can protect you from the dreams you have at night, it’s him.”
I know all of this, but I also know those forty-eight hours I was a kidnapped child have defined my whole life up until this point. I’m finally ready for something else to define me.
Tucker loving me fits that bill, but how will he feel to know I’ve kept this from him?
Chapter Eight
Karsyn
When I get to my apartment later that night, I’m a little uneasy. Maybe it’s because Mom and I went into some things I haven’t allowed to come to the surface in a long time, or maybe it’s because talking about the incident always brings it back. Either way, I do a ritual I haven’t done in years.
One of the things I insisted on when I moved here was that my apartment have a security system, and now I’m glad for it. Quickly I turn it off, thankful it was still set, but it doesn’t give me the full feeling of safety I need tonight.
As I go through, I turn on every light, look in every hiding place, and force myself to open each closet door in turn. My hands shake as I get to the one in my room. My bottom lip trembles and I almost can’t turn the knob, but I do.
Seeing it’s empty is enough to make tears stream down my face.
“Karsyn.” I bite my lip as I talk to myself. “You got over this a long time ago.”
But did I really? It’s never easy to get over traumatic events in your life, and mine was off the fucking scale. I stopped going to counseling years ago, and now I’m wondering if maybe I should give it a shot again.
Sighing, I go about my nighttime routine, even making myself take a shower, with the curtain half-way open.
“Stop being such a baby,” I whisper, as I put my robe on, and then start to brush out my hair.
In my haste of wanting to get the shower over with, I didn’t condition it, and it’s going to be hell in the morning if I don’t work it through tonight.
That’s when I hear it.
A noise I’m not used to hearing.
My mind is going to every single thing this could be. It sounds like something is scraping against the window in my bedroom, and chances are it’s a tree limb. Storms were expected to roll through Laurel Springs overnight. But I can’t make myself believe that’s all it is. I go everywhere, expecting the absolute worse.
When the noise is louder, I pull out my phone, making a call I haven’t made in a long time. His deep voice is almost enough to calm me down itself.
“Tucker, I need you to come over. I’m scared.”
“Are you okay?” He sounds panicked and I realize when he gets here he’s going to think I’m an idiot, but I can’t help the way I feel.
“I think so, but I can’t be alone right now.”
Those words are the most vulnerable I’ve ever spoken.
“Be right there.”
He hangs up, and so do I. Waiting for him to get across town to my apartment feels like the longest ten minutes of my life.
The knock on the door scares me, even though it shouldn’t. I invited him over, and there’s no reason to believe that the person knocking isn’t Tucker.
“Who is it?” I ask as I pull my Ring doorbell app up on my phone.
“It’s Tucker and Major.”
There’s a bark when he hears his name that makes me smile. I still wait to verify what he’s said through the app on my phone, and I still open the door slowly after I see them on my phone.
“Are you okay?”
He doesn’t barge his way in like I expected him to. He stands outside, hand on Major as he waits for my answer. It’s a long couple of minutes while I try to figure out what to say, eventually I push some words from the dryness of my throat. “I got scared.”
“I figured.
” He grins. “Now tell me what you got scared of, because I don’t think I ever remember you being scared of anything.”
Little does he know I’m scared of everything. “C’mon in.”
They get inside, Major goes right to the place he used to sleep when he’d spend the night here before. Tucker? He stands in the middle of the room, commanding it like he does everything. He doesn’t say anything and neither do I, but it’s like he sees the look on my face. He holds his arms open and I run, throwing mine around him when he catches me.
“You’re scaring me, Karsyn, tell me what’s going on.”
I can’t, not yet, I just don’t feel strong enough to. Instead, I work my hands around, up and under his t-shirt.
“Syn, come on.”
“Just this once,” I whisper, standing on tiptoe, brushing my lips across his jawline.
His body stands tightly still, trying to ignore my advances, but I know him and what makes him tick.
My fingers walk up his body to circle around his neck.
“What’s going on here?” he whispers.
“I promise,” I whisper back. “I’ll tell you, but can you just make me feel good? For a little while?” Tears prick behind my eyes. “I miss you.”
He misses me too, I know he does. That thought is confirmed when his hands slide down my body, cup my ass in his palms, and he walks me to my bedroom. He kicks the door shut, and turns, backing me up against it.
“I don’t know what you’re hiding from me,” he mumbles as his mouth goes to work on my neck. “But after I get mine and you get yours, you’re going to tell me. I’ve been patient, and I’ll continue to be patient, Kar, but I need to know what I’m up against, what enemy I’m fighting.”
“I’ll tell you.” I tilt my head back, giving him free reign of my neck.
With us it’s always been like some porno, I know that’s cliché, but it has been. Maybe that’s what drew me to him; he’s always known what he wants. Not that he used me, but he told me what he likes in the way he moans, grunts, and moves faster against my body. I’ve never had to wonder what makes him tick, because even though he’s closed off on so many other things, he’s an open book when it comes to the way he enjoys sex.
Enigma (Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team Book 3) Page 4