She’s quieter than normal as we get to my house. “I’ll just shower at your apartment if that’s okay?”
She nods, seemingly wanting to get there. “Sounds good to me.”
Again I’m worried about what’s happening, but I decide not to broach the subject right now. It might be better to do when we’re settled.
I follow her this time, toward her apartment, watching carefully. She’s driving slower than normal, and again I wonder what’s happened to her in the time we were in the driveway and now.
It’s a process, once we get to the parking lot, to get Major and me up to her second-floor one-bedroom, but we do it. I’ve put my stuff over to the side, locking up my gun, and taking off my shoes when I hear her sharp intake of breath.
“Syn?” Her eyes are wide, face pale, and I’m worried she’s going to pass out on me. I hurry over to her, grabbing her wrists. “You’ve gotta tell me what’s going on so I can help you.”
Her head shakes, stubborn as all hell.
“No!” My voice is firm. “We stop this trying to save each other the heartache. Tell me what’s going on. Let me be the man I want to be in your life.”
From her hands a piece of paper drops. Cautiously I let go of her, then bend over and pick it up.
Dear Karsyn Fallaway,
This letter is to inform you of your victim’s rights. Inmate in case 08-5555, Clarence Night, has exercised the option for a hearing on his parole. It is recommended you appear at the hearing in Birmingham, AL at the Alabama State Reformatory on May 1st.
It is encouraged you contact your representative on record and arrive at the Reformatory no later than 10 AM on the above date.
If you have any questions, please reach out to your advocate.
Respectfully,
The Alabama State Victim’s Notification Services
“Why is he in Alabama?”
Those are the only words I can get out of my mouth.
She’s shivering, so I pull her into my arms. “He was moved after he threatened to kill his cellmate in Tennessee last year. When we chose to come to Alabama, it was to get as far away from him as I could, and still be in a place where I felt comfortable. By the time we were notified he’s here, I’d already started to build a life.” She shrugs. “And I refuse to let him ruin anymore of what I have here.”
“So who’s your advocate or representative?” I ask her, rubbing up and down her back. I can feel the wetness of her tears on my shoulder.
“I don’t have one here. The last time I had to appear was in Tennessee.”
“We’ll get you someone,” I assure her, quickly. “There has to be an attorney within the LSERT for situations like this.”
“I hope so.” She shivers again.
“Is this why you wanted me to stay with you? Did you have a feeling this was going to happen?”
The nod she manages kills me. “It’s usually around this time I’m notified, but I honestly thought at some point he’d give up. It doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to.”
“It’s a mind game for him.” I hold her tightly. “That’s all this is.”
She’s quiet, and when I lean down to kiss her, she clings to me. “Make me forget, Tuck. Please, just make me forget.”
It’s against my better judgment, but as I pull her to me, I know I’m never going to be able to deny her when she uses that raspy voice of need.
Chapter Fifteen
Tucker
The alarm on my phone wakes me up from one of the worst sleeps I’ve ever had. Any time Karsyn would move in my arms, I’d wake up to make sure she was alright. I want nothing more than to spend the entire day in bed with her, but unfortunately today is our monthly training with the K-9’s. Seeing as how I’m the trainer, I kind of have to be there.
“Do you have to go?”
I roll over so that I’m facing her. From the dark circles under her eyes, I can tell she slept about as well as I did. “Yeah, I have training today.”
“Thank you for staying with me last night.”
Her face dips down, and I slip my fingers under her chin to lift it back up. “Hey, I’m coming right back when training is over.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” I lean down, kissing her on the forehead. “I want to hear all about what you’re going to have to do. Even though I’ve been in this profession for as long as I have, I honestly have no idea what any of this means for you. I want to be there, help you with this.”
“That’s sweet.” She snuggles back into me.
Sweet isn’t the right word, and immediately I want to warn her I feel anything but sweet. I want to rage, bitch at the injustice of it all, and promise her she’s never going to get hurt again. Realistically I know none of that is true. She could be hurt crossing the road. And that’s the worst part of the situation. Both of us can do everything right, and we might still end up fucked.
“Thank you, Tucker. I know this scared you away before, but I love you. I never stopped loving you when you pushed me away. I was still mad and hurt for a long time, but I couldn’t turn off the feelings every time I’d see you drive by my apartment or send me flowers. You showed me how you felt when you made sure I was home safe, even if it was from a distance. I loved you then. Love you now. I’ll love you forever. I’m sorry if it scares you, or doesn’t fit into your plans, but I’m not hiding how I feel anymore,” she whispers, pushing her head into my shoulder.
This is it, my moment to redeem myself. I swore I would if I ever got the chance. Reaching down, I grab her chin between my fingers, tilting it up so those clear eyes of hers are right there for me to see. “I’m scared to death, Karsyn. Scared. To. Death. Because right now I’m not sure if I can keep you safe or not, because I’m about to lay it all on the line. Somehow you got under my skin last year, and I wasn’t prepared for it, not even slightly. When you told me you loved me, it blew up my world. That wasn’t what I was looking for.”
“I know,” she interrupts me. “I’m sorry.”
Pressing my finger to her lips, I stop her from talking. “Never be sorry about how you feel. That’s what I’ve learned this year without you in my life.”
It takes me a minute to pull my shit together, but I manage because she deserves this. If anyone deserves me putting my guard down, it’s Karsyn.
“I’m looking for it now. I want to be the person you come to when you get letters like you just did. If you have someone fucking with you? I’m the person you come to, to take care of it. You’re horny, I’m your guy.”
She laughs, and I can’t help but smile.
“But this guy has grown up.” I frame her face with my hands. “Because I also want to be the guy who has your heart, who has those soft looks you give me when you don’t think I’m looking. If you need someone to hold you, I’ll do it. Want someone to watch TV with you while my dog lays beside you instead of me? I’m there, babe,” I lean in, brushing my lips against hers. She closes her eyes, smiling when I pull back slightly. “Because I love you too,” I whisper.
She gasps loudly, her eyes flying open. “Tucker?”
“God’s honest.” I tilt her toward me again. “I’ve loved you a long time, Karsyn, I just didn’t want to admit it. Didn’t want to give that kind of power to anyone else. It’s a me thing, never a you thing, but I’m mature enough now to realize it was the wrong thing. I should have told you a year ago how I felt, shouldn’t have hid anything from you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She kisses me, tears streaming down her face. I taste the saltiness, promising myself this is the last time she’ll cry because of me.
“It’s not okay. But I promise right here, right now, to be better for you.”
“You’re the best.” She shakes her head.
I grin. “If love means you’ll overlook all my faults, then we’ll go with it.”
She grins back at me. “Same, Tucker, same.”
Another alarm goes off, telling me I have to be at work soo
n. Groaning, I let go of her. “I have to go.”
“Of course.” She moves away from me.
My arm tightens around her waist, not letting her get too far away. “Am I coming back here?”
“Yes. Actually....” She bites her lip, trailing off. “Do you mind if I go with you? I really don’t want to be by myself. I understand if I can’t.”
“Sure, it’ll probably be boring for you, but I’d love to have you if you want to come.”
Her eyes are bright again. This time with excitement. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”
“Do it again, Ransom.” I have them running through the obstacle course, and Rambo hesitated a little longer than I would like jumping over a fence. Sometimes that means the difference in a suspect getting away and not getting away.
Ransom nods, takes a knee, and talks to Rambo. If they’re anything like me and Major, it’s like a dad having a discussion with a child he’s disappointed in.
“We’re ready,” he says as he gets back up.
They go to the beginning of the obstacle course, and while Rambo had been a little slow to begin with, he’s sharp this time, doesn’t even hesitate at the fence.
“Good job.” I clap for them, while Major whines his approval. Using my finger, I motion for the officer from Birmingham to go.
Ransom comes over to where I’m standing, Rambo with him. “Sorry.” The apology is totally unnecessary but I do appreciate it.
“No big deal, some days we’re just off.”
“Keegan’s been waking up at four a.m. ready to play the last few weeks, and you know who his favorite playmate is.”
I chuckle, looking down at Rambo. He’s snoozing next to Ransom. “Poor guy, he’s exhausted.”
“He is, I didn’t even realize what was happening until a few days ago. We’re working on how to keep him out of Keegan’s room, but he’s figured out how to open the door.”
“Sounds like you’ll be better off figuring out how to get Keegan to sleep through the night.”
“Not so easy, asshole. Kids have minds of their own. He’s stubborn as fuck too.”
“Just like someone else I know,” I chuckle.
He groans. “You’re not helping the situation.”
“You two are done, go ahead and get out of here. I’m gonna release everyone else after this last guy runs. No sense in missing more time with your family. Might be why Keegan’s waking up. You know, to spend time with his favorite playmate.”
Major whines, hitching his head over to where Karsyn sits. “Go on.”
Ransom gives me a look. “Never fuckin’ thought of that. You might be right.”
“Which is exactly why we need to raise enough money to get a few new dogs.”
“Any news on that?”
“I’m meeting with the city council tomorrow to make sure we’re okay with the meet and greet. The Captain’s okay, but we’ll need to shut down a portion of the street in front of the park to have enough room, and that requires the council.”
“You may need to make eyes at a few of them.”
“Duuddde.” I give him a side-eye. “She hits on me every time.”
“But you’re bringing Karsyn to our events.” He points to where Karsyn and Major sit underneath a tree.
“Yeah, so she should just give it up. We’re doing good.”
He claps me on the back. “Happy for ya, Tuck.”
When I glance over at Karsyn, she looks up, our eyes meeting. She smiles so brightly it makes me feel like I’ve done something amazing. Returning it makes my stomach tingle. “Happy for me too, now get outta here.”
The quicker everyone leaves, the quicker I can leave. I don’t know about Karsyn, but I’m tired as fuck.
“Do you have favorites?” Karsyn asks as we drive back to her apartment. It’s been a long day, we’re both a little red, and the air conditioner is cranked. I hate how Alabama tends to go from cold to hot as hell in the manner of a week. There is no in-between.
“Favorites?” I’m not quite sure what she’s asking.
“You know favorite dogs and handlers?”
“I shouldn’t.” I grin.
“But do you,” she presses.
I wouldn’t tell this to just anybody, but she’s everything to me. “I don’t like the Birmingham guys that much. They think they’re better than us because they have a bigger department than we do. Honestly though, they aren’t part of the LSERT, so they can suck a dick.”
She chokes on her water. “Tuck.”
“What? It’s the truth. If they knew how to work as a fuckin’ team, we’d all be unstoppable. Instead they want to compare. What the fuck ever. There’s no way we can compare. They have a bigger department than we do, yet we cover more area because we take care of all the small towns.”
“Sorry I asked.” She gives me a look.
“What? It’s all true.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“Don’t placate me, woman. I know what I know.” In the back, Major barks. “See, he agrees.”
Chapter Sixteen
Karsyn
“I can’t tell you how excited I am to have a night out with you two.” Stelle claps her hands together as we grab a table at El Chico.
“Same,” Kels laughs. “I feel like I haven’t been out for a night of fun in a long time, and Tucker offering to drive us home? So fucking sweet. It means I’m free to drink my weight in margaritas.”
“I think we’re all pretty excited about that.” I grin as our waiter comes over.
Stelle takes the lead. “I’m gonna need a pitcher on the rocks, my good man. As well as some chips and queso. Keep it all coming. Mama’s having a night out.”
“With pleasure, my friend,” he laughs as he gets a good look at us.
“It’s almost like he knows he’s going to get an amazingly good tip.” Stella looks around at us. “Like I’m prepared to give him a hundred bucks as long as I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself.”
“Amen.” Kelsea holds her hand up for a high-five.
I look at the two of them, so thankful to be out together. It’s been too long since the three of us had a girls night out. Understandable though, they’re both mothers now, and I’ve been dealing with Tucker and the hearing.
The food and drinks are dropped off. We immediately begin digging into both, sharing stories we haven’t been able to share in a while.
“D walked in on us screwing around.” Kels covers her face with her hands. “I mean we weren’t full-on fucking,” she giggles.
“Well thank God for that.” Stella gives her a smirk.
“But I did have his dick down my throat, and I was on my knees in front of him.”
“Oh my God,” I giggle. “That’s awful.”
“Nick tried to make me feel better by saying D’s probably been wondering about this stuff for a while, but trust me, that didn’t make me feel better.”
“Thank God we don’t have an older kid in the house.” Stella pours herself another drink. “I had a fucking shit fit when Ransom and I tried to get back on the horse after I had Keegan.”
“Why?” I’m listening with all ears. Anything that happens to Stella is worth listening to.
“So we’re going at it, and I mean it’s feeling good. Like feeling good for the first time. I’m on top, grinding against him, he’s got his hands planted on my ass, he leans up with those strong ab muscles of his to take my nipple in his mouth, and that’s when I feel it.”
Kelsea is groaning.
I’m lost. “Feel what?”
“My milk.” Stella puts her face in her hands. “It leaks and goes everywhere. I was so embarrassed.”
“That’s happened to me, too.” Kelsea shakes her head. “Talk about killing the mood.”
“Yes!” Stella agrees. “I didn’t let him touch me for like three weeks after that.”
I’m quiet thinking about what’s going on in my life.
“So what do you have to share with us?” Kels a
sks, taking another drink of her margarita.
No time like the present. “I was kidnapped as a kid and my kidnapper is up for parole. I have to go speak before the board.”
They look at me, their mouths wide open.
“What the actual fuck?” Stella sits up straighter. “Why didn’t you tell us while we were sharing our stupid tales of sex?”
“Yeah.” Kels leans in. “This is real-life shit.
I squirm in my chair. “Because it is real-life shit, and because I don’t like to talk about it.”
“Too bad.” Stella glares at me. “Spill.”
As I start speaking, I realize I finally trust my friends enough to be honest, and it’s the best feeling in the world.
Tucker
N: Your girlfriend has taken my wife for the night.
R: Mine too, and I’m off-work. Obviously since you’re out there.
These two are always bitching to me about something.
T: Cry a little more for me. They wanted to have a Girls Night Out. You know I’m going to pick them all up. You should be thanking me. They’ll probably be drunk and ready to go when I get them home.
N: Yeah, ready to go to sleep.
R: Same. Meanwhile I’m stuck watching Mickey Mouse Playhouse hoping like hell Keegan realizes it’s time to go to bed sometime soon.
T: Bitch a little more for me.
R: Oh, I can.
N: Me too! Ella puked on me earlier, and I’m not talking a little bit of spit-up. She went full-on exorcist style. Her head legit spun around. I sympathy-puked. I haven’t done that since Kels was pregnant.
I’m laughing as I work on my reports for the night.
T: There’s no way that sweet little girl is a demon.
N: Man, you didn’t see what came out of her body.
R: You keep that over at your own house, bro. This is what I’m dealing with.
He sends me a picture of Keegan sitting against Rambo, the two of them watching TV.
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