Karsyn comes to me in her sleep, wrapping herself around my body. I know she doesn’t know how strongly she clings to me, but I love it. Love the fact she feels safe enough to know I’ll protect her through her sleep, I’ll watch her back no matter what dreams come to life. Her nails dig into my skin and I welcome the sting, because it lets me know she’s fine, nothing bad has gotten to her.
“Tucker?”
“Yeah.” I lean down, kissing her on the forehead. “It’s just me, go back to sleep.”
“Love you,” she whispers, burrowing down deeper into my arms.
“Love you too,” I whisper back.
And quietly I vow that I’ll protect her. I’ll slay the dragons and make sure she’s in my arms for years to come. Because after these past few nights? I can’t imagine living without her in my bed.
I’ve started counting on her being here when I wake up in the morning, when I go to sleep at night, and all the times in between. She’s worked her way into my heart, into my life, and I don’t want it to ever end. Even if that means making myself realize the thoughts I had before were wrong. It doesn’t make me weak to love another person.
It makes me strong; for her I will come home at the end of every shift, and I’ll make sure others are taken care of. With her by my side there’s no way I can be selfish, I’ll do everything it takes so that she’s proud of me.
Karsyn makes me a better person, a better man, and a hell of a better cop, and it’s time for to admit that to myself.
All the shit that was scary before? It’s not scary now. I can imagine myself doing it all for her.
Wrapping her tightly in my arms, I breathe in her scent deeply. So deeply it’s ingrained in my soul. I never want to forget this night; how this feels, and how freely she gives herself to me.
What I don’t know, is this night is what will keep me going when I’m not sure what the future holds.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Karsyn
“Shit!” I hiss as I drop the tray with the freshly cleaned medical equipment on it. I fight against the tears that are pressing against the back of my eyelids.
“Are you okay?” Kels asks as she bends down, helping me pick them up.
My hands shake, and I hate it. Literally hate it more than anything at this point. “I’m fine.” I angrily swipe at the tears that have squeezed past my eyes.
“No you’re not. What’s wrong?”
Since Kels became a mother, she’s much more in tune with everything around her. I wouldn’t say she feels more than she used to, because she’s always been super emphatic. Now though? It’s like times a thousand.
I have a seat on the floor because I can’t seem to pick myself up from where I’ve bent down. “The hearing’s tomorrow,” I whisper.
“Already? For some reason I thought there were at least a couple more weeks,” she sighs, having a seat next to me.
“I wish.” I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, bringing my knees up to my chest, tucking my chin into them. I sigh heavily. “I remember when I first came here to work. You and Stella thought I had absolutely no common sense.”
She snorts. “It wasn’t that we didn’t think you had common sense.”
“No be honest, I was the newbie in your friendship and you both thought I was different, and I was,” I concede.
“Okay, maybe we were slightly judgy.”
“Slightly?”
“We were young,” she defends again.
“Anyway, I know you two thought I had no common sense. That wasn’t really the problem though. The problem was I’d never let myself have friends like you two before.” I rub my cheeks on my scrub pants. “I was always so closed off to everyone and everything because of what happened to me.”
She reaches over, clasping her hand over mine. “I heard,” she whispers.
“I figured, everyone is clamoring to be the person to work for Tucker.” I smile. “It’s sweet, but I hate the reason everyone’s being sweet.”
Kels puts her arm around my shoulder, leaning our heads together. “Regardless of how Stella and I judged you, we both liked you a lot, and that’s why we started inviting you to hang out with us.”
“Thank God you did.” I grin. “I wouldn’t have had the guts to put myself out there with Tucker. The way I put my number on his ticket.”
“He really pulled you over?” she asks.
“Yeah.” I nod, giggling.
She leans in, wiping my tears. “You’re gonna love telling that story to your kids one day, Karsyn. You’re gonna be fine, ya know?”
“Am I?”
This time the tears come on strongly, and I’m sobbing as I tuck my forehead into Kels’ shoulder. She holds me as I let every bit of what’s been bothering me over the past few weeks out. I haven’t cried this way in years, and as I feel it coming to an end, I scrub my palms over my face, smearing every bit of makeup I applied this morning.
“You’re going to be great. You’ll have Shelby there with you, and Tucker. Are your parents coming?”
“No.” I accept a tissue she hands me. “I haven’t told them. They went through so much when I was a kid.” I shake my head. “I just can’t put them through this again.”
“But you can put yourself through it?”
I see what she’s saying, but it doesn’t convince me I should tell them. All I’ve ever wanted to do is live a normal life, and more than anything I want them to be able to enjoy the time they have now. “I’m an adult now.”
“But that doesn’t mean we don’t need our parents.”
I smile over at her. “That’s what I have you for, little mama.”
She huffs out a breath as she glares at me. “I don’t replace your mom and you know that.”
“I know, but I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me.” I wrap my arms around her.
“Same,” she answers. “When Stella decided to become a nurse, I was worried.” She licks her lips, sitting up straighter, pulling her legs up under her crisscross style. “I was afraid I wouldn’t have the type of friendship with her that we’d had before, and honestly we don’t,” she continues. “But I was afraid I’d be alone. You and I weren’t incredibly close, and like you said, Stella and I had convinced ourselves you had no common sense.” She blows out a barely contained laugh. “We were all in a place of growing.” She pushes her hair back. “But I can say with complete sincerity, I’m glad you’re here. My friendship with you isn’t what it was with Stella, because she and I have known each other for so long, but it’s still incredibly important to me. In some ways you’re closer to me than she is, and vice versa. I wouldn’t take anything for your friendship, Karsyn. I’m so glad we got to know each other.”
I’m so surprised at what she’s said to me, I don’t know how to respond, other than to agree. “I am too, and you have no idea how much it means for you to tell me this. My life would be so empty without you and Stelle in it. I lucked out in the friend department.”
“Same, which is why I’m telling you to go home. You don’t know need to be here today.”
“I can’t leave you by yourself!”
“You can, because I’m telling you to. I happen to know Tucker’s off. Go spend time with him before you have to confront your worst nightmare tomorrow. Lean on each other the way you should.”
It takes me all of three minutes to realize she’s right. I do need to lean on him, and if I don’t, I’m going to regret it. “I love you.” I hug her tightly.
“Love you too, Karsyn. Give him hell tomorrow. Don’t let him push you around. I know you’re stronger than that.”
As I leave the clinic, I realize I am. I’m much stronger than I ever thought I’d be. Maybe it just took someone telling me before I believed it.
I go to the place I’ve been going more often than not lately. To Tucker’s. When I pull into the driveway, I see his patrol SUV which means he’s done for the day. Entering the house with the key he gave m
e, I look for him everywhere. It isn’t until I hear Major bark that I think to go downstairs to the basement.
“Hey.” I scratch Major’s head as I carefully navigate the narrow stairs. “What’s going on?” He whines, hitching his head toward the room I haven’t been in yet.
When I get to the end of the stairs, I see a workout room. There are mirrors on the wall, a treadmill, a bike, and weight benches. Tucker is lifting weights, the veins in his arms straining, the tattoo on his side showing off with the sheen of sweat coating his body. A pair of low-slung sweatpants barely cling to his hipbones. There’s no waistband for underwear, and given the way the material shows everything, I have to think he’s not even wearing any. His eyes meet mine in the mirror, and I see the fire in his, even from where I stand. He doesn’t stop lifting the weights, even as I step closer, he continues, counting with a rough grunt.
There’s something between us, maybe it’s the fact we aren’t sure what’s going to happen in the future, or just the animal magnetism I have with him, but I can feel as I get closer.
He’s still counting, but then I hear a rough whisper of fuck it before he throws the weights to the ground.
Never in my life have I almost been tackled, and I am by him, his hands cup my face, pulling me into the hottest kiss I’ve ever had. His lips devour me, his tongue fighting against mine as his fingers delve into my hair, tipping me farther back to his liking. My fingers try to get purchase on his skin, but it’s slick and all they do is slide until I dig my fingernails into his flesh, holding on tightly. He finally pulls back, allowing me room to breathe. “What are you doing here?”
“Couldn’t stay at work anymore, not with everything going through my head.”
“Same, I couldn’t stand around and wait.” He crowds me, all up in my space pushing me toward the opposite wall. “Or sit as the case may be. I needed to do something, working out seemed to be the best option. But now that you’re here,” he palms my breast over my scrub top, “I’m thinking I have better ways for us to spend our time.”
I’m completely on board, and let him know by hitching myself up, wrapping my legs around his waist. Without my feet in the way, he advances on the wall. I make a sound of surprise as my back comes into contact with it. He unhooks my legs from around his waist, and before I even know what’s happened, I’m standing there in front of him in just a pair of matching bras and panties. The only thing he’s wearing are the low-slung sweatpants I first saw him in.
“I haven’t had lunch yet.” He smirks.
“You haven’t?” I’m completely confused.
“Nope, and I’m fuckin’ hungry.”
A squeal works its way from my throat as he hitches me up onto his shoulders, shoving his face in between my thighs.
“Oh my God,” I moan, and as I look across the room, seeing our reflection in the mirrored wall, I realize this time? It’s going to be one for the memory bank I’m never going to want to forget.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Karsyn
Up above his shoulders I’m part scared, part turned on, which is causing the best kind of tickle in my stomach. Gripping his head in my fingers, I hang on tight as he moves the barrier of my panties aside and waits for what feels like a lifetime.
“C’mon, Tucker,” I encourage him, sick of the anticipation.
“Patience.” He blows against my clit, causing me to shiver.
I’ve never been the type of person to be patient when it comes to my pleasure. I want it when I want it, and he knows this. Just as I’m about to say something else to him, I feel his tongue flick against my flesh.
“Shit, Tucker.” I tilt my head back against the wall, letting him do whatever he wants to me. He goes in hard, licking and sucking, doing all the things he knows will bring me to my knees (if I could go to my knees). When he hitches me up a bit higher onto one shoulder and drags a finger down my slit, slightly pressing it inside me, my eyes open widely. Is it in arousal? Surprise? I’m not sure which, but it’s then I see myself in the mirror again.
I’ve never looked at myself like this before, never known how I appear to others in the throes of passion. My lips are full, bruised with the way he kissed me before, my hair tangled by his fingers, my thighs wide as he stands between them. I’m intrigued by the way I look, and want to see more.
“Keep going,” I encourage him, thrusting against his tongue. It feels like an out-of-body experience as I watch the me in the mirror reach up and grab hold of one side of her bra. She pulls it down, exposing the flesh to the cold air in the room. The nipple tightens against the unexpected coolness, peaking. Before I even know what I’m doing, mirror me puts her fingers to the nipple, twisting it, before pressing her palm against it to soothe the burn. The orgasm takes me by surprise, and as I shake, I find myself back on my feet for a few moments, before I’m pushed to my knees.
My eager fingers tremble as I hook them into the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down. My hand wraps around his length, giving it a few test pumps before I hold on tight and push my lips down.
“Fuck, Karsyn,” he breathes loudly.
Pressing his palms against the wall, he’s almost in a push up position as he pushes into my throat. I’m eager as I take him down, hoping to give him as much pleasure as he gave me.
“Yes.” He thrusts into me. “Use your tongue.”
When I do, his body tightens and I wonder if he’s trying not to come already. Pushing him out, I use my tongue to bathe the underside, before taking him down my throat again.
For long minutes all that can be heard in the workout room is his grunts as he thrusts into me and my moans as I take him as much as I can. I can tell he’s had enough when he reaches down, pulling me up by my chin.
“You ready, Syn?”
Because I no longer have a voice to give him what he’s asking for, I nod.
He pulls me up by my ass, pushing me against the wall, he slips in just on the other side of my panties, shoving home as I moan, gripping my fingers against his back.
Opening my eyes, I’m treated to a glimpse of Tucker I never get. One of his body as he thrusts into me. He’s got tattoos on his back - ones I’ve never really paid attention to, but as he thrusts into me, they move with the motion. The dimples at the top of his ass move along with the motion of his hips, and his ass, it gets tight, then releases as he pushes home.
“Oh shit,” I moan as his lips collide with my tight nipple, hanging out of the cup of my bra.
“Fuck yes,” he mumbles against it as he thrusts harder, getting deeper than I imagined he could. “I love the way your body takes mine.”
“Me too,” I pant, tightening my legs around his waist.
This time when I look in the mirror, I take note of myself. The way my cheeks are pink, hovering just on this side of red. The way I hold my mouth open as he thrusts in and out of me. How when he hits a particular spot I love, I pull my lip in between my teeth and tilt my head back slightly. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve never known what I look like either. The way my eyes get super concentrated with the feeling of arousal Tucker inspires in me. I never realized how my fingers dig deeply into his skin, leaving imprints. Even from here I can see the scratches, and part of me loves that I’m leaving them there. Underneath his clothing, he wears a tattoo that’s mine, it’s one I’ve given him because he knows how to play my body like the fucking god he is.
“Syn,” he breathes heavily, putting his face in my shoulder, “you feel so fucking good.” He takes my throat in his teeth, nipping tightly before licking to soothe the bite he made.
“You feel fucking good too.” I strain against him, loving the way he presses deeply into me, loving the way he’s marking me too. If anyone will look tomorrow, I have no doubt they’ll be able to see my hickey underneath the concealer I’ll use to cover it up.
We push and pull against each other, both of us trying to get ours. He lets go of my leg, letting his body press me up against the wall. H
is thumb comes into contact with my clit, and as he picks up his pace, pressing against it with just enough pressure that I can feel myself starting the deep slide into oblivion.
“Tuck,” I gasp.
“Yes, come for me,” he growls in my ear. “Let me hear it, scratch my back, suck on my neck, press against me so hard I fall backward. Take what you want, take what you need, Syn. Do it.”
I do exactly what he tells me to; I dig my nails into his back, scratching his flesh as I tilt my head to the side, pressing my mouth into his neck. My breathing is harsh and out of control as I feel myself losing the fight against not coming. He thrusts hard into me, holding the spot where he’s abusing my clit with his thumb, and that’s it.
Karsyn Fallaway, who’s never screamed with an orgasm before, does exactly that as I bury my face in his neck, sucking, biting, thrusting against him. I can feel my leg locking, and as I try to straighten it out, I feel Tucker coming inside me, hot and hard. Somehow I get him off-balance and he does fall backward with me on top of him, which pushes him even further up into me, and makes me come again. He tries to touch me, but I’m so sensitive, all I can do is roll off of him and collapse into myself as my nerve-endings and everything else calm down. Never in my life have I felt anything like this.
We’re both panting, each of us looking at the other, and the wonder of what we just went through is there. Neither one of us can seem to believe what the hell just happened. If It had been with anyone but him, I wouldn’t even believe it at all, but I’ve always known Tucker owns a part of me that no one else has ever even so much as touched.
I don’t know how he’s managed to get so deeply into my psyche, but he has, and I’ll thank God for it every day.
“Wow.” I run a hand through my hair. “I didn’t think that would happen when I came home early.”
He laughs loudly, rubbing a hand against his stomach. “I didn’t either. Believe it or not, as I was sitting there lifting weights, I was telling your kidnapper all the bad shit I was going to do to him, and then I saw you standing there in the mirror.”
Enigma (Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team Book 3) Page 12