When You Are With Me

by E. L. Todd

  She cried from inside the bathroom.

  “Mom, he’s out.”

  She sniffed loudly from inside.

  “You can come out now.”

  The door clicked as it unlocked and then it cracked open. Thin and frail, she looked down at Dad. Instead of being happy he was knocked out, she looked sad like she pitied him.

  It didn’t make any sense.

  She wore a nightgown and her hair was almost gray. It lost its color many years ago. Her thin arms were bony, and she was more than a foot shorter than me. She stared at my father for a long time before she looked up at me. “Thank you, honey.”

  “You okay, Mom?” I put my arm around her and examined her body for bruises. Fortunately, she had none.

  She nodded slightly, her eyes still glued to his body on the floor.

  “You want to stay with me tonight?”

  She nodded again. “I don’t want to be here…”

  I told her to leave him but she never listened to me. She was always too scared that he would come after her and do something much worse. When I contacted the police, Mom lied and acted like nothing was going on. There was nothing I could do to help someone who didn’t want to be helped.

  The easiest thing would be to cut off all contact and move on with my life. I kept being dragged back because of this. But I’ll never forget the way my mother protected me when he came after me. She took more hits than I could imagine, breaking her arm in two different places. She wasn’t strong enough to protect herself but she always protected me.

  And I would do the same for her. “Let’s go to my place.”

  ***

  “Want some coffee?” The coffee pot beeped when it finished brewing.

  “Sure.” Mom sat at the kitchen table, hunched over with tears still stained on her cheeks.

  “Cream and sugar?”

  “Yeah.” Her voice was so weak it sounded dead.

  I carried the mug to the table and placed it in front of her. Then I sat across from her with mine. It was black—the way I usually took it.

  Mom stared at her cup and didn’t take a drink.

  I stared at her and didn’t know what to say. I already had this conversation so many times and I couldn’t have it anymore. It never went anywhere. I could never instill reason in her. The next morning, my dad would come and apologize. Of course, she would forgive him like nothing happened. A few weeks later, we’d be exactly where we are now.

  What was the point?

  I sipped my coffee and thought about Francesca. I wondered if she was sleeping. If she wasn’t, what was she doing? I imagined her baking muffins in her kitchen wearing a pink apron. The delicious smell filled the house, making it feel like Thanksgiving all over again.

  “You drink it black?” Mom stared at my mug.

  “Yes.” I automatically took another sip.

  She returned her gaze to her own mug. “So much like your father…”

  My hair immediately stood on end and adrenaline spiked in my blood. Mom always said that like it was some kind of compliment. We looked the same, we talked the same, and now we drank coffee the same. I hated being compared to him…especially when I knew the similarities were true. “You can have my room. I’ll sleep on the couch.” I’d have to change the sheets. It would be awkward if my mother knew what I was doing in there just an hour ago.

  “Thank you, sweetheart.” She sipped her coffee and stared at the table.

  Like always, we acted like nothing just happened. We pretended that our lives were perfectly normal like everyone else’s. We had holidays just like the rest of society, and we were happy just like every other family.

  But no matter how much we pretended, it never came true.

  ***

  I killed the engine and sat outside her house. A light was on in one of the bedrooms, and I wondered if it was Francesca’s. Maybe she was working late on a paper. Or maybe she was reading.

  I texted her. You awake?

  She responded immediately. Who wants to know?

  Her playful attitude always made me smile. Only she could pull that off. My mom was sleeping in my bed at that very moment, and my dad was still passed out in the hallway. But that seemed so far away. A very hungry man.

  You want muffins at this time of night?

  Don’t judge me.

  You want to come over?

  Would it creep you out if I said I was in front of your house?

  Yes…that’s very creepy.

  LOL. I can circle the block if that makes you feel better.

  No. That’s creepier.

  I laughed to myself. Your muffins make me crazy.

  I get that a lot.

  I rolled my eyes then got out of the truck. Open the door. I headed to the porch and stood under the light.

  Francesca opened it, wearing plaid pajama shorts and a white tank top. Her hair cascaded around her shoulders and her face was free of make up. It was the first time I’d seen her that way, and I was surprised by how beautiful she looked. Most of the time, girls looked like a completely different person without make up. But she…somehow looked better.

  Francesca grew self-conscious under my stare. “Don’t expect me to look like a beauty queen at one in the morning.”

  “I don’t.” I stepped inside and moved into the kitchen. “But I don’t expect you to look like a monster either…”

  She swatted my arm playfully. “If you want my muffins, you better not be a jerk.”

  I searched the counters and looked for her newest creation.

  “They’re in here.” She opened a glass lid to a display case, and the muffins were set on a thin sheet of white paper.

  I sat beside her. “What are they?”

  “Almond vanilla muffins.”

  “Hmm…sounds good.” I grabbed one and immediately took a bite. “Damn, this is good. What’s your secret?”

  “Like I would tell a soul.” She grabbed one for herself then picked at it.

  “Come on, you can tell me.” I turned toward her and kept eating.

  “Hell no. You’ll steal my recipe.”

  “And do what with it?” I asked. “Do I look like a baker to you?”

  “You can sell it online.”

  “I doubt anyone would buy it,” I jabbed. I finished the treat then wiped my fingers on a napkin. “You’re really going to wait until after college to start your business? You should just do it now.”

  “I don’t have any money.” She picked at the remaining crumbs inside the delicate paper.

  “It’s called a loan.”

  “I don’t have any collateral. Axel said he would let me borrow some when he starts making more money. I’ll just have to wait.”

  I wished I could loan her some money. Honestly, I didn’t have much at the moment. I needed to get through my internship so I could move away and pursue my dream in Manhattan. For now, I didn’t have anything to give. “Maybe you can get a truck and do it that way. I’ve seen people do that.”

  She shook her head. “No. I want a real bakery where people sit down and read a newspaper while they enjoy their coffee. That’s the way it’s supposed to be done. I want to know my customers. You know, have a relationship with them.”

  I wasn’t a people person. In fact, I hated them. “Then stick to your dream and be patient.”

  “Besides, it gives me more time to perfect my craft.”

  I eyed the muffins but didn’t take another one. “I think you’ve perfected it enough.”

  “My kids are going to be fat,” she said with a chuckle. “And it’ll be all my fault.”

  I could picture her as a mom. Her kids would come home from school and she would kiss each one on the head. Then her husband would walk inside, handsome and strong. He would embrace her like he loved her—every day. The image made me sad but I couldn’t figure out why. “But they’ll still be cute if they inherit your beautiful ass.”

  She chuckled. “If only…”

  We fell into comfortable sile
nce. The nice thing about Francesca was the conversation. Most girls I knew didn’t know when to shut up. They rambled on because they were uncomfortable. But she was confident in her skin. Letting the silence stretch on didn’t bother either one of us. I wasn’t even that comfortable with Axel.

  “You really came over here just for a muffin?” Her voice turned serious, not playful like it was a moment before.

  I didn’t want to tell her the real reason I was over there. I wasn’t comfortable telling anyone. It was something I’d take to the grave. “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Neither could I.”

  “Something on your mind?” I felt bad asking her questions when I wouldn’t answer them in return. But she didn’t seem to mind.

  “I had a bad dream. I haven’t been able to close my eyes since.”

  When I looked into her eyes, I saw the anxiety deep within. “You know what I do?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I pick my favorite song and try to sing it backwards in my head.”

  “Does that work?”

  I nodded. “It blocks out all other thoughts and allows me to fall asleep.”

  “I guess I could try that…”

  “What was your nightmare about?” I rested my arms on the table.

  She looked out the kitchen window with a dazed expression on her face. Her lips were pressed tightly together like she was having an internal debate. “Nothing…”

  Disappointment flushed through me but I knew it was unfair. How could I expect her to trust me when I didn’t trust her? “How was your day?”

  “Good. I had a date tonight.”

  My heart picked up slightly but I didn’t react. My hair stood up on the back of my neck, and for the first time that night, I felt uncomfortable. I’d just had a round of meaningless sex with a girl whose name I couldn’t remember, but hearing Francesca say that she had a date made me feel cold. “How’d it go?”

  She shrugged. “It was fine. But I don’t think I’ll go out with him again.”

  “What didn’t you like about him?”

  “I don’t know…there just wasn’t a spark there. When we kissed on the doorstep, I didn’t feel anything.”

  When I kissed her, it felt like a damn fireworks show. That night still came to me at the most random times, mainly when I was in bed with someone. “It sounds like he isn’t the right one.”

  “No, he isn’t.” She picked at the wrapper in her fingers. “I don’t think the right one exists anymore.”

  The melancholy in her voice made me sad. “He does. Just keep looking.” There was a special someone out there for her. I knew it. And I knew every guy who came across her wanted to be that special someone.

  “How was your night?”

  Fucking terrible. “It was okay.”

  “Did you do anything fun?”

  “I went out to a bar.” That simple sentence explained the rest of my night without me having to go into detail.

  “How’d that go?” If it bothered her, she hid it. I suspected she was over me and didn’t think about me that way anymore. It seemed like she only felt friendship toward me.

  “It was a blur. When I kicked her out, she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t happy about that.”

  Francesca smiled slightly. “You could take two seconds out of your day and take her to breakfast or something.”

  “That’s two seconds I don’t have.”

  She rolled her eyes but still seemed amused. “Maybe you have everything worked out, and I should be more like you.”

  My eyes moved to her face.

  “What’s the point of going on date after date if I don’t meet anyone worthwhile? At least if I did it your way, I would feel satisfied the next morning.”

  That was the last thing I wanted for her. “No.”

  She turned her eyes on me.

  “You’re too good for that. Believe me, you would just be more miserable. You’re classy, and you should stay that way. Guys will only use you and never remember your name.”

  “And I would use them back.”

  A protective side of me emerged, and I wasn’t even sure where it came from. “No.” That was all I said, and I didn’t need to say anything else.

  She held my gaze for a moment before she looked away. “I guess I’m going to try to get back to sleep…”

  I didn’t want to leave. When I was with her, I didn’t think about all the shit in my life. I didn’t think about my dad lying in the hallway looking half dead. And I didn’t think about my frail mom cowering away from his raised hand. Francesca made me feel at peace. “I should probably go too. Thank you for the muffin.”

  “Of course. You’re just lucky I haven’t started charging you.” She rose from the table and pulled her hair over one shoulder.

  “I’d be broke if you did.” I stared at the hollow of her throat and imagined placing kisses there. Her skin tasted so sweet, like honey. Every time I looked at her front door, I remembered that night when I almost had her. A part of me wished I’d gone all the way. But a bigger part of me was thankful I did the right thing.

  She smiled. “I guess you’re right.” When her green eyes met mine, there seemed to be longing deep within them. It was like she wanted me to stay but refused to admit it.

  I wanted to stay too.

  “I can sit by your bedside until you fall asleep.” The offer came from nowhere, and I didn’t think twice about it. The thought hadn’t even entered my mind before I blurted it out.

  “You would do that?”

  I would do anything for you. “Come on.” I headed to the hallway and waited for her to lead the way.

  She gave me one final look before she walked in front of me and entered her bedroom. The walls were painted gray and there was white trimming. Her bedspread was yellow and her furniture was white. It fit her personality perfectly.

  She got into bed then turned off the light. She lay on her side and faced me, her soft hair scattered around the pillow. I wanted to crawl into bed and kiss her lips until they were puckered and red. I wanted to roll around in her sheets and make her moan for me. My dick hardened just from thinking about it.

  There was a chair right beside her bed so I took a seat.

  She turned her gaze on me. “Want to read me a story?”

  “Will that help you sleep?”

  She nodded. “My dad used to do it all the time.”

  I looked at her nightstand and saw a stack of books. One caught my attention. “The Hobbit?”

  “It’s good. Have you read it?”

  “No. But I’m surprised you have.”

  “Why?” She pulled the sheet to her shoulder.

  “Isn’t it about dragons and magic and stuff?”

  “So?”

  I flipped through the pages. “I didn’t realize you were into that.”

  “I read everything. You name it, and I’ve probably read it.”

  The idea of her reading about dwarves going on an adventure tugged at my heart in a way I couldn’t explain.

  “If you’re tired, you can just lay here with me. Usually when someone else is in my bed, I’m a lot more comfortable.”

  Did she share her bed often? Why did I care? Without thinking, I kicked off my shoes and lay on the opposite side of the bed. I couldn’t believe I did it until it was already done. Her bed felt even smaller now that I was in it. The sheets were soft, even through my shirt and jeans.

  Francesca turned over and faced me, but she stayed on her side of the bed. Her eyes searched mine like she could see something I was trying to hide. “I know you didn’t come over here to eat a muffin. And I know you didn’t come over here because you couldn’t sleep.”

  My heart skipped a beat.

  “I know something is bothering you. Your eyes give you away.”

  Could she read me that easily?

  “I know you don’t want to talk about it so I’m not going to ask. But I want you to know I’m here for you.” Her hand moved to mine and she closed her eyes
. “Just like how you’re here for me now.”

  Caffeine

  Francesca

  I leaned back and tossed the coffee bean into the air. It soared toward the ceiling then came back to earth. My mouth was open and I tried to catch it, but I missed and it bounced off my chin. “Dammit.” I tossed another one into the air and made another attempt.

  “I need to talk to you.” Marie stormed into the café while tying her apron around her waist.

  “Hold on. I’ll get it this time.”

  She snatched the coffee beans out of my hand. “This is serious.”

  I guess my new trick would have to wait. “What’s wrong, Marie?”

  “The house owner just called me this morning.”

  “And?” They routinely checked on the house so that wasn’t surprising.

  “Apparently, they’re redoing the carpets and putting in hardwood floors.”

  “Great!” I’ve always wanted to have hardwood floors in the house. It made everything look more elegant.

  “No, that’s not great.” Marie put one hand on her hip. “That means we have to live somewhere else for a whole week.”

  “Oh…” I hadn’t foreseen that problem.

  “Stacy doesn’t have room because her mom is coming to visit, and I don’t want to infringe on anyone else. So I think I’m going to stay with Anthony.”

  “But I thought you were going to dump him?”

  “Well, I need somewhere to live for another week,” she snapped.

  “That’s fair…”

  “Hey, he’ll get laid for another week. I doubt he minds. Where are you going to go?”

  “Uh…” I hadn’t thought about that. I searched my mind for someone who wouldn’t have a problem loaning me their couch for a week.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” Hawke’s deep voice came from behind the counter.

  “Oh, hi.” I clutched my chest in surprise. I didn’t even hear the bell ring overhead.

  “Oh, hi, to you too,” he said sarcastically. There was a smirk on his lips so I knew he was teasing me.

  Marie eyed both of us before she rolled her eyes. She made it abundantly clear how she felt about Hawke. She didn’t understand how we could go from lovers to friends so easily. It was really difficult to explain so I stopped trying. “I need to clock in.” She walked through the curtain and disappeared.