by Holly Rayner
“I’m not saying that, Zach. I’m not trying to be unsympathetic.” She shook her head. “I’m just trying to get it to make sense. I mean, even if your grade slipped in one of your classes… you’re telling me they won’t even give you a warning and a chance to pull it back up?”
“Things don’t always work like that, Rhea,” Zach said, his voice tense and tight.
“But there must be someone you can talk to,” Rhea urged. “Your record is in your favor. You’ve always been a great student. Whatever it is that happened, if you tell them you’re going to fix it, I’m sure they’ll believe you. They should give you a few months to try to get your grade back up.” She reached over and took his hand. “I could even help you,” she said. “I’ll study with you, or if it’s too advanced for me, I could help you find a tutor—”
Zach shook his head. “Just stop,” he said. “That’s not how this works. I can’t just get what I want by asking. I know that’s how things work in your world—”
She felt slapped. “What do you mean, in my world? What world?”
“Your rich-girl world,” Zach said. “You don’t have to worry about your grades. Not like I do. Because your family has money. And that means your family can afford to make mistakes.”
Rhea’s stomach dropped, as if she had missed a step going down. Zach had never said anything like that to her before. He had never called attention to the financial differences between their families. Rhea had believed he never would. Though she’d been nervous after he had met her parents—and especially after discovering that his father worked for hers—Zach had taken the whole thing in stride, and it had never impacted their relationship.
Until now.
“Do you think I can’t understand?” she asked him, her voice a touch more highly pitched than usual. “Do you think I can’t relate to what you’re going through? Is that it?”
“Of course you can’t,” Zach said. “Obviously you can’t. How could you? Think about it, Rhea. You’re never going to have to leave college. You knew the first day you set foot on this campus that you would be able to graduate, no matter what happened. But I never knew that. I had to work twice as hard as anyone else in order to keep my scholarship, and I did it while working a job on the side to be able to afford food and books. And now you expect me to believe that you can relate to what I’m going through?”
She trembled. He had never spoken to her this way.
“Why are you angry with me?” she asked him. “What did I do?”
He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “I’m not angry with you,” he said.
“You’re yelling at me.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re right. It’s not about you at all. Maybe you should just go, Rhea.”
“No!” she said. “Zach, come on. Don’t do this. You’re my best friend. Don’t push me away.”
He turned away from her and began gathering up the things he’d dumped out of his desk drawers and stuffing them into a duffel bag. Looking over, she could see that the bag was already filled with clothes.
“Listen,” she said urgently. “There must be something we can do. I can’t just let you go to Philadelphia. We can figure out a solution together so that you can stay.”
“No,” he said. “We can’t.”
“Why are you being so stubborn about this? Do you want to go?”
He looked directly at her for the first time, and Rhea was stunned by the emotion on his face.
“Come on, Rhea. You know I don’t want to go. This school is my home. This is where I’ve spent the best years of my life.”
“Then I don’t understand why you’re giving up so easily,” she said. “Why won’t you fight this?”
“Because it won’t do any good,” he said. “I’m not like you. The world isn’t built for people like me. I’m used to being pushed out. I always knew it would be a fight for me to go to school here. I can’t be surprised now that it turns out I’m losing that fight.”
“You can’t leave,” she whispered. “You’re my best friend.”
And I thought we might have something even bigger than that.
If he left, he would be taking that away with him too.
Zach sat down on the bed beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, grateful for the familiar comfort of his body against hers.
“It’s not so bad,” he said. “It’s only Philadelphia. That’s a two-hour drive from here. We can see each other whenever we want to.”
“It won’t be the same,” she said. “It took me five minutes to walk from my door to yours tonight.”
“No,” he agreed. “It won’t be like that. But you know I’m not going to let you go just because I’m living in a different city. We’ll still be friends. We’ll just have to work a little harder to see each other.”
She sniffled and nodded.
“And there’s video chat,” he went on. “We can call each other as much as we want to.”
“You hate video chat,” she pointed out.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But I like you.”
She looked up at him. “You really don’t think this is going to be the end of our friendship?”
“Of course not!” he said. “Why would it? Come on, Rhea. You’re the best friend I’ve made since I’ve been here. I’m not going to let a stupid little two-hour car ride come between us.”
“You don’t have a car,” she pointed out.
“You do. And I can always rent one. My living expenses are going to go way down, so I won’t be so cash poor.”
Rhea sighed. “I’m sorry if I was insensitive,” she said. “You’re right. I don’t really know what it’s like for you, as much as I wish I did. I’ve always known that there wasn’t any trouble I could get myself into that my parents couldn’t buy me out of, and that’s a huge privilege.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you the way I did. I know you were just trying to help because you don’t want me to go. I don’t want to go either. If I thought there was some way I could stay, I would do it.”
“I’m going to keep thinking about it,” she vowed. “Until the moment you have to go. I’m not giving up on keeping you here, Zach.”
“Okay,” he said. But Rhea could tell he was just humoring her.
They sat in silence for several long minutes.
“Do you still want to watch the show?” she asked him.
He hesitated. “To be honest, I should probably put in some time packing.”
“You’re leaving at the end of the semester?”
He nodded.
“Do you want me to help you pack?”
It would kill her to do it. She didn’t think she could stand to put his things into bags and boxes, knowing that the next time she saw them, it would be on a trip to Philadelphia.
That is, if I ever see them again.
“You don’t have to do that,” Zach said.
“I don’t mind.”
He laughed. There was no humor in the sound.
“Yeah, you do,” he said. “I can tell. Go on home. Process this, and we’ll get together tomorrow for TV night. Okay?”
“Do you promise?” she asked, feeling pathetic.
“I promise.” He pulled her in for a quick hug, then released her.
Rhea made her way back out into the night air feeling positively shell shocked.
Is he really leaving?
It didn’t seem possible. Zach had become such an intrinsic part of her life that it was impossible to imagine being on campus without him.
In her pocket, her phone vibrated, and for a moment she allowed herself to believe that Zach was somehow calling her back up to his room to tell her he had changed his mind.
But the call was from her father. She accepted it. “Hey, Dad.”
“Rhea?” There was an edge in his voice that surprised her. “Where are you?”
“I’m on campus. Why?”
“Are
you in your dorm?”
“I’m on my way there,” she said. “I was hanging out with Zach.”
No need to go into all the details of what had happened. She didn’t feel ready to discuss her feelings about it, and she certainly didn’t want word getting back to Stephen. All she needed was for him to have more ammunition to make fun of her.
Her father was quiet for a long moment. “The boy we met at your birthday dinner?” he asked.
She was surprised by his need to clarify. It wasn’t like she had a lot of other friends that she called home to talk about.
“Yeah, that’s right,” she said. “We watch TV together on Thursdays.”
When her father spoke again, his voice was stern. “I don’t want you to associate with him anymore, Rhea.”
The words were an icepick through her heart.
“What?” she said.
“His family aren’t our kind of people.”
She sputtered for a moment, unable to articulate her indignation.
“You mean because they don’t have money?” she demanded. This was too much, coming on the heels of what Zach had just told her up in his room. “They’re perfectly good people, Dad!”
“You don’t know what people like that are capable of,” her father said. “I don’t want you having anything more to do with that boy.”
“Yeah, well, I’m twenty-one years old,” she snapped. “You can’t choose my friends.”
“I can choose to stop paying your tuition, if I need to,” her father barked. “I don’t want to take you out of the school you chose and send you to one I pick for you, Rhea, but I will if you force my hand.”
She couldn’t stand it. She disconnected the call, shoved the phone back in her pocket, and took off running toward the dorm, ignoring the vibration that indicated her father calling her back.
Her world was falling apart, and at the moment, there was no one at all she wanted to talk to.
Chapter 4
Zach
Though it was the last thing in the world he wanted to do, Zach spent the rest of the semester avoiding Rhea as much as he could.
It was awful. He wanted to soak up his last few weeks living near her. He had meant what he’d said about the two of them taking the time to visit one another and staying in touch on video chat, but he also knew that she was right to suggest that things would never be the same once he left. Philadelphia was only a few hours away, but they were used to being able to meet up whenever they wanted to. It would change everything.
So he wanted to spend all his time with her now.
But he couldn’t. Lying to her was just too difficult and painful.
For one thing, he was almost sure that she was onto him. He’d told her that he had lost his scholarship, but she had immediately shot back that that couldn’t be true. Zach didn’t think Rhea had suspected him of lying, exactly. He thought she’d assumed that there was some kind of mistake. Because what possible motive could he have to lie to her?
He wasn’t about to tell her the truth—that his father had lost his job.
What could he say? How could he tell his best friend that her father had terminated his contract with Zach’s father’s company, and that Zach’s father had been blamed? Rhea would feel responsible. She would try to do something about it. And Zach was too embarrassed. Even the thought of her calling her father and asking him to give his father another chance was too much to take.
Zach’s father had found a new job in Philadelphia, and he had insisted that Zach transfer to the community college there to finish out his education. Though he hadn’t said it, Zach couldn’t help but wonder if part of the reason he was so insistent about having Zach move had to do with Rhea herself. Maybe it was too painful to think of his son rubbing shoulders with the wealthy daughter of the man who had fired him.
And I guess I can understand that, Zach thought.
He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to leave the school that had become his home, and he definitely didn’t want to say goodbye to Rhea. But family came first, and if this was what his father needed from him, he would do it.
The last day of the semester came all too quickly. Zach sat by his dorm room window, looking out at the other students on campus, watching as they embraced one another and hauled backpacks and suitcases and full bags of laundry to their cars. They weren’t packing everything they owned. They would be back in a month for spring semester.
They weren’t saying real goodbyes. They would see their friends soon enough.
A knock on Zach’s door jerked him out of his reverie. He went to answer it, knowing already who it would be. There was only one person who would go to the trouble to visit him today. There was only one person who even knew that he wasn’t planning on coming back.
And there she stood, strawberry blond curls falling loose beneath the hood of her sweater and tumbling over her shoulder. Zach couldn’t help catching his breath when he saw her. Maybe it was the fact that they had been so distant lately, or maybe it was just that he knew this would be the last time they would see each other for a while, but he thought Rhea had never looked more beautiful.
“Can I come in?” she asked.
He stood back from the door and let her inside. Instead of crossing to his bed and sitting down, the way she once would have, she stood just inside the door with her back to the wall.
“I see you’re all packed up,” she said.
He nodded. “I’m leaving in about an hour.”
“I can’t believe you’re not even going to try to stay,” she said.
“You know I can’t do it without my scholarship.”
She shook her head. “What about loans?”
“I don’t want to graduate miles in debt, Rhea.”
It was so uncomfortable for Zach to keep this lie going. The truth was that his scholarship was still perfectly available to him. He had met with the dean of students just yesterday, and the man had been very disappointed to hear that Zach didn’t plan on coming back.
“You wouldn’t have to go that far into debt,” Rhea pressed. “You could get a partial scholarship, maybe. Something where the requirements weren’t as strict. You could apply for financial aid that didn’t need to be paid back. And then you could just supplement that with a small loan.”
Zach sighed. “Stop it, Rhea,” he said.
He saw the wounded expression cross her face, and it pained him. He was acutely aware of the way his words had the potential to hurt her, and he hated it.
But it was maddening the way she continued to talk as though financial problems could always be overcome if you just tried hard enough. He never would have thought that their differences could come between them like this. But even though he still had his scholarship, he couldn’t stand to hear Rhea talk about it as if it were something that could just be replaced.
The truth of the matter was that he had worked hard for years to earn that scholarship, and it had been a small miracle that he had gotten it. This school had been the only one to offer such a substantial form of assistance. Now that he was going to Philadelphia, community college was the only option available to him.
And Rhea couldn’t see it. She persisted in acting as though, if he would put in a little bit of effort, everything would be fixed.
Rich people like her always think that people like me and Dad are lazy.
It was the meanest thing he had ever thought about Rhea, and he wanted to banish the thought as soon as it came to him. But it lingered in his mind like a weed, festering and toxic.
Would he ever be able to look at her the same way after the way she had responded to all of this?
He wanted to believe that their friendship could survive after he moved away. He didn’t want to lose her. But what if he felt this way every time he looked at her from now on? What if he was always aware of the fact that she thought he was inferior?
He took a deep breath and steadied himself.
I’m overreacting. She doesn’t understand how i
t feels to me to hear the things she’s saying. She’s never been without money.
But he was more certain than ever of his decision not to tell her about his father losing his job. If Rhea made some comment about his having not worked hard enough, he didn’t think he would be able to take it.
She wouldn’t say that.
But what if she did?
She was looking around at his suitcases, at the stripped mattress and the bare walls. “I can’t believe you’re not going to be living here when I come back from winter break,” she said quietly. “This place isn’t going to be the same without you.”
He sighed. Just like that, with only a few words, she had reminded him how much he had always cared for her.
“I’ll call you on my first day in Philly,” he said. “I’ll give you a virtual tour of my new room.”
“Maybe we can see each other over break,” she said. “We could meet up and exchange Christmas presents or something.”
He nodded. “I’d like that,” he said. “If you don’t think it would be too hard to travel from Baltimore.”
“No, it’s only a short trip,” she said. “And I’ll probably want to get away from my family for a while. Honestly, you’ll be doing me a favor.”
He nodded. “I’ll look forward to that, then.”
Rhea hesitated. “Zach… don’t you think there must be something we can do about this? I know you don’t like to think about it. But I hate to give up. Maybe… maybe if we talk to my father…”
Zach felt as if his blood was turning to ice. “What?”
“He’s sponsored scholarships before,” Rhea said quickly. “And honestly, the money would be a drop in the bucket to him, especially since you only have three semesters left to finish. Maybe if we told him what’s going on, he would be willing to help out. It’s worth asking, right?”
Zach hoped to God that he had misunderstood what she was saying. Would she really try to offer him her father’s money? Could she actually believe for a moment that he would accept something like that?
“I don’t want your money,” he said, surprised by the chill in his own voice. “I don’t want anything from your father.”