He didn’t want things to end either, though. It was in the way he touched her, the way he kissed her, the way he looked at her when he thought she didn’t know. They were both grownups. They could do this. People moved and separated all the time even when they cared for one another. And…if she kept telling herself that, she might actually start to believe it by the time she reached Atlanta.
“Everything looks good. Got the keys?”
He stood at the window. She wanted to reach out and touch him but didn’t dare. “Yeah. In my pocket.”
“Okay then, I’d say you’re all set. Take care with the turns.”
They’d had this discussion before that she’d never towed anything on the back of a vehicle. “I will. I’ll be fine, Buck.”
“I know you will. I would say call me when you get there…”
“I don’t know if I can.”
He nodded. She knew he understood and that it didn’t make things any easier. “Be careful.”
It was her turn to nod as she cranked her Jeep and put it in drive. It was awkward, this feeling of something being unfinished. She wasn’t used to it and didn’t like it. Not one bit. There was more to say, more to do, oh hell lots more to do, but…
“You need to get on the road. You don’t want to hit Atlanta anytime between now and eight tonight.”
He was trying to make a joke, and she did manage a smile that didn’t seem forced. Not to mention, Atlanta was hell on traffic. She dreaded going up I-75 anywhere near the large city. Come to think of it, I-75 sucked no matter if you were near Tampa or Valdosta or Atlanta. There was construction at every mile marker it seemed and dumbass drivers that didn’t know they weren’t supposed to brake on the interstate. Hence, the lack of traffic lights and stop signs.
Thank you was on the tip of her tongue, but it wasn’t enough to convey what he’d brought to her life in the months she’d known him. He saved her from that too with his next words.
“It’s okay, Caroline. Nothing needs to be said.”
He stepped back and hooked his thumbs in his waistband. She drove out of the driveway and turned at the street just as she had for the last twenty years. Only difference was she wouldn’t be coming back. On the upside, she was getting exactly what she’d wanted all along after her divorce. On the downside, she’d met Buck in the midst of it all and the large stone sitting in the middle of her chest making it hard to breathe reminded her of something more she wanted but hadn’t dared hope for. A second chance at love, kinky love, hot and delicious in blue jeans.
Her heart skipped a beat when her cell phone rang. It wasn’t him. “Hello.”
“Hi, Caroline.”
“Derek?”
“Did you talk to Buck about staying on for us?”
She’d totally forgotten his plea when she’d left the attorney’s office. “No. We were busy, and it slipped my mind.”
“Damn.”
“You have money, you know people. You’ll be able to find someone.”
“Yes, but not someone quite like him. He does amazing work and has a few other qualities we’re looking for.”
Caroline felt sick to her stomach. She could well imagine what other qualities he was referring to. “I don’t think Buck would be interested in playing with the two of you.”
“Why is that?”
“Just a feeling, but take your best shot.”
“Do I detect a little emotion from you? You’ve been nothing but ice since before the divorce.”
“No. You detect nothing. We’re done, Derek. Don’t call me anymore. You got what you wanted, and I’m getting what I wanted.”
She pressed End. Had he always been whiny and needy and grouchy when he didn’t get his way? She noticed it when he’d come to the house asking her for it, but she’d never noticed when they were married. Either way, he was no longer her problem. In truth, he hadn’t been for a long time, but it sure seemed she was still taking care of him and not at all in the way she liked taking care of a man.
She smiled at that. Sort of. Would she ever meet someone else like Buck? Someone who liked kink and hot rough sex as much as she did? Seemed that type of man would be rare and hard to find. For her sake and long-term sanity though, she hoped not. However, moving to the mountains in the middle of nowhere was probably not the best place to look for him. Shit.
She turned on the mp3 player and scrolled to her namesake. The song had never made her cry and smile and want to sing along so much in all her life as it did right then. She hit the ramp getting her onto the interstate, singing at the top of her lungs.
Three hours, one Mountain Dew and one large bottle of water later, and she could see the downtown skyline of Atlanta. It wasn’t late at all, barely one in the afternoon, but it was a Friday and traffic was already slowing to a crawl. Why? Why was it always congested when there were three lanes, four lanes, and sometimes six lanes going in one direction. On the other side of the city, she would take I-575 out of the city and she’d be on the home stretch to her new home in Blue Ridge. When she’d happened upon the little town in the middle of the Chattahoochee National Forest on the Georgia side, she’d fallen in love.
Her new home was a three-bedroom cabin being sold at a steal of a price. It had been a vacation rental until the owners were forced to put it on the market due to loss of jobs. She’d stumbled across it during a trail hike. It needed TLC, and she was good with that. Nothing major that she had seen and up until her purchase of it, the realty company had been taking care of the upkeep of the outside and keeping it dust free on the inside.
Twenty years ago, she couldn’t have foreseen wanting to move out of south Georgia, but then, she’d not foreseen her marriage falling apart either. Something about the peace of the mountain area, the uncluttered feel of people, the clear air and views far as the eye could see all spoke to her and called her name. She was lucky to be at a place in her life where she could answer the whisper, even if there was one little pang of regret left behind named Buck.
Her family, which she wasn’t close to at all given her general lack of too much conservatism in her political or sexual views, hadn’t cared one way or another really that she was or where she was moving. If their beliefs came to fruition, she’d be in Hell for her sins anyway come the afterlife. While she didn’t reject religion, she wasn’t about to reject the one life she’d been granted either.
Her friends had been Derek’s friends and well…they went where the money and fun was, which was with him. Without those two groups, usually very vital groups for the average person, she found she was stronger than she first thought she was.
However, as fortune or God would have it, the right lane opened up enough for her to slide over and take her exit north. Pulling the trailer hadn’t been as difficult as she’d thought it would be. She just found she needed to be a little more careful in her driving though and distance judging. Not to say she’d been a bad driver before, but her little Focus could whip in and out of traffic with no effort at all. The Jeep towing trailer couldn’t maneuver quite so easily. She had a new respect for people driving larger vehicles, that’s for sure.
The battery on her mp3 was low, she had to pee and the Jeep needed gas. The large station looming on the right looked promising, and she pulled in. It would be the last stop before the grocery store. She would need a few basic supplies she couldn’t bring with her like milk, eggs, yogurt and cream cheese. She’d made Buck promise to take the rest of the cheesecake home with him. She’d have to make another one. She couldn’t imagine anything feeling more like home than her grandmother’s cheesecake. If only the woman could have seen her grow up. She’d been one of only two members of her small family to accept Caroline for who she was and love her no matter what. Her grandfather had been the other one. Neither had judged her and both had tried their best to love Derek, where her parents had done their best to try and save him. Or rather, save his soul. Him they could have cared less about, but his soul…well, they’d never been able to touch it.
She pulled up next to the gas pump. “Fill or empty first,” she mumbled. As soon as she stepped out of the Jeep, she knew the answer and made a mad dash for the store.
…
“How long she been gone, son?”
“Not even two days. Pathetic, huh?” Buck toyed with the last cherry on his plate. It was from the last piece of cheesecake, and he was reluctant to eat it. He missed her. Fuck did he miss her. Not even a full forty-eight hours gone and he was moping. Hell, he started moping long before she actually left Friday morning.
“Not if you love her.”
“And I do.”
“Then honestly, I have to ask why you didn’t go with her. Your business is fluid. It can be run by someone else, and you can start a new branch wherever. She’s the most important thing to you, so you have to treat her as such.”
His dad was right, but then he always was. “What about what’s important to her though? Not like she asked me to go with her. She’s starting over, starting new.”
“Did you ask? I’m guessin’ if you had, you wouldn’t be on the phone with me askin’ me what you should do. You’ve never come to me with this kind of thing before.”
“I’ve never been in this situation before. I want her. I don’t want to wake up without her, I don’t want to intrude on her new life either.”
“Sounds like a bit of a breakdown in communication. You can’t have that in any relationship or things come to a screeching halt.”
He knew that, but the thought lingered that she hadn’t asked for some reason, whether it was she didn’t want to appear needy or whatever, there had to be a reason. “Where she move to?”
“Some small town just this side of the Tennesee border.”
“Mountains? Damn, son, think of all the people that want to build mountain cabins. Would be an interesting new direction for you. You always liked the outdoors.”
“I know.”
“Look, I know you don’t want to crowd her. I know you’d rather her to wake up and come to her senses and call you, but sounds like both of you are a bit stubborn on this front. You want her. She wants you. And both of you are sitting on your asses waiting for the other one. Be the man I raised you to be and go tell her how you feel. You can’t expect a submissive woman to always put herself on the vulnerable side if her Dom doesn’t. It doesn’t work that way. Not successfully at least. If she says she doesn’t want a relationship beyond what you had, then at least you know.”
Buck sighed and ate the damn cherry. In trying to be considerate to what Caroline was doing with her life, he’d let her slip away. He wasn’t afraid of the rejection, he was afraid of her resenting him stepping in when what she said she wanted was her own life. Instead of having this conversation with his dad, he needed to be having it with her. He needed to get off his ass and go to her just like his dad had said. She took a chance on Derek and then took a chance by asking him to leave. Buck wasn’t sure she was willing to take another serious chance until or unless he put himself out there.
“Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome. I know it’s hard, but if you believe she’s worth it, then you have to fight for her.”
And Caroline was worth it. “Mom around?”
“No. Some new knitting group. I haven’t asked yet.”
“Knitting? Mom?”
“Yeah. All I know is it was started by one of her long time clients. She’s enjoying it and that’s all that matters, but if she starts making everyone hats and scarves for Christmas, I’ll have to have a talk with her.”
Buck laughed. As if his father would say anything. He’d just nod and say thank you, indulging her as long as she was happy. “Tell her I said hello, and I love her.”
“Will do.”
After saying good-bye and hanging up, Buck went into the bedroom and pulled out his large duffle. He used the bag when he went on one of his outdoor treks, either hiking, skiing, or hunting, the damn thing went everywhere with him. It was a faded green monstrosity that could fit a body if need be. Everything in his closet and bureau could be thrown in it save for his two suits. His mother would kill him if he tried to put those in the bag. He wouldn’t even have to tell her he did it, she’d just know. Some sort of mom-dar that no one other than another mom could understand. Ranked right up there with eyes in the back of her head and knowing just how long that piece of once-upon-a-time pizza had been under the bed.
He’d leave in the morning after talking to his foremen. He had two and split the jobs between them, but that was with him floating between them and helping out when needed. He’d have to arrange some new procedures if things with Caroline went in the direction he hoped they would. If they didn’t, well, it would be a nice little mini-vacation, even if his heart got stomped on.
“Melodramatic ass.”
His gut told him Caroline would be happy to see him. His dick told him the same thing, although his dick would be damn glad to see her too. Which reminded him, he would need to grab his toy bag from the back of the closet. It contained a few special items for Caroline. He just hadn’t had time to give them to her.
Damn Derek and his fucking up Buck’s time with her. “Not only his fault. Not like you moved in to stop her or anything.”
Talking to himself had become a habit the last couple days, and he wasn’t sure it was a healthy habit to develop. He might be okay so long as he didn’t start having whole conversations with himself.
He took his bags out to the living room and set them by the door and stood there, looking around. “Why the hell not leave now? Drive through the night?” He could stop halfway if he wanted or drive all the way. It was only something like five and a half hours, probably less in the middle of the night.
He was just…when it came to something he wanted to do bad enough, he wanted to get to it, get started. He wasn’t the let’s wait and see kind and maybe that’s what had him so frustrated. Caroline’d left, and he was waiting to see.
It wasn’t like him so it was time to do something that was. When he’d thought he was the only one with feelings for her, he was okay to bide his time and if it came, he was ready to jump on it. But he didn’t have that excuse now.
Mind made up, he cleaned what little mess he’d made in the kitchen, and adjusted the thermostat. He looked around, making sure everything was off and in order then grabbed his keys, his bags and headed out the door.
It was two in the morning by the time he filled the gas tank and hit the interstate. He popped the button on the stereo and sounds from the latest Bon Jovi album filled the quiet cab of his truck. He’d been a fan for years and though he’d cut his hair, he was still a hair band fan at heart. Crüe, Bon Jovi, Ratt, the original Guns and Roses and Aerosmith. He liked them, had been to see them at one time or other.
Few people on the road in the middle of the night made for good time and as long as he could stay awake, he’d be all right. He had a big enough music collection to last for hours so he should be good.
His parents were on the west coast and it was just past eleven for them, so if need be, he could call them. They’d always been late to bed, early to rise people which meant they’d be up for a couple more hours at least. But each mile took him closer to Caroline, and he could sleep once he got there. With her hopefully. The idea made him smile.
Chapter Eleven
“Did you find everything you needed?”
Caroline smiled at the clerk, Janis. No one knew her or her past or her sexual interests. They didn’t look at her with judgment in their eyes. They all smiled at her, asked about her, asked if there was anything she needed to help her get settled in their community. She felt at home, truly at home for the first time in her life. “Yes, thank you.”
“Baking something today?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve always found nothing makes a new place feel like home quite like the smell of something baking.”
“Yes, I agree.”
“You liking it up here
?”
“I love it actually. It’s beautiful. I like seeing the mountains outside the windows.”
“That cabin you bought is on a really great piece of property. Too pricey for most folks here, but I’m glad to see someone sweet as you bought it. It’s big enough to raise a family in too.”
It certainly was. She’d taken the finished basement and made it her office. If it hadn’t been for her realtor’s husband helping her move things down the stairs, she would’ve had to use one of the spare bedrooms. Which she could have done, but she was glad to have separate work and living space.
She paid for her groceries and took the three bags in hand. She purposely ignored the comment about a family and tried to ignore the pang in her chest that said Buck would have been a great one to consider having a family with. She didn’t do such a good job of it. It stung and not for the first time, she mentally kicked herself for not having asked him what he was doing for the next few months, years, the rest of his life. “Thank you, Janis. I hope you have a nice afternoon.”
“I will, Caroline. You do the same.”
On the way back to the cabin, Caroline waved to other people she’d met. She’d made a friend in one of the part-time waitress’ Rosie and thought about stopping into the diner for breakfast, but the parking lot was crowded and she had a lot of refrigerated items.
Rosie had come over yesterday and helped Caroline unpack her things, carted the boxes away, bought her a welcome to Blue Ridge dinner and then they sat outside on the deck wrapped in blankets, sipping wine, looking at the stars and warming themselves by the outdoor fire pit.
Been a long time since she’d had a girl friend who wasn’t a lover, and she’d forgotten how much she enjoyed having female friendship that wasn’t hampered, hindered or all around fucked up by sex. It ruined those friendships as much as it ruined the friendships with men, which was why she never became friends with men she was lovers with or vice versa. Just wasn’t worth liking someone that much on so many levels for it to all come to a screeching halt the minute the sex stopped.
Sweet Caroline Page 9