by Quinn Loftis
Peri’s brow rose. “Skender doing something selfless for a change. Interesting.” She didn’t sound impressed or surprised. He was acting on behalf of his mate. A wolf would never betray his true mate.
Gerick pulled Myanin closer to him, his eyes latching on to hers. He heard Lilly mutter something about her and Peri needing to check on something, though the high fae disagreed. A second later, they were gone and he and Myanin were alone.
“You will stay safe,” he said, his voice stern.
Her eyes smiled at him, even though her lips didn’t turn up. “I’ve heard mates were bossy. Apparently warlocks are not an exception to that rule.”
“Promise me. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Even without my power, I am not defenseless,” she said, her voice firm.
“I don’t doubt that, but the leaders of the Order are unstable. They’re ruthless. They always have been.”
“Believe me, I know.”
Gerick pulled out his phone and handed it to her. “Put your information in so we can be in contact. I need to know you’re okay, even when I can’t see you.”
Myanin did as he asked and then handed the phone back.
Gerick stepped closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. He rested his hand against her cheek, and without asking, he pressed his lips to hers. He didn’t push for more but simply let himself enjoy her mouth against his own. She pushed closer to him, and he gladly held her tighter.
“And the awkward moments just keep coming,” Peri said, obviously having flashed back into the room.
Gerick ignored her and bit Myanin’s bottom lip gently. “Come back to me. Soon.”
She nodded, her eyes a little unfocused as she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly. “I’m glad it’s you,” she whispered. “Even if I don’t know much about you yet. I know enough to know that I have been given more than I deserve in a mate.”
Gerick swallowed his emotions and then let her go when she stepped out of his arms. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his long life. He watched as she pulled out her phone and typed into it. A moment later, Tenia appeared.
“Everything okay?” the fae asked as she looked around the room.
“I’m not dead,” Myanin joked, though Gerick didn’t find it funny. She gave Gerick one last long look before turning to her friend. “We need to go back.”
Tenia nodded. She held her hand out to Myanin, who clasped it. She turned back to look at him.
“I’ll see you soon,” he said. It wasn’t a question. It was a command, and he didn’t attempt to hide that fact.
She nodded. “Yes sir,” she said with a smirk that made him want to grab her and keep her with him. Instead, he stood there and watched his mate disappear from his sight.
“She can take care of herself, Gerick,” Peri said, but he didn’t tear his eyes away from the empty spot where she’d stood.
“That may be true, but she shouldn’t have to. Not anymore.”
Skender had thought he’d known shame. He’d thought that he’d understood utter darkness and regret, but he’d been a fool. As his mate walked toward him, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He didn’t have a right to look at her. Hell, he didn’t have the right to breathe the same air as her, but still he couldn’t stay away. She was his light. She was his everything. And she deserved so much better. The only thing he could offer her was the safety of her child. He would do anything it took to keep Torion safe.
Tenia stopped a few feet away from him. She was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen, and not just because of her outward beauty, but because of the goodness he could feel from their bond. He’d been careful not to intrude into her mind, but his curiosity would get the better of him at times, especially when she was asleep, and her guard was down. Skender couldn’t help but look into her mind. She loved her son deeply. It was a love that Skender would never know. The wolf knew Tenia could never love him. At the moment, she couldn’t stand him simply because he was a part of the Order. Once she found out the depths of his depravity—all he’d done because he’d wanted to find his mate so badly, how far he’d sunk because he’d foolishly bought into the Order’s lies—she’d not only dislike him, but she’d also hate him.
“Thank you,” she said, her body rigid and her voice tight. “For keeping him safe.”
“You don’t owe me anything, least of all your thanks,” Skender said. “I don’t deserve it. You are my mate, and he is your child, which means I claim him as my own. There is nothing I won’t do to keep him and you safe.” He’d never meant anything more in his life. Goddess, what he wouldn’t do to turn back the hands of time and make different choices, but that was impossible. Nothing he could do would make up for all the pain he’d caused. He knew that.
“I met someone from your pack.” Tenia’s eyes met his briefly then she looked away.
Skender felt nauseous. He was afraid she would ask him to leave once she knew his secrets. He couldn’t. Skender wouldn’t leave her vulnerable. “Who?” He tried to sound neutral and unaffected.
“Perizada’s mate. I don’t know what you did,” she said, “but I know it was bad. Even worse than just being a part of the Order.”
He couldn’t lie to her, though he wouldn’t simply offer up the information unless she directly asked him. “It was,” he agreed. Skender could feel the disappointment through their bond. She’d wanted to believe he was more than the Order’s soldier. She’d been holding out hope that, maybe, he was like her and had been forced to be there.
She opened her mouth to speak, but Skender cut her off.
“Please,” he said, his voice shaking with emotion. “Don’t ask me.” Skender shook his head as emotion flooded his body. He nearly choked on the overwhelming pain running through him. “It’s bad enough that I live with it. I live with knowing I will never be worthy of you.” He kept his voice low, though no one else was in the hall with them. Skender stepped closer to her. He didn’t reach out to touch her. She was good and pure, and he was filthy. He would never put his hands on her again, afraid he might taint her.
Tenia’s face fell, and her shoulders slumped forward.
“I’m sorry, mate,” Skender said, his wolf coming to the forefront. Her head raised, meeting the glowing eyes of his wolf. “I will not let the human’s evil touch you. In my own desperation for my mate, I did not stop him. I swear to you, I will protect you and our pup.” Skender’s wolf bowed his head to their mate, and Skender felt his own beast’s hatred for him, for the man he shared a body with. The man had robbed them of their light. He’d ruined any chance of having the precious joy that was a true mate.
He stepped aside so she could enter the room where Torion slept. He’d been listening closely to the child, making sure the boy was all right. Skender had managed to find some fae who were only in the Order because of blackmail by Alston, and they’d been more than willing to help him guard Torion when he’d had to leave for errands Alston demanded he do. Skender always returned as quickly as he could. He hated leaving, but he couldn’t let Alston know he no longer held Skender’s complete loyalty.
Tenia walked to the door. She stepped closer, though not touching him. “No matter what you’ve done, I hope you will find peace one day. I hope you seek forgiveness from the Great Luna,” she said, her voice full of disappointment. The grief ripping through the bond nearly drove him to his knees. She pushed the door open then closed it behind her. Skender knew as soon as he got them safely away from the Order, if he didn’t die saving them, he would go to Costin and lay his life at the wolf’s feet. At least he could offer Costin the right to which he was entitled: the right to vengeance for how Skender had wronged him and hurt his mate. His former packmate deserved nothing less.
Tenia pressed her back against the door and slid down until she was sitting. Oddly enough, the door was the one place where the cameras weren’t pointed. So, for the moment, she was unwatched, and she could finally let go. Her eyes l
anded on Torion, who was asleep on the bed. He was blurry because tears had filled her eyes the minute she’d stepped into the room. Tenia felt as if her heart had been crushed inside of her. She didn’t know Skender. Yet, she could feel his humiliation, his regret, and his complete self-loathing through their bond, even with it shut as tightly as she could close it. His emotions were so powerful she read them loud and clear. Whatever he’d done, it was bad, even worse than what Myanin had done. Every horrible scenario ran through her mind. Had he killed a child? Was he like the evil men they’d left in the prisons? Bile rose in her throat at the thought, and she had to force the ideas away for fear she’d vomit right there on the floor.
After seeing how Myanin had changed, watching how her heart had healed, and then seeing how Gerick had reacted to her, Tenia had allowed a tiny seed of hope to grow inside. For a split second, she’d thought maybe, just maybe, there was a chance she could give Skender the benefit of the doubt. Maybe whatever he’d done could be fixed or he could be redeemed. But if he’d hurt a child, raped a woman, or something as equally abhorrent, she would never be able to get past it. She’d never want his love or desire his touch. She would always wonder if someone capable of such things even had the capacity to love. Yearning for that small hope of redemption, and then realizing it was futile, was more painful than she’d expected.
Tenia pressed her face into her hands and silently cried. Her shoulders shook as her mouth opened in a silent scream. How could life be so cruel? Why did some get to experience the love of another while others suffered the absence of it? Had she done something to deserve her current trial?
She hadn’t even realized she’d wanted the chance at love until it was there in front of her, within her grasp, and yet so very far away. She could see the desperation in Skender. He wanted her, that was obvious. The wolf looked at her like a man dying of thirst, staring at the last drop of water on earth. He wanted her, but he would never let himself have her, not even if she said she could forgive him. He wouldn’t accept her, even if she never asked what he did. Even if she said she wanted a clean slate, he would say no. Of that, she had no doubt. Did that mean there was hope for him?
“Stop it,” she snapped at herself, careful to whisper so the cameras wouldn’t hear or she wouldn’t wake up Torion and worry him. She was a mess. There was no point in walking down a path that would never be. The only thing she would have with Skender was his devotion to keep her and Torion safe, and that would have to be enough. Even now, she could feel his wolf reaching for her, as if he couldn’t help himself. She knew it was the wolf and not the man because the wolf’s feelings were straightforward. There was no confusion or doubt. There was simply resolution. This was his true mate and a child he’d claimed. The wolf would destroy the world in order to protect them. It was that simple. A mate was supposed to fight for their bond. A true mate was supposed to want his mate so badly he’d kill anything that kept him from her.
“Not when his own sins have the potential to destroy her,” the wolf said through their bond. “I will protect you even from him. Even if he wasn’t willing to give you up when the time comes, I would never allow him to touch you. A true mate is precious above all else. Neither of us deserves your light. Darkness isn’t only the absence of light, precious one. It can be the complete rot of the soul, where light can no longer live. I would ask that you only hold the bond long enough for us to keep you safe. Then ask the Great Luna to destroy it.
“Live the life you deserve and find the love of a male who can give you all of which you are worthy. That is what a true mate does. He puts the needs of his mate before his own, no matter the cost to himself.”
Tenia felt the cry of her soul at the thought of destroying the bond. It raged at the idea. How could she ask for a part of herself to be destroyed?
“If your son’s hand was rotten and could cause the rest of him to get sick, would you not cut it off?” the wolf asked.
“Yes,” she said immediately. “If it would save him, yes, I would.”
“Then you must do this so you can save yourself.”
Tenia hadn’t thought it possible to feel any more fear and desperation than she’d felt when Alston had taken her son and gained control of her power. She’d never thought it could get worse. She’d been wrong.
“I don’t want to know what he did,” she told the wolf. “Please, as your mate, I’m asking you to protect me from that knowledge.”
“I will do this for you,” the wolf told her gently. She could feel his own grief, his pain at not having his mate.
Tenia had no idea how the wolf would keep the knowledge from her, but she hoped he could keep his promise. Maybe it made her a coward, or maybe it made her naïve. She didn’t care. Right now, with everything else she was facing, she couldn’t handle knowing what her mate had done. She’d felt through their bond Skender was willing to die to pay for his sins. As soon as she and Torion were safe, he was going to take his own life, though it wasn’t clear how he would make that happen.
Tenia had felt the connection of the true mate bond. Now, she understood what it meant to never be alone. Knowing that, the thought of being on this earth without Skender was a type of anguish she hadn’t known was possible.
Her mind was a mess of thoughts, and her gut twisted with sorrow. She wanted to sleep. Alston had been happy with the information she and Myanin had given him, so he’d said she could have more time with her son. The underlying threat was clear. Keep feeding me information, or your son gets taken away. Tenia put the thought out of her mind. She was just thankful to be with him. Now, she wanted to forget everything going on around her.
Tenia picked herself up and walked over to the bed. She crawled on as carefully as she could and wrapped her arms around her son—her life, the only person she’d thought she’d ever love and breathed in his precious scent. She forced herself to relax and swallowed down the tears that wanted to continue to fall. For Torion, she would hold herself together. For Torion, she would forget the possibility of something more with Skender. If Skender felt the need to protect her from himself, then she would give him that trust, and she would accept the protection he could offer. Then she’d do what his wolf asked. She would break the bond. The fae would move on with her life. Tenia would forget him, forget that she’d ever had a true mate. It was the only thanks she could give him for what he was doing. It was all she could give of herself to him.
“Sleep, mate,” the wolf said gently. “We will keep you safe.”
Tenia closed her eyes and asked the Great Luna to give her peace, if only for this night. Somehow, she’d been given the gift of a night with her son, and she just wanted to hold him.
“You have my peace, Tenia. You have asked and so you shall receive.” The goddess’s voice was the last thing she heard before she drifted off into a dreamless slumber.
Skender felt his mate fall asleep, and he let out a relieved breath. He didn’t want to be the reason she didn’t get the rest she so desperately needed. He leaned against the door of her room; it was the closest he would come to her. It was more than he should get, but he thanked the goddess for it regardless of the torture it caused. His time with her was limited. His days on this earth were numbered. Every day that passed, his death drew closer, and part of him welcomed it. Perhaps death was a peace he didn’t deserve either, though he doubted the afterlife he would receive would be with the Great Luna. He imagined there was a special place in hell for traitors such as him.
“We will accept our fate with humility, if for no other reason than it is what she deserves,” his wolf growled.
“Yes.” At this point, he’d given the wolf complete control. The beast would accept nothing else.
“She wants to know nothing of what you have done, and you will give her this peace. Even if you need to request a fae lock the memories away from her somehow so they can’t get through the bond. We will honor her request.”
His wolf’s words surprised him. Skender had assumed Tenia woul
d want to know. But he’d give her whatever she wanted, regardless. If that was what Tenia desired, then she would have it. She would have whatever he could give her from now until his life was gone, and their bond was broken.
Epilogue
“There is something amazing about new life. It’s not just the joy of seeing a baby brought into the world; it’s the hope of what that baby represents, all the potential possibilities. It’s the innocence wrapped up in the precious bundle. So much potential, expectations, and joy.” ~Jacque
“Da-mut.” Ten-month-old Slate Lupei babbled the word over and over as Jacque glared down at a grinning Thia.
“Jennifer.” Jacque growled. “I am sorry to have to tell you this, but you’re going to die before you get to see the culmination of this joyous celebration you’re planning. I hope it has been enough to simply decorate and sing fa la la la’s for hours on end.”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Red.” Jen sighed as she wrapped another string of lights around their fifteen-foot tree. Jacque hadn’t been counting, but she was pretty sure it was the twenty-fifth strand.
“His first word was supposed to be Da-da, or Ma-ma, or anything other than a curse word,” Jacque snapped.
“Da-mut, is not a curse word. Believe me. I should know. He’s obviously saying the mutt. As in one of our smelly, flea-infested mates. He’s probably heard one of us say it and decided that must be what he’s supposed to say.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Sally said. The brunette walked into the large living room carrying another box of ornaments. “Thia runs around yelling hell and dammit at the top of her lungs all the time. Not to mention, she literally sits in front of Slate sounding the words out for him.”