It didn’t matter. At that moment, it didn’t matter. If this was the way she was going to exit the world, so be it.
And then, slowly, the world came back into focus. The room took on form and dimensions, and just like that, she was back in her bed again.
Back in her bed but not alone.
Serena knew she should say something, but she didn’t want to.
Not yet.
Right now, all she wanted to do was lie there and feel the heat of his body mingling with hers, feel his heart hammering as hard as hers.
Listen to the sound of his ragged breathing as it echoed hers.
Later there would be time for all the other things. For words and for the inevitable regrets that were bound to follow in their wake.
But right now, at this very moment, she wanted to pretend that she lived in a perfect world and that every glorious thing that had happened just now would continue to happen.
Given enough time.
As his euphoria slowly dissolved, he realized that Serena was being extremely quiet. Had he hurt her? Had she gone into some kind of shock over what had just happened between them?
Or was that fear that had immobilized both her tongue and her body this way?
Carson wanted to reassure her. To say something to make her feel better about what had just transpired between them—something that he thought was wonderful—but for the life of him, he didn’t know how.
So for now, he chose to take the easy out.
He remained silent, just listening to her breathe.
And wishing that there was a way to make this moment last if not forever, then at least for a long, long time.
Chapter 17
She was alone.
Serena could sense it even before she opened her eyes to verify if that the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach was true.
Carson had gone.
After a night of what she felt was the most incredible lovemaking she had ever experienced, Carson had slipped out of her bed while she was asleep, disappearing from her room without a word.
Exactly the way that the man who had fathered Lora had done.
Disappointment raked long, sharp fingernails across Serena’s soul, scarring her. Making her want to throw things.
Making her want to cry.
She rubbed the heel of her hand against her eyes, wiping away tears before they had a chance to fall. How could she have been so stupid, so wrong about someone? Yet here she was, alone in bed, so there was no other conclusion left for her to draw except that Carson was just like every other male on the face of the earth: self-centered.
He had seen his opportunity and he’d taken it without a single qualm.
Serves you right for being such a blind idiot, Serena upbraided herself. Now, just stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it! she silently ordered. You’ve got a baby depending on you, that’s the only thing that matters here.
The second she thought of her daughter, Serena realized that Lora had been unusually quiet during the night. Was there something wrong? Or had the housekeeper got up early and gone to the nursery to look after the baby?
She’s a better mother than I am, Serena thought, feeling ashamed of herself. She should have been thinking about Lora, not about her own long-suppressed needs and desires.
What was wrong with her? she silently demanded, annoyed with herself.
Kicking aside her covers, Serena suddenly realized that she still had nothing on. Swearing softly, she grabbed a robe in lieu of a nightgown and quickly made her way to the nursery.
Softly opening the door so as not to wake her daughter on the outside chance that Lora actually was asleep, Serena looked into the room.
And stopped dead.
Carson was sitting in the rocking chair with Lora in his arms, quietly rocking her. Not only that, but he was feeding the baby a bottle. He’d obviously found one of the formula bottles that were kept in the miniature refrigerator for just these sort of midnight feedings. She’d put them there so that there’d be no need to go all the way down to the kitchen while she was half-asleep. A bottle warmer stood on the counter and she could see that it had been pressed into use, as well.
Justice lay on the floor right in front of Carson’s feet. The German shepherd had raised his head the moment she walked in, alerting Carson to her presence.
When he looked at her over his shoulder, Serena asked, “What are you doing?”
It absolutely stunned her at how very right this incredibly domestic scene seemed.
“Lora was hungry. I didn’t want her to wake you up, so I got a bottle to feed her,” Carson answered simply.
If he knew Lora was hungry, she must have been crying. Guilt took a bite out of her. She should have been up at the first whimper.
“How did I not hear her crying?” she asked, puzzled.
“I think probably because you were pretty exhausted at the time,” Carson told her, his voice low, soothing.
She knew he didn’t mean it this way, but she felt patronized. “And you weren’t?” she challenged.
Was Carson saying that even though he’d worn her out, he was still full of energy and ready to go? In either case it seemed that of the two of them, he made a better mother than she did.
“I’m used to sleeping with one eye and one ear open, remember?” he reminded her. “I heard Lora stirring and making noises, so I figured it was just a matter of time before she’d start crying. I thought you might appreciate sleeping in for a change. My guess is that you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in a while now.”
He talked as if he knew what new mothers went through. Pretty insightful for a man who had never been married, she thought.
“I haven’t,” she admitted, staring at him as if he had just suddenly acquired a halo.
This, to her, was almost better than the night they had just spent together. That had been wondrous, but this spoke of a type of kindness that she knew wasn’t all that common. It touched her heart in ways that their lovemaking hadn’t.
Serena roused herself before she melted completely. “I’d better change her,” she said, moving closer to take Lora from him.
He rose but not to turn the baby over to her. Lora had fallen asleep midfeeding, and he wanted to place her in her crib.
“Already taken care of,” he said.
He was telling her that he had actually changed Lora’s diaper. She stared at Carson again, stunned speechless.
Finding her tongue, she said, “I don’t believe you.”
“The old diaper’s in the covered pail,” he told her, nodding to the container next to the changing table. “You can check if you want to.”
Serena was almost tempted to do just that. Pressing her lips together, she could only shake her head in wonder. “How did you—”
He grinned. “It’s not exactly rocket science, and despite what you might think, I’m not an idiot. Disposable diapers, wipes, lotion, a secured place to do the changing and voilà,” Carson rattled off in a low whisper. “No big mystery.”
He placed the sleeping baby back into her crib and quietly withdrew from the nursery.
Leaving the door open just a crack as he entered Serena’s suite, he turned toward her. “When I was with Lora just now, I had a chance to do some thinking.”
He was about to tell her what had occurred to him while he’d been rocking and feeding Lora, but he never got the chance. Because the moment he’d turned toward her, Serena threw her arms around him and sealed her mouth to his in an expression of utter gratitude.
Whatever he was going to say was lost for the next hour as they once again became reacquainted with just how very in sync they were with one another.
Lovemaking begot lovemaking.
Finally, tottering on the edge of exhaustion, they lay next to one another, wrapped in the la
st fragments of soul-comforting euphoria. Carson drew her a little closer to him.
He was in total awe of how she seemed to be able to unlock all these feelings within him, feelings that had him wanting to protect her and her baby, not just as a member of the police department, but as a man. A man who hadn’t realized just how very lonely and alone he’d been until last night.
So, with one arm tightly around her, he stroked Serena’s hair, content to remain that way for as long as humanly possible.
That was exactly the moment that Serena chose to raise her head from his chest and look up into his eyes. “You said something about you thinking of something while you were feeding Lora. What was it?”
It took him a moment to recreate that moment. Making love with Serena had a way of clouding his brain and making everything else vanish.
And then he remembered. “A while back you mentioned something about seeing the Larson brothers riding around on your ranch.”
She recalled the incident perfectly, as well as the cold shiver that had gone down her spine. “They were. They told Anders that they were thinking about getting their own place and just wanted to take a look around ours.”
“Did you believe them?” He thought he knew the answer to that, given her tone of voice, but he just wanted to be sure.
“No,” she retorted with feeling. Rising above the last of the intoxicating feeling that making love with Carson had created, she was now focused on telling him about how she’d felt seeing the Larsons skulking around her ranch. “I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were somehow casing the Double C Ranch. You know, getting the lay of the land, things like that.”
Carson filled in what she wasn’t saying. “So a kidnapper would know what he was up against and which way he needed to go to make a quick getaway once he had the baby.”
The very thought filled her with horror. Serena was fully alert now and sitting up. She put into words what he hadn’t said yet. “Do you think one of them tried to kidnap Lora?”
He’d already discarded that idea—in part. “Probably too risky for one of them to make the actual attempt. They don’t like putting themselves on the line like that. But that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t send someone else to do it.”
He saw Serena’s eyes widen and he wished he didn’t have to be the one to tell her this. But he knew she wasn’t the type who wanted to be kept in the dark. Serena was better off being made aware of all the possibilities.
“Your father’s a powerful man around here, Serena, not to mention wealthy. Kidnapping Judson Colton’s grandchild would mean a fast payoff for the Larsons.” He could see that he’d struck a nerve and he was quick to reassure her. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to let anything happen to you or to Lora.”
She wanted him to focus on Lora, not her. “I can take care of myself, Carson,” she told him. “But you can’t be everywhere, and Lora’s just a baby.”
“How do you feel about protective custody?” he wanted to know. “I can have one of the K-9 officers take her to an undisclosed location and watch over her.”
“And Alma,” Serena added. “I want Alma to go with Lora.”
“You would be the more logical choice to go with Lora,” Carson pointed out.
“I know,” she admitted, but she just couldn’t indulge herself that way. She had responsibilities here, as well. Responsibilities to the ranch. “But Anders can’t watch over everything on the ranch on his own. Besides, I can’t just abandon the horses. As much as I hate to think about this, there’s no telling just how long it’ll take you to find this would-be kidnapper,” she said. And then she added hopefully, “Maybe you scared him off and he’s long gone by now.”
He shook his head. “We can’t count on that. I’ll call Finn and tell him that you’ve agreed to protective custody—for Lora,” he added quickly when he saw the protest rise to her lips. “He’ll have one of the detectives come out to the ranch and pick up Lora and your housekeeper,” he said. “Meanwhile, I suggest you go tell Alma that she’s in for a change of scenery for the time being.”
Serena was already up and slipping her robe back on. She quickly crossed back to the nursery in order to get together some things for Lora to use for her protective custody stay.
“Alma loves the baby,” she told Carson just as she was about to leave the room. “She’ll go anywhere if it means keeping Lora safe.”
When he made no answer, she turned around to look at Carson, but he had already left her suite.
“Man moves like smoke,” she murmured, shaking her head.
She focused on packing a suitcase for Lora.
* * *
Carson admitted to himself that he was operating purely on a hunch. The other day he’d searched only some of the ranch hands’ studio apartments, the ones that had been opened to him. But there were other living quarters that he hadn’t looked into. At the time, he had been strictly searching for some sign of Demi.
But now, since he believed that perhaps the Larson brothers were somehow involved in this unsavory business, he needed to look through all the ranch hands’ quarters, looking for anything that might connect the brothers to the botched kidnapping attempt and/or the equally unsuccessful attempt on Serena’s life.
He was keenly aware of the fact that he had a myriad of questions and so far, no answers, but he had nothing to lose by pushing ahead with this search.
Because the ranch hands were working on the ranch that belonged to Judson Colton, they had no right to an expectation of privacy. They had all signed contracts to that effect when they came to work on the Double C; the thinking being that if any of the ranch hands decided to take it into their heads to steal something—anything at all—from the ranch, a search of their living quarters would be conducted at any time to find it.
So, after telling Anders what he was about to do and with Justice beside him, Carson went from studio apartment to studio apartment, meticulously searching through everything. It was a case of “I’ll know it when I see it” since he had no idea just what he was looking for. He just knew that he needed something that would help him connect one of the ranch hands to the Larsons.
For the most part, the search wound up being an uneventful parade of one small messy studio apartment after another. They all looked depressingly alike to him, yielding nothing.
He was close to giving up when Justice suddenly came to life in the next to last studio apartment they entered. The canine barked several times and began trying to dig his way under the ranch hand’s bed.
Carson got down on his belly and, snaking his way under the bed, he found nothing but dust bunnies for his trouble.
“Nothing here, boy,” he said, getting back up again and dusting off his knees.
But Justice kept barking.
“Really wish you could talk, Justice,” Carson said. “It would make my life a lot easier.”
On a hunch, since Justice continued barking at the bed, Carson lifted the mattress up off the box springs. There were a number of large sealed plastic packets tucked between the two pieces that made up the twin bed.
“Well, what do you know? Sorry I doubted you, boy,” he said, gathering up all the packets from their so-called hiding place.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Pete Murphy, a tall, skinny cowboy demanded as he came into the studio apartment behind Carson. “That’s my stuff!”
By now there were seven large packets on the floor and Justice was circling the lot, growing more and more agitated.
Carson squatted down to examine one of the packets more closely. “Are you dealing drugs, Pete?” he asked the cowboy.
“Am I—What? Dealing drugs?” he repeated, his voice cracking in the middle. “No, those are mine. For me,” he emphasized.
Carson held up the packet he’d been examining. “Are you trying to tell me that you take these for ‘recreational’ purp
oses?”
“Yeah, right. Recreational purposes, that’s it. Now, give them back!” he demanded, trying to take possession of the packets that were closest to him.
Rising, Carson looked into the ranch hand’s eyes, pinning him in place. “You’re selling these for the Larsons, aren’t you? How much are they cutting you in for?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the cowboy denied. “They’re not cutting me in for anything.”
Which meant that the brothers probably had something on the cowboy that they were holding over his head, Carson thought. “You tried to kidnap Serena Colton’s baby, didn’t you?”
“Kidnap the baby?” Murphy stuttered, growing visibly frightened. “No, I wouldn’t do something like that!”
Carson continued to press, “You certainly match the description of the kidnapper who broke into Serena Colton’s suite, trying to steal her baby.”
Murphy was sweating now. “You’re out of your mind! Okay, maybe I do a little business on the side for the Larsons, but it’s strictly the drugs—working out here is hard, damn it, and a man can’t be faulted for wanting to take the edge off once in a while. But kidnapping? Hell, no way!”
The cowboy suddenly turned and ran, leaving behind the drugs and everything else in his quarters.
For a split second, Carson debated giving chase, but the cowboy was moving pretty fast. Carson decided that it wasn’t worth working up a sweat. Instead, he looked down at Justice. The canine was so well trained, he refrained from running after the cowboy until told to do so.
Carson gave his partner the go-ahead.
“Justice, fetch!” was all he had to say. It was the key phrase he used to train the K-9 to stop someone from fleeing the scene.
Murphy got approximately ten feet beyond his studio apartment before the German shepherd caught hold of his boot and brought him down. Justice pinned the cowboy to the ground with the force of his weight.
“Justice, off!” Carson ordered as he calmly walked up to the fallen cowboy. Murphy began to scramble up to his feet, most likely intending to run again. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Carson advised quietly.
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