by Haley Weir
“I hate that bastard just as much as you do,” Brock yelled. “You took a lot of pain for me, Michael, and I’ll always be grateful that I’m alive because of you. But don’t ever think that I had it easy in that house.”
“You might not have had it easy, but you sure as hell never had to clean up after your own messes,” Michael snapped back. “And it’s not like you have to this time either. Don’t worry, little brother, even if we don’t speak to one another ever again…I’ll make sure Corey Reed isn’t your problem anymore.”
“By what? Making him your problem?”
“Haven’t you hear? That’s what I do,” Michael replied. “I fix other peoples’ problems and I don’t get to complain. Have a nice life. Close the door on your way out.”
***
Dorian was released from the clinic the following day with restrictions from Anders. He, of course, ignored most of them until the pain was too much to handle. Between Jenny’s bad influence and his own rebellious steak, Dorian found himself on the wrong end of his friend’s medical advice more than once. The car pulled into the driveway.
Jenny came around to help him, but he had already climbed out of the passenger seat. She smacked his uninjured arm and carried the bags in while he wobbled with an uneven gait into their house. A smile never failed to bloom when he thought of sharing a space with the woman he loved. He paused at the door to watch the sunlight play off of the shades of red in her hair.
She looked up and caught him staring. A pretty blush spread across her cheeks and Dorian wanted to kiss her right then, but she shooed him inside. Dorian deposited himself onto the couch and dialed the number to order pizza. Jenny snatched the phone from his hand and shook her head. “I don’t think so. This house will not turn into a giant takeout box if I have anything to do with it.”
“What are we going to do for dinner, then?”
Jenny threw her head back and laughed. “I might not be as good of a cook as Sapphire, but I know my way around a kitchen.”
“A wife that can cook in this day and age?” Dorian slapped a hand over his mouth as Jenny stared at him as though a second head has sprouted from his shoulders. It was meant as a joke. He hadn’t intended to call her his wife, but now that the thought was out there…Dorian didn’t think he could ever see himself marrying anyone else. “It’s a joke, Jenny, don’t have a heart attack on me.”
He tried not to be hurt by the amount of relief that appeared in her eyes, but she had yet to return the sentiment that he expressed at the clinic the night before. It wasn’t as if he was in any sort of rush, but Dorian wanted to know that she saw a future with him. They were mates after all. What if she didn’t feel for him the same way he felt for her?
“It was very different. Like we weren’t just making love, but becoming one.” Jenny began to search Dorian’s body. His brown pinched in a tight frown, but he remained quiet. She grabbed his hip and turned him over on his side. “I knew it!”
“Knew what?”
“We really are mates,” she said happily. Jenny grabbed her phone and took a photo of his back. She then began to look herself over until she found what she had been searching for. On her ankle was the same bear paw mark that graced Dorian’s left shoulder blade. She turned her phone to show him the images and watched a series of expressions play across his features.
No matter what Jenny wanted to believe, Dorian knew she loved him. He had seen the excitement on her face when she found their matching marks. The smell of something savory interrupted his train of thought. Sounds of Jenny clambering around the kitchen raised his spirits once more and Dorian pulled himself off of the sofa and went into the other room to watch her.
The pain in his leg and shoulder started to kick in after awhile, but he couldn’t pull his eyes away from the sight before him. Jenny had her hair pinned up with a wooden spoon as she bopped around to the beat of a song only she could hear. A pair of bunny slippers on her feat matched the sunflower yellow apron around her waist. W
Dorian grew breathless as he watched her. Jenny truly had no idea how beautiful she really was. She spun around and dropped to the floor to hide from him behind the island in embarrassment. “How long have you been watching?” she shrieked. Dorian choked on a laugh and tried to cover it with a cough. He lost it when Jenny’s head popped up above the countertop, her adorable face scowling up at him.
She swallowed her mortification and helped him to a kitchen chair. Dorian continued to observe her in her natural habitat as she packed their plates with food and set them on the table along with a pitcher of lemonade. After Jenny’s cup was filled, Dorian lifted the pitcher to his lips and drained it dry. He pulled it away from his face, cheeks puffed up from his greedy guzzling.
It was Jenny’s turn to laugh as she reached over and wiped his face lovingly. “You could have paced yourself,” she snickered.
“But it was so good.”
“Thank you, but now you’ll be too full to…” Jenny paused as Dorian began devouring his meal. She gaped at him. “Maybe you won’t be too full.”
He would have been embarrassed if he had behaved in such a way in front of anyone else, but he loved Jenny. She had seen his dirty laundry and empty pizza boxes, so his eating habits shouldn’t come as a surprise.
“Remind me to keep the refrigerator stocked.”
And Dorian fell in love with her even more in that moment.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The summer heat of Haden Springs was unbearable. Jenny blew a strand of hair from her forehead and continued with the laundry. Dorian all but refused to stay in bed since his release and had set himself back in recovery, so Jenny took Dr. McKinney’s instructions more seriously. But for all of his good qualities, Dorian Chandler was a big baby when injured.
From dawn to dusk, he moaned and groaned for her to snuggle with him so he could feel her curves and hear her heartbeat. Dorian didn’t like hearing unfamiliar sounds in the house, for they made him paranoid that he would wake up to the house on fire. Jenny took it all in stride, but her old insecurities and fears began to creep up slowly.
What if he got tired of her being around? What if she became annoyed with his needy behavior and wanted to get away before it was too late? Jenny didn’t want to contemplate being without Dorian, but at the same time…she still was not sure that he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Her heart fluttered at the sight of his smile, but that didn’t necessarily mean love.
Jenny didn’t know what love truly meant outside of the books she read and the stories her friends had told through the years. She carried the laundry basket to the bedroom and put their clothes away. Their clothes. Their house. Their dresser. Their bed. Jenny didn’t like that everything she was and everything she had eared became part of something new, something she didn’t have control over.
What once had been just “hers” became “ours” and she struggled with that transition. Even when Tilly or Destiny came over for dinner, they eventually became “our” friends. Michael and Anders had stopped in a few times to speak with Dorian, but they never stayed long enough to have a proper chat. Dorian must have sensed the change in her behavior a few days ago because he seemed reluctant to ask for help.
“When do you go back to work?” she asked casually.
“If you want me to leave for a few hours, I’m sure I can manage.”
Jenny was startled by his cold tone. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” Dorian replied. He eased himself off of the pillows and swung his long legs over the bed. She stood beside him in case he needed her, but he waved off her help when she reached out. “I’m fine.”
“What’s gotten into you?”
“I’m very grateful of what you’ve done for me since I came here, but I know when I’ve overstayed my welcome. I never intended to be a burden to you, Jenny.”
She felt guilt swirl in her belly. “I didn’t say you were a burden.”
“Again, you didn’t hav
e to. It’s in the way you huff and sigh when I need my medication. It’s in the way you push me away after more than an hour of sleeping.” Dorian stood up carefully, making her suddenly feel so small. “I get it. I came into your space and now you feel overwhelmed, but remember that you were the one who invited me here. I would have done fine on my own.”
“Would you have? Because you’ve barely been able to lace your shoes.”
“I would rather do it on my own and struggle a little bit than to make you resent me,” Dorian said. “Do you have any idea how it feels to know that you’re unwelcome?”
“Yes, I do! Because I’ve felt that way ever since I stepped foot in Haden Springs.”
He rolled his eyes and slammed the bathroom door. Jenny knew she had started causing fights not that long ago, slowly trying to push him away and she didn’t entirely know why. This was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? Hadn’t she wanted to be loved by Dorian and to build a life with him? Or had she sold herself a romanticized ideal?
“…Before I came to Haden Springs, I was hurt very badly. Every day I lied to myself and everyone around me, saying that I was unaffected by it, but it broke something in me.”
“You don’t strike me as someone who’s broken.”
“No, I probably don’t,” she said. “But that’s because of Dorian. He looked at me and didn’t see a tattered soul that needed to be mended. He saw me for who I was, for who I could become if I allowed myself to open up to him.”
Corey sighed. “It’s no wonder you’re a successful blues singer.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because you’re miserable and blinded by an overly romanticized version of love. Whoever said you didn’t believe in love was a fool,” he alleged. “I guess that was one of those lies you told yourself to appear indifferent, right? Denial is yet another symptom of self-inflicted misery.”
Jenny tried to banish Corey’s voice from her head. She hovered outside of the door in case Dorian needed her, but he never called. In truth, Jenny didn’t know what upset her more. Was she upset that he hadn’t needed her, or was she upset that he might? In many ways, Jenny owed Dorian. He had saved her life and given her a second chance when she tried to sabotage their relationship in the beginning.
She hadn’t deserved that second chance, but felt as though she was wasting it.
“I’m sorry, Dorian,” she said through the door. Whether he heard her or not was unknown. “I don’t mean to be this way.”
***
Dorian had heard her, but he chose to stay quiet as the steam of the shower filled his lungs. A hot stream washed over his muscles and he closed his eyes. He only held Jenny so close because of the nightmares, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care that he had gotten injured fighting her abductors or that he loved her. Jenny just didn’t care. She couldn’t be bothered to care for anyone but herself.
He wasted time in the shower and then took even longer getting himself dressed. The actions caused him all sorts of pain in his shoulder, but at least he had gotten better at standing on his leg. Dorian emerged from the bathroom and walked past Jenny. He went downstairs and wrote her a note before grabbing a coffee and heading to work like she wanted, though he was far from ready.
Dorian had written the note because he didn’t trust himself to talk to her without shouting or saying things that would hurt them both. It tore his heart out to think that she was pulling away again. He drove to the station and was surprised to find Brock sitting along in the dining space. Brock looked up and frowned at Dorian.
“What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to be back for another week.”
“I needed to get out of the house for a while.”
“Sounds like you don’t know when you’ll be back,” Brock commented.
“Just so you know, showing compassion for my situation doesn’t change that you got people hurt by bringing those hunters here.” Dorian watched Brock’s face fall and swallowed past the guilt that caused a lump to form in his throat. He shouldn’t feel guilty. Brock had endangered many people and deserved to wallow in regret for a while.
Everyone else at the station greeted him with hesitant politeness and then he carried on with his shift. Dorian did all the light work, which made him feel guilty, but it felt good to be doing something other than waiting for the other shoe to drop. After things settled down and no more calls came in, he headed home to find Jenny in the kitchen. She avoided his gaze, but served him dinner, seeming unwilling to talk.
Dorian took it upon himself to begin the conversation.
“I think I should move back into my own place,” he said. “As I said, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I’d like to repay the favor, but I don’t want me being here to come between us. You’re so far away even when we’re next to one another.”
“Maybe it was too soon. We’ve only been dating for a few months and it hasn’t exactly been easy.” Jenny stared down at her plate instead of meeting his eyes. “I don’t want this to come between us, either.”
“Look at me, Jenny.”
She shook her head and he felt his heartbeat stutter. Dorian set his fork down, suddenly feeling as if he had no appetite.
“Is it ” he asked. Her head lifted then and he saw tears in her eyes. Dorian nodded and stood up from the table. “If I had known it would have done this to us, I would have kept it to myself. But we made a lot of promises to one another in that desert…”
“I’m glad you said it,” she hastened to say. “I really am, but…”
“But you don’t love me back. And that makes you feel guilty, doesn’t it?” Dorian felt his eyes begin to burn, but he wouldn’t let her do that to him again. “I don’t want to love someone who feels obligated to stay with me out of guilt.”
“That’s not what this is.”
“Then what is it?” he questioned. “Because if this is what love does to us, maybe you were right not to believe in it. My experience with love is limited too, but no one has ever made me feel like I’m a dark mark on their conscious.”
“I’m sorry, Dorian.”
“I’ll have my things out by the morning,” Dorian said quietly. “I’m sure you’ll be happy to have your bed back.” He washed and dried his dishes and shoved his clothes hastily into his bag, eager to get it over with. “Like ripping off a band-aid,” he told himself. Once his things were gathered, Dorian heard Jenny walk up the stairs.
She waited outside of the bedroom and didn’t even try to stop him. He really wanted her to, but she never did. Dorian stomped down the stairs and threw open the door. Jenny sat on the staircase with her head in her hands. He looked over his shoulder at her. “Just because I’m walking out this door, doesn’t mean we’re over. I won’t wait forever, Jenny, but I love you. I won’t be back unless the invitation is genuine. I’m tired of being hurt by you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
She watched his back as he walked through the door and felt like her entire world was crashing down around her. Jenny didn’t know what to say or what to do. Having him in her life was the best and the worst thing that ever happened to her, but she didn’t want it to end. She didn’t want to hurt him.
Suddenly, all the reasons and excuses that made her believe that she didn’t care for Dorian disappeared. Jenny looked down at the letter crumpled up in her hand and began to weep.
Jenny,
Until we argued this morning, all I wanted to do was kiss you and tell you that you were the best thing in my world. There are angels in heaven that are envious of your beauty. I love you so much it hurts and I don’t want us to fight. If you’re willing to keep trying to make things work, greet me as if it never happened. Kiss me when I come home from work and I’ll know that you want this as much as I do.
Love,
Dorian
Jenny had intended to kiss him and put it all behind them, but she panicked at the last minute. She wasn’t afraid of him; she was afraid of ruining everything again. The sound o
f the car door opening snapped Jenny out of her daze. She ran to the front door and nearly tripped over her feet in her hurry to reach him.
“Dorian!” she called. He looked back at her and his brow furrowed in confusion. The hope in his eyes was more than she deserved as she threw herself into his arms.
“Ow! Ow!” Dorian hissed through his teeth and she pulled away, absolutely mortified that she had caused him pain. Her hands roamed his bandages to make sure nothing had broken open.
“I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?”
“My arm is the least of my pains,” he retorted. “What are you doing out here, Jenny? Thank you for the hug goodbye, but my head is spinning.”
“That wasn’t goodbye. That was an apology.”
“You already said you were sorry.”
“No,” Jenny began. “I’m sorry for being so foolish. I’m sorry for not seeing how much you meant to me. There’s something wrong with me that makes me act irrationally when it comes to you. I’m not used to feeling so out of control.”
“What are you saying, Jenny?”
“Love is letting yourself get lost so someone else can find you, someone who will protect you and care for you with everything they have,” she said. “I’m lost, Dorian. I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do about it. I need you to find me. I need you to protect me and care for me because I’m terrified.”
He stared at her with misty eyes and she felt dread wash over her like a bucket of ice water. Dorian didn’t even blink as she continued to speak. “I understand if you don’t want to take on all of this baggage...all of this insanity. But I do love you, Dorian. I just needed to break out of this selfishness that I used to shield myself.”
“You love me,” he said in awe. “You love me.”
“Yes, I love you. So much that I’m willing to give it all up for you.” Jenny kissed his cheek. “I’m ready for the “us” and the “we” and the “ours” with you.”