“Because it was over.” I shrug. “Because I was here and safe, and she was gone. I confided in Cara a little that first year, and she was very understanding. She was my safe person for a while, you know?”
“Yeah. I know.”
“I felt guilty. I thought that if they knew the whole truth, they might be disgusted and make me leave. And leaving, being cast away from here, was my worst nightmare. I’d do anything to not have to go back with Kensie. So I kept it to myself, and as time passed, and I knew that I didn’t have to go hungry—for food or love—I relaxed. The nightmares were bad at first, but they lessened with time. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had one.”
“Why do you think you had one tonight?”
I blow out a breath. “I recently found out that Kensie’s dead. She died a long time ago, but I hadn’t heard. It’s caused some conversations with my dad, with my siblings, and I guess it’s probably been swimming around in my head a bit. It’s not like I’m sad that she’s dead.”
“Why would you be?” Remi’s voice is fierce. “I want to wrap my hands around her throat myself and make her pay.”
“She paid,” I reply and kiss her forehead, then her lips. “She definitely paid for it. Like I said, I don’t dream about her or what happened before. At least not often. But it could happen once in a while. And, damn it, I won’t have you hurt because of it.”
“Seriously, Seth, it startled me more than it hurt me. I hated hearing you cry out. You sounded scared and wounded, and I just wanted you to wake up. I’ll be more careful if it happens again.”
“You don’t want to head for the hills?”
She stares up at me. “Why would I? Because you were abused? Raped? Hurt? That would make me an asshole, Seth. I just want you to be okay.”
“There was a time I would have said that I don’t deserve to be loved like this.”
“That time is over. You have more love in a two-mile radius than I’ve ever seen in my life. You deserve it. Maybe more than anyone else. Now, are you hungry?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because your stomach just growled. How about some middle-of-the-night pizza on the porch?”
“It’s a date.”
Chapter 15
~Remi~
“Hi, Remi.”
I look up from what I’m doing behind the deli counter and smile when I see Miles King walk up, his backpack slung over his shoulder, and a happy grin on his face.
“Well, hey there. How was school?”
“Meh, fine, I guess. I was hoping I could score some cookies.”
I laugh and turn to grab the box of cookies and scones that I’ve had ready for him after school for the past month, ever since that first family dinner I went to. I always tell him to share with the other kids when he gets home, but I suspect he eats more than his share.
I don’t even care. Miles has wormed his way into a soft spot in my heart.
“Here you go, handsome. Be sure to share those.”
He scoffs as if the reminder is an insult. “Duh. Of course, I share. They get at least one.”
“You brat.”
His smile is sly and satisfied as he slips out the door, headed for his car so he can go home for the day.
“I’d say you’ve managed to fit into the King family pretty seamlessly,” Annie says when she walks out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. “That kid adores you.”
“It’s kind of mutual. I know I shouldn’t have a favorite, but he’s pretty great. They’re all good kids.”
“Is Troy still staying with Nancy?”
“He went home last weekend,” I reply and wrap some bread that didn’t sell to go in the day-old basket for tomorrow. “He wasn’t happy about it, but Zack talked him into it. I think he’ll still go stay with his grandma once or twice a week.”
“That’s okay. He loves her.”
I nod and set the last loaf in the basket. When I turn around, Annie’s holding a bouquet of flowers and a card.
“Happy birthday,” she says with a smile. “It’s not much, but it’s something.”
I stare at the flowers for a second and then take them from her and bury my nose in a rose. “These are gorgeous.”
“Brooke down the street at the flower shop knows what she’s doing,” Annie says with a wink. “What did Seth get you?”
“Nothing that I’m aware of.”
She blinks at me in confusion. “You told him it’s your birthday, right?”
Guilt immediately sets in. “Uh.”
“Remi.”
“How do I do that? Just casually, in the middle of a conversation, say, ‘Oh, by the way, my birthday is at the end of October. Get me something nice.’? I can’t do that.”
“I’m calling him,” Annie announces.
“Why? No. Don’t call him.”
“He will be so mad at you,” she says.
“He doesn’t have to know. It’s no big deal. My family didn’t make a fuss over birthdays.”
“Yes. I remember you telling me that your mother is a piece of shit. So I looked at the copy of the driver’s license you gave me so I didn’t forget. And, Remi, Seth needs to know. I’m going to text him. Just casually mention that it’s your birthday. Give the poor man a chance to do something nice for you. I’ll just make it seem like I’m giving him a gentle reminder.”
“Do you really think he’ll be mad?”
“Hell, yes. I do.”
“Okay, fine. That works.”
My phone rings in my pocket, surprising me. No one ever calls me.
“I have to grab this. It’s my agent.”
Annie waves me off, and I take the call. “Hello?”
“Happy birthday, sweet pea,” Roberta says in my ear. “Are you having a good day?”
“Yeah, I’m working, but I like this job.”
“You have a job? Why don’t I know about this, Rem? I’m supposed to book your gigs for you.”
“Calm down, Bert. I’m working in a deli in small-town, USA. I’m not on a set.”
“Oh. Really? Okay, then. Well, I have good news for you. I just booked you on a show.”
“No. I told you, I’m retired from that.”
“Just hear me out. It’s not for a whole season, it’s only one week, down in Moab. They’re bringing back all of the original winners from previous seasons for a one-week challenge, and they’ll announce the winner on live national TV.”
“How long do I have to get in shape for it?”
And why am I even considering it? The idea doesn’t excite me at all.
“Well, not much time. You have to be down there by Monday.”
“Bert, it’s Friday. I would have to leave on Sunday to be there on time. Maybe even tomorrow.”
“I know, the timing sucks. A show just got canceled, and they need to fill the time slot for a week, and this is what they’re going with. You’ll only be gone for a week, Rem, and they’ll pay you well for it.”
My eyes widen at the number she rattles off. I could use six figures for my nest egg.
“One week.” I turn and look at Annie, who’s already locked up for the day and is scrubbing the countertop. “I have a job here, you know.”
“You can have three hours to decide. I have to give them a yes or no today.”
“No pressure or anything.” I roll my eyes. “I’ll call you back.”
She hangs up, and I turn to Annie. “Hey, Ann?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you be okay here next week if I had to take it off?”
Her gaze whips up to mine. “Are you okay? Is your family okay?”
“Everyone’s fine, as far as I know.” I relay the offer I just got from Bert. “I don’t know if I want to go, so if you tell me I can’t have the time off, it’s totally okay.”
“I’ll be fine if you decide to go.”
“Well, damn.” My phone rings again. “I’m suddenly popular. Hello?”
“You didn’t tell me that it’s you
r birthday,” Seth says in my ear. “I’m going to spank you for that later.”
“Promises, promises.”
“I’m taking you out for dinner tonight.”
“Okay. Can we go to Ciao? I could go for some carbs. Not that I should, but it’s my birthday, and sometimes a girl needs pasta.”
“You can have whatever you want.”
“Cool. Also, we need to talk, Seth.”
“Sounds serious. You okay?”
“Yeah. I just need your opinion.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you at home in an hour, and then we’ll get ready to go to dinner.”
“Okay. See you soon.”
I click off and turn to Annie. “I’ll talk to Seth and see what he thinks. I’ll keep you posted.”
“That’s fine with me. Go enjoy your birthday. Have some extra garlic bread for me, okay?”
“I can do that.”
“You should go.” Seth leans back in his seat and pushes his empty plate away from him. “It’s only a week, and you’ll kick ass.”
“I’m not in shape for a challenge show.” I shake my head and swirl the last of my wine. “I should have been training for a month or more.”
“You’re in great shape.”
“Yes, for everyday things. This isn’t lifestyle fitness we’re talking about here. I’ll be climbing and jumping and all kinds of shit that takes strength. I’m so mad at her for calling me with just a few hours to decide.”
“Do you get paid whether you’re the first kicked off or the winner?”
“I’d get paid something. More the longer I’m there. And even more if I win.”
“I’m not saying that it’s about the money, I’m just curious.”
“Seth, I’ve won so much money over the past seven years, and I have a great financial guy. I don’t ever have to work again if I don’t want to.”
He leans forward. “That’s incredible. I had no idea that there was so much money at stake.”
“There is if you win. Because I’ve had sponsorships, and I’ve done commercials and other things, too. I was smart about it.”
“That’s sexy.”
“The money?”
“The brains,” he replies with a laugh. “I don’t give a shit about the money.”
“That’s sexy.”
He winks at me. “If you want to do it, you should go. I’ll be here when you’re done.”
I reach over and grab his hand. “I guess I could try it. Come out of retirement for one last hurrah.”
“It could be fun.”
“I think I have to leave tomorrow.”
“Wait, tomorrow?”
“I have to be in Moab by Monday, and I want to take the van.”
“Wow, that is fast.”
“The faster I go, the faster I’m back.”
“I like that logic.”
“I don’t know if I want to go.” I turn into Seth’s warm body and ignore the fact that the alarm will go off any minute. “It’s too damn early.”
“Are you going all the way today?”
“No.” I kiss his chest. “I’m going to stop in Pocatello, Idaho for the night then go the rest of the way tomorrow.”
“Good plan.”
The alarm fills the air, and I turn on my back and moan. Cap has been staying with us here at the house, and he stretches on the bed, pushing me against Seth.
“Oh, you’re a good boy, aren’t you? Are you going to miss me?” I wrap my arms around the big pile of floof and kiss his cheek. “I love you so much. You’re the bestest boy ever.”
“This could be the first time in my life that I’m jealous of my dog.” I laugh over my shoulder at him. “But, like you said last night, the faster you go, the faster you’re back. I’ll save your spot for you.”
“Thanks. Cap will probably hog the bed while I’m gone.”
“Probably. Come on, you get in the shower, and I’ll make you coffee. Maybe a little bite for the road.”
“Don’t you have work to see to this morning?”
“Louie knows I’ll be late this morning. And he knows why. It’s okay.”
He kisses me softly, and before I can tug him back to bed, he pulls away.
“Get in the shower,” he directs, pointing at me before leaving the room.
I know I’m dragging my feet, but once I’m on the road, I’ll be glad I’m going. It’ll be fun to see people I haven’t been with in a long time. And the challenges will be fun, too. I’ll need a hot tub and a massage when it’s over, but I’ll kick some ass, just like the old days.
With that pep talk finished, I take a shower and finish packing my suitcase, then pull it behind me to the kitchen, where Seth’s made not just coffee but eggs and bacon, as well.
“You spoil me.”
“You need to eat,” he says and offers his lips as I sidle up beside him. “Do you want some toast, too?”
“No, I need to back off on the carbs for the rest of the week. Thanks, though.” I sip my coffee. “What do you have on deck this week while I’m gone?”
“It might snow a little, so we’re going to work on getting the last of the cattle out of the mountains and down into the pastures. We need to check on the fences, and Halloween is in a couple of days, so I always volunteer at the fire hall.”
“Are there a lot of fires on Halloween?”
“No, there’s a big party for the kids there.”
I frown into my coffee. I’m going to miss it.
“Here’s your breakfast.”
“Oh, thanks.” Seth makes the best bacon in the world. “When I get back, I’m going to start baking. I like to bake this time of year.”
“Will there be pumpkin bread?”
I grin and take a bite of my eggs, slipping some down for Cap. “If you want some, yes.”
“And shortbread cookies?”
“That’s usually for Christmas, but sure.”
He stares at me and then pulls me in and kisses me, not caring at all that I have a mouth full of eggs.
“I had no idea that cookies would get this kind of reaction out of you.”
“You bake,” he says. “I like it.”
“So I see.” I check the time. “I’ll bake all the time if I get this response. Okay, I should go if I want to get to my first stop before dark.”
Seth walks me out, helps me load the van, and makes sure that everything is ready for the road. After a long hug and a hot kiss—and lots of ear scratches for Cap—I’m off.
I watch the two of them in my mirror. The tall, strong man that means more to me than anything, and his loyal dog, who’s never far from his side. I watch them until I round the bend and they disappear from sight.
I already miss them.
There’s not much going on in Idaho tonight. The drive was pretty, with all of the changing leaves and mountains, but it was lonely.
I used to love being alone in the van, traveling from place to place. Now, it’s just…quiet.
Being alone isn’t what I want anymore. I like my van, but it’s way more fun when Seth’s with me. Maybe he’d like to take a little trip with me sometime when the ranch slows down a bit and he can get away.
Or, maybe I’ll end up selling it and buy something more practical for everyday use instead. If I stay in Cunningham Falls, that is.
“Why wouldn’t I stay there?” I ask aloud as I secure the van for the night and then hop back inside to have a snack. I love it there. I love the people there, and not just Seth’s family, but all of those I’ve met. Annie’s my best friend. My regulars that come into the deli are awesome.
Cunningham Falls has become my home.
All day, while I drove away from there, the old feelings of anxiety and dread set up residence in my belly, and I was full of the same insecurities and unhappiness that I’ve had for so long. It was how I felt when I drove into town almost two months ago, but since I’ve lived there, and since I’ve been with Seth and working at Little Deli, I haven’t had that dread tickling m
e in the back of the throat.
But it’s back now.
And if that doesn’t tell me that being in Montana with Seth is where I’m supposed to be, I don’t know what does. If I’m at peace there, it’s my home.
I glance down as my phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Happy birthday, Remi.”
“Mom?” I check the screen. “I didn’t recognize the number.”
“Oh, I got a new phone last month.”
Last month. If I’d needed her over the past month, I would have had no way to reach her. It’s shouldn’t surprise me. It shouldn’t hurt me. But it does. It always does.
“Anyway, I called to say happy birthday.”
“Thanks. It was yesterday.”
“Oh. Well, better late than never.”
“Right.”
“Oh, I have to run. We’re packing for a cruise, and Brittany can’t find her Mickey ears from the last one we went on.”
“Have a good night.”
I hang up and stare out the window.
She still got my birthday wrong, even after our call last month.
She has apparently gone on more than one cruise with the mouse. I didn’t know they’d ever been on one before.
I’m not a part of my mother’s family.
But I belong in Cunningham Falls. I don’t want to go to Moab to compete on a stupid show. I retired for a reason, and it’s silly that I let Roberta talk me into doing it. I’m done with that, with doing what I don’t want to do, just because I feel obligated.
I want to be where I feel good about myself. Where I fit in.
I hop out of the van and undo all of the nighttime stabilizing I just did, then get back in and start the engine. I dial Roberta’s number as I pull back onto the highway, headed toward home.
“Hi, kid, what’s up?”
“Get me off that damn show, Bert. I’m not going.”
She sighs on the other end. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I’m retired, Bert. I love you, and I’m grateful to you, but it’s not what I want anymore.”
“Okay, okay. I hear you loud and clear. You take care of yourself, Remi, okay?”
“You, too, Bert. Thank you for everything.”
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