by A. K. Evans
There was no more time to waste, so I took a deep breath in and shared, “Roscoe Perry is the father.”
My mother gasped as her hand flew to her chest. She held it there for several long seconds before she broke out into a smile and tears filled her eyes.
Okay. I hadn’t been expecting that reaction.
“Sienna, this is wonderful news,” she assured me.
“What?”
“You know him, you know his family, and his sister is your best friend in the whole world,” she started. “How could you feel even remotely concerned about this? There’s no way that the Perry family wouldn’t be involved in this baby’s life.”
I swallowed hard and murmured, “It’s not his family that I’m concerned about.”
“Roscoe?”
Nodding, I explained, “Mom, I’m not sure he’s a guy who ever wanted to have kids. That’s sort of been a known thing for years.”
“But… but this is you,” she reasoned. “And I’m sorry, but he’s just as responsible for this baby as you are.”
“Being responsible for a baby and wanting a baby are two different things, though,” I pointed out. “He’s out on tour right now, and I don’t want to tell him over the phone.”
“When does he come back?” she asked.
“They play the last show the weekend before Memorial Day weekend,” I answered. “He did say he’d reach out to me when he returned, so I’ll have to wait and tell him then.”
The silence stretched between us again, but this time, it was my mom who broke the silence. “I know you’re worried, Sienna, and I understand your reason for it,” she started. “No matter what happens, you’ve always got your dad and me. And I’m thrilled about becoming a grandma.”
I smiled at her.
Because despite what I felt about Roscoe and how he’d handle the news, my mom had been completely honest.
I’d always have her and my dad. And I’d have Roscoe’s family, too.
The only question that remained was whether I’d have him.
Six
Sienna
Five weeks later
I pressed my finger to the doorbell and waited.
A few seconds later, the door opened and a woman who had the phone pinned between her ear and shoulder while she held a toddler on her hip was there.
“I just need a signature,” I whispered.
She took the stylus from my hand as I held the machine out for her. She scribbled her name down, and after I tapped on a few buttons, I picked up the box I’d placed on her front stoop and set it inside her front door.
After mouthing a thank you, I turned and walked away, back to my delivery truck.
I worked for a shipping company and had been working at this job for the last ten years. It wasn’t exactly my dream job, but it paid the bills, had decent benefits, and allowed me to even save a little. I wasn’t making millions, but I was mostly happy.
When I graduated from high school, I went to a local community college and got an associate’s degree because going to college was the thing to do, but I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, so I went into school floundering and just did what sounded interesting.
Needless to say, an associate’s degree in history didn’t really do much to help me forge a career path to doing something I found interesting. I loved history, but my degree didn’t give me a whole lot of options.
And it didn’t matter, anyway.
Because I didn’t really mind the work I was doing now. I wasn’t afraid to work hard. My dad had been the same way. He did what he had to do to take care of his wife and his daughter. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought of us. Social status didn’t matter. Being hardworking and honest humans who looked out for others and shared in the joys of life with our friends and family were what mattered most to us.
So, I was proud to be employed at a company that provided me with the things I needed.
As proud as I was, I still loved making my last delivery of the day. Especially now. Because though I liked my job, it was certainly proving to be a bit more strenuous than it had been before I was pregnant.
And over the last few days, I’d been growing more and more uncomfortable. The reality was that my body was changing. My breasts were fuller, and my belly was getting rounder. Aside from the sweats and T-shirts I had at home, there wasn’t anything that really felt comfortable to wear anymore.
Unless I planned on living inside and not interacting with anyone in the outside world ever again, I had to take the time to do something about my attire.
I pulled out of the driveway to the house I’d just delivered to and made my way back to the shipping hub. After I dropped off my truck and clocked out, I’d be on my way to the store for some maternity clothes.
I had hoped I wouldn’t need to wear them, but deciding I no longer wanted to hide the pregnancy and that I wanted to feel happy about it, I thought it was time to start embracing all that came along with it, even the growing bump.
Plus, I wasn’t exactly worried about anyone else finding out. Tomorrow was the final show that My Violent Heart would be playing on tour. Roscoe would be home, and I’d be able to finally share the news with him.
By the time I made it to the mall, I was tired, but I was determined. I didn’t think this would take me that long anyway.
I walked into the department store and made a beeline for the maternity section. I had no plans to go crazy by spending thousands of dollars on clothes that I’d only be wearing for a few months, but I wanted to get myself a few staple pieces that would get me through to the end of the pregnancy.
“Can I help you find anything?” a sweet voice had asked.
I turned to see a woman who looked like she might be right around my age, sending a friendly smile my way.
I looked around at all the selections, down at my growing belly, and back to the saleswoman. “I’m a bit overwhelmed,” I admitted.
“I’m happy to help you,” she assured me. “Is this your first?”
I nodded.
“How far along are you?” she pressed.
“Eighteen weeks tomorrow.”
Her face lit up as she bubbled, “You’re almost halfway done. You look fabulous.”
This woman was the best woman to have working in this department. Just seeing the expressiveness on her face and hearing the joy in her voice was enough to turn my tired mood around.
“Thank you. That’s really sweet of you to say.”
“I’m Larissa, by the way.”
“Sienna.”
“Lovely to meet you, Sienna. So, are you looking for everything or something specific?” she asked.
I sighed. “I don’t have any maternity clothing yet, and I’m feeling more and more uncomfortable in my regular clothes. So, I was hoping to get a few solid pieces that’ll take me through the remainder of the pregnancy. Pants and tops.”
“Perfect. You look to be a size small, so I’ll pull out a few pieces for you that you can try on. What size are your jeans?”
“I normally wear a size four,” I told her.
“Got it. I’ll pull out a couple of different styles for you to try. Once we narrow down what you like, we can look at colors and other options.”
For the next few minutes, Larissa took charge and dashed around the department, loading pieces up on her arm. I stood still, watching her move, and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.
Eventually, she looked over at me from a few feet away and instructed, “You can follow me, Sienna. We’ll get you set up in the dressing room.”
I moved in her direction and followed her into the dressing room. Larissa had gotten me several pairs of jeans, more tops than I could count, and some loungewear.
“I’ll give you a few minutes to try some things on before I come back to check on you,” she started. “But if you need anything before I get back here, please don’t hesitate to shout.”
“Thank you.”
With that,
Larissa backed out of the fitting room and left me with a pile of clothes to sort through.
I picked up a few tops and inspected them. It was clear that Larissa wasn’t exactly thinking the fit of sweats and T-shirts was the way to go. There was no doubt in my mind that these tops were all going to fit snug. There would be no mistaking the fact that I was pregnant.
Deciding to give them a fair shot, I stripped out of my clothes and started trying on the ones Larissa had selected.
A moment later, I decided I was in love with pregnancy jeans. I could kiss the person who invented them.
Not only was I able to fit into them comfortably, but they provided support around my belly instead of digging into it. I didn’t care if they cost three-hundred dollars, I was going to buy them. Luckily, when I saw the tag, I realized I’d only need to spend a sixth of that on them. It would be worth all fifty dollars.
I pulled a shirt off one of the hangers and slipped it over my head. Once I pulled it down over my belly, I looked up at myself in the mirror.
That’s when it hit me.
All the emotions that I’d been bottling up rushed forward and were ready to burst out of me.
I’d looked at myself in the mirror a few times over the last couple of weeks as I noticed the changes in my body, but this was different. This felt so real. I rested one hand at the front of my belly and turned sideways.
In that moment, something profound washed over me. For weeks, I’d been feeling nervous about this pregnancy and wondering how Roscoe would react when he found out. I still felt some of that, but there was something else there now.
Something I couldn’t ignore.
I was going to be a mother. And this baby was my priority. His or her happiness and well-being was all that mattered at the end of the day. Whether Roscoe chose to be involved in this baby’s life or not was yet to be seen, but I now saw this all for what it was.
Though unintentional, Roscoe and I had created this little life that was growing inside of me. It was nothing less than beautiful. I prayed he’d feel the same.
But standing there in front of that mirror, I made a promise to myself and my baby to always do what was best for us, no matter how hard it might be.
And just as I made that promise, I felt a flutter in my abdomen. It was the sign I needed to know I was doing the right thing.
“How are you doing in there, Sienna?” Larissa’s voice came from outside the door, interrupting my moment.
Feeling so overwhelmed, I opened the door and rasped, “I just felt my baby move for the first time.”
Her eyes widened. “No way! That’s so exciting. You look adorable, by the way.”
I smiled at her, looked back at the mirror with tears shining in my eyes, and agreed, “Yeah. I do.”
With that, I tried on a couple more tops, selected a few I liked, and held onto the jeans as well. I absolutely loved the loungewear, but I couldn’t justify purchasing it right now. I was already spending more than I promised myself I would spend because I picked up a second pair of jeans. I had sweats at home, so those would have to suffice for now.
The baby would need things, and I had to be prepared for the fact that I’d need to get those things all on my own.
Despite that, when I walked out of the mall to my car, I felt the best I had in weeks. I was finally feeling good about being pregnant, and I couldn’t wait to meet this little boy or girl.
Four weeks later
I couldn’t do it.
I’d been walking around the store aimlessly for more than an hour, and I just couldn’t do it.
It was Saturday, the middle of June, and at the insistence of my mom, I’d taken a trip to a store to register for things I needed for the baby.
My parents wanted to throw a baby shower for me. I loved the idea, thought it was great, and knew that it would make them happy to be able to celebrate their grandchild.
Now that I’d finally decided to bite the bullet and come to the store, I couldn’t bring myself to create a registry. When I first arrived, I walked around the store just looking at all that was there.
But now I had a million questions. Could I choose just any car seat? Was there one pacifier that was better than the others? How many packages of newborn-sized diapers would I need? Was a stroller necessary? How would I put the crib together?
Shouldn’t the baby’s father be involved?
And it was that question that had me stopping in my tracks.
I was alone. Roscoe wasn’t here. And yet, the tour had ended weeks ago.
I tried to be patient. I didn’t imagine he was home the night of the final show, and I assumed that when he returned, he might need some downtime. I mean, traveling for months and being away from home, I would imagine that had to take its toll.
He had said it would be good to see me again when he got back. Did he change his mind? Was he no longer interested?
I looked to my left and saw an assortment of picture frames. One caught my eye, and I picked it up from the shelf.
It was a simple silver frame that had a couple of words engraved on it. Nobody loves me like my dad.
God, my heart.
Tears welled in my eyes and my emotions clogged my throat as I pressed the frame to my chest.
“Sienna?”
My head snapped up, and I looked in the direction the voice came from.
Oh no.
Oh no.
“I thought that was you,” Sadie said as she walked toward me while Walker came behind her. “What are you do—”
She stopped speaking as her eyes dropped to my belly. My twenty-two-week belly that no longer looked like I might just be putting on a little weight. She could clearly see that I was pregnant, and she didn’t hold back.
“Are you… is it…” she trailed off.
“I’m pregnant,” I confirmed, putting her out of her misery. “And I’m begging you not to say anything to Roscoe.”
Her eyes widened as Walker’s narrowed. “It’s his?” Sadie asked.
I nodded. “It happened the night of the wedding, but he doesn’t know yet because I’ve had no way to contact him.”
For the first time since they walked up, Walker spoke. “You’ve known Roscoe for years, and you don’t have his number?”
Shaking my head, I explained, “Addy is my best friend, but her wedding was the first time Roscoe and I have spoken with each other in fifteen years.”
Walker shot me an assessing look and moved his head up and down slowly.
I continued, “Anyway, that’s a story I don’t really want to share right now. When he dropped me off the next morning back at my apartment, he said it would be nice to see me again when he got back, but he hasn’t reached out. I don’t know how to contact him, so I’m just waiting until Addy gets back from her honeymoon. I’m not going to his parents looking like this.”
“You have your phone on you?” Walker asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll give you his number,” he said. “And I’ll give you his address, too.”
“Oh, Walker, that’s not necessary—”
“It is,” he insisted, cutting me off. “Take out your phone, darling.”
I fumbled around, trying to find my phone in my purse with one hand, when Sadie offered, “I can hold the frame for you.”
She took it from my hand and looked down at it. Something moved through her face, and she offered me a sympathetic look. Now she knew why I looked like I was about to have a breakdown moments ago.
I pulled out my phone and entered in Roscoe’s number and address.
“Thank you,” I said to Walker after I slid my phone back into my purse.
“You’re welcome.”
“You’re not going to say anything to him, are you?”
Walker shook his head as Sadie answered, “Absolutely not. But you should. Don’t wait, Sienna. He should know.”
Nodding my agreement, I allowed my eyes to move to Walker. “He’s going to lose his mind, isn’t he?”
Walker didn’t immediately respond with words, but I could tell from the look on his face that he didn’t think the outcome would be good.
“Sienna, I… Roscoe is—”
“I know,” I insisted. “I know.”
“If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out. In fact, why don’t you give me your number?”
Sadie handed the frame to Walker, pulled out her phone, and entered my number in when I gave it to her.
“Good luck, babe,” she said after she put her phone away.
“Thanks. Wait. Why are you guys here?”
Sadie’s face lit up. “Chasey had her baby back at the beginning of the month, and Walker and I were about to head over to visit with our nieces, but I wanted to stop and get some things to spoil them with first.”
“That’s lovely. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“Well, I should probably get going,” I told them. “It was good to see you both. And thank you, again, for giving me his information.”
“You’re welcome.”
I turned to walk away when Walker called, “Sienna?”
I looked back and saw him holding out the frame. “You forgot this.”
My eyes dropped to it and read the phrase one more time. When I brought my attention back to Walker, I rasped, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to get that right now.”
Disappointment washed over him, but he didn’t refute what I was saying.
He knew.
He knew that Roscoe wasn’t going to have a reaction that would make that frame a welcome gift.
At that, I looked away and walked toward the exit.
Seven
Sienna
I waved out the window of my car at my parents.
I could see the worry on their faces, and I hated that I was the reason for it.
We’d just gone out for breakfast, and the subject of my pregnancy came up. I didn’t mind and had actually anticipated that.
But my mom had asked how my trip to the store to register for items I needed for the baby had gone. I had to tell her the truth and admit that I went and couldn’t do it on my own. She offered to go with me, and I appreciated it, but I told her I needed to talk to Roscoe first.