Alice swallowed nervously, and plastered herself against the wall in fear. I could tell she was seconds away from bolting. Once again, any effort we made to expose him was futile. He always managed to twist our words and turn our parents against us.
“I… I…” Alice couldn’t even get a sentence out. Her eyes darted from the furious face of our dad, to Tony’s smug smirk. He shook his head slightly as if to say, ‘Not this time, Alice. You won’t beat me.’
“Say sorry, right now. Apologise to your uncle,” Dad shouted, causing Mum to barrel into the living room to see what all the fuss was about.
She took one look at Alice and then turned to face the men of the house and groaned.
“What has she done this time?”
“The usual. It doesn’t matter though, she’s going to say sorry, aren’t you, Alice?” Dad threw her a vicious glare and she recoiled further into herself.
Alice looked petrified, like she was about to throw up, and I wanted to speak up for her, but I couldn’t find the words.
“I… I’m…” She didn’t look at anyone else in the room as she stuttered and cowered in the corner. Instead, she hung her head in shame.
I felt it too.
The shame.
When was all this going to end?
I had to find a way for us both to leave, run away before he ended us completely.
“I’m sorry. I said the wrong thing. I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”
“You certainly did and you have. But it’s not the floor you need to apologise to, young lady. Look at your uncle and give him the apology he deserves.”
I felt sick. I didn’t want Alice to have to go through the agony of looking at him and uttering any sort of kindness. But she did. Like the fighter she was, she took a deep breath and lifted her head, held her hands against the wall behind her to keep her upright, and she glared right at him.
“I’m sorry I told my dad you hurt me.”
It was an apology, and each adult in the room smiled at her admission. He grinned and bristled with pride like he’d just been knighted by the queen. But I understood the meaning behind her apology. She wasn’t sorry for what she’d said, only that she’d said it to our dad. The truth still stood; he had hurt her. But she knew better than to trust an adult in this house to ever make it right.
What happened later that night cemented her regret even further. It was the last time she’d ever complain and put herself in the firing line.
The sound of the doorbell ringing pulled me out of my daydream, if you could call it that. Maybe nightmare was a more fitting description. Dreams were a welcome distraction from the horrors you faced in real life. Dreams were what’d kept Alice and I going during the darkest times. Dreams were all we had most days back then.
Dad glanced up from his place at the dining table, but carried on polishing his trophies. He had no intention of getting off his arse to answer it. His casual, flippant attitude bothered me and I pushed my way past him, eager to escape the tension, but I stopped when I heard my mum holler out that she’d get it. There was the usual muffled chatter after that and I thought nothing of it. Neighbours were always popping round to moan about something going on in this street. But then, Mum called out my name, and something told me this wasn’t going to be good.
Fuck.
All the lads knew I preferred not to meet them at my house.
Who else would take the chance of coming here and running the gauntlet of my family?
I dragged myself into the hallway and stopped dead when I saw who it was.
“Finn, why haven’t you introduced me to Effy before?” Mum beamed, looking between the two of us, but if she expected a cosy visit, she’d be sorely mistaken.
Effy stood there, fidgeting with the buttons on her pea-green coat and looking awkward, out of place, and totally stunning. Her bobbed brown hair was wind swept and her cheeks were flushed red from the cold outside. It only made her look more adorable, and I had the sudden urge to pull her away to somewhere more private, where I could warm her up and lose myself in the way she always made me feel. But I kept an impassive expression glued to my face, ignoring my mum’s question and coming straight to the point.
“What are you doing here?”
“That’s no way to welcome a guest!” my mum chastised, but I blanked her out.
Effy’s eyes widened slightly and I could see her hands were shaking, but she did a great job of righting herself. Despite what my brash greeting had evoked in her, she took a deep breath and replied, “I wanted to make sure you were okay. The others couldn’t tell me anything, so I thought I’d come and see for myself.”
“See,” my mum sneered. “Effy has manners. Unlike some people I could mention.”
I blocked my mother’s pointless contribution to the conversation completely. Like I gave a fuck what she thought. All I cared about was Effy, and it had been brave of her to come here today, I’d give her that. I wasn’t the warmest guy to be around. I knew I gave off negative vibes like a porcupine on acid, but she never seemed to give up, and deep down, I was glad. If we’d been in any other place, I’d have felt differently about being around her. But I didn’t like her being here. I felt embarrassed about her seeing parts of my life that I preferred to keep hidden. This house was no place for a girl like Effy.
“Well, as you can see, I’m fine.” I lifted my arms up as my mum clucked her tongue in annoyance. Then I dropped them by my sides like an idiot as we stood there gawping at each other. Mum cleared her throat and made some announcement about having to change the bed linen, but I didn’t acknowledge her. The less time Effy spent here under the scrutiny of my parents, the better. I needed to get her out, even though her presence calmed me.
“Don’t just stand there like a fool, invite the girl in for a cuppa,” my dad suddenly piped up from the doorway behind me, and I knew from the heat in my face that I was blushing.
“It’s okay, Mr Knowles. I can’t stop,” Effy replied, sounding disappointed with her answer. She spun round to open the front door and make her escape, and in that moment, the idea of her leaving made me jump into action. I couldn’t let her go like that. I’d been an arsehole and done nothing but show disdain that I really didn’t feel. Not for her, anyway.
My Effy.
The girl I spent every waking moment thinking about.
The girl who gave me a reason to smile, on the rare occasion that I did.
“I’ll walk you out,” I said as my legs sprang into action and I followed her out of the door. I closed it behind me, not wanting Mum or Dad to eavesdrop on anything I had to say.
“Thanks for coming over. I’m sorry I was a dick in there.” I thumbed towards the door behind me, not wanting to take my eyes off her for a second. The way her breathing came in short shallow pants, trying to calm herself, made my heart beat faster. Her eyes bored into mine, searching for something, anything to give her hope, and it made my body shake with nervous anticipation. She was so close, and the overwhelming urge to touch her was becoming unbearable to fight.
“You weren’t a dick, Finn. I get it. I caught you off-guard and you didn’t want me here.”
There is nobody on this God-forsaken planet that I want to spend my days with more than you, Effy. But if you really knew me, you’d run in the opposite direction faster than your legs could carry you.
“It’s not that I don’t want to see you, it’s just…” I sighed, not able to find the words to express how pointless it all was. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in her eyes, so I glanced back at the house, wishing we were anywhere but here.
“You didn’t want your parents to see me.” She thought she’d hit the bullseye, and yet, it was so much more than that. This house held secrets that I never wanted uncovered. It kept broken parts of me that no one would understand. I couldn’t make sense of it myself.
I shrugged, once again letting her come to her own conclusions.
“I didn’t want you to see my parents.”
; “That bad, huh?”
“Worse.”
I stared at the ground, shuffling the pebbles from our path to give my feet something to do. I heard her huff and I looked up at her. She was doing that thing again where she wrapped her arms around herself like she needed a hug but knew she’d get nothing from me, so she took care of herself. I didn’t like that. It made me feel guilty for being such an emotional fuck-up. So, I decided to give her something else to loosen the frown lines on her face.
“I’ve been working on a new piece at the asylum chapel. I thought maybe you’d like to come and see it one day?”
The asylum chapel was an abandoned building in Sandland that Ryan had claimed for himself. I knew it held a special meaning for him and Emily, but for some reason, he’d let me use it too. He was quite happy to let me loose with my imagination, to turn the drab grey, flaking plaster on the old walls into something magical, mythical, ethereal.
Watching her face light up, I knew my words had done the trick. Straight away her shoulders dropped and she smiled a full, genuine smile that made my stomach flip over.
“I’d love to. I love your art.”
She meant it too. Every time I saw her when I was working, she’d look at my art like it was something that’d come from heaven above just to make the world a better place. She’d listen to me when I told her what’d inspired me, and take it all in, letting my work affect her in a way most artists can only dream of. It was as if it touched her on a deeper level, a level similar to my own. That was one of the many reasons I loved this girl. She saw me even when I was trying to hide.
“It’s a bit darker than my other stuff, but I think you’ll get it.”
You always do.
“I think I will too.” She nodded and started to kick the stones on the path like I’d done only moments ago.
“I was kind of going for a dystopian fairy tale. A whole twisted Alice in Wonderland. Not Wonderland though.” My words made her snort out a laugh.
“God forbid.”
“I like to make art with an edge.” I grinned, knowing I didn’t need to explain that to her. This was the girl who said my industrial wasteland graffiti, with spiked flowers, mechanical trees and a dark, desolate landscape was awe-inspiring. She’d see the positive in anything.
“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met. I like your edge.”
Just then, a gust of wind blew her hair up, covering her face and making her struggle to get it under control. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching forward to help her, tucking stray strands behind her ears. Feeling my touch, she froze, and I could tell she was holding her breath. The way her eyes shone with longing, glancing up at me through her long lashes, made me brush my thumb gently down her left cheek. Her skin was as soft as velvet and I took a step forward. I wanted to know if her lips were that soft too. Would she taste as good as I’d imagined? Better probably.
“Well, well… What do we have here? Has little Finn got himself a girlfriend?”
I stopped.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention and the yearning I’d felt only moments ago was replaced by total and utter revulsion.
What the fuck was he doing here?
I dropped my hand from Effy’s cheek and glared over her shoulder at the devil who lurked behind her. Was he destined to destroy everything for me? For a split second, I had a glimpse of what a normal life could be like. The girl, the feelings, the kiss. But no. I couldn’t have that, could I? Not when he was hell-bent on maintaining my place in the pit of despair he wanted me to frequent for all eternity.
He stood at the gate, dominating everything with his presence and turning what was a perfect moment into something twisted and vile. As always, he haunted me like a fucking demon. He always would. But I’d be damned if I let him within an inch of my Effy.
The moment Finn heard the voice coming from behind me, he froze and then backed away like I’d given him an electric shock. Fear and tension rolled off of him in waves, and I knew whoever stood at the foot of the path was bad news. Finn was always nervous and guarded, but not like this. This was another level of terror and alarm in the many facets that made up Finn Knowles.
One minute, he was brushing my hair out of my face, and I felt sure he was about to kiss me. The way he’d stroked my cheek felt so intimate, so tender, that I couldn’t stop the butterflies in my stomach from flying free and taking control of every part of me. But then that husky, gravelled voice had broken through our moment like a hammer crashing down and breaking the already thin ice of our relationship. And now, the Finn my soul had wrapped itself around only moments ago was locked away behind those high walls of his. Walls that felt impenetrable to a five-foot-four clumsy girl like me who was scared of heights. Who was I kidding? I liked a challenge, and if I had to climb Mount Everest to help him, I would.
In spite of Finn’s adverse reaction, I turned around and smiled at the unwelcome visitor. He was tall and so well-built that the buttons on his thick overcoat were bursting at the seams, trying to break free. His face was ruddy from the cold, and his dark hair was slicked back and greying slightly at his temples. If he had a dog by the side of him, which he didn’t, I’d have imagined a British bulldog called Bullseye standing faithful to his master with a string for a lead. In short, he did not look friendly. His eyes crinkled with wicked intent and his smile was crooked and insincere. I went to hold my hand out and introduce myself to him, but Finn cut me off.
“She’s not my girlfriend.” His words dripped with venom and harsh brutality, taking me from elated to gutted in a nanosecond. “She was here to see Alice, but Alice is gone. She doesn’t live here anymore.”
I dropped my hand before this man could take it in his and glanced back to where Finn stood, furrowing my brow in confusion.
What was going on?
I could sense Finn was agitated, panicked even, but why was he letting this man have such an effect on him?
The man took a step forward, and the way he leered over me in such an intimidating way made me move away from him instinctively.
“No Alice, huh? That’s a shame. I was looking forward to catching up with my favourite niece.”
Not the answer I was expecting.
“You’re Finn’s uncle?” I said, more as a statement than a question.
“That I am. Has he never mentioned me?” Finn’s uncle dipped his head in greeting like he was an old-time gent and smiled, then quirked his eyebrow at Finn. Finn didn’t return the pseudo warmth that was thrown his way by his relative though. He folded his arms against his chest, causing his muscles to flex and my heart to skip a beat.
“I’ll let Alice know you dropped by.” Finn’s words were meant for me, but he didn’t look my way. Instead, he clenched his jaw tightly and I could see a nervous tick develop as he held himself together. I wanted to walk away, let him carry on this façade, but something snapped inside of me.
“If you need me. You know where I am.” I gave him a look, trying to tell him that whatever was going on I wanted to help, but I needn’t have bothered. His uncle gave a whistle and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Finn decimated any self-respect I had left with his next words.
“If I needed anything, the last person I’d go to is you. Don’t come here again. Alice is gone and I’m not interested. You’re a fucking nuisance. Just fuck off.”
His uncle gave a loud chortle as the heat of shame crept over my face. My throat constricted, feeling like it was closing up and making it difficult to breathe or swallow. If I didn’t move away from here, I knew I’d do something to embarrass myself. I couldn’t let either of them see the tears that were about to burst free, and even though I knew deep down this wasn’t Finn talking––not the real Finn––it still stung like hell. A lifetime of disappointment hadn’t hardened my armour or made me stronger for the fight. My skin wasn’t thick, but bruised to the point that the pain was simply compounded. What was one more knock, one more cut to the thousand I already held in my hear
t?
“Say what you really mean, son.” His uncle obviously found my discomfort amusing, and the way he leant against the gatepost showed he was enjoying the show and waiting for more.
“I always do. And I’m not your son,” Finn bit back, then lifted his chin defiantly. “There’s no one home, only me, so you may as well fuck off too. Not that you were welcome here in the first place.”
“You know I’ll be back. My place is with my family. In the arms of my loved ones. It’s a shame Alice left. I know how much she loved our cuddle time when she was little.”
His uncle winked and Finn lurched forward, but I put my hand on his chest to stop him from doing whatever he was about to do. He gritted his teeth, then tore his hate-filled glare from his uncle to stare at my hand covering his rapidly pounding heart. A thumping beat that matched my own. He didn’t say a word, but he didn’t need to. Finn always spoke loudest in the silence.
Thank you for understanding.
This isn’t about you.
It’s… complicated.
“You never were right in the head, boy.” His uncle cackled, breaking both of us out of our silent bonding. I heard his slow steady footsteps from behind, heading towards me, and I braced myself, reluctantly dropping my hand from Finn’s chest. He came to a stop right by me and grinned down, saying, “You had a lucky escape, love.” I turned to glare at him and recoiled. His teeth were rotten and I moved away feeling violated at being so close to him. “If you want my number though, I’ll see you right. I know how to take care of a lady.” He winked, looking me up and down and licking his vile lips. I stumbled backwards, desperate to escape this lecherous creep.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him where to go, but I was beaten to it.
“Get out of here,” Finn growled over my shoulder, but he didn’t push me away.
We both stood rooted to the spot as his uncle huffed and smirked, then turned on his heel and left, muttering that he’d be back to collect what was owed to him.
We watched him saunter down the road like he didn’t have a care in the world, and I went to step forward too, but Finn grabbed my arm and pulled me into him, so my back rested against his chest. The warmth from his breath as he whispered into my ear made my goosebumps resurface.
Fractured Minds (Rebels of Sandland Book 3) Page 5