“Are you sure about this?” I whispered into her ear and then kissed her neck, nuzzling into her as she replied.
“I’ve never wanted anything more in my whole life.”
I moved to look her deep in the eyes and ran my nose slowly against hers, loving the closeness and feeling of intimacy we had going on right now, but at the same time, I needed so much more.
“I’ll stop at any time. Just say the word and I will.”
“I don’t ever want you to stop.” She reached down and pulled the button of my jeans free, and I couldn’t stop a quiet moan from escaping. This was really happening.
She used both of her hands and began to push my jeans down, so I got up from the bed and stood in front of her. My heart was jack-hammering out of my chest and I couldn’t stop shaking, but I wanted this too. I wanted it so fucking much. I pulled my jeans––along with my boxers––down and then kicked them off. I stood stark naked in front of her, my dick was painfully hard and pointed right at her, and yet, I didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed like I thought I would. I just felt a desperate, overwhelming urge to be near her, inside her, as close I could possibly get. I wanted it all.
She lay there looking at me, her chest rising and falling at a rapid pace and her eyes full of lust and love. I swallowed to try and wet my dry throat and crawled back onto the bed.
“Is this okay?” I asked as I pulled the waistband of her joggers over her ass and down her legs. She nodded but didn’t say a word. The intensity of this moment was too much for her too.
I threw the joggers on the floor next to my clothes and then sighed at the sight of her in her little black lace knickers. Suddenly, I noticed her expression change. She was nervous.
“What’s wrong?” I asked in a low voice. I didn’t want her to be scared. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No. It’s not that, it’s just…”
I climbed back over her, pulled her into my arms and buried my face into her hair as I hugged her.
“What’s wrong, Eff? Talk to me.”
“I haven’t done this before. This is my first time and I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
She sounded so insecure and it broke my heart.
“And you think I do? This is my first time too.”
She pulled back and looked me dead in the eyes.
“It is?”
“Of course it is. Do you really think there’d ever be anyone else for me? It’s always been you. I’d have waited forever for you, Eff.”
I could see the tears in her eyes and I pulled her back into me to hug away her fears.
“You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that, Finn. All this time, I’ve always wondered… What with the whole Renaissance Men reputation… I thought…”
“You thought I was like them. That reputation, it’s a shitty one, started by Zak, exacerbated by Brandon and totally and utterly despised by Ryan and me. That’s not what I’m about.”
“I know that. I do. But sometimes, I’d doubt myself.”
“Don’t. Don’t doubt yourself. This, us, it’s real. I love you, Effy. I always have. And if that means we stop this now, I’ll still be the luckiest guy in the world, walking away knowing Effy Spencer is my girlfriend. She could have anyone but she wants to be with me.”
“I love you too,” she replied, her voice all breathy and sexy, sending a jolt straight down to my dick. “God, Finn, I want this so much. I want you so much.”
I breathed her in and held her in my arms. My whole world. I hated that she’d doubted that she was the one for me, but then I hadn’t given her an easy time and I vowed to myself that I’d never do that again. Everything was for her. I had a lot of issues and bullshit going on, but she’d always been the one constant in my life. I wanted to show her what she meant to me.
“I don’t want you to stop.” She gasped so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Just… bear with me. Be gentle with me.”
I stroked her face and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
“I don’t know how to be any other way.”
I’d never been so nervous, excited, scared, and aroused at the same time in my whole life. I’d always dreamed that when the day came, and I lost my ‘V’ card, it’d be with Finn. But here we were, about to jump over the edge, and I couldn’t quite believe it.
When he showed me the Valentine’s cards he’d made for me, I knew everything would change. But this was a step into a whole new existence, and as I lay there, watching him watching me, I knew I couldn’t wait a second longer to take that leap and make him mine.
Without saying another word, he lifted himself up and then put his thumbs into the sides of my knickers and slowly, teasingly, he pulled them down my legs and off, throwing them onto the floor. I could barely breathe and my whole body was shaking, but when he moved my legs open, I let him. I wanted him to see all of me.
He moved to sit in-between my legs and I felt myself blush as he stared and panted out his own breaths. I was so wet for him, and my core gave an involuntary clench as he grabbed his dick in his hand and gave it a few slow pumps, never taking his eyes off me, lying on my back, fully exposed to him.
“My shy girl isn’t so shy anymore.” He smiled a wicked smile and I grinned back.
“Neither is my shy boy.”
And then I froze as he pushed my legs open wider and lay back down with his head right there.
His tongue licked a slow, painfully seductive trail from my pussy right up to my clit, and then he sucked softly. His eyes met mine as I gasped out and he pulled away––only slightly––and asked me, “Is this okay?”
“More than okay,” I replied, breathlessly.
“Am I doing it right?”
“So right.”
He licked again, a long steady stroke of his tongue, and when I cried out at the contact with my clit, he whispered, “You like it there?”
I nodded, because the feel of his breath on me and the anticipation of his next lick was too much. I wanted to focus everything on this feeling. Words weren’t needed.
He swirled his tongue around my clit and then licked and rubbed over it before sucking it into his mouth. Sometimes he was gentle, sometimes a little harder, but every time it was perfect, and I started to rock my hips into his face to keep the waves of ecstasy going. I went from grabbing my pillow and writhing under him, to reaching for his hair and threading my fingers through the silky strands to guide him. And all the time, he held my legs in place and used his tongue to paint a masterpiece on me.
Just as I was about to cry out for more, he sensed what I needed, and his fingers stroked me as his tongue worked its magic. I moaned and bit my lip as he inserted a finger and curled it perfectly inside. Watching him, with his eyes closed, licking and stroking me into oblivion as he gently rocked himself into the mattress to get the friction he needed was the hottest thing I’d ever experienced in my life. And then he opened his eyes and looked up at me and groaned. The feel of his tongue and the vibrations sent me over the edge and I tensed up, which in turn made him jolt up and ask, “Are you okay?”
“Don’t fucking stop,” I cried, grabbing his head and pushing it back down. “I’m coming.”
He went back to work, literally burying his head in-between my legs like it was his life’s mission to make me come. My thighs clamped tightly around his ears and I started to convulse, pulsing with the strongest orgasm I’d ever had. My legs were shaking and I couldn’t stop myself from crying out in ecstasy as the walls of my pussy clamped down hard. He groaned when he felt it, and wrung every last drop of my orgasm from my body, never stopping until he sensed that I’d started to relax back into myself again. Coming on Finn Knowles’ tongue truly was an out of body experience, and now I was in a blissful, hazy state of euphoria.
“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said in a husky voice as he crawled up my body, the evidence of my orgasm still coating his
face. I smiled and wiped it off then kissed him, grabbing the back of his neck so I could deepen the kiss.
“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever felt.”
He lay over me, his body gently pressing me into the mattress and his dick grazing the inside of my thigh. I looked up at him, looking down on me. Our breaths were panted but shallow, our eyes searching each other’s for something neither of us could put into words. What we’d just done was amazing, but I wanted more. He did too.
I reached down between our bodies and took his dick in my hand, giving it slow gentle strokes like I’d seen him do earlier. He held my gaze and rocked gently into me, but when I started to use his dick to rub through my folds, he pulled away and said, “We need to do this right.”
He reached down to where his jeans were on the floor and stuck his hand into the pocket. I noticed him blush as he pulled the condom out.
“Are you one hundred percent sure about this?” he asked, holding the packet up apprehensively.
“Yes, now stop asking me and just do it,” I snapped, but thankfully, he laughed.
I was fascinated watching him rip the foil and then roll it onto himself. He was long and thick, and even though I was slightly intimidated, I knew I’d definitely be doing that for him next time. He lay back over me and lined himself up. We kissed and I could feel him trying to push into me, but every time he did, I flinched, and sensing my wariness he didn’t force it. He let me set the pace.
Every moment that we lay there I became needier, more desperate for him. Always close but never close enough.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered into my ear.
“I think you’re gonna have to,” I said and lifted my knees up so he had better access.
This time, when he pushed himself forward, it was easier. He sank further and further into me and we held each other’s gaze, lost in the sensation of us, together. I knew he wasn’t fully inside me and I could tell he was holding back, so I grabbed his ass to spur him on. It worked, and he thrust forward, making me cry out as he filled me.
He was panting, holding himself over me and staying still as I got used to the sensation of being stretched by him. That initial thrust had hurt, but now, as I felt myself gripping tightly around him, it didn’t hurt as much. It felt new, different, and if I was being honest, totally fucking amazing.
“You can move,” I whispered and kissed his shoulder.
He buried his head into my neck and started to swivel his hips slowly.
“Eff, you feel… amazing. I’m not sure I’m gonna last very long.”
I didn’t care how long he lasted. This was about so much more than his performance. It was about a connection. Mine and his. After today, every tear and every moment of heartache would be worth it, because he was finally mine.
He pulled out and then pushed back inside me, and I moaned, loving the way it felt to be stretched and massaged in this way. He went slow at first, circling his hips and grinding into me. And all the time, he wrapped me in his arms like I was the most precious thing he’d ever held. On each thrust, he groaned, and it was the sexiest sound I’d ever heard. I wanted to make Finn groan every day. I could come from hearing his voice alone.
I lifted my knees up higher and then wrapped my legs around his waist, moving my hips in time with his and letting him sink deeper into me. I held onto him, running my fingers down his back, and when I touched his ass and felt him clenching as he pushed inside me, I moaned and grabbed harder. It was the sexiest thing ever, feeling him like that.
“Fuck, Eff, I’m so close.” He lifted himself up so his weight was balanced on one arm and then looked down to where we were joined; thrusting himself harder and groaning.
“Touch yourself,” he moaned. “I need you to come too.”
I reached down and started to rub over my clit, but I was so turned on it didn’t take long before my second orgasm took hold and my walls clenched, squeezing him and driving him crazy. He placed his hands either side of my head and drove hard into me as I cried out. And then he was there too, thickening and pulsing on cries of ‘Oh fuck. Oh yes.’ He kept thrusting until he couldn’t take it anymore and he collapsed his whole body over mine.
We lay in each other’s arms for a few minutes, getting our breath back. Our bodies were slick with sweat, but we didn’t care. And the most amazing thing of all was he was still inside me. I never wanted him to leave.
Eventually, he slowly pulled out, but he didn’t let me go or roll away. He held me in his arms and kissed me.
“I love you,” he said in a sleepy, dreamy voice.
“I love you too.” I laughed as his eyes started to drift closed. “You’d better take care of the condom before you fall asleep though.”
He grunted and looked down at himself, then sighed.
“I supposed I’d better, but I don’t want to leave you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here. My bathroom is only there.” I pointed to the door opposite my bed.
“You have your own bathroom?” He frowned and I felt embarrassed, realising that ensuite bathrooms probably weren’t a thing for him. Emily, Liv, and I, had grown up taking a lot for granted, obviously. “I’ve got the best girlfriend ever.” He laughed.
He went to get up off the bed but I held on for one last hug, pulling him back into me.
“Thank you,” I said, holding his face in my hands.
“What for?”
“For making me the happiest girl ever. I never thought we’d get here. But now that we have, I can’t stop smiling.”
“You should always be smiling. I’m sorry I ever made you frown.”
I went to say that he’d made me do a lot more than frown, but I thought better of it. The past was in the past. All that mattered was the future, and I was so excited for mine. Ours.
“I take it this means you’ve got everything sorted? You’re ready to leave those demons of yours behind?” I really hoped he’d say yes, even though I still had a nagging doubt in my mind that something was going to come along to burst our bubble.
Sure enough, my instincts weren’t wrong, and he hung his head and sat up, moving away from me.
“Hey, talk to me.” I grabbed his arm to stop him making his escape to the bathroom. Those years of avoidance were over. We were a couple now. If something needed facing, we’d do it together.
“It’s still not great, but I’m getting there,” he admitted.
“And you’ll get there a damn sight quicker if you share it with me.”
Because I’m not letting you face this alone.
“One day, I will. I promise. But for now, just trust me when I say it’s all in hand. I’m not there yet, but I will be. Soon.”
This was the story of our lives and I was so over it.
“Don’t pull away from me, Finn. Not now. Not after everything. Don’t shut me out,” I said, but to be honest, he didn’t have a choice in the matter. I was here to stay.
He turned and placed his hand over my cheek.
“I’ll never shut you out. I’m protecting you from the darkness.”
“Your darkness doesn’t scare me.”
Never had. Never would.
“It scares me. It scares me that it might drag you down too.”
“Then join me in the light. God, that sounded cheesy. I’m sorry.” I put my hand over my face to hide my embarrassment at how whiney I sounded.
“Don’t apologise. It’s not cheesy, it’s true. You are the light.” He took a deep breath and then gave me a quick kiss on the lips. When he pulled away he said, “I’m the best I’ve ever been. That’s all you need to know. And every day is only going to get better. It’s our turn now, Eff. Our turn to shine.” He pressed his forehead against mine and smiled. “It’s all about you.”
I laughed.
“That’s good enough for me.”
And it was. All my life––well, all my teenage life––I’d wanted Finn to notice me. And now, he was making my dreams come
true.
I was all he noticed.
Me.
And knowing that made everything else fade into oblivion.
Finn Knowles was and always would be my happily ever after.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d turn into one of those guys. The kind that clings to his girlfriend and wishes the rest of the world would fuck off forever. But I was that guy now, and when my phone buzzed with a call from Ryan, I didn’t want to answer it. I let it go to voicemail and stayed under the covers, holding Effy in my arms as we talked about our plans for the future.
The future.
I couldn’t believe I actually might have one of those.
My phone buzzed again a few more times and she insisted that I pick it up, but when I grabbed it off the floor, I saw it wasn’t only Ryan trying to get in contact with me, the soldiers were after me as well.
Theirs wasn’t a message I wanted to open up in her house. I didn’t want any of their filth infecting this part of my life. Looked like I was going to have to check back into reality pretty fucking quickly, and what a shitty reality it was too.
Reluctantly, I got up and started to get myself dressed, stopping every few seconds to lie back down on the bed she was still lying on and kiss her. I didn’t want to leave, but I explained that I needed to see Ryan about our latest party. She’d had the invite, so she knew all about it, and being the perfect girlfriend that she was, she didn’t argue. We made plans to go out the next night, and when she walked me to the door, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her so tightly she gave a little squeak. There was another reason that I loved her; the cute noises she made. The thought of spending the rest of my life with this girl, and finding more and more reasons to love her made me smile. For once, luck was on my side.
I started to walk back towards Zak’s place. I hadn’t spoken to my parents in weeks, but I really didn’t care. They had my number and they hadn’t rung me either. Pretty sure if I won the lottery they’d have been kissing my ass though. They only wanted me when I was useful to them, and I wasn’t paying rent anymore, so I was officially surplus to requirements.
Fractured Minds (Rebels of Sandland Book 3) Page 14