by Jody Hedlund
“My sentiments too, sir,” Officer Green said.
“She is seeking a husband,” Abe admitted even as he rejected the idea of her marrying Dexter Dawson. “If she gets married, then she’ll certainly be a fit mother from what I’ve witnessed.”
“Even so,” the bishop said, “such a placement should remain temporary with the end goal of returning the child to her people.”
The constable and bishop spoke a few more minutes, voicing their concerns. By the time Officer Green took his leave, Abe’s nerves were pulled taut, and he was in need of prayer even more than before.
As he started toward the apse, the bishop called after him. “A moment, Mr. Merivale. You received a letter from Elizabeth this morn.”
A letter from Elizabeth? Abe’s heart jumped within his chest. Although it was slightly early in the month for Lizzy’s usual correspondence, he had a sudden keen need to hear from her. Perhaps she’d responded to the letter he’d sent last autumn with the marriage proposal. In the several months it took for his letter to reach her and then the months it would take for her letter to get to him, it was unlikely this was her answer. Yet it was still possible. . . .
Returning to the bishop, he took the outstretched envelope, which contained Lizzy’s familiar, neat handwriting. Eagerly he retreated to the front pew and lowered himself. Then, exhaling, he opened the correspondence, held it to his nose, and tried to breathe in her sweet fragrance.
After the miles the letter had traveled to reach him, the only scent upon the paper was the mustiness of the cargo hold where it had lain while traveling from England to the Pacific Northwest.
Smoothing out the paper, he began to read. My dearest Abraham, I have been delaying this letter for some time and realize I can no longer do so. In fact, by the time you receive this letter, I will likely already be married.
Married? What did she mean? He scrambled to read the next sentence. I am to marry Daniel Patterson of Rithet on Christmas Day.
Abe’s pulse leapt forward at double speed. She couldn’t possibly be marrying someone else. Not when she’d promised to wait for him. Not when they were so right for each other. Not when marriage had entered his thoughts more and more lately.
Daniel and I have spent much time together over the past year, and we have grown in our affection for one another. I do believe I love him, Abraham. I pray you will understand and be happy for me.
Something hot and sharp stabbed Abe’s chest so that he couldn’t breathe. Lizzy loved another man. She loved another man and not him. While they’d never declared their love for one another, he’d assumed she loved him. She always had, hadn’t she? And he’d certainly always loved her.
Why had she changed her mind? And how in the world could she expect him to be happy for her?
He skimmed the rest of the letter, hardly able to take in her words—how she and Daniel had gotten to know each other during their mutual volunteer work, how her parents had encouraged the match, and how she enjoyed spending time with him.
While no one can ever compare to you, Abraham, I have realized Daniel is a good man who will provide me with the stability and family I long for.
Was Lizzy implying he wouldn’t be able to give her stability and a family? Surely she knew he would do so once he returned. After his time as a missionary, the church would assign him a sizeable parish. As a rector he’d give her a comfortable life with everything she could ever need or want. Hopefully one day he’d become a bishop, which would bring even more prestige.
Had she simply grown tired of waiting for his return? He let his mind sift back through the letters she’d written in recent months. She hadn’t hinted she was weary of his absence. She hadn’t hinted at discontent with their arrangement. And she certainly hadn’t hinted she was falling in love with another man. At least, he didn’t think she had.
Why hadn’t she said anything? He would have sent for her earlier. She could have sailed to the colonies a year ago, and they could have been married by now. As it was, she probably hadn’t received his proposal until she was engaged and planning the marriage to Daniel Patterson, much too late to change her mind.
He read over her letter again, this time his eyes burning and his chest throbbing. When he finished, he crumpled the sheet, let it drop to the floor, and then buried his face in his hands.
Lizzy was married. The woman he adored was no longer his. The woman who would have made a perfect wife and helpmate belonged to someone else.
Oh, Lizzy, what have you done? his heart cried with an ache that drove him off the pew and down to his knees.
He needed to pray, needed to cry out to the Lord, but he couldn’t find the words. All he could think was that Lizzy had left him for another man. She’d rejected and tossed him aside with no warning. Hadn’t given him the chance to try harder. Hadn’t explained her feelings until too late.
If she’d truly cared about him, she would have given him more warning, wouldn’t she? How could she be so selfish to think only of herself and not of him in the least?
If that was the woman she’d become, then he was better off without her. He didn’t need her. He’d find someone else and be a good husband and show Lizzy all she’d missed by not marrying him. Eventually she’d regret her choice. Then she’d come to him and tell him she’d made a mistake and missed him.
“Pastor Abe?” A woman spoke above him.
He didn’t want to be disturbed right now. He wasn’t in the frame of mind to speak calmly or kindly to anyone. All he wanted was to be left alone with his thoughts.
“Are you marrying me?”
He jerked his head up to find Zoe Hart standing beside him. Her long hair was free of its knot and hung in waves over her shoulders with strands at her temples pulled back into a pretty twist. If he’d thought she was beautiful before, she was stunning now with her hair spilling about her in a glorious dark canopy. She peered down at him with her green eyes framed by those lush lashes.
Had she just proposed marriage to him?
Her question was so startling and unusual, he couldn’t make his mouth work to formulate a response. He could only stare and try to understand why she wanted to marry him. Of course, she was desperate to find a husband in order to keep Violet. She’d told him at the funeral earlier that she’d even consider marrying Dexter Dawson if she had to.
Maybe Dex had turned her down. Maybe she couldn’t find any other man willing to marry her and take care of Violet. And maybe she figured he might be willing, since she knew he felt responsible for Violet’s care.
“Well?” Miss Hart glanced toward the narthex, which was empty. Thankfully, Bishop Hills had gone on his way and hadn’t seen Abe’s breakdown over Lizzy’s letter.
At the merest thought of Lizzy, hurt shot through his veins. Since Lizzy was married, nothing was holding him back from taking a wife. He could get married and then write another letter to Lizzy and tell her he’d found someone else. At least she’d know he wasn’t pining over her, that he’d moved on just as quickly as she had.
Miss Hart’s brow furrowed. “Are you alright? You don’t look so good.”
He dropped his head, the reality of Lizzy’s letter hitting him again. But just as quickly as the pain came, anger rushed in and chased it away. He pushed himself up until he was towering above Miss Hart.
“When do you want to get married?” he asked.
“I thought it was to be tonight at seven.”
“Tonight?” He swallowed hard and looked around the empty nave. Could he really do this? An inner voice told him such a move was rash. After all, he was the one who’d been urging caution with the new brides, urging the men and women alike to take their time and not make impulsive decisions.
But after Bishop Hills and the constable’s admonition to take the baby to the Northerner’s Encampment, his worry over what would become of the child had doubled. He had to find a viable solution quickly.
“If you’re not willing to do it,” she said, “then maybe you can check if
there’s someone else—”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t.”
“Then you’re planning on it?”
Why shouldn’t he? Although his mind rapidly started to give him a dozen reasons why he needed to be wary, he shoved the warnings aside.
Miss Hart watched his face expectantly. The lamplight from the sconces reflected in her eyes, deepening the green and turning her skin to a creamy porcelain. If he married Miss Hart, at least she was fair on the eyes. He’d never get tired of looking at her. Her beauty was untamed, almost exotic compared to Lizzy’s no-nonsense looks.
“Very well,” he heard himself saying even as his chest burned again with the pain of losing the woman he’d always wanted. “I shall marry you.”
eight
Zoe studied Pastor Abe’s face. Something was definitely amiss. She’d expected more resistance to her request that he do the marrying tonight. Surely he’d offer more protest if he realized she’d chosen Dexter Dawson. Maybe he thought she was marrying a different man.
She glanced at the door, and not for the first time wondered if she was really doing the right thing by agreeing to wed Dexter. When she’d arrived to discover she was early, she’d almost turned around and walked away.
“Bishop Hills might still be here,” Pastor Abe said hesitantly. “But I’m not sure he’ll be in agreement to the marriage.”
“We don’t need the bishop’s permission, do we?”
“Not necessarily.” He tugged at his clerical collar as though it were choking him. “I suppose we could go over to Justice Woodcock’s house. He owes me a favor.”
“As in a justice of the peace?” Pastor Abe wasn’t making any sense. Since he’d just agreed to do the ceremony himself, why would they need to involve anyone else?
“Unless you had your heart set on a church wedding?”
Before she could answer, the side door opened. She expected to see Dexter Dawson and was surprised instead at the sight of a young man attired like Pastor Abe in a dark suit and clerical collar.
“John, my man,” Pastor Abe said, relief flooding his voice.
The young man smiled widely, revealing crooked front teeth but a kind-enough smile. He made a direct line to them, a waif of a man—short and thin and likely to be blown away at the slightest breeze. His face was dotted with various blemishes but radiated a youthful energy that reminded Zoe of her brother.
Pastor Abe and John exchanged a hug with some backslapping. “You’re just in time.”
“Time for what?” John peeked at Zoe shyly.
“In time for my wedding.”
Zoe sucked in a rapid breath, her gaze darting to Pastor Abe. He was getting married too?
John’s smile froze. “Your wedding?”
“Yes. I’m marrying Miss Hart tonight, and I’d like you to officiate.”
The world around Zoe began to spin. What was happening? Why did Pastor Abe think he was getting married to her? She replayed everything she’d said and done since she’d arrived at the cathedral. Had she somehow given him the impression that she wanted to marry him? Or had he heard about all the rejections today and assumed he was her only option? Maybe he’d heard of her plans to marry Dexter and decided to offer himself instead?
John’s smile fell away altogether. “I didn’t know you’d ended things with Lizzy.”
At the mention of the woman’s name, Pastor Abe’s expression hardened. “Lizzy is married to someone else now. I’m free to do as I please.”
“She’s married?” John squeaked.
“On Christmas Day, apparently.”
The hurt in Pastor Abe’s voice and the flash of pain in his eyes spoke all Zoe needed to know. Lizzy was the woman waiting for him back in England, the one Mrs. Moresby had mentioned. And she’d jilted Abe.
John cast another shy look at Zoe before leaning in toward Abe and muttering under his breath. “I didn’t know you were close to anyone else.”
“I’ve worked all week with Miss Hart saving a baby. While we’re not close, I have gotten to know her and can attest to her good character.”
John glanced back and forth between her and Pastor Abe as if somehow he could solve the mystery of their meeting and this hasty wedding. But Zoe was as confused as he was and could only shrug.
“We may as well begin,” Pastor Abe said.
John lifted off his tall black hat, wiped his forehead, then resettled the hat. “You’re certain?”
“As long as Miss Hart is certain.” Pastor Abe finally looked at Zoe, the blue of his eyes revealing deep wounds she hadn’t noticed there before. His jaw muscles worked up and down as though he was willing himself not to contradict his friend.
Was she certain? She’d come to the cathedral expecting to marry Dexter Dawson. But Pastor Abe was a better option by far. There was no question he was above reproach or that he’d accept and care for Violet—rather than simply tolerate the babe.
Truly the only other thing that mattered besides Violet was finding Zeke. Since Pastor Abe lived up in the mining region, no doubt he’d be able to help her find her brother, or at the very least he’d be kind enough to make inquiries.
“Herman Cox is dead,” Pastor Abe blurted.
Her heartbeat halted abruptly. Part of her wanted to shout out in relief. But another part of her grieved for Violet’s father and for the life he’d lost, especially because he’d never get to see his daughter grow up.
“Now my superior, Bishop Hills, has requested I take Violet to the Northerner’s Encampment,” Pastor Abe said as if that explained his willingness to marry her. “And he wants me to leave her there.”
Zoe had never heard of the place, but the gravity of Pastor Abe’s expression told her she needed to make sure Bishop Hills didn’t get his way. “Will he force you to do it?”
“I don’t see why he would if we’re married and agree to care for the child.”
She prayed he was right. “I was expecting to have to marry Dexter Dawson. But if you’re willing to marry me, how can I say no?”
Pastor Abe glanced at a crumpled piece of paper on the floor, paused a moment, and then gave a curt nod. “Let us proceed.”
She had the feeling if she didn’t take advantage of this moment, if she waited even five more minutes, he’d come to his senses and walk away, that she’d lose the chance to marry him and end up stuck with Dexter.
Pastor Abe positioned himself in front of John expectantly. And Zoe took her place at his side.
Once again John looked from her to Abe and back, his brow furrowing above baffled eyes. “This is most unusual, to be sure.” He slipped his hand into an inner pocket and retrieved his Book of Common Prayer.
“Unusual circumstances call for unusual measures.” Pastor Abe didn’t break the intensity of his stance.
“Very well, my friend.” John opened the well-worn black book. “I trust you like I do no other and realize you wouldn’t enter into so serious a commitment without a great deal of prayer and thought.”
Pastor Abe flinched but didn’t budge.
John flipped the thin pages until he found what he was looking for. He started to read the opening of the marriage ceremony.
“Perhaps just the vows?” Pastor Abe suggested in a tight voice.
John’s eyes widened. He looked as though he might say something more, but after a second, he nodded and began to turn the pages ahead in the service.
“‘Wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance, in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?’”
Pastor Abe didn’t respond.
Zoe peeked at him sideways. The muscles in his jaw were once again flexing, and his eyes were filled with distress. She didn’t know what had happened to cause such anguish. In fact, she didn’t know much about him at all. But compassion stirred in her nonetheless. She wanted to reach out and
comfort him, to let him know he wasn’t alone in his hardship, that she understood what it was like to feel such pain.
But she sensed that if she touched him, he’d only draw away, perhaps even leave the cathedral.
“Abraham?” John asked, his tone pleading with his friend to see reason.
“I will,” Pastor Abe said quickly, decisively.
John watched his friend for a long second before turning his attention back to the open page of his book. “‘Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance, in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, serve him, love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?’”
“I will,” she replied.
John then situated Pastor Abe’s right hand together with hers as was the custom. Pastor Abe’s fingers were cold and clammy, but unswerving. He repeated his vows without hesitation. When he finished, Zoe spoke hers.
“Do you have a ring?” John directed his question to Pastor Abe.
He shook his head. “I’ll purchase one just as soon as I can arrange it.”
“Very well. Then let us pray.” John read a prayer and afterward placed their hands together again. “‘Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. Forasmuch as you have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God, and thereto have given and pledged your troth, I pronounce that you be man and wife together. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.’”
Pastor Abe kept his head bowed. Zoe didn’t want to interrupt his prayer—if he was still praying—so she remained quiet. John bowed his head too, stealing a look now and again at Pastor Abe. After several minutes of silence, John finally stared directly at his friend and cleared his throat.
Pastor Abe lifted his face, determination etching his features.
John clamped his friend on the shoulder. “Congratulations, Abraham. May God bless your union and bring you great happiness through it.”