by Ana Ashley
I looked up from his ass to his frowning face and shrugged.
“You have a nice ass, sue me.” Tom stared at me but I could tell he wasn’t against what we’d ended up doing last night. “Okay, okay, how about we practice the doughnuts tonight at yours?”
“Yeah, let’s do that. No distractions,” Tom said, placing his hands on his hips and attempting a serious face.
I walked over to him and kissed the frown off his face, reassuring him we would have time to practice. Luckily, because of other school events, we had a bigger break between the last challenge and the next one.
“Come on, I’ll buy you a coffee at Spilled Beans on the way to the store,” I said.
I checked my cellphone for the text message that came earlier and nearly dropped it on the floor.
Dear Mr. Mason. Due to unforeseen circumstances we had to change the date of the next challenge. It will now take place this afternoon. We apologize for the inconvenience. The Pride bake-off organizers.
“What’s up?” Tom asked.
“Check your phone in case mine is a glitch.”
Tom walked over to the breakfast bar where he’d left his phone last night.
“Fuck, fuck! How is this possible?”
“I don’t know, but I guess they didn’t see it coming either.”
“But we’re working, and we didn’t practice the doughnuts all the way to the end.”
Tom walked back and forth in the small space between the breakfast bar and the sofa, wringing his hands together.
“Hey, hey,” I said, stepping in front of him and cradling his face in my hands. “We’ll be okay. Trust me?”
He nodded.
I went over to my parents’ and found my mom having her breakfast in the kitchen.
“Mom, I need your help. We just got a text from the organizers to say they’re moving the next round to this afternoon because someone double booked the gym hall.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll cover in the store. It’ll be good for your dad to do his walk in the morning anyway.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left.
Tom sat on the sofa, his hands on his knees like he was ready to fight or flight.
“Mom is covering us in the store this afternoon. It’s going to be fine, okay?”
When he looked at me his beautiful violet eyes were shiny.
“This is too important to me, Wren.”
“I know, baby. You’re good with instructions. We’ll go over the recipe again and look up some videos on the internet when we get to the store. You’ll be fine.”
He nodded and I pulled him in for a strong hug. I knew we were competing against each other but in that moment he looked so upset I would have done anything to see him smile again.
The last-minute change in the date of the next round of the bake-off meant there weren’t as many people in the gym watching us. That was the only benefit of the change because as soon as we got to our stations and I looked at the recipe my heart dropped.
Tom must have thought the same; I could read it in his tense frame. They’d changed the recipe on us. Because we had less time in the hall, they wanted us to use one that didn’t require proving.
All the videos we’d watched in the store all morning suddenly became useless. We stared at each other until he looked away to go back to the recipe.
The rest of the afternoon was a blur. I tried my best to follow the recipe but when it came to using the deep fryer I panicked. All the stories about things going wrong for previous contestants ran through my head. Fire. Accidents. Emergency rooms.
If I didn’t fry the doughnuts I would definitely lose the round. I thought about my dad’s slow recovery from his heart operation, and my mom managing the store all on her own. What if the checkout computer broke down? They literally had no room to move and were relying on the steady income of the store.
And now they were relying on me to do my best to win the prize.
It was with shaking hands that I slowly lowered my first doughnut into the deep fryer.
17
Tom
After spending the whole morning panicking and learning everything we could about doughnuts, we’d had the tables turned on us.
If I wasn’t a fan of doughnuts before, now I was surely coming to hate the stupid little deep-fried assholes.
I exchanged a look with Wren, but I couldn’t read him, although it wasn’t hard to guess that he was panicking in equal measure.
Behind us I saw Amy twist her plaited hair around her fingers, and Phil kept looking at the bleachers where a sweet-looking woman, likely his wife, was waving, unaware of what was happening.
Bea had a smile on her face and looked excited to start the challenge. Maybe she’d made these doughnuts before. Sadly she was too far away for me to take any sneaky peaks at her work.
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,” the contest presenter announced. “Thank you all for being here. I would like to apologize publicly to our brave contestants on behalf of the organization for the last-minute change, but would also like to thank you for coming back for this round.”
He raised his hands to encourage a round of applause from the audience. There were still plenty of people on both sides of the bleachers considering the change. Word got around in small towns, and it looked like Chester Falls was no different.
“Now, ladies and gentlemen, there is an additional challenge to this round. As you know, our amateur bakers have the opportunity to practice for their bakes between rounds, but on this occasion we’ve had to change the recipe to allow them to complete the challenge.”
Some people in the audience booed and some whistled.
“Contestants, are you ready? You may commence.”
I wanted to say I wasn’t ready. I wanted to throw a tantrum, but then I remembered the ever-wise words of my idol: since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them.
She was right. I’d baked a cake and cupcakes before. The difference with the doughnuts was that they were deep fried, but in essence they were like a cake.
I took a deep breath and counted to twenty, just to be doubly calm, and focused on the beat of my heart. Then I opened my eyes and started reading the recipe again.
Each step of making the batter was easier than I’d originally expected. This one didn’t need proving so I kneaded it, rolled it out, and used the cutters to get the right ring shape.
The deep fryer was scary to work out. I was terrified I’d get burned. When the little green light appeared I knew the temperature was right, so using a funny spoon that had holes in it, I lowered each doughnut into the hot oil.
The recipe said to fry each doughnut for one minute and then turn it over. It was harder than I thought, so by the time I got to the last one it was a really dark shade of brown.
My hands were so sweaty that when I started removing the doughnuts from the oil I dropped the spoon in twice.
The hard part was done, so while I waited for the doughnuts to cool down I made the glaze to coat them.
I didn’t dare look at Wren or any of the other contestants. I knew this was going to be a difficult one for us.
We all placed our plates on the judging table behind our names and then flipped the cards upside down so the judges wouldn’t know who baked what.
I stole a glance at the other contestants’ doughnuts and my heart fell when I realized mine were by far the darkest ones. I must have set the fryer on a really high temperature.
Bea walked past me with hers, which looked absolutely delicious. I followed to the locker room, went straight into one of the cubicles, and finally let the tears I’d wanted to shed all day flow freely.
“Tom?”
Wren’s voice on the other side made it even worse and the silent tears became loud sobs. The door opened slowly, which was when I realized I hadn’t even locked it when I’d come in.
Wren kneeled on the floor in front of me and held my hands.
“That was
pretty hard, wasn’t it?”
I nodded.
“Apart from Bea’s all of them look pretty bad. Don’t give up yet until we know who’s going home.” He ran his hands over mine in a soothing motion, but I didn’t want to feel better, I wanted to win the competition.
“You don’t understand, do you?” I said.
“Understand what?”
“I need this more than anyone. You already have everything you want: the career, the life. I don’t. I need this to work out or I’ll be stuck forever in a job I’m way over-qualified to do.”
The more I spoke the angrier I got, and deep down there was part of me that knew this wasn’t Wren’s fault, but he was the one who’d invited me to his place last night. He was the one who’d distracted me so much I’d forgotten about the proved dough. I hadn’t been able to practice the frying part of the challenge and it was his fault.
I walked out of the cubicle, only turning around to say, “I need some time to myself,” and then I went over to the basin to wash my face of tears and build up the strength to deal with being booted off the competition.
We all stood in a row awaiting the results. There was a low murmur coming from the audience, and I wondered if they knew the challenge had gone so wrong for all of us. Or maybe they’d expected someone to set something on fire today and were disappointed that it hadn’t happened.
“Ladies and gentleman, you may have noticed we are one contestant short for this announcement.”
I looked around and true enough Bea wasn’t with us. Where had she gone?”
“Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that one of our contestants is currently enrolled in a culinary school. As this is against the rules, we have had to exclude the contestant from further rounds. This means all four contestants with us right now will go through to the semi-final. Congratulations!”
The crowd got up and cheered. I picked up the next recipe from one of the organizers and left the gym.
I walked the two miles back to the town center, hoping to get my thoughts in place. By the time I got there both Bookmarked and Spilled Beans were closed.
My store still had the rental sign up. It had been almost two weeks since I’d last been here. Working longer hours in the store and researching and practicing for the bake-off had filled my days and my head space.
Standing in front of the store I remembered again why I was doing it all. Why the long hours, why I hadn’t shopped in months, why I was participating in a contest that did not involve any kind of fashion.
I’d bought a chaise longue in a yard sale months ago. It sat in the middle of my living room waiting to be restored. I’d looked up everything I needed to bring back the wooden structure to good condition and how to re-upholster the fabric.
When I’d seen that chair it had spoken to me. I’d seen in my mind’s eye the customer sat with the cocktail glass in hand, waiting to see the wonderful clothes I’d chosen for them. The little kids who waited patiently for their mom or dad to be fitted with a new dress or suit, and they’d have a fancy glass of juice and some coloring pencils.
I’d wanted to bring Fabulize to Chester Falls. It was such a ridiculous name that I couldn’t resist picking it because it was everything I was. Fabulous but not quite like the rest.
A tear ran down my face. I wanted Fabulize so much it physically hurt to see the store space empty.
I shivered in the cool evening and thought of Wren.
We hadn’t even had a proper conversation about the meaning of what we were doing. I didn’t want to get hurt, as it was I was already too fragile and didn’t know if I could handle it.
“Okay, Tom. Deep breath. Re-focus,” I said to myself.
I started walking home, planning in my head what I needed to do to win the competition, and it started by being a new Tom. I needed to be the Tom that went for it and created his own opportunities. The time to help others would come when I opened the store.
My cellphone buzzed in my pocket and I took it out to see a few messages from Indy and Wren. I replied to Indy’s message to let him know I was through to the next round, but I couldn’t even bear to look at Wren’s.
I would see him tomorrow in the store, but I had the next twelve hours before I needed to face him.
18
Wren
I couldn’t say I’d had a feeling about Bea, because I hadn’t even exchanged a word with the girl, but I had thought it strange that when all the contestants had been friendly and supportive of one another, she’d kept to herself.
I’d put it down to her being a lot younger than the rest of us, or maybe shy, but now I knew it was something else altogether.
The whole situation brought back memories of Zack’s cheating. As a kid I’d been upset that I was being accused of something I hadn’t done. My parents had always encouraged me to be truthful and true to myself, but I hadn’t even known about Zack cheating on the test, let alone tell on him.
When I’d come home for the holidays on my first year of college, I’d bumped into him. He’d been working at the gas station outside of town. The boy that I’d played football with had grown older than his years, and I’d felt sorry for him and guilty that I’d taken his place.
I’d talked to my mom about it afterward and she gave me some really precious advice. If I’d earned my place in the team then I hadn’t taken it from someone else. It simply meant that I’d worked hard enough that when the position opened I was the first person in line for it.
The responsibility for the opening of the position lay solely with Zack. He was the one that made the decision to do something he knew could jeopardize his place in the team. Yes, there was misplaced anger, but after a while she’d assured me that Zack was probably more angry with himself.
I’d thought about it but kept coming back to the why. Why had he done it to start with? And it wasn’t until I’d seen him with his family that I’d understood. Even though we weren’t wealthy by any means, my parents both had a secure job in the store. Football was Zack’s way out of an uncertain future, and when the stakes are that high people can do stupid things and risk losing it all on the off-chance they might make it.
Was Bea like Zack? She hadn’t been cocky or arrogant. She’d done a good job with her bakes and kept to herself. Maybe this had been her high-stakes situation and like Zack it had cost her.
And how about Tom? His words in the cubicle had cut right through me and into my heart. He wasn’t downright accusing me, but it really felt like it.
I knew it hadn’t been my fault. We’d both practiced the challenge together and we had both become distracted with each other. We’d even received the notification of the date change at the same time. Deep down I knew he knew that, and that he’d just been upset about how badly the challenge had gone, but I hadn’t expected him to react to me that strongly.
I’d come home feeling like I’d been stomped on my chest so hard I couldn’t even feel anything anymore.
As I put the key in the door of my parents’ apartment above the garage I laughed to myself. My teammates had always joked about the fact I was hard to read unless people were let in to my cues. They’d called me the iceman, first a joke but then it had stuck when sports commentators had picked up on it.
Only we’d known how far from being cold I was with my team, but we’d had a job to do on the field.
As I closed the door behind me and saw the ruined dough still in the bowl on top of the breakfast bar, I knew the iceman had to come back. It may be the only way to protect my heart and have a chance at winning the competition for my parents.
The next two days were spent in my parents’ kitchen practicing for the semi-final under the supervision of my dad and Troy.
My dad was making a good recovery, and while we knew it was going to be slow, he was already walking farther and farther each day.
My mom had insisted I needed some time off from the store. Between the long hours and the competition, I hadn’t actually had much time to do what
I’d come to Chester Falls to do. Spend time with my family, particularly my dad.
It was just what I needed to help me focus, so by the time I stepped into the high school gym I was feeling confident and calm. Troy and my dad were in the bleachers right at the front cheering for me.
Before coming I’d wondered if we’d have a full station each, since there were less of us now, but my hopes were crushed when I saw two rows only, and I would have bet my life on sharing my station with Tom as before.
He didn’t turn up until the challenge was about to start.
My heart beat out of my chest as Tom approached our station looking as confident as I’d ever seen him. He waved at the bleachers and I saw Indy and Ellie smiling and waving back, giving him the thumbs up.
When he came closer I saw something in his eyes: a challenge. It was then that I noticed what he was wearing. The same painted-on white jeans he’d had the other week that left no room for imagination, not that I needed it now that I knew what Tom looked like under his clothes, how soft his skin was, or how he got goosebumps whenever I licked just under his belly button.
He also had a crop top, but this one was a little shorter while also showing a lot more of his shoulder.
I remembered kissing that soft skin, and how Tom had melted under my touch. We’d fit so perfectly together, his smaller body against mine, like I was made to keep him warm, safe.
The tiniest chuckle came from the other side of the station. Tom knew exactly what he was doing to me.
This challenge was going to be an exercise in self-restraint. If I made it to the end of this without pulling Tom into the locker room and having my way with him. And that made me angrier with myself than anything else, because even after everything I still wanted him.
If I was to get through this challenge I’d need to be so cool that if someone looked up the word iceman they’d find a picture of me.
“Here we are again, ladies and gentlemen. Our four contestants have been practicing hard and the grocery store has run out of tinned fruit.” Everyone laughed at the joke. “We’ve had delicious chocolate fudge cake and beautiful rainbow cupcakes. Let’s not go there with the doughnuts, but no one is more excited to see the upside-down cakes our bakers are attempting today. I shall be paying close attention to the making of my favorite ever cake.”