by Karen Rock
Noah and Emma squirmed away, and he caught Cassidy’s tender stare. Not a word was spoken, but he sensed she understood him and in that understanding, he felt less alone. The children’s pleas returned to him as he set the oven timer. He added his own silent one.
Please don’t leave us, Cassidy.
Three hours later, he and Cassidy stood beside Emma’s bed, the sound soother set to ocean waves, the clock projecting the time on her ceiling.
“That was your best mac-n-cheese, Pa,” she murmured sleepily.
“That’s because we did it together.” He grabbed the empty water glass on her nightstand. “Everything’s better when you do it together.”
Cassidy nodded and the light in her green eyes melted his heart.
“Can you tuck me in like a mermaid?” Emma asked without opening her eyes.
“Ariel or Madison?” he clarified. Splash and The Little Mermaid were Emma’s favorite movies.
“Madison,” she sighed.
He tucked the blankets around her legs and stepped back. “Night, Madison.”
“Sea you later.” Emma cracked open one eye. “Get it? Sea?”
“I sea what you did there.” Daryl ruffled her hair. “And I still love you, despite your horrible puns.”
“Same, even Clumsy the Clown.” Emma’s lashes fell to her cheeks, and he and Cassidy quietly let themselves out of her room.
“I used to love Splash when I was a kid,” Cassidy said when she dropped onto the couch. “I loved the idea of being able to become someone else.”
“You weren’t happy with who you were?”
“It’s more like my father wasn’t satisfied unless I was successful, achieving great things.”
“All parents want the best for their children.”
“True. And I never really thought about it until now...but seeing you with Emma and Noah, I think I missed out on something important.”
“What?”
“Unconditional love.”
I loved you, he thought. Unconditionally.
“I wanted so much to please him, to live up to his expectations and pay him back for the sacrifices he made to get me to college.” Cassidy fingered the sofa throw blanket’s fringe.
“You felt like you owed him.”
“I do owe him.” Her hands bunched the fabric. “If not for my father, I wouldn’t be successful.”
“Who defines success for you?” he challenged. “Your father or you?”
She opened her mouth but remained silent, processing. “I—I never thought about it before.”
“Maybe you should,” he said, finally understanding what drove Cassidy, why she’d never be satisfied with an ordinary life.
He’d been naive to expect her to be happy settling down with him. It was just as stupid to expect anything more from her now. Cassidy was who she was. An adventurer. And he was who he was—rooted, traditional, a family man.
How she found it in her big heart to have not only forgiven him, but to stay and help his family grieve, he’d never understand, though it didn’t surprise him. She’d always put others ahead of herself and she would have done the same ten years ago by putting aside her dream to settle in Carbondale with him. He was no one’s sacrifice, though. She’d said she might have been happy here, but what if she hadn’t? He would have made her as miserable as he’d made Leanne.
Cassidy screwed up her features in a thoughtful expression. “Maybe I should consider it,” she agreed slowly.
As they stared into the fireplace’s glowing embers, he listened to her quiet breathing, felt the soft brush of her arm against his, inhaled the delicate floral scent of her shampoo. He wanted to gather her in his arms and kiss her again. Hold her. Lose himself in her as he had last week, but his wedding picture above the mantel caught his eye. He could not betray Leanne. Other than her unexplained suitcase in the Jeep and her frequent girls’ nights, she’d been loyal to him, even if they’d been unhappy.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me you were adopted?”
He turned at Cassidy’s question and their noses brushed. For a long moment he considered possible answers and went with the truth. “I wanted you to think I was a Loveland.”
“You are a Loveland.”
“Not always. I used to be Daryl Clemmons.”
She ran a hand down his arm, her face pinched with concern. “When did your parents pass away?”
“They didn’t.”
Cassidy drew back, eyes round. “I’m sorry. I just assumed...”
“It’s okay. Most people don’t expect parents to not want their children.”
“Daryl... How could they not want you?”
A weight settled on his chest, heavy enough to crush his breath. “They cared more about drugs. They were always on the move, looking for the next fix.”
“How awful. Were you glad to leave them?”
“Mostly I was just glad to be rescued.”
“Rescued?”
He stared down at his clasped hands. “When I was seven, they drove to a house and left me inside the car. They said they’d be right back. It was night and I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, snow covered the car. There must have been a blizzard because I couldn’t open the door. When I tried to break the window with a hammer, it recoiled and hit me here.” He pointed to the C-shaped scar at his temple.
“That’s terrifying!” Cassidy exclaimed.
“I was bleeding and didn’t have anything to eat. There was half a bottle of water, but I finished it by the end of the first day.”
“First day?” Her voice rose. “How long were you trapped?”
“When the sheriff found me, he said I’d been in there for three days.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t freeze to death.”
“We had an old wool blanket in the back seat. And I had a coat. Plus, the snow kept the windchill from having an effect.”
“And where were your parents all that time?”
“In jail, strung out. My mother had overdosed, and my father was passed out when neighbors called the cops. They couldn’t remember their names let alone that they had a son.”
“Monsters,” Cassidy whispered. “They should never have had children.”
“Child Protective Services agreed. The sheriff at the time, Emmitt Loveland, had me stitched up, then asked his cousin Boyd to put me up until they found a place for me. When a spot opened in foster care, Boyd decided to keep me instead and that’s how I became a Loveland.”
“You went through so much.”
“I only ever wanted to stay in one place. To have parents who came home every night. A stable family, which is why...”
“Why?” she prompted when he paused.
It felt like he swallowed crushed glass, his throat raw and scraped. “When I found out Leanne was pregnant, I had to do the right thing. I wanted to give my child the stable family I always wanted, even if it meant letting go of the only person in my life I’d ever loved...unconditionally.”
She closed her eyes, as if she took his words into her heart to keep, then slowly opened them again. Tears dripped down her cheeks. When he brushed the wet away with his thumbs, Cassidy caught his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm.
Her lips moved against his skin as she said, “I loved you, too. Unconditionally. But you made the right choice. If you hadn’t, I would have made it for you. But stability doesn’t guarantee happiness... You and Leanne were having issues.”
They looked into each other’s eyes and Daryl felt the earth shift. He wanted to tell her how much he’d missed her. That he was happy to have her back in his life again, despite his devastating loss, but he was too afraid of ruining things to voice that thought. Hell, he was too afraid to even have that thought. “I still don’t know what happened.”
“But you weren’t happy. Or Lean
ne. Were the children?”
He shook his head, mute, thinking back to the year and a half leading up to the accident, the uncertainty of Leanne’s whereabouts, her withdrawal, the kids’ questions: Where’s Mama? Is she coming home? Does she love us? Are we bad?
Cassidy threaded her fingers through his hair, and his breath caught at her touch. A deep yearning gripped him. A need to pour himself into her. “I’m sorry, Daryl.”
“Don’t pity me,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.
“I don’t. I admire you.” Her green eyes burned into his. “Despite everything you’ve gone through, you’re an incredible father and you’re giving your children a strong foundation.”
“I drove Leanne away.”
“We don’t know that.”
“I couldn’t make her happy...not as long as I still loved you.”
“But those feelings changed. Ended.”
“I wanted them to,” he blurted, the words base-jumping off his tongue without a safety net, his heart overruling his brain. “I did everything I could to forget you, but I couldn’t. There’s a hole in me where you used to be. Every day since you left, I’ve walked around it and fallen into it each night. I’ve missed you like hell.”
“Don’t.” She leaped to her feet and backed away, her expression stricken. “Don’t say anything else.”
“Why?” he asked when she reached the bedroom door, though he knew the answer. He just wasn’t ready to let her go.
Same story, different time.
“Because I’m afraid of what I might say back,” she whispered before slipping through the door.
He stared at the dying fire’s embers, his heart beating erratically as he mulled her words. Cassidy was right. Stability didn’t guarantee happiness. Love did. And even then, it only made life’s struggles worth battling.
The question was—how long did you keep fighting?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CASSIDY TUGGED DOWN the hem of her saloon girl Halloween costume, then frowned at the cleavage the move revealed. With a sigh, she hauled up the neckline again. How had she let Sierra talk her into wearing this revealing outfit? She spied Daryl’s sprite-like sister line dancing in the cat costume she’d offered as well and shuddered. No way would she have squeezed her curves into that scrap of cloth with a tail. She was lucky to breathe in this costume as it was.
Cassidy backed farther into the shadows of the converted barn Sofia Cade used in her event planning business and let the cool autumn air pouring through an open window wash over her heated skin. Excited chatter, stomping boots and an Outlaw Cowboys’ rollicking song filled the crammed space. Line dancers twirled and clapped in time to the music.
Attendance at the fund-raiser party, thrown by Many Hands, Doing Good to raise money for the ex-factory workers, exceeded their expectations. Excitement bubbled. If they reached their financial goal, they’d begin renovating foreclosed homes next month for the families now working at Loveland Orchards to rent.
“You look beautiful.”
Cassidy jumped slightly at the deep rumble of Daryl’s voice near her ear. Perspiration broke across her brow. He offered a glass of punch and she shivered when their fingers brushed. Since the night by the fire, she’d avoided being alone with him. Her heart played his confession about missing her on a continuous loop. She’d never stopped missing him, too, and with each day she lingered in Carbondale, her fear of acting on her growing feelings intensified.
She raised the cup and sipped the strawberry concoction. “You don’t look half-bad yourself.”
Which was a huge understatement.
Wearing a low-slung gun belt around his narrow hips, a fitted black Western shirt revealing his broad chest and shoulders and a wide-brimmed hat pulled low over his deep brown eyes, he was the handsomest outlaw she’d ever seen.
“Not half-bad?” His white teeth flashed in a dangerous smile. “So what’s the other half?”
Gorgeous.
“Can’t tell you all my secrets,” she said, offhandedly, though she was dead serious. What would he say—do—if he knew her thoughts? Her lips still tingled with the remembered feel of his mouth, the soft tickle of his beard and how he’d simultaneously taken control of their heated moment, all while making her feel freer than ever before.
Her reaction when he’d shared his feelings terrified her. She’d leave the ranch, ASAP, if the country goods store no longer needed her oversight. Deeper still, her connection to her niece, nephew and Daryl fulfilled her in ways she’d never anticipated. A life without them became harder to imagine.
“How about a dance?” Daryl brushed back the damp tendrils sticking to her cheek. The tenderness in his touch matched the expression in his warm brown eyes. Butterflies took flight in her belly.
“I don’t remember how to do that one.” She nodded to the dancers’ synchronized moves.
“Boot-Scootin’ Boogie?” Daryl raised a dark brow. “Westerners come out of the womb knowing that one.”
She laughed.
Daryl’s lips twisted. “This doesn’t have to be so serious.”
“What doesn’t?”
“Us.”
“Oh. Uh—” Flustered, she downed the rest of her drink and set the cup on a high-topped table.
“Let’s forget everything and just have fun tonight.” He tipped up her chin until her eyes rose to meet his. His lighthearted expression momentarily dazzled her. She hadn’t realized just how haunted he’d looked until now. It was like the first warm spring day after a bitter winter. “We’ve been working hard. We deserve it.”
“Do we?” she asked a bit breathlessly. Given her traitorous thoughts, she doubted she deserved anything but a swift kick out of this lovely family. It belonged to Leanne. Not her.
No takebacks.
Daryl cupped her shoulder, then slid his calloused fingers down her arms to grip her hands. “Yes. We do. I did the investigation piece because you wanted to remind me of who I used to be. Dance with me. Let me remind you of your old self, too.”
She nodded, trying and failing to ignore the heat exploding from their linked fingers. It rose up her arm to suffuse her body.
Holding tight, she followed as he shouldered through the crowd and found a tiny space on the dance floor. The band lit into “Cotton Eye Joe” and Daryl, as comfortable in his own skin as ever, began slapping his pumping knees.
“Yeee-haaaw!” he hollered with a wink. He linked arms with her and twirled them in a fast circle that got her giggling. Technically, this was a round dance, not line dance, but the moves were still synchronized. Her body somehow remembered the steps, claps, lassos and turns, nevertheless, moving in time alongside Daryl until they hit the chorus again and he swung her around and around.
“I’m going to fall!” she laughed, flushed and slightly off-balance.
“Not a chance.” Daryl’s grip tightened, and he lifted her off her feet, spinning them.
“You’re terrible.” Shoving at his chest was like pushing a mountain, but he released her instantly. They resumed the heart-pounding dance until its breathless conclusion, raising several eyebrows and conversations behind lifted hands.
“Thank you!” Heath shouted into the microphone. “We’re taking a break for the costume contest judging. Please line up behind my lovely fiancée, Jewel, to enter, and good luck!”
“You’re pouting.” Daryl briefly pressed a finger to her mouth, and she fought the urge to close her lips around it.
“I’m not...” She caught his arch stare and gave up. “Fine. I wish they weren’t taking a break. That was fun.”
“There’s not much line dancing in the Philippines, huh?”
She rolled her eyes. “The only scootin’ I’m doing is out of the way of bullets.”
His smile faded. “It’s a dangerous job.”
“Somebody’s got to do it.”
She forced a laugh, hating the concern in his eyes, knowing she’d put it there.
“You do it well.” He wrapped an arm around her and led her from the dance floor.
“Thank you.” She waited for him to say more but he only stared up at the sky when they stepped outside. A quarter-moon rose over Mount Sopris and stars dazzled, brilliant against the velvet black. She’d traveled the world and seen more than her share of beautiful spots, but none moved her more than the Rocky Mountains in her own backyard, standing next to her first love.
Her only love.
Would she ever give her heart to another the way she had with Daryl? Doubtful. It hadn’t been the same since he’d walked into her hospital room.
“Pa!” Emma charged up to them in a sparkling pink ballerina costume and cowboy boots. “Grandma Joy says we can come over for a sleepover with Javi. Can we?”
“Please!” wheedled Noah. He wore an orange T-shirt, shorts and socks with cardboard-painted “flames” attached to his back.
“Did anyone guess your costume yet?” Cassidy asked.
Noah crossed his arms. “Just Beuford. He licked me.”
“Can’t fool a dog.” Cassidy fussed with the costume she and Noah labored over last night. “He knew you were a Flamin’ Cheeto.”
“Pa.” Emma bounced in her boots. “We have to hurry because Grandma Joy is leaving soon. She said she’s tired.”
“Tired?” Daryl frowned. “Let me talk to your grandma and then we’ll see about you going over.” He turned to Cassidy. “I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll go with you,” she offered.
“No. Stay. I...” He peered up at the sky, then at her again with a toe-curling intensity. “I don’t want to waste this night. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” Goose bumps rose on her arms. No denying she wanted to stargaze with Daryl. As she watched the trio disappear through the door, someone called her name.
“Hey, Sierra.” Cassidy wandered over to the picnic table where Daryl’s sister sat half in shadow. “What are you doing out here by your lonesome?”
“Getting some air.” Sierra waved a hand before her flushed face. “Too many people in there.”