by S. L. Stacy
“What is that?” I wonder.
He stops playing and lays the guitar flat on the floor beside him. “Roxy Music’s ‘2HB.’ You’ve never heard of it,” he guesses, and I give an apologetic shrug. “Did you enjoy the show tonight? I’m glad you could make it.”
“You guys were great. By the way, Anna’s looking for you. Maybe we should go downstairs and show her you’re alive,” I suggest, uncrossing my legs and hopping up from the floor.
Jimmy gives an exaggerated sigh as he gets up. “She’s worried about me? God, I’m fine. I’m a big boy.”
“Of course she’s worried—she’s your sister. She should be,” I blurt in frustration. “You cut yourself on stage. And it’s not just Anna who’s worried.”
“Oh, so you’re worried too, now?” he says doubtfully. “You never gave a damn before. What changed?” He tries to say it jokingly, but he ends up just sounding petty and mean. For a moment, I just stand there, gaping at him. He shifts uncomfortably, avoiding my gaze.
“Please come downstairs and show Anna that you really are okay,” I finally say and turn on my heel to leave.
“Siobhan, wait. I’m sorry!” I feel his hand on my upper arm as he tries to get me to stop.
“You should be,” I shoot back. “I didn’t come up here expecting to get yelled at for trying to help.”
“I am sorry! It’s just…I’m not really sure how to act around you,” he admits. “I mean, most of me is really excited that you’re here, and that maybe we can be friends again. But then all of these memories come flooding back and…” he trails off, gesturing like he’s going to catch what he wants to say in the air.
“Yeah. I know,” I agree, finally turning fully to face him again and meeting his intense, hazel gaze. “In one way, it feels like ages ago, but in another, like it was only yesterday.”
“Part of me wants to get some closure. Tell you off,” he continues, almost as if I haven’t said anything. “But then I just…I just wanna…” He takes a few more steps toward me and holds my gaze steady.
I swear I’m not usually like this. Max was my first, and for a long time it’s just been him. My point is, is that I don’t usually hook up with more than one guy in a week.
I don’t know who initiates it. All I know is that a moment later, our lips and bodies are intertwined. I run my fingers through his dark brown hair, and I can feel his hands sliding down my waist to my hips. With ease he swings me around and guides me to the bureau without breaking our feverish kisses. He sets me on top of it, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He grinds the bulge in his pants against me, and my hips thrust to meet his rhythm as he continues the glorious motion over and over again.
Déjà vu. My body is getting out of control, my wings rippling underneath my back. But I let him take off my sweater anyway and slide one of my dress straps over my shoulder as he kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. He lifts his arms up, and I yank his t-shirt over his head.
I remember as I trail my eager fingers up and down his naked chest. My eyes open, and I reluctantly pull my lips away from his so that I can look at him. I see his taut muscles, a smattering of dark brown chest hair, but his skin is unscathed.
“It’s completely healed,” I murmur as I trace the area where he slashed the bloody “X” into his skin. “That’s impossible.” He’s unflinching underneath my searching fingers and is breathing heavily. I look up into his eyes, still simmering with desire. “Jimmy?”
Chapter 9
We sit down on the edge of the bed. Suddenly it feels weird—sitting on someone else’s bed, someone I don’t know—even though moments ago we might have ended up making love on it.
“Ever since the night we found Dark Angel, I’ve been able to heal quickly,” Jimmy explains, not meeting my eyes.
At first I don’t know what to say. Although he doesn’t press me, Jimmy won’t stop fidgeting—shaking his leg and flexing his fingers. Next to him, I am stoic and still, but my insides feel like they’re being crushed.
“Why…why didn’t you tell me?” I finally ask softly. In my head, I continue the train of thought: We could have avoided so much pain. We could have never stopped being friends. No—we could have been together. But I know he’s not really to blame. I was afraid, too, and I didn’t have to push him away like I did.
“I guess I was just…afraid.” He steals a glance at me. His careless dark hair hangs in front of his eyes, and I fight the urge to brush it out of the way. “I thought it would freak you out. I thought you would refuse to believe it, even if you saw it with your own eyes. I was afraid of rejection. Which I got anyway,” he realizes as an afterthought. He smiles, but it’s a resigned, sad smile.
“I was afraid, too,” I tell him. “There’s something I have to show you. Will you help me with this zipper?” I ask and readjust my position so that my back is to him.
“Um, this wasn’t exactly the response I was expecting,” he says, although I can feel his fingers brush the zipper.
“It’s not what you think,” I laugh. “Just do it.”
Once the zipper is down, I stand up and lower the dress until it’s at my hips. I keep it wrapped around my waist. Moments ago we were tearing off each other’s clothes. Now, not only is my naked back exposed, but I feel like I’ve ripped my heart out of my chest and am about to offer it to him, bloody and still beating. I let those delicious recent memories resurface, recall his eager tongue and tantalizing touch. Soon my wings take shape and unfurl from my back. I cross my arms over my breasts and look over my shoulder at Jimmy. Underneath his unkempt hair, his eyes are huge, his mouth parted in astonishment.
“This is what he gave me.”
“You’re telling me he left us both with—”
“Jimmy, are you in there?”
The sound of Anna’s angry voice on the other side of the door cuts him off. We both look at the door in panic.
“Peter told me you were up here!”
Jimmy jumps to his feet. “Wait, Anna!” he tries to warn her, but she’s already pushing open the door.
She sees me first.
“Oh, my God!” she cries, covering her eyes with her hands. “Seriously? You guys are fooling around in here! Wait a minute.” Anna peaks at me through her fingers. “Siobhan, what…what are those?” She slowly lowers her arms and looks to her brother for help. Her gaze drops to his exposed chest. “But I…we saw you cut yourself…can one of you please say something? What’s going on?”
“Just give me a second.” I have to block out her ranting so that I can calm myself and retract my wings. I quickly pull my dress back up.
“Need help again?” Jimmy asks hopefully.
“I’ll get it.” I reach around and yank the zipper up myself. “It looks like Jasper left me and Jimmy presents,” I tell Anna.
“Wait. Who’s Jasper?” Jimmy wonders.
“He couldn’t have done that—no way,” Anna says at the same time, furiously shaking her head.
I plop down on the black bean bag chair by the window, and Jimmy and Anna sit on the floor. I tell them everything. I tell them how the wings sprang from my back when I ran off after we found Jasper. How they only emerge in response to strong emotions. How I can’t control them.
“It all started that night in the woods.” Anna closes her eyes as though that will help her absorb everything.
“And Jimmy,” I add, looking at him to pick up the story. He explains about his body’s uncanny ability to heal itself, quickly, and from any injury.
“Wait.” Anna snaps out of her moment of reflection. “Any injury? How do you know that?” she demands.
He shrugs. “I was curious at one point over how far I could push it.”
Anna closes her eyes and takes a deep, calming breath. When she opens them, I think she’s going to berate him some more, but instead she asks, “Why would Jasper do this?”
“Back up a minute. Who the hell is Jasper?” Jimmy says in exasperation.
“Right. Sorry.�
� I explain that our Dark Angel is now my World Myths and Legends teaching assistant.
“He’s your TA? This is fucked up.”
“No wonder you want to talk to him!” Anna realizes. “You want to find out who—well, what—he is. How he did this to you guys. Why he’s at our school.”
“It could be just a coincidence, right?” My voice is hopeful.
“Of course,” Anna says quickly. “I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.” She exchanges a brief but grave look with her brother, and the solemn lines of their mouths tell me that neither of them actually believes this. “If you do end up talking to him, just be careful.”
“We can go with you if you want,” Jimmy adds.
“Thanks, guys. I’ll be careful—I promise.” I take my phone out of my purse when it starts vibrating. There’s a text from Tanya:
where r u? curfew?!
“Crap, it’s almost two.”
“So?” says Jimmy.
“Our new house mother instated a two o’clock curfew on the weekends.”
“That sucks.”
It does, but I realize I’m ready to go back, anyway. Now that my skeletons are out, I feel lighter but used up, too—my closet a gaping, empty hole. I blink against the invisible lead weights pushing on my eyelids.
“Come on.” Anna gets up. “I’ll give you a ride home.”
“I’m coming, too.” Jimmy follows us out the door. Outside the bedroom, the party dwindles, but there are still some stragglers having the kinds of deep conversations you can only have in the wee hours of the morning.
“Aw, you’re leaving!” Peter calls out after us as we’re heading out the front door.
“We’re taking Siobhan back to campus. See you at home,” Anna tells him.
“Right. It was lovely meeting you!” He envelops me in a languid, drunken hug.
“You too,” I say and pat him awkwardly on the back before we pull away.
***
“Do you mind waiting for a few?” Jimmy asks his sister when her truck is idling at the curb.
“I guess not.”
“Thanks for the ride,” I tell her. Jimmy and I get out, and he walks me to the front door of the sorority house. For a few minutes our eyes play hide-and-seek, looking back and forth from the doorstep to each other.
“I almost forgot how beautiful your eyes were.” The next time our gazes meet, Jimmy holds mine steady.
“Thanks,” I say, my cheeks heating up. “Someone told me the other day they were turnip-colored,” I add, recalling Patricia’s intrusive stare.
Jimmy raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. “They look like…Neptune,” he says and reaches out to tuck a wisp of my blonde hair behind my ear.
“Actually, Neptune’s more of a light blue, because of the methane clouds.”
“You just had to science it up. I was trying to be poetic.”
“I see. In that case, they can be Neptune violet,” I assure him with a smile. Jimmy gives a short laugh. He rubs the back of his neck and rolls the tension out of his shoulders.
“So, your wings…do they respond to any strong emotion?” he tries to ask me casually. “Is that why you ran out on me?”
I look down at my sandals again and nod. “I’m sorry. I know I should have just told you, but I was scared, too.”
He caresses my cheek with his hand, and I gaze up into his face. I’ve always loved looking at his face. His square jaw and stubborn pout give him a look of perpetual defiance. I can dive into his hazel eyes and find out exactly what he’s really thinking and feeling. He’s not flawless or classically handsome—like Jasper—but I like that about him. He has a wild streak, but he cares and loves honestly and completely. I feel like whatever we’re in, we’re in it together.
“I’m sorry about…I’m so sorry,” I whisper, closing my eyes but at the same time pressing my cheek into his rough hand.
“I know. I’m sorry, too,” he says, and when I open my eyes he’s leaning in to kiss me.
“Siobhan?”
Ugh. Interrupted, again.
Only this time the voice belongs to Max.
Jimmy’s lips stop centimeters from mine, and we look up to see Max stopped on the grassy slope leading up to the house. A girl I don’t know stands behind him, looking from me to Max in confusion. He climbs the rest of the way up to us.
“Who’s this guy? Is he the reason you haven’t been responding to any of my calls or texts?”
“What? No, Max—Jimmy has nothing to do with that,” I exclaim. “But we should talk.”
“Duh! Do you know how crazy I’ve been without you?” He seizes my upper arm, and I let him because I’m too startled to react—he’s never laid a hand on me before, and I’ve certainly never seen him this angry. His eyes burn into me like blue flames. “I missed you. I missed you so much, Siobhan. I thought you left me,” he whimpers, his fingers digging even more tightly into my arm.
“I…I…” Here it is, the opportunity I’ve been waiting for to break off whatever this is between us, but somehow I can’t make the words come out. I feel another pair of eyes on me, and I look over his shoulder to see his companion staring at me, unblinking, with eyes the same bright blue color as Max’s.
“Max, who is that?” I ask instead. The air around us thickens with anticipation and dread.
“I’m his cousin Vanessa,” the girl wheezes. She points at me with a trembling hand. I can barely make out what she whispers next, but it sounds like, “The butterfly goddess has returned.”
Butterfly? My wings…
“You told people about me!” I explode at Max. “Max. Max!” I shout, but he’s unresponsive, still gazing at me with those hurt puppy dog eyes. “Something’s wrong with your cousin. Look at her!”
“It’s no longer safe for you here!” This time when she speaks, it’s in a voice that doesn’t belong to her—deeper, more resonant, and filled with terror. Her electric blue irises have rolled into the back of her head, replaced by the whites of her eyes splattered with spidery red veins. She pushes Max out of the way. It forces him to release his grip on me, but then her own hands grab my shoulders and shake me. “You must get out. Get out!” the voice bellows, and she collapses onto the ground.
Chapter 10
“Vanessa!” Max shouts, finally emerging from his daze, but she has already hit the ground, her eyes closed. We crouch down on either side of her. Jimmy looks on with concern but stays back.
Vanessa’s face glistens with sweat. I press my warm hand to her cold, clammy forehead. “What’s wrong with her?” I gasp. “Should we call an ambulance?”
“No. She’ll come to,” Max assures me, taking her delicate, pale hand in his own. It’s not just that she’s pale—her skin is as white as chalk. She looks dead. “It was just a vision, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry, a…a what?” I don’t bother concealing the doubt from my voice.
“A vision,” he repeats. “I’ve told you like a hundred times, the women in my family are psychic.”
“I didn’t think you were serious!”
“Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know. It sounds sort of crazy!” All of the emotions from tonight are pouring out of me like lava from a volcano. I can feel my wings nudging against the fabric of my dress, dying to rip through it and expand.
His face seems to say, That sounds crazy? He jumps and looks down at his hand holding Vanessa’s. Her hand flexes almost imperceptibly, and then her eyes flutter open to reveal black pupils ringed with bright blue. I take deep breaths to calm myself.
“Max?” she croaks. “What happened?”
“You had a vision. Then fainted,” he tells her, placing his other hand behind her head to help her sit up.
“I had a vision? Oh, God,” she moans and claps her hand to her forehead. “I’m so embarrassed. I’m really sorry,” she says to me. Her brow furrows in confusion. “Sorry, who are you again?”
“I’m Siobhan. Max’s…friend.”
“Friend?�
� Max echoes through gritted teeth. Stalker Max stirs behind his clear blue eyes. I ignore him.
“Are you okay?” I ask Vanessa. “This is my sorority house. Would you like to come inside and get a glass of water or a snack or something?”
“Thanks, but no. I’ll be fine.” Vanessa carefully stands and brushes herself off. “I’m used to it. You must think I’m crazy,” she realizes, suddenly clamping her mouth shut as if she’s said too much.
“No. No, of course not. I’ve seen some strange things. Much stranger than this.”
“Hope I didn’t say anything about my super-secret identity.” Vanessa gives a weak smile and a short, uncertain laugh. Max looks at me in panic.
“It was nothing,” I assure her. “You just told me I had something really important to do.”
“Oh.” She doesn’t look convinced.
Max places a comforting hand on her back. “We’d better get back to the dorm. I’ll see you later?” he asks me. Vanessa starts out, but he lingers behind, waiting for my answer.
I look him straight in the eye, so that there’s no doubt over what I’m about to say. I shake my head. “No, you won’t. Max, I hate to do this now, after what’s happened, but…it’s over.”
He frowns, his lower lip trembling like he’s holding back tears. “Alright,” he concedes. “I’ll leave you alone. But it’s not over,” he adds before turning to follow his cousin. I open my mouth to call out to him—to say what, I don’t know, maybe his name—but only a hoarse breath escapes my mouth. I purse my lips back together until they meld into a frustrated white line. Deep in my gut I know what I just did had to be done, but an image of Max gazing down at me in bed, his face flushed with reverence and desire, floats up from my memories.
“What was all that about?” Jimmy’s question jolts me back to the present. “Did you just break up with your boyfriend?”
“Max isn’t my boyfriend!” I erupt. I pull away from him and stomp back up to the front door of the house.