by S. L. Stacy
“Siobhan. Oh, God, Siobhan,” sobs the voice—only it’s not Victoria’s voice, like I’d thought. Desperate hands stroke my hair, clutching me against a lean, powerful body. “I thought…you’d be dead. Oh, thank the Fates.” The hands take either side of my face and try to make me look into a pair of magnetic blue eyes. Under heavy lids, I see wet cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. “Look at me, Siobhan. Look at me. No—don’t go to sleep.” He shakes me roughly. “Stay awake! Stay awake, Siobhan!”
“Jasper,” I murmur, putting my head on his shoulder and letting myself melt into his body. “You saved me.”
“Of course I did.” He rocks me gently in his lap. “Of course I did, baby. I wouldn’t just leave you down there. I love you. Oh, God, I love you so much. I’m so sorry. About everything. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you again—” He falters when I abruptly squirm out of his arms, backing away from where he’s sitting on the floor of his apartment. “Siobhan? What’s wrong?”
“I—I’m not sure,” I admit, looking wildly around the room. I don’t know why my heart’s suddenly pounding in my chest—why everything just feels so…wrong. “I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be here, with you.” I trip as I stand up, hugging myself tightly.
Jasper gets to his feet, extending a cautious hand toward me like I’m some kind of feral animal. “Just calm down, Siobhan. Have a seat, at least. You’ve been down there for—for a while. You need to take it easy. Readjust.”
I shake my head, taking a few quick steps back. He’s lying to me. Just like all the other times. Carly hadn’t been in Pandora all that long, and she had almost died, too. “You lied to me. Changed me. Turned on me. Accused me,” I enumerate as everything comes rushing back to me. “This doesn’t change any of that.”
“Fine. It doesn’t change anything.” He throws his arms up in exasperation. “You still need to sit down. Drink something. Eat something—”
“No.” I grind my lips together and shake my head. “Stay away from me,” I warn him, then turn on my heel, bolting for the door.
“Siobhan! Wait, Siobhan—”
The door slams, cutting off the rest of his plea. I race down the hall, arms flailing, lungs gasping for air. My legs carry me down the stairs, out the front door, into blinding sunlight and air too warm and muggy for early fall.
I run all the way back to the sorority house, collapsing in a heap on the doorstep. The door bursts open.
“Siobhan?” Victoria crouches over me, amber eyes wide, face as white as a ghost’s. “Siobhan, is it—is it really you?”
I’m so weak, I can’t even nod. I just make a helpless noise in my throat. Victoria scoops me up and drags me into the house. “Someone get her a pillow! And a blanket! And some water!” She eases me onto the couch. Someone thrusts a pillow under my head. Someone else covers me with a blanket.
“Sit up a little bit.” Carly guides me into a half-sitting up position, my back sinking into the pillow. “Here. Drink this. Tiny sips.” She puts a glass of water in my hand. I dip my tongue into it, testing its cool surface. My throat burns with thirst, but I do as Carly cautioned and only take a small drink. It tastes faintly of honey.
“Are you warm enough?” Tanya asks, sitting at my feet. “Too warm?” I blink at her, taking in her familiar tan skin, bleached blonde hair, and pink shorts and t-shirt. Something is wrong, but I can’t remember what. I take another sip.
“We were so worried,” Victoria says, smoothing my tangled hair out of my face. A guilty blush rises up her neck and cheeks. “So worried. You don’t know how relieved we are that you’re…that you’re okay.”
“How did you…?” At a warning glance from Victoria, Tanya cuts herself off.
“Jasper,” I answer. Another sip. “He saved me.”
My big sister purses her lips and nods. “Would you like something else to drink besides water? Do you think you could eat something?”
“Not yet. Thanks.” I give the glass back to Carly. “I just want to rest. If that’s okay.”
The three of them exchange alarmed looks. “I guess that would be okay,” Victoria finally says, tucking the sheet around me. “Just close your eyes for a little while. We’ll be nearby.”
I nod, my eyes already closed. I fall into a wonderfully deep, dreamless sleep.
***
When I wake up, the room is so dark, for a moment I think I’m back in the abyss. I sit up, clutching the sheet up to my chin, panting hard.
“Sorry!” Victoria cries, turning on a lamp. “Sorry. That was dumb of me. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What time is it?” I ask her. The sky beyond the blinds is sapphire blue.
“Nine. You slept for about five hours. Are you hungry at all?” She gets up and starts for the kitchen. “Carly made some spaghetti and saved some for you. I think you should at least try and eat something.”
“Sure,” I say, bringing a hand to my stomach, just noticing how hollow it feels. It gives a frustrated grumble. While Victoria bangs around in the kitchen, I throw off the blanket and lift up my shirt. The bones of my hips and ribcage jut out like they’re trying to break through my skin, which has a slight transparency to it. My aunt used to tell me how I was “all skin and bones” every time she and my uncle would visit. She should see me now.
Victoria returns and hands me a bowl of spaghetti swimming in marinara sauce and a fresh glass of water. I take a gulp of water first, promptly spitting it out. “This has ambrosia in it!”
“I know.” Victoria takes a seat on the other couch. “Right now, it’s exactly what you need to get your strength back. So drink up.”
I reluctantly toss back another sip, swallowing this time. Despite my pleading tummy, I take small bites of food, pacing myself like I did with the water earlier. Even though it’s just noodles and store bought sauce, I’m pretty sure this is the best spaghetti I’ve ever had.
Halfway through the serving, I set the bowl on the end table, unable to eat another bite. My stomach, which only seconds ago felt as empty as the void between universes, is suddenly bloated and full.
“How are you feeling?” Victoria asks me.
“Okay, I think.” I polish off the water. “I’m just full now.” I grip the couch cushions, carefully pushing myself up. “I want to take a shower.”
Victoria gets up with me. “Let me help you upstairs.”
“I’m fine, I don’t need—” I start to insist before a wave of dizziness sends me falling back to the couch.
“Yes, you do.” She lets me use her arm to lift myself back up. “Come on.” I lean on her all the way to the second floor. “Just knock if you need anything,” she tells me before going into her room.
In our room, Tanya is sprawled on her bed, laptop open in front of her. She sits up when I come in. “Feeling better? Did you eat?”
I nod, turning my back to her as I take my robe and shower caddy out of the closest. This house is making me claustrophobic, everyone hovering over me like I’m made of china and could shatter at any moment. “I’m fine,” I say more shortly than I had intended to. “I had some spaghetti.”
“Good. I’m glad. Do you need anythi—”
“No. I mean, no,” I try to say more kindly. “Thanks.”
Tanya makes a noise like she’s going to say something else, but I’m already out the door. I go into the bathroom, strip down and step into the shower.
I jump back when the spray hits me like hundreds of hot pins. I forgot how high the water pressure was here. I readjust the temperature until it’s warm and soothing instead of scalding hot. At least the tiny darts of water massage some of the color back into my skin.
When I emerge wrapped in a terrycloth robe, our bedroom door is open, the ceiling light still on, the room empty. Tanya’s laptop is gone from the bed. I exchange the robe for pajama shorts and a tank top, then run a comb through my damp hair. I ogle the new Chippendales calendar hanging on the wall above Tanya’s desk. I’m too distracted by the chiseled abs and bulgi
ng arms to notice anything else. Then, finally, my eyes drift to the month.
The comb drops from my hand and clatters to the floor. I storm across the hall and pound on the door to Carly and Victoria’s room. The door starts to crack open. I use my fingers to pry it open the rest of the way.
“It’s May?” I shriek at Victoria. She stares at me, a deer in the headlights. “When were you going to tell me that I was gone for seven months?”
“I was going to tell you,” Victoria says, coming onto the landing and shutting the door. “I was waiting until you had some of your strength back.”
“What was taking you so long to rescue me?” I demand. “How did Jasper beat you to it?” It only takes Victoria’s eyes shifting from my face to the floor, and I know. “You weren’t going to come after me,” I realize, my heart sinking.
“Siobhan, you don’t understand. We—”
“You were just going to leave me there! Indefinitely! Weren’t you? Weren’t you?!”
“We couldn’t come after you! Listen—Lou was right,” Victoria explains, a manic edge to her tone. “The walls were weakening the longer we kept the portals open. Carly came out, and then we waited for you. We waited, and waited, and waited. It got to the point where we just couldn’t wait anymore. We had to close them, or—or who knows what would have happened. And we couldn’t risk coming back for you right away. We just couldn’t.”
I trip backwards a few steps, breathing heavily, the weight of her betrayal compressing me from all directions. “You don’t leave your own people behind, Big.”
Victoria blinks in astonishment, brow furrowing. “It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, Siobhan. Do you hear me? It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. You know I love you, but I couldn’t…I couldn’t put your life above the seven billion other lives on this world. You don’t really expect that, do you? Tell me you’re not that selfish!”
I turn around, suddenly unable to even look at her. My face twitches as tears spill onto my cheeks. My dinner churns in my stomach, threatening to make a comeback. I run back into my room, cutting off the sound of Victoria calling my name over and over again as I shut the door. I shed my pajamas and pull on the first clothes I find—a pair of black yoga pants and a stretchy black t-shirt. Grabbing my purse off the desk, I charge back into the hall.
“Where are you going?” Victoria wonders frantically, following me downstairs. Tanya’s head jerks up from her laptop as we streak through the living room. “Siobhan, you are in no shape to be—”
“Why, because I was trapped in Pandora for seven months?” I fire back. “And I know why you didn’t eventually come back for me. Carly hadn’t been down there very long before she…she…” I’m unable to finish the thought. “You thought I was already dead!”
Victoria’s nostrils flare in anger, but she doesn’t dispute it. “Stop this. Go back upstairs and get some rest. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
I sling my purse over my shoulder. “No. We won’t. I’m outta here.”
“Twin!” Tanya wails. She and Victoria shadow me to the front door, hanging out of it as I walk off into the humid night.
“Where are you going?” Victoria tries again.
I pause, craning my neck over my shoulder. “None of your business.”
“Are you…coming back?” Tanya’s voice fades at the end like she’s afraid to know the answer.
“No. I quit.”
“But you—you can’t!” my big sister cries.
“Yes, I can. I’m done with this sorority. I quit. You were right all along: I don’t belong here.”
“Siobhan, I…you know I didn’t mean that.” It’s hard to tell in the dark, but I think Victoria might be close to tears.
“Yes, you did,” I tell her, resuming my dramatic exit across the Greek Quad. This time, they don’t try to stop me.
I get to the bottom of the hill before I wonder where exactly it is I’m planning on going. As far as I know, Anna’s still in league with the dark side, and Jimmy and I didn’t exactly leave things on the best of terms. And who knows what else has happened in the last seven months. Neither of them must have been eager to bring me back, either. I guess I could go home, but the bus to Laurel doesn’t run this late, and I don’t have a car.
Now that I think about it, there’s really only one place I can go.
***
“I didn’t expect you back so soon,” Jasper says, opening the door a little wider but barring the way into his apartment with his body. “Or…ever.”
“I…I didn’t have any place else to go,” I admit, chin dropping to my chest.
“Ah, well, thanks. That makes me feel really special.”
“You’re right.” I shake my head, disappointed in myself, and turn on my heel. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Siobhan—wait.” When I look over again, Jasper has stepped off to the side. “Come on in.” I duck under his arm. He closes and bolts the door. “You noticed the date, I presume.”
I nod, tossing my purse on the counter. “I can’t believe my…my own sisters didn’t come to my rescue. Didn’t even try. And you—well, it certainly took you long enough.” It’s pretty pathetic when your only options for allies are the person that waited for seven months to save you or the people that didn’t even bother.
“I had to get the jar,” he says, glancing to where it still sits in the middle of the room. “And then it was more difficult than I expected to open a portal, by myself. Not many people can do it. Some of the Elders can. I guess I’m not very good at it. I tried…I tried every day. It only worked today.”
I feel my cheeks color. “Oh.”
“But, to be honest…Victoria probably did the noble thing.”
Any guilt I felt for accusing him of dawdling for seven months evaporates. “How so?”
“What I did was really dangerous, Siobhan,” he says, taking one of my hands. “Really selfish.”
“You’re taking it back?”
“Not for a second.” He bends to kiss my knuckles. “I already lived in a universe without you in it once. I refuse to do it again.” He lowers my hand, releases it. “Like I was saying, Victoria—”
I grab Jasper’s face, pulling it toward mine. “No more talking.” I crush my lips to his so forcefully it steals the breath from both of us. He lets me push him up against the wall. I run my hands everywhere over his body, feeling every hard, defined muscle through the silk of his shirt, his erection pushing at the fly of his dress pants. My fingers itch for more—the feel of his skin, his sweat, his seed. A burst of adrenaline courses through me, and I rip open his shirt, the buttons popping off, peppering the floor.
Jasper pulls away from me in surprise, chuckling deep in his throat. “What’s gotten into you? I like it.” He shrugs off the rest of his shirt, and we resume our feverish kisses. “I love you,” he murmurs against my mouth, tugging on the bottom of my shirt, preparing to pull it over my head. My lips hesitate against his. We drift apart again. Eyes still dark with desire, Jasper raises his eyebrows expectantly. The seconds tick by, and still, I don’t say anything.
When my lips finally part—to say what, even I’m not sure—it’s too late. My heart aches for Jasper as I watch those passionate, hopeful eyes cloud over, blocking me out. A grim acceptance settles over his features. That’s it. I’ve just ruined my last chance with the only person I can turn to right now.
“I’ll see myself out—” I start to say just as Jasper swings me around so that he’s the one pinning me against the wall. He unceremoniously yanks my shirt off, cupping one of my breasts with his hand.
“You little minx,” he whispers, nipping my neck with his teeth. I squirm in frustration against the pleasurable pinprick of pain, digging my hands into his hair. His mouth engulfs mine once again in a tidal wave of desperation and need. It obliterates my worries, my fears, my self-doubt. With Jasper, there is only skin, sweat, tongue, nails, teeth, lips and heat. I don’t know if I love him, but
I know that this is where I belong.
Something cool and metallic taps against my chest—the necklace. I guess I never did take it off. But it doesn’t really matter if I’m wearing it or not. It didn’t do anything except bring my true nature to the surface. Victoria was so wrong about me. I expected them to put me first, above everyone else.
I am selfish. I am weak. I am bad.
And I need Jasper. I need him like I need air to breathe. No—somehow, that cliché doesn’t seem quite right. He’s more like a shot of whiskey after a hard day. A burst of heroin in my burning veins.
He is my drug. My ambrosia.
I can’t live without him.
Epilogue
My brother and I sit atop the Glass Tower, the tallest building in Shadesburg, the city a honeycomb of yellow light around us. From the street, the building resembles the spiked turret of a glass castle soaring into the sky. I sit between two of the teeth, dangling my legs over the side. Using both feet, Dolos tries to balance on one of the points, shooting his arms out to steady himself.
“Get down from there,” I snap. “It’s dangerous.”
“What am I going to do? Kill myself?” The night rings with his hysterical laughter, but he hops down, landing securely on both feet. He plops down next to me.
I send him a reproachful pout. “I just got my brother back. I don’t want him to become a mangled, bloody mess.”
“Ah, my dear, sweet sister.” Dolos slings an arm around me and brings his forehead to mine. “Always looking out for me. I’d be lost without you.”
“And don’t you forget it.” Squirming out of his embrace, I give him a light, playful punch in the shoulder. Dolos winces, bringing a hand up to massage the spot where I tapped him.
“You went behind Ares’s back to get me out of there,” he reminds me. “He’s not going to be too happy about that. What are you going to do?”
“I…don’t know.” As I let the bleakness of my situation sink in, I return my gaze to downtown Shadesburg and admire the soft, electric blur of the city lights. Their dance is hypnotic, erratic. Stop lights change. Neon signs flicker. Headlights brighten before quickly disappearing around a dark corner. Distant lamps blink on and off.