by S. L. Stacy
Marisol’s eyes dance between me and Jimmy. She’s wearing the blue slacks of her police uniform and a black tank top. The scooped neckline reveals more of the white and gray brush strokes of her back tattoo. Under the streetlights, her skin glistens with sweat, beads of it collecting on her forehead. “I wish I could. Believe me. But she’s too powerful. Her siren’s song called us”—she nods to the goons holding down Jimmy— “and it binds us to each other, to her. She has complete control over us, whether we like it or not.”
Blood pounds in my ears. His wide eyes on the gun, my boyfriend doesn’t even try to put up a fight.
“It’s okay, Jim,” I tell him, braving a few more cautious steps forward. “It’s just a gun. Bullets can hurt us, but they can’t kill us.”
Marisol shakes her head. “It’s a tranquilizer gun. The darts are filled with ambrosia. A lethal dose. If you don’t do what Anna says, I’m supposed to shoot them straight into his heart.”
At this, my own heart plummets to my knees. Jimmy’s face remains impassive, but even in the faint streetlight, I can tell his eyes shine with unshed tears.
“How can you do this?” I haven’t acknowledged Anna since coming back here, but I do now, whirling to face her. She’s leaning against the back of the building, watching everything unfold with a bemused expression on her face. She has the sunglasses back on, which look stupid more than anything else. “To your own brother. Your own flesh and blood. As horrible as I am, I would never hurt Dolos. Ever.”
“Anna.” Jimmy’s voice cracks on his sister’s name, heavy with anguish. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize what kind of hold he had on you.” By “he,” I assume he’s talking about Ares. “I should have been paying more attention.”
“Stop!” Anna kicks away from the wall, sauntering closer to us. “Everybody just stop acting like I’m some precious, innocent girl who got sucked into Ares’s black hole. You don’t know me,” she snaps at me. Her violet wig swivels to her brother. “Not even you know me, brother. The real me. Ares found her. Drew her to the surface. Loved her, darkness and all.”
“Okay, fine,” Jimmy relents, his expression haggard. “Let’s say I don’t know the real you, then. You’re still my sister, Anna. I still love you. Nothing you can do or say will ever change that.”
“Let him go.” Despite the fact I want to push the siren bitch to the ground and yell in her face, I keep my tone calm, reasonable. “Don’t drag him into this. Just let us be.”
“I’m not unreasonable, Pat,” she insists. “Of course, I’ll let him go. Come with us, and your boyfriend is safe. Run, and he’s dead.”
“Don’t do it, Apate,” Jimmy shouts. “I don’t care what they do to me. Don’t fucking go with them. Run. Get the hell out of here—”
“Quiet!” his sister explodes, scowling. It’s a good thing I have this entire alley shrouded in illusory shadows and silence. Otherwise, the entire skating rink would be out here gawking at us. “You’re wasting my time,” she adds, turning to me. “Let’s go. I know you’re coming with us.”
So this is the real reason she’s willing to use her brother as bait, I realize, watching her tap her foot impatiently. She thinks there’s no way I would let Jimmy die just so I can go free.
And she’s absolutely right, of course. But I can’t let her think that.
I glance away from her, catching Marisol’s eye. The hand holding the tranquilizer gun shakes slightly, her finger trembling over the trigger. Her own gun sits at her hip, tucked in its holster.
“I’m sorry, Jim.” I can’t even look at him as I say it. “I really am.” I imagine I’m invisible. Marisol does a double-take, gaping at the space where I used to be, and she thinks is now empty. I know the trick won’t work on Anna, but it doesn’t have to. She just has to believe I’m about to make my getaway.
The siren doesn’t exactly look convinced, but the corner of her mouth quirks downward when she says, “Fine. If this is the game you want to play. Kill him, Marisol.”
Marisol looks panicked. “No. I—”
“Oh, come on, officer, I don’t want to say it again! Fucking do it.” Anna breaks out into song. It’s gentle and lilting, like a lullaby, but there’s a menacing quality to it. Marisol continues to stall, looking conflicted. Blood trickles out of her ears.
While Anna is busy singing, I block out the tune as best I can, creeping up to the cop. She gives a start as I grab her other gun out of the holster, gapes as she watches it appear to hover in midair.
Holding it up, I shoot it off once, close to Marisol’s ear but pointed at the sky.
Everyone collectively shudders at the bang. Dropping the illusion, I quickly readjust the shotgun, aiming at Anna. She snarls at me but stays put. Marisol looks stunned for a moment, wincing from the explosion of sound so close to her head. Breathing hard, she recovers quickly, a clarity returning to her eyes, her entire face.
My shot has nailed its target, severed Marisol and Anna’s connection. Straightening up, the cop steadies her hand, redirecting her aim at one of Jimmy’s captors. She fires a dart into his shoulder, then another into the leg of his friend. I don’t think they’re killing blows, but it’s enough to make both guys double over in pain, letting go of Jimmy.
He races over to me before either one recovers.
Finally, Marisol turns on her heel, gun pointed at Anna. “Go. Before I drive one of these straight into your chest. If I ever see your face again, I will. That’s a promise.”
“And tell Ares to go fuck himself, from me,” I add with a smirk.
Anna’s entire body vibrates with rage. When she swipes off her sunglasses—to properly glare at us, I suppose—her pupils have completely subsumed her irises, her eyes now jet-black pools.
“You will pay for this, trickster whore,” she spits at me. “And you.” Her soulless eyes turn to Jimmy. “Dear brother. Watch your back. Because as long as you’re with her”—she thrusts a long, red-painted fingernail in my direction— “you’re in danger.” She motions to her two goons, who are just scrambling to their feet, still clutching their injuries and grimacing. “Let’s go. Imbeciles.”
The three of us watch them go. Even after the night swallows them whole, Marisol and I don’t lower our guns right away.
“Oh, Jimmy,” I breathe after some time, finally relaxing the weapon. Marisol drops hers as well. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” He doesn’t say anything but wraps an arm around me, gathering me close to him. I give the gun back to Marisol.
“Thank you, for earlier,” she says, replacing the gun in its holster. “I mean, you almost blew out my eardrum, but thanks. Even when she wasn’t singing, I could still hear her song in my head, but something about the noise from the gunshot shocked it out of my system.”
I nod. “That’s what I was going for.”
“I still can’t believe…” Jimmy stares off into the distance, leaving the thought dangling. But I know exactly what he’s thinking.
“It’s not your fault,” I tell him, tightening my arm around his waist. “There’s nothing you could have done.”
“I could have been paying more attention,” he insists. “I didn’t realize she had gotten so…dark. So lost.”
“Well, there’s nothing you can do now. She’s in a place I don’t think any of us can reach.” I say it softly, so as not to hurt him, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. His sister’s a lost cause.
We stand in silence for a time. Marisol is the one to finally break it. “Well, I guess I’ll head back up to the city. I have work tomorrow. If I still have a job. I sort of skipped out early today to follow you down here,” she adds, cringing. “Sorry for the trouble.”
“It wasn’t any trouble,” I assure her, feeling bad about goading her earlier today.
“And...look, I know it’s not really any of my business. But I know something is going on with that other girl. Siobhan. I’ll stay out of it, I swear, but I need you two to promise me she’ll be okay
.”
“I…we…” I glance uncertainly at Jimmy, then back to the cop. “Promise.”
She nods, pursing her lips. “Good. Because—I mean, of course, I care about all of our students—but I was a Gamma in college. It kind of holds a special place in my heart, you know?”
My jaw drops. “You were in Gamma Lambda Phi?”
“Yeah. I know what you’re thinking…I don’t really seem like the sorority type. And I didn’t think I was, until I joined. Something drew me to them.” Shrugging, she looks at the ground. “I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. I guess I’m just trying to say, I do care, and I hope she’s okay.” Giving us a rather grim smile, Marisol turns to leave.
“Wait,” I call after her, slipping out of Jimmy’s arms. Hesitating, she turns back to us. “You have a tattoo on your upper back. Let me see it. Or at least tell me what it is,” I add when she shifts uncomfortably.
“It’s a pair of angel wings,” she says, frowning. “I’ve had it since I was seventeen. Why?”
I nod. That’s what I thought. “Go back to the Gamma Lambda Phi house. Tell their president, Victoria, what you just told me, and about the tattoo. She’ll tell you the rest.”
Marisol still looks perplexed but nods anyway. “Okay, sure. I will. Well, see you.”
“See you.” Probably not, I think to myself as we watch her go. But it’s a nice thought.
***
The drive back to Shadesburg is long and quiet. Jimmy doesn’t even turn on his music, just focuses on the road ahead, steering with a white-knuckled grip. I roll down the window, letting the cool, post-rain breeze blow back my still-tangled hair. As we get closer to the city, the highway traffic increases, dozens of headlights breaking up the heavy darkness. I welcome the gridlock. Here, I can be anonymous again, one of many thousands. Back where the streets are thick with people and chaos, I can finally breathe.
“Where to?” Jimmy’s tentative voice breaks the tense silence. I know he’s still preoccupied with thoughts of his sister, blaming himself for not doing more to prevent her dark metamorphosis, but I also know better than to bring it up now. Nothing I say will change things or make it better.
“Oh. I, um…” Good question. I should probably have him drop me off at my place, so my brother and I can pack up and go...somewhere. I was crazy to believe there was any future in which we could stay in Shadesburg, and I could be with Jimmy. Ares will never give up chasing us. But I can’t skip town without saying goodbye first.
Stupid? Maybe. Selfish? Definitely. There’s also the possibility Anna’s tailing us right now, but for some reason I doubt it. With Marisol free, and her other two followers injured, I’m guessing she’s crawled back to her lair to regroup.
“Back to your place,” I tell him finally. “If that’s okay. I can’t stay the night, but I’d...I’d like to say goodbye.”
“Jeez. That sounded final.” Grimacing, Jimmy barely taps his foot on the break before rounding the corner onto Reynolds Street. It will take us past Thurston University and, soon after, to his neighborhood. “But okay.”
I laugh, trying to brush it off. “I didn’t mean to sound so ominous. Sorry.” But it will be goodbye, at least for a while.
Tears burn the back of my throat. Why does this keep happening to me today? I’m not a crier. And believe me, I’ve tested myself on a ton of sentimental crap during my time on this world trying to squeeze a tear, just one tear, out of these perpetually dry eyes. I laughed my way through The Notebook. Titanic made me throw up. Literally. I came pretty close to crying while watching an ASPCA commercial once, but even all the sad animals and that Sarah McLachlan song couldn’t get the waterworks started.
“Are you okay?” I’m staring at my lap but can feel Jimmy’s eyes boring into me.
“Yeah. Of course.” I smile as though that will make the words true. “Everything’s fine.”
His brow furrows. “You sound like that meme with the dog in the fire.”
This does prompt me to look at him. “What meme?”
“The one where this dog is saying ‘This is fine’ while there’s a fire raging around him.”
“Oh. Haven’t seen that one.”
“Hmph. Guess you’re not as pop culture savvy as you thought.” His tone is reprimanding, but his grin is playful. I laugh so he won’t feel bad, but it comes out weak, hollow. After it fades, we fall silent again. The drive to his house is the shortest leg of our journey, but it feels like an eternity, the silence stifling.
He parks. We still don’t speak, not even as we get out and walk up to the house, Jimmy jiggling his key in the lock before the front door finally clicks open. We go upstairs, keeping our footsteps light on the floorboards in case any of his housemates are sleeping.
Once inside his room, our bodies do the talking. They come together swiftly, urgently, as though meeting on a desert island each had believed to be uninhabited. Limbs entwining, hands stroking, they speak the words neither of us seem to be able to bring ourselves to say.
Jimmy combs his fingers through my hair, lowering me gently onto the crumpled sheets of his bed. Caressing the side of my face, he gazes down at me, searching. This is it, isn’t it?
I reach up, smoothing a lock of his dark hair out of his eyes. Yes.
But...why?
It just has to be this way for a while. I smile. Don’t worry. I’ll be back. Some day.
There’s a minute shake of his head. I’ll miss you.
I’ll miss you, too.
Out loud I say, before I can stop myself, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
His mouth crashes onto mine.
Tonight, we make love. Although I’ve had plenty of sex, it feels like a first time of some sort. Without Jimmy’s hands bound, they’re free to roam my body, sliding and massaging, teasing and thrusting. He rolls slightly rough thumbs over my taught, throbbing nipples, making me cry out. His mouth is all over me, too, leaving no inch of my skin unexplored. I run my hands up and down his back, relishing the shape of him, every stretch of hard, coiled muscle.
When he finally plunges inside me, I come instantly. If my footsteps didn’t wake his housemates, the cries of my orgasm surely have.
I come twice more before he lets himself climax, his breath hot on my ear as he gasps and shudders. Afterwards, we cling to each other for a time, sweaty, exhausted, smiling. Eventually he rolls off me, gathering me toward him. I burrow my head into the crook between his neck and shoulder, draping an arm across his chest.
Jimmy’s breathing deepens as he drifts off to sleep. I cuddle closer to him, a single, silent tear rolling down my cheek as I close my eyes.
In the cover of darkness, I let it fall.
***
“Hey, Jim,” I murmur, gently nudging his shoulder. “Wake up.”
I woke up at two a.m. Much later than I’d planned, but oh well. I do feel bad for my brother, though, hiding out in my apartment, probably out of his mind with worry. That Ares will come back. Or that he’s already found me.
Jimmy stirs in the bed, eyes fluttering open. “Hey.” Squinting against the pale light coming from the table lamp, he sits up, leaning back against the wooden headboard. “What’s up? You’re not leaving now, are you?” Fully adjusted to the light, he glances at the digital clock on the nightstand. “It’s after two in the morning.”
“I know, but I should get going. My brother’s waiting for me. Here,” I add, handing him one of the steaming mugs of tea in my hands. “I needed a pick-me-up, so I made us some tea. Don’t worry. Yours is decaf.”
“Thanks.” He accepts it from me, sniffs it warily. “This won’t make me strung out like Siobhan’s parents, will it?” Although he’s smiling, he still doesn’t take a sip.
I roll my eyes. “No. Of course not.” It will just make him forget the past day and a half or so. My gut clenches as I watch him blow on it, then sip carefully, but I ignore the stab of guilt. I take a drink of my own Earl Grey.
Olympian
daylily tea, for repressing memories. It might be cruel to rob Jimmy of our last day together, especially without his knowledge, but, in light of recent events, it’s absolutely necessary.
As much as I hate to admit it, his sister was right. As long as you’re with her, you’re in danger. With Ares still out there looking for me and Dolos, Jimmy’s memories of today are a liability. Now that he knows how I really feel about him, I know he would do anything to protect me. I can’t have him standing up to Ares, getting himself killed. I’ll never let him be a pawn in their game again. It’s better that he forgets everything about today, that he even saw me at all. This means he’ll also, for the time being, forget his friend’s missing, at least until he hears it from someone else.
He’ll also forget I ever told him I love him. I’ll forever be that hot, goddess chick who played with his body, and heart, for a while before ghosting completely out of his life. I slurp down some more tea, hiding behind my mug. This is what hurts me the most; that he’ll go on believing I didn’t have feelings for him. At least it will help him get over me that much quicker.
Before Jimmy, I never really believed in love. I believed in control. I held my lovers at arm’s length, watching from a safe distance as they fell for me, while I kept a fortress around my heart. Since then, of course, I’ve learned that’s not what love is. Real love is give and take, trusting someone with your heart just as they’re trusting you with theirs. It’s making yourself vulnerable, leaving yourself wide open to the possibility of getting hurt. But, when things go right, it’s also strength. You realize that, not only do you not need your walls anymore, you don’t want them.
Love never means control. But sometimes, it does mean letting go.
After a mere two or three sips, Jimmy sets the mug on the nightstand, his eyelids heavy. “Man, am I tired. But, here—let me drive you home.” He moves to get out of bed, but I place a hand on his shoulder, coaxing him back down.