As we arrive at the dance, it is going the same way it always is. Long line for pictures, crowding at the snack bar and no one dancing. I think to myself not tonight, tonight I’m going to live! I look up at Jenks, giving him an eyeful of let's do something crazy tonight!
“Oh, no.” He knows he is in for a wild prom night.
“Let’s go dance!” And before he can profess no we are out on the dance floor shaking our hips and grooving to the beats. Everybody just stares at us and I wave to them come on. I shake my head, “DJ, turn the music up! Let’s go guys it’s our last dance!” I pull people on the dance floor. More and more crowds of students enter the dance and pretty soon everyone is dancing and having a great time. It was a fast song, but I was tired and I smiled while Jenks and I just slow danced for a while, swaying and twirling side to side.
Party of the Week
42
Spring Break was next week, like it always was this time of year. Joy, in my life, probably spend the whole week watching COLD CASE episodes, with a little O.C. thrown into the mix for Winter’s sake. I was reading books that mattered to someone I would never know. The author’s story flowing out on to the pages making good measures at a connection to potential readers.
The customary weeklong spring break party was thrown by an important member of the graduating class. My mind began to invent ways for being overlooked for attendance at that charade. When configuring that plan my lovely friends volunteered me as the hostess, or the host in consideration for women.
"AJ what are you planning to do for spring break?" Chai and Kami, such twins, I swear.
"I don't know, sleeping probably. Why what's up?" I shrugged annoyed of these peppy girls. It was lunch time and the tables were filling fast in this food joint.
"Well, you know how we were talking about how cool if it would be if we held the week long party?" Their eyes open wide, like they just saw a famous person.
"Yeah, what about it?" Not totally interested in this conversation.
"Well, your dad is going to be gone for two weeks. So, we thought that it might be a fun idea to have a week long spring break party at your house!" Chai basically shouted with excitement. I didn't think twice about it.
"YEAH! For sure, what a great idea, that would be totally awesome, guys!" My spunk, caught them by surprise, nervous laughter broke out around our booth.
"Alright then! We will help clean and everything! Don't worry about a thing!" They exclaimed.
"Great! Let's start on Monday night!" I gleamed.
"Yeah, good idea!" We rushed back to school with fun filled ideas fresh in our minds.
●
We were at the dollar store picking up extra supplies. Cups, plates and napkins. I was going to make desserts every night. Cheesecake, brownies, cookies, and ice cream. People were invited from our school and anywhere else, so someone was bound to come. Chai and Kami got a little too party happy and invited practically everyone they had ever met. I wasn't surprised though, it should be fun.
"Aaron, can you stop playing with the toys seriously?" I smacked him on the back, as he rode around on a wooden pony.
"You're not serious about having this party are you?" Aaron looked at me in that concerned way, like a father would look at his hurt daughter.
"Yeah, I am. Maybe we'll get arrested!" I winked, teasing his fears.
"Ha yeah, hopefully!" He joked, but I could tell he was hiding something.
“Jenkins told me about your mom outing your dad. Tough mess, sister.” He flung a toy airplane over the aisles.
“Yeah. Welcome to my crazy beautiful life. Mayhem will follow if it isn’t by now apparent.” We shared chuckles as a sales associate searched for the person who was being a defiant kid.
“I’ve been wanting to ask you something about your party. I was just wondering, if I could invite someone...this girl."
"Ha-ha, of course you can! Why did you even think you needed to ask?" I nudged him.
"Because, it's who the girl is..."
"Are you serious? Monique? Come on, really her?" Shocked, I stood.
"Well, she wasn't invited and I felt bad."
“Are you hooking up with that hooter girl? Tell me you have more common sense than that, Aaron.” Shifting the basket of goodies to my other arm.
“No! Gross, come on AJ! I’m into Jewel!” His arms flying all over the place.
"Fine, invite her. If she even looks at anyone rude she is going."
"Alright! Thanks AJ! You're the best." He hugged me, half jumping on me.
"Okay, okay! You don't like her or anything do you?"
"No, no. I like Jewels, I just told you that!"
"I know I was just making sure." I picked up some balloons and put them into the basket.
"I will be there all week! My parents are in Reno at some concert." Rolling his eyes, he knew they wouldn't care anyway.
"Okay, you can have your own room then!"
"Really? Yes, I love sleepovers at your house, especially since I have my own room!" He winked.
"Hey Aaron, hey Autumn." Turning my head to see Jewel, smiling sweetly.
"Hey Jewel." I waved; Aaron only nodded with a smirk, casually.
"Can I talk to you, Aaron?" Jewel wondered, with her eyes sparkling.
"I should get these things. We still need to get a few things before the party starts tomorrow night! Are you coming, Jewel? Aaron will be there?" Her face lite up. I elbowed Aaron.
"Well, if you want me to come, I will." She was staring at Aaron, she wasn't asking me.
"Yeah, you should totally come! It is going to be totally fun!" Aaron hung his arm around her shoulder, she was in heaven.
"See, you in the car Aaron!" I waved, bye to the love birds, continuing on my own search. Wondering to myself, where my prince charming had gone.
Opportunity Inventory
43
When we were little we would travel into each room, like it was a new adventure, a new world to be discovered. I shake my head; this week is about creating fun memories and not remembering bad ones. Wondering if all along she knew, what I was and loved me nonetheless. Forward marching on and suddenly it was clear to me she wouldn’t have cared either way. A sister would be a sister no matter who the mister was that created her.
Imaginary bars lined the outside of my windows.
Freedom laid in the words he spoke for himself not for the ones he persuaded me with. My mind soared a million miles to nowhere ordinary, than again it seemed familiar in all the ways I had certainly wished for. I was if you will, catered to the unhappiness living inside me. Feeding it every good memory just hoping it would survive for a short while longer, keeping me as a companion. Knowing all too well that when it finished with me that I would be cast away in the gutter of memoirs. It thrived on your sad times, leading you in every direction opposite of true north.
I’d lived many lives and yet again there I was running races against the clock trying to find which door to open. Always ending in such a façade I was a criminal to the happy life. I wished for nothing more than for it to be destroyed and taken from me. I am an addict to this hopelessness waiting to relapse back into oblivion. I am right back to where I began, not rushing to start the race, but lingering back and looking around scouring the premises for her face in the crowd.
I confronted the fear lurking inside my bones. Many months since the reality of my actual linage. He moved slowly muttering to himself about a late appointment, he will have to push back to a later date. His voice was quiet and spoke very little.
“I’m sorry, Autumn.”
“Shocking as this news is. I knew kind of the truth of the matter. I mean I look at your family and no resemblance refers to myself. In your defense Josephine is quite irregular and alluring. She is a hard soul to turn down.” My hands were openly tied behind my back.
“You are smart one, Autumn Jazmine.” He sat at his professional office oak wood desk.
“Intelligence isn’t what made it apparent. Observation did.” Nodding in unison.
“We should have told you sooner.” His grip on his knuckles was loose.
“Timing is everything.”
“It surely is.” He began to collect papers and I began to exit the conversation I had entered.
“I did want you. She came back to me begging that she would die without me, telling me she would change, that this baby would save us from divorce.” His romantic side was clearer as he made it apparent that he wanted to be in love with a woman who couldn’t love him back.
“I suppose it would have if she were capable of change.” My hand upon the banister.
“Will you want to be in contact with your real father anytime soon?” His voice spoke true, not knowing if it were sadness or potential to rid me from his life I was hearing a tone too.
“Dad, don’t worry I’ll be out of your hair and you won’t have to pretend to take care of me any longer. I don’t think another dad is what is going to fix the mess Josephine has left for me to live.” He stood there, as I struck a nerve. His position never failed, and somehow he looked as if I had made him weak.
“My comment wasn’t made for me to free yourself from our family…” I shut the door behind me as I heard the sorrows he endured linger out the door behind him.
Breaking Down the House
44
9 bedrooms, minus 3. Mine, my fathers and Winter's. 6 bedrooms. 4 upstairs, 5 downstairs. 31 beds, minus 3. My father's, Winter's and mine. 28 beds, with an endless supply of inflatable mattresses, spread out among the empty rooms. My father was hoping for a rather large family, I suppose that ruined things when she arrived carrying another man’s child.
House was clean only to be smashed in a manner of hours. A supply was stocked. Beds were set. Food was intact. Better text my dad, just in case he got a call from the neighbors. Having a party for Spring Break, don't be mad. I can handle it. Don't call the cops! Smiley face. You would think a responsible parent would, say Oh, have fun be careful, don't have too many people over. But, when I opened my text message it only read, No drugs, AJ and a number to a party cleanup crew. I shut it, thanks dad love you too.
Any stupid frisky girl looking to hook up with some fool of a jerk off, would be the place and time to do it. The night was cold and the party was hot. Everyone from our senior class was there, and it seemed like everybody from anywhere was there as well. It didn't bother me. If you went outside, you couldn't tell there was a party, if it wasn't for all the cars parked in the small parking lot to the side of my house.
"Now, listen up guys! Before we get this week long party started, I just want to say few things." Pushing my lips together, as if a sentimental moment was coming.
"Ugh, this is so hard for me!" I fake tearing up a little; people don't get my joke, yet.
"Oh my gosh AJ."
"Anyway guys, please don't do dirty things or get all nasty with each other. If you’re going to, there is a really comfortable green padding outside that you can use. Okay? Don't do drugs in my house and if you are going to, go outside or in your cars. If you’re going to be rude or start fights, go outside. That means you Monique. You can drink whatever you want, how much ever you want too, but if you need to puke..."
"GO OUTSIDE! We got it AJ!" A couple people butted in.
"Alright then! Have fun and be safe! If you need anything just ask Chai or Kami or me." I smiled and people cheered on.
●
I sat outside on the side porch now, staring at the stars, wondering why Jenks, hadn't come yet. Maybe he wasn't going too. I sipped my raspberry lemonade; alcohol was no use to me. The sky was darker then it usually was. As I glanced over all the stars, one caught my wonder. It had a special sparkle, it wasn't the brightest, but it twinkled differently from all the rest. It was as if it engulfed me and my wounded mind to the point where it spoke to my soul listening to my slumbering heart. The cold wind prickled at my skin, as I heard music being played behind me.
"I thought I would find you out here." Jenks was leaning against the door frame, looking innocently sexy as he grinned.
"Hey, Jenkins. Didn't think you’d be showing up. You know people usually make an appearance the day the party starts. The 2nd day or even the 3rd maybe but never heard of anyone coming on the last day. Thinking maybe you had run off with your little lover." I turned away from him, gulping down more of my fruity beverage.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I had a lot on my mind. Thinking about stuff." He stayed behind me as I leaned forward starting to think about stuff.
"Must have hurt your brain all that thinking?” I put my head back closing my eyes, so I wouldn't have to look upside down at him.
"What's that supposed to mean? I had some things I needed to handle before I came here." He sat down beside me, his arms on his knees.
"I believe you."
"I was thinking."
"You were thinking for 3 days? You don't have to explain anything." I adjusted my posture.
"Yes, I do."
"You make me so mad, sometimes. I never use to get angry."
"In a good way though, right?" He pushed against me, making me fall off the porch steps.
"Thanks a lot, jerk." He gives his hand to help me up, but I already gained my balance.
"I'm sorry, AJ." He laughs, slightly.
I glared at him desperately, putting my focus back to the stars.
"As I was saying, I was thinking about everything." He spoke with such honesty and maturity.
"Like I said you don’t have to explain anything to me, if you don't want too." I waved off, it wasn’t a big deal.
"Yes, I do. You’re my girl and I should be honest with you."
"You don't have to tell me everything."
"Goodness, AUTUMN! I WANT TO TELL YOU! Can you just be inaudible for 5 minutes?" He smiled with his open mouth, I sealed my lips shut.
"I was thinking about you and me. What is going to happen after graduation and everything?"
"Yes. What about it?" Shrugging away the serious mood he had set in.
"I love you, a lot more than I thought I did. I know for a fact you love me a whole lot more than you lead me on to believe.” His started to perspire. “Maybe you are afraid of getting wounded. For instance as long as you want this, I will try and keep this feeling alive in the both of us." His words were familiar in my own train of thought. We were looking at each other now, enthralled in the moment. "What I'm trying to say is that, I love you, Autumn Jazmine. I always have. I will kick myself, if I don't do this right. I am going to prove to you that I don't care what people think, that I do love you, honestly!" He got off his step, called everyone out from the house and kneeled down in front of me.
"What are you doing? You’re going to get the soil on pants." Being my reasonable self, but he laughed anyway, even if he didn't think it was funny.
"AJ. Autumn Jazmine Moion. We have been through a lot together. What brought us together was nothing if not a tragedy. The thing that brings us closer is the idea that we can share their memory with one another. That somewhere they can live on through us.” His words were more truth my heart could take. Tears began to swell and a finale was coming to burst them from their cage. “We are still getting to know each other. I feel I know a part of you that you only share to a very few, a side that is your true self. Will you be my wife one day soon?" He took my hand and in the other he had a black velvet box, unopened. He smiled, happily.
"You sure you want to marry me?" I blurted out, not really wanting it verbal. His face changed, shocked. "I mean, yes, Jenks. I would love to marry you one day." He got up from his knee kissed my cheek; he opened the box and placed on my finger a ring that said, LOVE YOU ALWAYS -Jenkins. It was a small diamond in the shape of a unique heart. The large crowd awed behind us.
"Let me see it!" Chai and Kami pushed through the crowd, knocking Jenks out of the way. I stared up at Jenks, with sincerity in my smile, he nodded his
head yes, as if he had accomplished a cure. His pals patted him on the back, way to go, man.
"Yeah, Jenks way to go!" People passed by giving smiles and awesome congrats, going back to the party.
I headed into the kitchen to get a refill on my lemonade, Monique stood on the other side of the counter splashing up drinks.
"What'll you have?" She said with a trying smile.
"Nothing, I'm sticking with raspberry lemonade." I tapped the empty glass in my hand.
"Oh! Ha probably a good idea, Autumn." Nodding her on, and slipped behind her to the fridge and got a drink.
"You know Jenks, never kissed me, AJ." She was standing behind me, whispering now.
"I know, Monique." I whirled around to meet her oh so honest eyes.
"I was just making sure he wasn't lying to you like he led everybody to believe he was some big hot shot." She opened up her arms to make a big point. She made it, knocking over three bottles of pop on the floor.
"Oh my gosh! I am so sorry!" She got down beside me and helped me clean the mess up.
"I know his reputation, Monique. He's changed." I swiped up the rest of the soaked paper towels and placed them in the garbage.
"I hope so...For your sake." Pushing up against the counter, like whatever.
"He wouldn't do that. Because he has something you don’t: a freaking conscious." Glaring down her shallow eyes.
"I wouldn't do what?" Jenks smiled, sweetly like he was on the top of the world.
"Oh, nothing Jenkins!" Hopping off the counter and gracefully grazing her hand on his tight bicep. He gave me a look, but I just shook my head.
"Really?" Squaring his eyes to mine.
"Really Jenky Poo!" Faking my smile and being pertinacious.
I kissed him on his cheek and gave him a playful smile. We were listening to everyone tell ghost stories about every place they had ever been.
"You tired Jenks?"
"No...I mean yes. You know I woke up early and all that thinking has made me tired." Winking his way through a little white lie.
The Tangled Tears Page 12